Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Phase 2

I went to my parents house last night. I wasn't stalking Kristen this time, I actually had to return my dad's post hole digger. I ended up hanging out there for most of the evening. As I was walking out to my truck to leave I glanced down the street and saw Kristen car in her parent's driveway again.

I couldn't take it anymore. I called Kristen. She answered her phone and our conversation was surprisingly comfortable. "Hey, Kristen. I'm not sure if you remember me. I'm the guy that you decided to take advantage of and then kick to the curb. Remember me?" She replied, "Ryan?" I started laughing. She's so cute. I told her that I was at my parents house and had just noticed her car parked in her parents driveway. She told me that she had seen my truck parked over there and was hoping I'd call. It felt good to hear her say that she had at least noticed my truck. I dunno why.

I told her that she should come over to hang out with me at my parents house for old times sake. "I think that sounds like a great idea. I'll be over there in 15 minutes." I was glad I'd finally talked to her, but was nervous at the same time. I had no idea how our visit was going to go. This was going to be the relationship test. Where do we stand? How do we proceed? Are we cool? Was I good enough for you to want to give me another go?

We ended up sitting on my parent's back porch for about a half hour. We talked about her sister and we talked about my brother. Kristen was wearing shorts, of course, and told me that she was getting a little bit cold. I suggested we get our blood moving by jumping on the trampoline for a few minutes. Our conversation moved to the tramp. We jumped for a little while, but then ended up sitting on the trampoline while we continued to talk.

Eventually the topic of conversation transitioned to our date 10 days ago and our doorstep scene. It was the funnest conversation I think we've ever had. We actually started talking about our make-out with each other just like we would have talked if it was with someone else.

Not only was it a fun and informative conversation, but it was pretty exciting. We relived the entire doorstep scene. Every single detail. She told me what she was thinking. I told her what I was thinking. We both admitted to being excited to see how the other kissed. We admitted to being horny beyond comprehension. Neither one of us thought it was a bad idea. I told Kristen that if I could go back, I'd try harder to impress her with my super awesome skills. I told her that I was so flustered last Friday that I'd failed to incorporate some of the tips and advice that she'd previously encouraged me to try. Kristen replied with, "You can always try all that stuff next time." I squinted through the darkness to see the look on her face. It wouldn't have surprised me if she was just joking. Kristen is the type of person to do that kind of thing. She wasn't joking. At least her back lit facial expression didn't tell me she was joking. I said, "Maybe we should go inside and you can help me make a paper chain. Then I can rip off a ring everyday until it's time for the "next time'." Kristen inched closer very very subtly and said, "Well, I hope the chain isn't that long."

It seemed so natural. I didn't even hesitate. We were obviously on the same page. I thought Kristen was an amazing kisser the first time we'd kissed. But by comparison... my goodness. We kissed for a really long time. I was able to try out every single thing she'd told me to try. Then I was able to try them again. I noticed several times throughout our four hour make-out session that Kristen was trying out a few of the things I'd mentioned to her. It was like I was making out with a super hot, tan, female version of myself. I had a flashback of trying to make out with the mirror when I was 13 years old and this was so much more fun. It's better when someone beside me is squeezing my butt.

Kristen really got into it. Like, big time. I was flattered that she was so "engaged", but I tried not to let my head get too big, cause she'd told me several times that she had a tendency to get carried away on occasion. Luckily I know as much about Kristen as I do. I was able to reign her in when I needed to, and then do exactly what I needed to do in order to drive her insane again. It was the funnest four hour block of time I've had in the last year. Actually, the first 3.5 hours were the funnest. The last half hour was painful. I was wearing denim jeans and our kissing was so vigorous that I got extremely uncomfortable. Pretty much the worst kind of uncomfortable. I was having so much fun, though, that I didn't realize how uncomfortable I was until this morning. Now it's been 10 hours since our make-out and I'm still in pain. But I'm pretty excited about how things are going. It's still too early to tell.

Calvin

46 comments:

Kaylee said...

Slow hand clap that gradually builds....

Jade said...

Awesomeness!!! Now just don't blow it! Kristen seems to be a pretty dang good catch so keep her around!

Oh nice little paper chain move too.

Crystal said...

Very nice my friend. I'm impressed. You did good.

People are going to rip you apart for the jeans thing. Just warning you. I quite enjoyed it but I live in the real world most of the time.

Anonymous said...

You should just start dating her.

Lesli Joe said...

I really wanted to make a comment, but I'm too busy laughing my head off. "Uncomfortable" Ha ha ha! Oh boys. Sometimes I feel sorry for you guys, but who makes out for 4 hours? But I'm sure the pain was worth it all.

(I'm still giggling. It's been 5 minutes.)

post hole digger said...

ya right what the freak would you be doing with a post hole digger? you just said that to make yourself look a little less gay.

brooke said...

i want a trampoline!!!!

Anna said...

You stay classy, Calvin.

Jayme said...

One of the funniest posts yet! Oh and I loved the whole wearing jeans and being uncomfortable part... you made my morning right there. I still giggle when I think about it. Way to go Calvin, I hope this one works out for you!

Lexi said...

Oh daaaaang!
My day is made.
That was a fun post.
Kristen seems awesome. Don't blow it.

Brit O'Connor said...

Ahh, the 4 hour Mormon makeout. Hahaha. Once you can have sex...that definitely gets kicked out the window. :)

viagra said...

it took you 3.5 hours to get "uncomfortable"? no wonder you make out for 4 hours.

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

HA HA!

That last half hour is your own fault. You've gotta be looking for an opportunity to adjust.

Heather Guymon said...

Dude that's hot.

BLM said...

I don't know if I believe this post. You claim to live in Salt Lake, and last night ANYWHERE in Salt Lake was definitely not sitting out on the back porch weather. Or did you miss the wind and duststorm that was all over the valley?
I love the MBP, and while this post was entertaining.....the whole scene doesn't seem to add up. If you can explain yourself...please do. :)

Paula said...

um, good post but yeah, TMI

Ali said...

Hope the uh...pain...from your um....jeans....gets feeling better! hehe

I'm so blushing right now.

harli said...

INTERNET HIGH FIVE! Awesome post, Kristen sounds great. Don't mess this up!

~*~Katie Jo~*~ said...

One of your best posts yet!! Soo funny! Still giggling from your discomfort.

She seems totally awesome...don't blow it with her!!

DCFresh said...

This post made me very happy, I hope things keep moving in the right direction for you & Kristen! And good luck with the "jeans" problem haha

bd said...

You are being way to ambiguous here. As a man I want to know what kind of discomfort you are/were experiencing. I can think of 3 plausible scenarios:

a) you rubbed your penis on her leg so much that you nearly climaxed and had "blue balls"
b) you rubbed your penis on her leg so much that you actually managed to "sand" your junk with your own denim
c) you wear skinny jeans and are mentally incapable of adjusting your penis without a girl noticing

All of the above scenarios suggest that you are an idiot. Correct me if I'm wrong.

S said...

Did you seriously say:
"Maybe we should go inside and you can help me make a paper chain. Then I can rip off a ring everyday until it's time for the "next time'."?

KG said...

oh the pre-marital make out sessions. those were the days. i'm tellin' ya, once you get married, its all over. enjoy it while it lasts, my friend.

Anonymous said...

"Jeans Problem" aka blue balls. No wonder you're in pain.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it. Why would wearing denim jeans hurt? Please explain.

Anonymous said...

How come Blazzer doesn't comment anymore?

Nikki said...

Making out is hot. Period. I hate the stupid "I get to have sex now that I am married" comments. They make me want to vomit down someones back. Kissing is fun don't let the married tards tell you any different. Just because their husbands are 3 second pre-mature ejacks who can't kiss anymore is not your fault. Keep making out, you are learning some needed future control and trust me, it will come in handy later in life. Making out is hot.

ginger said...

Making out on a trampoline with your best friend of the opposite sex....does it get any better than that?! Good for you Calvin!

Autumn said...

Blue Balls, but I have to say that you def. scored on that one :)

Sara said...

not only was that so increadibely well written, I am aslo happy things are working out!!

I wish I'd written that poem I posted; it's the guy from "I wrote this for you"

Bad Horse said...

So you expect us to believe that you visited your parents and decided to spend over 4 hours with Kristen, and weren't nervous or embarrassed that your parents might have been watching?

That's a hard story to swallow.

Anonymous said...

you know what else is hard to swallow?

WilWheaton said...

You apparently have the gift to give lines that are romantic in movies, but get you laughed at in real life, and somehow pull them off.

wry said...

I like this post.
"When Harry Met Sally"

You could be a billy crystal type...

Jocelyn said...

I agree with bad horse. AND the fact that you were making out on the trampoline for 4 hours, that sounds so annoying... i would hate that. AND the weather in SLC last night sucked... sure you were sitting on the back porch and made out for 4 hours outside at your parents house? I dont buy it. BUT the blue balls thing is hilarious. ha

Anonymous said...

I mean...making out does get a bit hot...so anything goes regardless of weather...just saying

Chas Hathaway said...

I'm a little confused about what you're looking for. Did you want a make-out partner, or a wife? If you put things in the right order, you'll probably have both. I've noticed that most couples who make-out (anything beyond simple kisses) before they are married, get quickly bored of it after the honeymoon and don't enjoy make-out sessions throughout their marriage. Those who postpone the physical side of the relationship until marriage tend to enjoy involved making-out for the rest of their lives. It comes down to either a few short months/years of making-out, or a full life of making-out with a few months postponement at the beginning.

That may not be the case for everyone, but it happens more often than not. I suspect it may have something to do with balancing all sides of the relationship. If the physical gets ahead of the emotional, spiritual, and social side, then when the physical side diminishes (as it always does at different times in life), the couple finds that they don't know each other, and they aren't very compatible.

Any two people of the same age and opposite sex can be compatible physically. The body knows what it's doing and will lead you from one level to the next. That's the easy part of any relationship.

The hard part, or more substantial part, of the relationship is in things like understanding, communication, spiritual compatibility, and shared ideas. Physical intimacy (even if it doesn't include sex) is so powerful that it can hide any other neglected areas of your date's personality. It works fantastically for foreplay, since that's its intension, but if you're not intending to have sex, it's best not mess with it.

Chas

Michael Scott said...

Hey Badhorse,
That's what she said.
-M.C.

Anonymous said...

You are sick. I was going to say I hope no girl is dumb enough to marry you (cause though I'm no bishop, your actions are certainly not temple worthy in my opinion) but if a girl is dumb enough to make out with you for 4 hours, maybe you both deserve each other.

Anonymous said...

The Ol' make out and grind until your weiner gets rubbed off! I feel you pain.... but you'll probably do it again!

Steven said...

Chas,

You fail to realize that Calvin has been good friends with this girl since he was a young lad! I think they know each other pretty well, and have waited long enough to take their relationship to the next level! Boo ya!! You just got butt canned.

Chas Hathaway said...

Steven,

I understand what your saying, and perhaps what Calvin is saying: that it's time to take the relationship to the next level. But the physical side of a relationship is extremely powerful. Calvin admits that it's still too early to tell how things are going. I think he's curious, and enjoying the feelings that the making out is giving him.

It's true that the leaders of the church don't come out and tell us exactly how far we can go physically (such as how involved our kisses should be) before marriage, but they have made it clear that we should not be engaging in any activities that intentionally stimulate the sexual instincts before marriage.

There's a reason they say those things. The first reason, of course, is because God said so. You don't have to believe that the prophets are speaking the truth (that's your choice), but if you do believe that the prophets are called of God, you know that's what they teach.

God doesn't teach us that to punish or limit us, but to allow us the opportunity for the greatest possible happiness and trust within marriage.

Chas

mostlyprobably said...

Married making out is hot. Divorced making out is hottest. Least hot is pre-marriage making out. Let the good times roll.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Yep, it is.

Anonymous said...

This might be the most retarded blog I've ever seen