Tim Gone Wild

We got a new room mate this week. His name is Tim. We've had several people call about our ad on KSL, Yahoo, and our new one on Craig's List, but only a few people so far have actually come over for a tour. We haven't outlined any specific requirements in order to live in our house and we're wondering if that may actually be hurting us somehow. We've thought recently that maybe people would be more interested in living with us if we made ourselves sound more spiritually strict than we really are. Didn't a Prophet say something about how we marry the sames types of girls that we date? Well, if we want LDS roomies, maybe we should be specific in our ad that we're looking for spiritual giants.

Tim isn't a spiritual giant, but he's pretty cool. When he called, he asked if we'd object to him coming over and checking out our place. When I got home from taking my last final, I came in the back door and noticed Lance was heating up a Hot Pocket. I pretended to be interested in what Lance was saying as I casually went to the freezer to make sure Lance wasn't heating up one of my Hot Pockets. He wasn't. Then I wandered into the front room and noticed a complete stranger sitting on our couch watching TV. I've grown accustomed to strangers in our house. I always assume that the stranger is friends with one of my room mates, and so far I've always been correct in that assumption. I walked past the stranger and got on the computer to see if I had any messages from hotties on my LDSmingle account. Lance came into the room about five minutes later cradling his Hot Pocket on a paper towel. He sat on the opposite side of the couch from the stranger and started watching TV, as well.

Lance and I bantered a bit about whether or not I actually felt like it was possible for me to meet my Eternal Companion on the world wide web. The stranger laughed at our banter and occasionally contributed to our meaningless conversation. Aaron wandered in about 15 minutes later, sat on the bench and started opening his mail. Nobody was paying any special attention to the stranger on the couch.

Then Jake came in. He sat down in the recliner and said, "Did you guys meet Tim?" We all introduced ourselves and then Jake said, "He's thinking about moving in, but wanted to come over and check out the atmosphere first." I wish Jake would have told me that beforehand because his rent money has become pretty important to our little business venture.

We've decided that in the future, when a potential tenant calls about renting a room, we're gonna invite him over and then promptly call as many girls as possible and have them "drop by" while we're giving him the tour. Luckily, Lance knows more than his share of hotties and appears willing to help out by inviting them over. The problem is, Lance is all talk. He always claims to have all sorts of hook-ups, but things seldom pan out as smoothly as he claims they will.

I guess Tim was pleased with our set-up. He moved in last Monday. It's pretty cool cause he's old so nobody really considers him a threat to our womanizing goals. On top of all that, he's divorced and isn't active in church anymore. He told us that he served a mission, married in the temple but that his wife left him after he supported her through school. (See everyone. A smart woman is a dangerous woman. Much more difficult to control.) Anyway, I guess the best way to describe Tim is as a 26 year old inactive divorcee who is less attractive than me... in my opinion. I like him living with us so far, mostly because I'm not threatened by him at all.

I did notice that he got a Netflix in the mail the other day and it was Girls Gone Wild. I'm wondering if Lance and Tim are going to feed off of each other. The sooner we can get some young, church-going blokes in our house the better. I never want to be outnumbered, unless we're talking about identical foreign exchange student twins who have always wondered what it's like to kiss an average looking Mormon with a great sense of humor. Then I wouldn't mind so much being outnumbered.

Calvin