(on the other end of the phone I hear: "...pedicure on our toes, toes, trying on all our clothes, clothes, boys blowing up our phones, phones. Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs, pulling up to the parties, trying to get a little bit tipsy. Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up! Tonight, I'mma fight 'Til we see the sunlight. Tick tock on the clock But the party don't stop----" The song was interrupted by an answer, but it played through my head throughout the conversation, so this post is best read with that song playing in the background.
JAKE: Um, hi is uh April there.
APRIL: This is April.
JAKE: Oh, nice. Hi. My name is Jake Peter Halifax.
I stole, or rather copied, the full name thing from Calvin. It is solid gold.
APRIL: (laughs) Hi Jake.
JAKE: Hopefully you remember me, my Aunt, your boss, set us up and we talked on the phone a few days ago.
JAKE: (cutting her off) and you agreed to go on a date...
APRIL: (laughs) Of course I--
JAKE: (interrupting again) ...tonight... With me.
I always like to pretend like I think that she would actually completely forget who I am. I find that most girls take this as funny and complimentary.
APRIL: (laughs) Oh my gosh, Jake! Of course I remember you. (laughs) How could I forget. Are you calling to cancel for tonight or something?
JAKE: No. NO. Heavens no. I was just sitting here doing some push ups and brushing my teeth and I realized that I have no idea where you live?
APRIL: Oh, the address is 765 South--
JAKE: (interrupts) Oh don't tell me now, I can't very well write down your address while doing push-ups, brushing my teeth and holding my phone.
APRIL: (extra laughter)
Her laughter was a little too much. The good thing about too much laughter is that either she really thinks I am that funny, or she likes me and is willing to help me feel funny when I am not.
JAKE: I know you women think everyone can multi-task like you can, but really, today, I've reached my limit.
APRIL: Oh right. Um... (laughs) I'd like to see how you're doing push-ups with both your hands holding something up to your face.
JAKE: Yeah, I'll show you sometime. But pretty much all of my bodies weight is being held up by my ankles, my toes are touching the floor and my ankles are pushing me up and down freeing up my arms for other important tasks. It's no big thing.
APRIL: (laughs) You must have strong ankles.
JAKE: So I was just calling to see how you wanted to handle me getting to your place. Would you prefer to just text me the address or would you rather give me a general area and then I can call you when I get close and you can guide me in?
APRIL: Oh I can just text you.
JAKE: Are you sure? Because, you know, guiding me in can create some serious bonding and build levels of trust.
I felt I was speaking in a sarcastic enough tone that this was obviously a joke. Even though I've been "guided in" before and it was a pretty nice icebreaker.
APRIL: (laughs) Oh my gosh, if you are being for real this is going to be the worst date ever. (laughs again) You're too funny.
JAKE: (laughs) Um alright then... I guess that means you'll just text me the address then?
APRIL: Oh my gosh, (laughs) Yeah, we can bond some more while we're on the date.
JAKE: Uh, yeah... good idea. Cool. Well, I'll pick you up at 7 then.
APRIL: Cool, see you in a couple hours.
I'm not sure at what point I started calling the girl "the day of" to confirm the date. I think I stole that move from Calvin, too. It always kind of sets the tone and gives me a glimpse into how easy making her laugh is going to be. I find I can't gather this kind of intel on the initial phone call because I'm too nervous and have a hard time being funny.
My aunt gave me her 4 season tickets to a play at Hale theater tonight, just so I could take out this girl she wants me to go out with. So Calvin is gonna bring Kristen or Mikela or Bonnie or something, and we're going to double. What's funny? While I was talking to April I could hear Calvin through the thin door to our room, "...This is Calvin, Calvin Lynn Marler."
You're probably wondering who this girl April is that I am going to take on a dinner/comedy show adventure tonight? Is she the same girl I went out with over the weekend? No, that girls name was Vanessa. She is just some girl that my aunt has been trying to set me up with for a while. I finally decided to go because Claire announced to me that her and Adam (the old wrinkly 30+ plus year old creeper) were dating. She wanted to tell me about their DTR at FHE this week. I cleverly avoided that confession though and decided I had better implement option C.
So, April seems just as good a candidate as anyone. She looks cute on Facebook... that gives her about a 60% chance of actually being cute. Hopefully it'll be fun. Hopefully she doesn't say, "Oh My Gosh." every 5 minutes. Hopefully she doesn't interrupt and ruin one of Calvin's jokes. Hopefully if she's boring the play is good.
And hopefully, either I can fill my crush spot with this new girl... or Claire and Adam the Geezer break up while I'm on this date and she realizes that her true feelings for me are the same as my true feelings for her... and Adam goes and finds someone to date who was at least born in the same decade as him.
Fine I admit it, I am going on a date tonight with April just to try and forget about/get over/stay out of the friend zone with/get back at, Claire.
Everyone's pathetic like this... right?