Gaegg Shells

I put an ad on KSL and Yahoo for some new roommates. Calvin and I have moved things around a bit so that we have a little more space to rent out. I have posted two ads, one for a single room and one for shared rooms. I went to put them up at the Institute of the U of U, but they said I had to be registered at Institute. My singles ward is always plugging Institute, but I'm like, (warning: the following "I'm like" could be construed as a bad attitude towards church. Lucky for the author, church is a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints... a hospital that you go to for three hours a week) 'yeah, like I need more Church? or school? No, No I do not... I can barely go to the three hours of Church I do go to. Why would I volunteer for more?'

Anyway, I've been getting some calls and emails about our ads for the rooms. Calvin and I want to be picky about our roommates. You know, we would like guys with LDS standards who have a lot of female friends, but who are slightly less good looking than us and always willing to "jump on a grenade" for us. The reality is setting in that we are likely not going to have choices like that.

I had one guy call who was really interested. He seemed really cool and said that he was looking for a house with LDS standards because he didn't like drinking. He asked me a bunch of other questions and then he said, "I'm gay. Is that a problem?" I honestly don't care if he is gay. Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for his question.

When he asked me that I thought about that loose tile on our kitchen countertop which I lifted up and took a Sharpie and wrote "Aaron is gay" underneath. Every time new girls come over I ask, "Hey, want to know a secret?" then I would lift up the tile, to which they would laugh, and likely think to themselves, 'Oh Jake, you're so funny.'

One day Nick was over and showed Aaron the tile. Aaron got so mad! He started yelling, "Who wrote this? Who wrote this?" At first we all snickered at his reaction, but when we realized he wasn't joking around, he was really pissed, we all got kind of silent. Aaron wouldn't let it go. He started scrubbing it with bleach and was yelling, "Who wrote this? This is not cool!" He scrubbed but Sharpie's are permanent for a reason. Aaron got more angry at our silence so finally, I fessed up and he didn't talk to me for three whole days.

Luckily Calvin pointed out three or four days later that Aaron's reaction by itself could be proof of his actual gayness. When Aaron heard that, he apologized to me and said he was just having a bad day or something and that he didn't care. Which Calvin pointed out was further proof that Aaron was, in fact, gay.

I thought about that and thought about how much we just tease and make fun of each other in our house. I didn't want anyone moving in who we couldn't harass and, better yet, who couldn't harass us back. I mean Aaron makes fun of me and everyone else just a good as the next guy.

So in response to this gay guy's gay question I said, "No, that's not a problem at all, I mean we're not going to walk on eggshells around you or anything." His response was silence. Uh oh, did I offend him? I said, "I mean we're all buddies and make fun of each other for all sorts of things... true and untrue... you know... so..." The other end of the phone remained silent. I continued to overcompensate, "Like one of the guys who lives here's dad died, and we always tease him about it you know, and it's so funny cause he'll play along... we're just good friends and if you moved in you'd become a friend, as well... and so I just want you to come in to this situation knowing there'd be all manner of mockery." The pause continued. I realized that I was digging a hole and so I stopped talking. After a couple of seconds, I said, "Hello?" I kid you not, he replied, "Well, I never." and then he hung up.

I recognize that my delivery could have been better, but I know that there are cool gay guys out there who can joke around and stuff. This one guy just happened to be a tool. I started to wish I could have handled it better because I figured a cool gay guy might have loads of female friends. I hope another gay guy calls and wants to move in. I'll be better prepared next time.

So, seeing as we are totally anonymous and need to remain that way in order for this blog to live on in awesomeness, I can't very well advertise rooms for rent on our kick A house here on the blog... but if you're looking in the Salt Lake area, try to find the room for rent that has a really funny advert.

Jake