Monday, July 27, 2009

Why do Mormons make-out so much?

I've kissed a lot of girls in my life. My first kiss was two months before my 16th birthday (for shame) and it was amazing. I kissed as many girls as I could before my two year mission (had to fill my canteen, you know?) and then I did my best to get back into my snoggin' groove as fast as I could after I got home.

I had a conversation with a non-member lady friend of mine the other day. She was baffled at how Mormon guys could be so interested in making out. It was hard to explain and I talked in circles for a little bit until I figured out exactly what I was trying to say, but here it is... in a nutshell (and I apologize for the stereotypes):

In non-LDS relationships, I'm pretty sure that the goal of the guy is to have intercourse with the girl. Good old-fashioned sex. The girls usually know what the guy is trying to do, so she doesn't do anything sexual, really, until she's ready to go all the way. Non-LDS girls don't want to be involved in horizontal make-outs on the first date cause they know what will probably end up happening... intercourse. Clothes will start coming off and stuff. So, the girls don't participate in that sort of activity because of where it will (most likely) end up.

In LDS relationships, the girl pretty much knows that the RM she's going out with won't try to have sex with her. Since she's pretty sure she won't be pressured to do anything she's not comfortable with, she's much more likely to participate in vigorous, lengthy, horizontal, uninterrupted, gentle, face-caressing, passionate kissing.

Non-Mormons keep a tally of the girls they sleep with. We (Mormons) keep a tally of the girls we make-out with. We can't even keep a tally of light or heavy petting. As soon as we start keeping track of that stuff, people might think we're competing with each other... or maybe that we're TRYING to go that far with girls... and we totally aren't. Sometimes it just happens. But when it does, I assure you, the only thing we write down on our list of accomplishments is the fact that we made out with her... not the other dirty stuff.

For example, I will almost always date someone until we snog a few times. It's not like I only date her so I can make out with her. Usually, I'm genuinely interested in her until we snog. After we've made out a few times, I realize that I was only interested in her for "the chase". Once I've caught her and we've made out, I'm done.

From what I understand, something similar happens in non-LDS relationships... only that feeling of "I'm done" doesn't happen until the couple has gone all the way.

I hope that clears things up a bit.

Calvin

51 comments:

CaLLie.ANN said...

Very true, in so many ways. Except, I'm not mormon and the mormon boys I've dated have been more frisky than the non-mormon boys I've dated. Dirty birds.

Kelly said...

You are playing with fire there Calvin.

Juliana said...

Hilarious blog, especially from the perspective of a 31-year-old Mother of three! Ahhh those were the days. :-)

Anonymous said...

I don't think "heavy horizontal make-outs" are ok... at least if you're planning on waiting till you're married to go all the way. They're Especially not ok if they are just casual dating relationships, usually something that ends up happening when you've fallen in love. I don't care if a boy is an LDS RM or nonmember, feelings can take over in long make out sessions...HORMONES! Too many RM's think they could never mess up, but I can tell you that it is a reality... even RM's who served honorably can mess up when feelings take over. And not all LDS girls are going to tell you to stop if you've gone too far. Believe me, you don't want to have to tell your future wife that you messed up when she has waited for you her whole life. I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of those words. I know that make out sessions happen (I've been there, I'm only 22) but at least try not to lay down. You can obviously do what you want, but don't say that I didnt warn you.
As for the rest of your blog, it is hysterical.. making my stomach ache as I laugh! I just hope none of the girls find out you write about them! sorry, I wrote a novel

Reuben said...

"In non-LDS relationships, I'm pretty sure that the goal of the guy is to have intercourse with the girl. Good old-fashioned sex. The girls usually know what the guy is trying to do, so she doesn't do anything sexual, really, until she's ready to go all the way."

This makes me think you've never dated any non-members.... am I right?

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Mmmmmmmmaybe...

Anonymous said...

I really just can't tell how much of this blog is a joke. I hope all of it, otherwise, you guys are total losers. And we just wouldn't want that.

Jacque said...

Totally left a comment on my blog...do I know you?!

And cal it "vertically challenged make-outs"...

Kind of has a ring of innocence to it...don't you think?

Haha I like your blog:)

Ash Att said...

hey, thanks for commenting on my blog! :) hope to see more comments from you!
p.s. your blog is HILAR!

samnhal said...

I have loved your blog up until this post.
I'm a mormon who has dated non mormon before, and maybe not all of them try to just bag a girl. I agree that you are playing with fire. It's SO easy to slip up. It may not seem that important now, but it will be really important int he future. your wife one day wants to feel special, not like she's one in 100 that you have heavily made out with. Bad attitude for a returned missionary, but really a bad attitude for anyone with morals.

Alison Wonderland said...

Broad generalizations of course, but I think you might just have a point here.

Anonymous said...

So far, I'm a pretty big fan. I am a little concerned like a few of your other readers though. Obviously this is anonymous so you can be as honest as you want. Is it fiction or fact?

I agree that for Mormons a good make out can be compared to sex in non-Mormon and non-Christian relationships. I think you are being a little to frivolous with your ideas about it though. I think that in a Mormon relationship can be appropriate, however, Just like sex in a non-Mormon relationship that's when the relationship has reached a certian point. It's not just hit it and quit it. That's never right no matter what your religion.

I wonder if all mormon boys think the Dane way about things you do?

You boys are young, and have a lot to learn. Remember that with this public blog you are an example of our church. I'm excited to watch you learn and grow through this very honest, very funny blog. Choose the right!

Kell and Haylee said...

Wow... I think that you've made a couple people upset with this post! But NOT me. I think that you are entitled to your opinion! I think your blog is great! AND thanks for the offer to move in with you guys... :) You're so kind!

Anonymous said...

Wow, you guys sound like quite the playas....and like you're all from Utah. True?

Anonymous said...

Ok so I'm LDS, and married for two years. Now that I've had sex, I look back at when we were dating and would make out for three or four hours straight and I'm like, "How did we not get bored?? How could we be so entertained with kissing for so long??" But that's because I've now gone past that point. When we were dating and we hadn't had sex and we both knew it wasn't going to go past making out, then making out was like, the best thing ever! I can see why people who aren't LDS would think we were all crazy for being so into making out. It's because they've all had sex before. It's just a matter of perspective.

Lyss said...

making out is fun.

thats all.

:)

Anonymous said...

Hi, I would just like to let you fellas know that you are a bunch of assholes. And an embarrassment to the our culture and the dateing world. Only dateing girls to make out with them? wtf. Are you in 6th grade? Get a life and a hobby instead of makeing girl's your shit listed priority. This is really embarrassing. I had to apologize to my boyfriend because this is not how mormon guys usually act. He is a non-member. But thank you for showing him how douchebaggy you guys can be. And you guys better check your theories right on how non mormon guy's treat girls because it is WAY freaking better than how you assholes treat people. This entire comment goes for all of your entries. You say you're mormon? Where is the sincerity and respect and lack of judgement? It's crappy you guys are ratting on the women who serve the lord because you think they cant get married. Well *NEWSFLASH* they also go on missions because they cant stand ASSHOLES LIKE YOU. I'm surprised you commenters are agreeing with this. There are Cool Mormons and there are Asshole Mormons, who think they are better than everyone else especially non members. And you my friends are Asshole Mormons. EAT YOUR HEART OUT GIRLS. These guys are winners! Go eat shit because all of what you guys say is offending. Thanks.

Reuben said...

I'm totally with Anonymous. You guys are setting a bad example. Anonymous is a great example of how good Mormons act.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Lyss - Our roommate Nick is sorta on a dry spell... he's short, but charming and could probably bench you.

Most recent anonymous - perhaps you could give us your blog address so we could see the perspective of one who has truly figured it all out.

Rueben - you seem rad, bryson has moved out and we now have a vacancy. Think about it. Everyone go to Ruebens blog, he's funny!

Reuben said...

is there room for my wife?

megs said...

Okay! My favorite part of this whole post was the fact that you use the words "Snog"

Also, as an LDS girl just recently taken off the dating market, ie got married, I completely agree with all of this.

Poguer said...

interesting perspective...since i've dated both mormon and non mormon boys...a lot of this is true.

Lori said...

what an insight lol. As for us Catholics.. we keep the chase going full time with NFP =)Something to think about!

Anonymous said...

Ha ha!! Love the fire! Okay, embarrassed to admit this but what is SNOG? Close to NCMO? Must have clarification!

Shellie said...

so true. this is like so on the money. way to put it out there just like it is.

Anonymous said...

Let it be known that one thing leads to another... It kills me to see guys talk about girls like this. What happened to respect for each others bodies? I can tell the creators of this blog are young and immature in sevreal aspects. I hope that members of others faiths don't pin this stereotype to the rest of us.

Anonymous said...

Umm, let me just say the holier than thou and self-righteous comments directed at this blogger are completely out of line. Who do you think you are? His bishop? His Stake President? Sheesh. This kid is a 20 something, red blooded American boy who is NOT HAVING SEX. Do you know how not normal that is? Cut the guy some slack. If he wants to run around snogging a bunch of girls and he "slips up" every now and then, well, that's his business! You are way too concerned that people on the outside will judge all Mormons based on what they read on a silly blog--to the point that now you are the judgmental ones! Trust me, no one cares nearly as much as you think. Focus on your own salvation and let the kid have his fun.

Claire Marie said...

Ok so I'm not Mormon and have never dated a Mormon and only know one Mormon... I'm not from anywhere near Utah...

So I figure I can give a LITTLE perspective about non-LDS dating, or at least, moreso than someone surrounded by Mormons.

When I want a guy to take me seriously, yes, I hold off on sex for quite a while. But I let the physical stuff gradually work its way up to full-on intercourse. We get to know each other as people and get to know each other sexually, so that when we finally do it, it's really good. It's not like we go from nothing to everything. That's why I worry about people who don't do much until the wedding night. Only making out doesn't teach you about how the person enjoys a lot of other things. I've had sex after a date or two, and it's generally quite awkward and not as good as when you've worked your way up from kissing to other things. And when I do work my way up to sex, usually the guys don't bolt afterward, because they LIKE me and LIKE having sex with me, so they stick around so they can be with me and keep having sex with me and enjoy my wonderful company:) And I've found that's a pretty common thing, unless you're dating a terrible asshole..

I know this is an old post but I just found this blog and I really like it. It gives insight into any guy's mind- the whole not-calling-as-breaking-up thing... wow. That has happened to my friends and I far too often.

Keep writing and being honest!

steph said...

I know this is an old post, but I'm a new reader. All I can say is Mormon guys want "all the way" more than non momrmons. At least the ones I've dated. Maybe it's because it's "unknown" (or at least supposed to be) for a mormon guy???

Amy said...

Hey so I loooove the blog :) But this anonymous person is a bit hypocritical I think. I thought the post was funny and mostly true! I'm LDS and I definately wouldn't call you a**holes a few times in a comment if I was trying to tell you how bad you are. Just sayin.. And most LDS people date multiple people before they become "exclusive". So not so much players but actually doing what you're supposed to do. Thanks :)

Molly said...

I honestly am a little personally offended by anynoymous' comment. Srsly, date a mormon boy. Since I am not of ze dating age yet, I cannot tell you whether or not this post is true ( It prolly is tho ). But I CAN tell you that mormon boys are the sweetest, funniest, cutest, and kindest boys out theres. just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Ha! I love it that you guys are so eager to attach your actions and decisions to the church, and what is "okay" and normal if you're a Mormon.
The idea of "filling your canteen" is the biggest load of crap. All it is, when it comes right down to it, is a copout statement for the morons who can't keep their hormones under wraps.
Five minutes reading this amazing stuff you guys are spewing out proves quite a bit about your respect for self, and, even more importantly, your respect for the girls you associate with.

Anonymous said...

Although I am not LDS, I have many family members who are. I'm sorry, but your perception on non-lds relationships has been misinformed. Just because I'm not LDS(or others) doesn't mean that we don't have morals. And even if someone didn't have morals, it's better than thinking Joseph Smith was a prophet, that Jesus came back, baptizing the dead, or even believing in three types of heaven. Excuse me for being normal.If you happened to put your book of Mormon down to read the end of the Holy Bible, maybe you would have seen the part where you can't take from or add to the Holy Bible.

Anonymous said...

i am not criticizing but not all people who are not mormons have sex before marriage.. i am christian and believe in waiting until marriage and so do the guys i've grown up with

Anonymous said...

alma 38:12.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha mormons.

Anonymous said...

What is a view of mormon guys in this scenerio...

A girl wasn't religious until she was 17. She was then baptized into the church and is very devoit.

Before she became a member, she got two tats (small and not in visible places) and also "went all the way" on one single occasion...all before being intorduced to the ways of the church.

How likely is a good mormon guy to date her, seriously? Or, despite how bad it may seem, will she still seem unclean because of those things?

A lot to ask. I just wanted a new perspective. Thank you!

Joelle said...

I'm usually pretty skeptical about most of you're posts, but I think that you've described and explained this phenomenon pretty accurately.
Props.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Anonymous said...

you guys should all be embarrassed of yourselves for making this blog. you make mormons out to be all about making out and you ''players'' need to just change the blog to bachelor pad. I feel sorry for your future wives if you ever do grow up and marry, most 'good girls' don't want to be with a guy that has made out with more girls than they can count, it's a MAJOR turn off.

Taylor Weaver said...

this blog is funny because it's quite honest. It reminds me exactly of how my romantic life was before I went and got engaged. some people are just afraid to admit that we mormon bachelors are more normal than most people believe.

Anonymous said...

Wow this blog gets a little heated, I like it. I like the many different perspectives and interesting experiences. I'm an old married woman, (okay I am 25 and have been married a year but that feels kind of old) and I have dated members and non-members. I have been the player and playee. I have enjoyed a few NCMOs in my time and a few serious relationships. Now I will have to say the non-members I dated were very respectful never trying anything more than what I expressed wanting (*no matter what was going on their head or pants)and the same goes with members. For me, even if it was NCMO, I laid down the rules of physicality whether vocally or through physical guidances of no-no's. With the ground work laid, I made the experience/relationship what I wanted. The woman has a lot more pull than I think guys know or maybe they do. I just know in the relationships and NCMO's I had, I decided whether I was a piece of meat or not. A guy did not decide that for me. And the guys I played agreed to be played by putting up with my crap and not walking away. I think people forget at the end of the day, we make the decision to be offended, or get played or whatever. I really like your guys' blog because I have been able to go through a lot of phases in my life, I can usually relate with both sides your discussions....making your blog a fun read. Please don't ever be discouraged by both sides of the arguments, take it with a grain of salt.

Anonymous said...

speak for yourself....not all mormons are like that....and no mormons SHOULD be like that. sorry to burst your bubble....but that stuff isnt ok. go tell your bishop everything you think is ok with girls if you dont believe me.

Anonymous said...

Umm.. I'm a Mormon boy and I concur with everything this man has said. Granted there are some broad generalizations, but come on let's be realistic. We're in our sexual prime as human beings at this age and so boys are gonna push the line as far as they can without crossing it.

On another note:
To the lady who said that there was a recently baptized girl with two tats and had sex one time of course Mormon guys will be interested in her. There's only a tiny percentage of Mormons who are THAT hyperjudgemental.

Anonymous said...

To the recently baptized girl...any one who truely understands the gospel won't have a problem with it. The Savior is constantly giving us ALL forgiveness and chances to start over. Why wouldn't we do the same for eachother?

And guys- LOVE the blog! Honest and funny and SO true of young, single LDS culture. I was there a few years ago and we Mormon girls are just into making out as the boys...I have quite a long list myself and it doesn't bother my husband one bit! Keep up the good work (of blogging, of course :) and have fun! P.s. If you do accidentally mess up every once in a while it just gives you the opportunity to master gospel principles like repentance even better!

Anonymous said...

I don't even know where to start with a person like you. First of all you are a disappointment as a person and an even bigger disappointment as a member of the church. You have no right to even pretend you are a member of the LDS Church. You most certainly are not a return missionary you are an Ex-missionary that obviously does not live the law of chastity. There are scrpitures and books from the leaders of the church that completley destroy your trying to justify your ignorant immature acts of petting whether light or heavy along with the other acts you mention. You deffinatly do not practice what you were supposed to teach on your mission. If are looking to be a bachelor forever, fine. If you are looking to take a good young women with hopes to marry a worthy young man to the temple, you wont have much success. You writing this blog is obviously your way of trying to justify yourself or seek approval. I hope you grow up, erase this blog and stop taking stupid survey's. And by the way Oral Sex is sex and you are no longer a virgin just ask Jefferey R. Holland or Spencer W. Kimball and your bishop would tell you the same. And one more thing stop using the word "snog".

K.E.J. Photo Impressions said...

In my dating experience, which I am still in, LDS guys like to make out and push it even further than non LDS guys. I've met several LDS guys who have gone all the way before my dates with them, and when they find out that I do not allow the step by step actions that lead to 'the point of no return' they sometimes want to push even more, but usually they get discouraged and they leave.

Making a set of dating rules/affectionate rules before you even meet the next person you're going to date (it's easier said than done, but it's possible) may help you. For example, if you make a rule that you'll only kiss with a light on, sitting or standing, or stay out of bedrooms, you may be surprised that the Lord does help you keep those commitments. Knowing that being someone's first, or at least their second, after repentance, may also be a wonderful thought when you get married.

Anonymous said...

One day you are gonna find the girl you want to be with and shes going to be perfect for you and shes gonna be intimidated that you have acted the way you have and are so experienced. Your future wife is staying pure for you and should do the same. Kissing is fine but more isnt.

Patmos Pete said...

Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. For her sins have reached unto heaven, and God hath remembered her iniquities.

Macha said...

So this is all about what men are after (men want sex, so women have to be on the defensive, but not with mormon guys because they won't try to have sex with her) ... and no mention of the fact that women want sex just as much (if not more) than men.

How about this: switch all the pronouns in this post.

Mormon men want to make out more. Non-LDS women are after sex, so men have to be careful not to make out too much, because you know what happens after that *winknudgewink* LDS women however won't be as likely to pressure men to have sex just because they made out, so they're comfortable participating in extended sessions of making out.

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