Jake says, "Hey Dude. It's midnight." Calvin replies, "Yeah?" Jake says, "We have to go see who the winner is of our Shabby Apple thing." Calvin says, "Oh Yeah." They skip in unison down the hall to the computer. Luckily their roommates are downstairs. Jake says, "Oh, look, three more entry's in the last 5 minutes. That puts the total at 122 comments... Cool, so now what?" Calvin looks puzzled, "I don't know." Jake responds, "I thought this was your thing dude... didn't you say that there was some internet site that picks a winner from the comments for us?" Calvin, "Well yeah I said that, but only because I assume that's true, I mean it's 2010. There are satellites that can check your temperature from space... surely there is a random blog comment picker thingy."
Jake says, "Well maybe we can write down each name that made a valid entry and--" Calvin cuts him off, "You want to write 122 names down? Why don't we just pick one?" Jake, "That doesn't seem very fair. We would just pick the person who wrote the most complimentary post about us... people would know." Calvin says, "Yeah, true, but then next time we do a giveaway they would write more complimentary posts." Jake laughing, "I would say yes lets do that, but if Claire ever found out I wrote this blog I'd get some 'honest in your dealings with your fellowmen' lecture." Calvin laughs and says, "Just go to Busy Bee's blog or Amy Crisp's blog and see how they do it?" Jake types into Google "random giveaway selecter." Calvin says, "It's o-r."
Jake says, "Here we go. Random.org. We just enter the number of comments into this calculator and then hit this 'generate' button. Calvin asks, "And then count to that comment?" Jake says, "Yep." Jake and Calvin look at each other. Jake says, "Should I do it?" Calvin replies, "Maybe we should do it together." Jake smiles, "Okay, but the 'enter' button is wide enough that we don't have to actually touch fingers." Calvin says, "Alright... that's a good idea."
The pair gently put their fingers on the Enter button. Calvin brushes Jakes finger accidentally. Jake lurches back like he just touch the burner on the stove! Calvin says, "Sorry dude." Jake replies, "It's okay... It wasn't as bad as I thought." They put their fingers back on the button. Jake says, "Ready?" Calvin's finger slowly slides over and touches Jakes. Calvin says, "Yep."
The press enter and the number is '119'.
Calvin says, "I got to run to the bathroom, want to see who that is?" Jake nods and is already counting. Calvin leaves, goes pee, and returns to find Jake still counting. Calvin asks, "Did you find it yet?" Jake says, "No. You know how long it's been since I counted over 100? I keep losing my place." Calvin laughs, "Dude, there are 122 comments. Count backwards by three." Jake hangs his head and groans at his stupidity.
Calvin finds the 119th comment and says, "That's not a valid entry." Jake says, "Why not?" Calvin replies, "Well, they didn't tweet, blog or facebook about us. That was the only way to enter." Jake says, "Yeah those are the rules. So should we just pick another number?" Calvin says, "Yeah, I mean it's true that Kaylee Horsnby is a total hottie, but hottness unfortunately isn't a qualifying factor." Jake says, "We should make it one next time." Calvin replies, "Yes, we definitely should."
Jake and Calvin push the button again. 112. Jake says, "Dang, I loved that comment... I wish that was a valid entry." Calvin laughs, "Oh yeah someone else offended by the word 'gay'." Jake says, "You mean 'gay', like, light-hearted fancy free, mothers lock up your daughters, Calvin's on the town?" Calvin says, "No dude I meant 'gay' like homosexual, like two guys picking out a dress for a girl and gingerly giving it away." Jake laughs, "Dude that's what they were saying was offensive. You're just going to make them madder." Calvin says, "I don't care man, she probably wants me to say 'lame' because she hates gimps and thinks gays are better than gimps. Seriously, I'll just let Nikki get on here and defend us. One time, she made one of the best posts I ever read about people getting so easily offended... maybe it was a comment... Anyway, this conversation is getting gay, lets move on."
They pause for a second with their fingers touching on the enter key again. Jake asks, "There were some valid entries weren't there?" Calvin nods in affirmation. They press the button. 30. Calvin says, "Think you can make it to 30, dude." Jake ignores him and counts. Jake exclaims, "What the crap! Another invalid entry. Were our rules not clear?" Calvin replies, "No dude they were pretty clear." Jake says, "Well next time, as well as adding 'hot' to the list we need to make people that point out how smart we actually are qualify. I mean, I think she deserves it." Calvin says, "Then the first chick deserves it too, or her friend at least." Jake replies, "Touche, lets keep it fair, this dress belongs on a rule follower right?" Calvin answers, "Right." and puts his finger back on the Enter key.
Jake joins him, and again they push the button. Jake says "Number 13, please be valid this post is getting hella long." Calvin says, "Like all your posts." Jake says, "I... yeah... I have no defense." Jake finishes counting and says, "There we go dude, says she made a blog post about us." Calvin says, "Sweet, I was getting bored." Jake looks at the blog and says, "Uh, I think we have a problem..." Calvin looks at the screen, "What?" Jake sighs, "This isn't a girl... it's a guy." Calvin says, "What?" Jake says, "He's a dude." Calvin says, "We can't give a dress to a dude." Jake replies, "His entry is 100% valid though. I mean he wrote a blog post about us, made the comment, got his comment drawn and everything." Calvin shakes his head, "We have 121 girls that want that dress and some guy comes along and is going to win it?" Jake says, "Fair is fair man." Calvin replies, "Yeah." Jake says, "So... the winner is uh... PUMMELHEAD." Calvin says, "I wonder which of the three girls he mentions in his comment he's going to give the dress to?" Jake says, "I don't know, but he should see what they're willing to do for it." Calvin says, "Yeah, you know he doesn't even have to give it to one of them. He can use it as leverage to make out with half the readers of our blog." Jake says, "In a Mormon appropriate way of course?" Calvin replies, "Of course."
Check out pummelheads blog here. He affectionately refers to himself as J-dizzle (which probably means he has an awesome name like Jason or something), and his blog, or rather, his guide to awesomeness can have you making new friends and finding adventure in the World of Warcraft (even though that's not all he blogs about he just likes it.)
Enjoy your dress buddy, and I mean that!
Calvin says, "Oh, look dude he left another comment later saying he was going to give it to his sister if he won." Jake says, "That's no good, he can't very well smooch his sister... We should tell him to delete that comment so he can get a snog or two out of it." Calvin says, "We should." Calvin and Jake say in unison, "Hey J-Dizzle, delete your second comment before your sister sees it and see if you can use the dress to score a snog or two."
Additional note: To the three sad souls who would've won had their comment been a valid entry in our giveaway. Send us an email, and we will send you your very own Mormon Bachelor Pad T-Shirt, cause we feel bad for laughing at how much you're probably hitting your head against the wall right now.