Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Marriage Jake Built

Some shocking news... well not sure if shocking is the right word for it, but... as I mentioned before, Aaron "dates" (that is, he makes-out with on the occasional evening, when he doesn't have a make-out or actual date scheduled with someone else) Andrea's cousin, Carla aka Freckles. Today, Aaron called me from work and said, "Guess what Carla just told me?" I knew it was about Andrea, and I figured if Aaron was calling me from work he had probably heard it at lunch today and couldn't wait to get home to tell me. I braced myself for bad news. "What?" I said. Aaron replied, "Andrea is getting married." My heart sank at the news.

Over the past few months Andrea has become my 'the girl that got away' story. I have compared every girl since to my relationship with her. Right now even, I continue to draw parallels to Claire that I recognize are influencing my decision.

I'm not sure how to think or what to do about it. Or of I should do anything at all. The whole idea seems bittersweet. Sweet, because if she does get married, that would give me a feeling of closure and I could actually think that leaving her was the right thing to do. Bitter, because as of now, looking back I made a terrible choice. What (if any) growth I have experienced over the past six months has taught me that leaving someone because I perceive them as being better than me is an awful idea. When I go back and read her letter, the things that she said about me, and the way she felt about me... makes me worry that no one will ever feel that way about me again.

I had been silent on the phone for about as long as it took to read what I just wrote. Aaron finally said, "Yeah, it's that fireman guy, too." I imagined him on the other end of the phone doodling in the margins of some note pad with a grin. I wanted to punch him in the face. He seemed to relish delivering this message too much. I said, "Thought so." Aaron said, "Sorry, man. Carla said that Andrea was telling her that she felt like she needed to call you." I replied, "Hmm, well that'll be weird."

Jake

37 comments:

sara said...

sorry, man. that just plain sucks

Erika said...

Jake,

I send my deepest condolences in this difficult time.

love erika.

Jade said...

Awww Jake, that totally sucks. I don't know what to tell ya besides, just don't be afraid to go after what you want a chance with, aka Claire. Yeah she's dating what's his butt, but maybe if you told her how you feel you'd get a shot, sometime...

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. Thank you for posting the link to that hilarious letter. I had almost forgotten about how ridiculously funny it was... Hahahahahaha

ginger said...

Sorry J, but the old adage is true,"What will be will always find a way." It wasn't meant to be. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but you didn't have "it" with Andrea. She wasn't the one. Your "it" girl will come along and you won't let her get away. Trust yourself.

thesinglesward said...

I had a roommate that had that problem. It was something like 3 in a matter of 2 years that got away and went on missions. Two to Temple Square and one to New York Rochester. Two inside fastballs and a curveball right over the plate, he went down swinging. To this day I still yell to him, "Should have choked up and opened your stance." Nobody else gets it.

Anonymous said...

You're right, you missed the opportunity of a lifetime.

brooke said...

bum! but why would she feel the need to call you? that's a little odd to me i think...hmmm...

Heather Guymon said...

We all have these stories man. The pain and worry goes away...eventually.

Lady Fromage said...

I'm so sorry, that has got to feel terrible. Hang in there, you obvioulsy made the right decesion. :( Still sucks though

TLC said...

Whelp, That truly sucks!
I bet now your playing the "if" game...or the "what might have been"...
Sorry Jake!

Crystal said...

Oh man Jake. I'm so sorry. I know how that feels. Not the letting someone go that you should have held on to part but the someone you love getting married to someone else part.

It hurts.

But I think the fact that she wants to call you shows she still cares. Not that it matters now though....but maybe it's a tiny but of silver lining for you? I don't know. I'm sorry.

Modern+Mormon Gals said...

Well, what did you expect!? She was gonna marry someone someday, especially if she was a catch!

Lesli Joe said...

As a "newer" reader of you blog, I went back and read the letter. I have to say that my heart aches right now remembering what I felt like when I was 19 and my heart was broken. I'm glad she has been able to move on and I hope you can too. I'm sure that one day someone will feel the same way about you. And if not, then people aren't really looking at the real you and then they don't deserve you. Because we all deserve to be with people who see the real person inside of us and love that person.

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

I'd say something deep and profound, but I know the feeling, and I know it won't help.

Joan said...

You are a prick.

You didn't deserve her.

I cannot believe that you would post that very heart felt letter on the internet.

I hate to say it because I usually think disliking people is bad for my health, but I hope you're miserable for a while.

Tara said...

Oh Jake... I am sad.

Thanks for making me sad.

I like it better when you just try to make us laugh.

Constance said...

So... this happened yesterday? Did she call? Please tell me you are going to post the phonecall? Please please Andrea call Jake soon, very very soon.

bad dog said...

["dates" (that is, he makes-out with on the occasional evening, when he doesn't have a make-out or actual date scheduled with someone else.]

You should remove Mormon from the title of this blog. Respect women and respect yourself.

Deanna said...

Well, when you broke up with her you said she would find someone else and she'd be happy you ended things because you didn't think you were good enough for her - guess you were right. congrats, sorry it hurts so much.

singlemormonchick said...

ok, lets break this down. do you really think breaking up with her was a mistake or is this just a bruised ego because she is getting married first? she is successfully moving on while you are in the exact same rut. if you really think you made a mistake, she isnt married yet and you could talk to her. if you are just all butt hurt, then find yourself a nicmo with a hottie(what about cougar/cub night mmmm?) and get yourself over it real fast. dont be a baby! i do love you jake, i want you to be happy.

BossLyrics said...

When you called me up this morning, talking bout the new love you found. I said, "I'm happy for you, I'm really happy for you."

And from what you said, I know you've gotten over me; It'll never be the way it used to be.

But... if you see me walking by, and the tears are in my eyes, Look away, baby, look away.

Anonymous said...

If you liked it so much you should have put a ring on it.

Seriously you thought you were doing the noble thing but really you were just doing the cowardly thing by being afraid to commit.

Kellie said...

She wasn't going to hang around forever.. girls move on, and you let her go, while making it pretty clear you weren't going to take her back.

Sorry it hurts, but you did it to yourself.

Bad Horse said...

Let it be man. It's been almost a year. She has given you time to come around, and has found love with someone else.

We all know you aren't going to do anything. That's just how you are. So let it be man. Let it be.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't say Jake built the marriage. More like the marriage he ran from, spurned, avoided, kicked to the curb. That sort of thing.

Have fun being a ministering angel Jake, the Lord won't keep putting marvelous women in your path to marry.

Single Noah said...

there is a reason behind everything that happens.
despite losing the girl you think is actually the one for you..
SOMEONE will be the one for you.
SOON. :D

good luck. warm touch to your heart.

-TG said...

Maybe call her up and say congratulations and wish her well or something. I think she'd like that and it would kind of give her a peace of mind that the feelings she had for you at one point wasn't for nothing.

The One Klar said...

Oh Jake. Come on man. Get over it. She was young, and yeah...pretty awesome...but kind of weird. And you'll be better off finding a girl that doesn't scare you away. Be a man.

MrsJoseph said...

was this you jake?

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=218&ad=10787047&cat=272&lpid=3

Anonymous said...

Good. Now you can't screw up her life anymore. And now she's going to be with someone who won't friggin' abuse her.

Nikki said...

Aw who cares. Just have an affair when you are sick of your spouse and she is sick of hers. It will be hot hot sex. All is not lost.

Little Nicki said...

I approve of Nikki's plan. It's not like you aren't going to do that anyways.

Autumn said...

Dang dude. I'm sorry... I don't even wanna think about my exs getting married. It's going to hurt... But you know what? I think you should give everyone else a chance.

Amanda said...

You know, "Jake", maybe if you had called, maybe if you still call, we might have a chance together.

JDogs said...

Jake, Andrea isn't the one who got away. She was yours. You had her. You let her go.
So it is opposite. You are her "the one that got away" cause she is the one who lost you.

Just thought I would correct you there.

Anonymous said...

oh don't worry too much about it, you already burned that bridge a long time ago and since you didn't want to do anything about it then it too late now.... and trust me you are remembering her better than she really was. Don't spend your life daydreaming about her or comparing the other girls to her, she has moved on and now you need to. Just remember how this feels so you don't repeat the same mistake