Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Magic Penny

It may surprise some of you that I have not made out with a girl since Daisy. That's right, blazing hot Daisy and I made out with a pirated copy of James Cameron's blue-lanky-and-disturbingly-attractive-alien-people movie. I wanted Claire back then but I thought I could work something with Daisy but soon discovered she had just used me.

As I reflect back on the last year since I returned home from my mission. I think about Andrea, Claire, and Sanders. How involved I got and how much I pined over them and worried about where "we" were going. Lots of deep stuff to think about at 23. Too deep.

Then I think about Daisy. We only spent one night kissing. Now, when we see each other, its not weird. There are no uncomfortable moments... except for when I say stuff in group settings like, "You know Daisy tastes like strawberries? Go figure." We are friends and that's that.

I think that I need more Daisy's and less Clandrea's in my life right now.

Sure, when I showed up at Daisy's after our night of passion to further woo her, only to find she was N.O.T.I 6 with some dude on her sofa... I was embarrassed. But it went away really fast, because I wasn't emotionally invested. As opposed to say Claire telling me I would never make a good husband because one time when I was 15 I killed a few toads with a nail gun or whatever other high and mighty hang-up she could think of. That really hurt, because I really liked Claire.

So I have decided at least this month to no longer attach kissing to commitment. Daisy didn't. She made off like a bandit.

While explaining this new theory to the guys there was a mixture of support and mockery. Aaron was quick to point out that when the girl is the user that it works but when the guy is the user this rarely works. Maybe he's right, women do tend to get more emotionally attached to kisses, but how am I supposed to know if that's true? I haven't fully experienced it yet.

This weekend a big group of us went up to Echo Lake. I ended my drought with not one, but two horizontal make outs. High Fives all around, right?

First was this girl Janice. We met two weeks ago at one of our Thursday parties. We've been flirting and texting pretty regular. We were out on the canoe and I said, "Ever made-out in a canoe?" This technique was surprisingly effective. We ended up making out in the canoe and then finding a sort of sandy slightly rocky beach portion away from the main group to roll around on. I recommend canoe kisses and making out in swimsuits.

Janice stuck pretty close to me after that, which was a little troubling because I had actually invited another girl who didn't really know anyone else besides me. Her name is Christine. I had been set up with her in the beginning of the summer, and it never really went anywhere. So I was a little surprised when I asked if she wanted to come to the lake and she said yes.

Later in the day back at the campsite I was sitting between Janice and Christine scratching both of their backs while our group sat around joking and eating watermelon. Christine asked me if I wanted to go for a walk down to the lake. I said, "Sure." Janice piped in, "That sounds nice, can I come?" Which Christine didn't seem to keen about.

This is one of those situations where big groups come in handy. There were 23 of us at Echo that weekend. Big groups make it so easy to distract and escape. I signaled to Calvin who looked like he needed a break from Annie who wouldn't leave his side. He came over and started a conversation with us. Knowing my plight he masterfully brought up a topic that he knew would interest Janice. Proposition 8. Which Janice is staunchly opposed too. They got into a healthy discussion and in no time Christine and I were able to sneak away.

Mid-way through our walk we stopped by this big tree and Christine asked me if I liked Janice. I said, "We made out once (I accidentally left out that it was 5 hours earlier) but there was nothing there." A True statement. Christine said, "I think Janice is really pretty." I replied, "I think you're really pretty." Also a true statement.

Christine blushed and asked. "Why was there nothing there?" I said, "We didn't kiss well together." She looked at me in a "greenlight" sort of way and asked, "What do you mean?" I really wanted to say, "Um... let me show you." I wanted to say that just because it's so cheesy it would be hilarious to tell Calvin about later, but instead I just went for it.

We made out up against that old tree for way too long, because my knuckles are all scraped up and swollen from holding the back of her head with the tree behind it.

That night I slept in the big tent with both Christine and Janice and six other people. Which made it so I didn't have to choose who to sleep next to. The next morning there was no weirdness or anything either. It was awesome!

I don't know if Janice and Christine know that I kissed both of them this weekend. I gotta think they do know. When a guy and a girl disappear at a lake... what else is going on? Either way, there has thus far been no drama as a result and I was able to end my dry streak.

So far my theory stands. Kissing is fun. Why not kiss? It's just a kiss. It's just like a magic penny, hold it tight, and you wont have any... but spend it, lend it and you'll have so many they'll roll around on the floor, or the beach, or the canoe.

Jake

10 comments:

amberd. said...

I have NO idea how I came upon your blog...but this is effing hilarious! You made me laugh out loud!

Way to sweet talk the ladies Jake. And I'm wondering if the lack of posting means you finally settled down? LOL!!

Great blog! Thanks for the giggles.

CharTé said...

Are you guys going to be posting again? Cause that would be awesome.

Courtney Joi said...

I don't know how I came up on your blog either- but it made me laugh. Way to be, man.

bring the painster said...

i ran into your blog by just browsing around. i have only one question: pest control or security systems?

but seriously, it's a pretty funny blog. way to be.

Michal Sarah said...

That magic penny song is one of my favorites, and I have never thought of it in the light of kissing. You Rock!

whitty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kelli case anderson said...

yeah i'm sure this will be another deleted comment. this blog makes mormon men look like complete sex obsessed dirtbags. its one thing to be a dirtbag yourself, its another thing to represent the church that way.

ChrissNormalLife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ChrissNormalLife said...

Dude I am going to have to agree with Kelli Anderson...It does sort of show Mormon guys as dirtbags, and although Provo is Nicmo central I don't roll that way. chrissnormallife.blogspot.com

Sarah said...

I can appreciate the honesty. Blogging is a free world, right? Good luck explaining yourself though - if "Janice" and "Christine" ever figure out the 2-in-1-day deal, you might be voted off the island. :)