I'm pretty sure I've done irreparable damage to my relationship with Kristen. I didn't do it on purpose. It just kind of happened. I've been trying my best to figure out how to tell this story. For our regular readers, it might seem odd that we think certain topics are "off-limits", but we do. There are some things we know are crossing the line, so we don't talk about them. I could give you a list of topics we've avoided, but then we wouldn't be avoiding them, would we?
When I began this post, I was tempted to just say, "Well, things didn't work out with Kristen" and leave it at that, but that wouldn't be fair to you guys. A lot of you appear to be as involved in this situation as I am and I want to make sure you're aware of the mistakes I made... even if the only reason is so you can avoid similar mistakes in your own life down the road.
That said, however, I feel like we have enough spiritually sensitive readers that I don't have a choice but to be slightly vague and purposely unclear. I hope that the majority of you are mature and experienced enough to comprehend the details I choose to allude to. Bottom line: If you don't "get it", then you probably shouldn't "get it". Nuff said.
(Additional Note: I have typed the subsequent paragraph three times and it continues to come across as much too vulgar no matter how obscure I try to be. I've decided to tell a parallel story in hopes you'll be able to read between the lines. Maybe I shouldn't care as much as I do... but I honestly don't want to put anyone off. Let's proceed.)
Dr. Pepper burns my throat, but I think it tastes so delicious. Last time I saw Kristen, we both drank a whole bunch of Dr. Pepper and we both really really enjoyed it, but by the end of our date, my throat was red and inflamed due to all of my Dr. Pepper consumption.
Kristen has been calling me a lot and I'm pretty sure she has several liters of Dr. Pepper she wants to bring over to my house to share with me. But since my throat has been hurting so badly, I decided to not let her come over. I don't want her to know that Dr. Pepper hurts my throat, cause that just makes me sound stupid.
Yesterday afternoon I noticed my throat was all better. I was really glad because I hadn't been able to drink any Dr. Pepper... or any carbonated beverage for so long and I was getting pretty thirsty for that sort of liquid. I thought briefly about closing myself in my room and just chugging a 20 oz'er as fast as I could, but then I remembered that Kristen had been trying to share her Dr. Pepper for the last nine days. I didn't want to quench my thirst with my own soda and then not be thirsty when Kristen came over to share.
I called Kristen and apologized for being so distracted lately and I asked her if she was interested in coming over to my house to hang out for a little while. Kristen was very receptive to my suggestion. Just as I expected, when Kristen arrived at my house last night she had brought over a couple of one-liter bottles of Dr. Pepper. I said, "Is one of those for me?" Kristen handed me one of the bottles and smiled.
Then I noticed Kristen was pulling something else out of the plastic bag. It was two Dr. Pepper glasses and a bag of ice. Kristen appeared to be ready for a whole evening of drinking Dr. Pepper. Before I had a chance to thank Kristen for being so generous, I noticed my Dr. Pepper bottle was empty. Apparently, while Kristen was getting the glasses and ice out of her bag, I had inadvertently drank my entire liter without even realizing it. I drank it so quickly that my throat didn't even have a chance to burn. I noticed Kristen's gaze drifting toward my empty bottle. I stood up quickly and hid the bottle behind my back so she couldn't see it. Kristen was just barely getting ready to crack open her own Dr. Pepper and here I was... already done with my own.
I didn't know what to do. Kristen was really confused. She looked at me and asked, "Are you ok? Is everything all right?" I didn't know what to say. I felt stupid for being so impatient. I thought about explaining what happened... telling her that I should have waited... or at least tried to wait for her to get comfortable. But I didn't. I lied. Again.
"I don't think this is a good idea." Kristen looked like she wanted to say something. Instead of just telling Kristen about my empty bottle, I told her that we shouldn't be drinking Dr. Pepper because it has caffeine. I'm sure I sounded like a complete moron. She was very aware of every other time I'd consumed caffeinated beverages. But she didn't say anything. She agreed with me... because technically I was right. Then she left.
Do I like Kristen? Yes, I do. But I don't like her enough to tell her about my premature ingestion of our favorite carbonated drink. I felt stupid and I inadvertently made Kristen feel stupid, too.
So there you have it. Bridge successfully burned.