Monday, April 26, 2010

Gaegg Shells

I put an ad on KSL and Yahoo for some new roommates. Calvin and I have moved things around a bit so that we have a little more space to rent out. I have posted two ads, one for a single room and one for shared rooms. I went to put them up at the Institute of the U of U, but they said I had to be registered at Institute. My singles ward is always plugging Institute, but I'm like, (warning: the following "I'm like" could be construed as a bad attitude towards church. Lucky for the author, church is a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints... a hospital that you go to for three hours a week) 'yeah, like I need more Church? or school? No, No I do not... I can barely go to the three hours of Church I do go to. Why would I volunteer for more?'

Anyway, I've been getting some calls and emails about our ads for the rooms. Calvin and I want to be picky about our roommates. You know, we would like guys with LDS standards who have a lot of female friends, but who are slightly less good looking than us and always willing to "jump on a grenade" for us. The reality is setting in that we are likely not going to have choices like that.

I had one guy call who was really interested. He seemed really cool and said that he was looking for a house with LDS standards because he didn't like drinking. He asked me a bunch of other questions and then he said, "I'm gay. Is that a problem?" I honestly don't care if he is gay. Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for his question.

When he asked me that I thought about that loose tile on our kitchen countertop which I lifted up and took a Sharpie and wrote "Aaron is gay" underneath. Every time new girls come over I ask, "Hey, want to know a secret?" then I would lift up the tile, to which they would laugh, and likely think to themselves, 'Oh Jake, you're so funny.'

One day Nick was over and showed Aaron the tile. Aaron got so mad! He started yelling, "Who wrote this? Who wrote this?" At first we all snickered at his reaction, but when we realized he wasn't joking around, he was really pissed, we all got kind of silent. Aaron wouldn't let it go. He started scrubbing it with bleach and was yelling, "Who wrote this? This is not cool!" He scrubbed but Sharpie's are permanent for a reason. Aaron got more angry at our silence so finally, I fessed up and he didn't talk to me for three whole days.

Luckily Calvin pointed out three or four days later that Aaron's reaction by itself could be proof of his actual gayness. When Aaron heard that, he apologized to me and said he was just having a bad day or something and that he didn't care. Which Calvin pointed out was further proof that Aaron was, in fact, gay.

I thought about that and thought about how much we just tease and make fun of each other in our house. I didn't want anyone moving in who we couldn't harass and, better yet, who couldn't harass us back. I mean Aaron makes fun of me and everyone else just a good as the next guy.

So in response to this gay guy's gay question I said, "No, that's not a problem at all, I mean we're not going to walk on eggshells around you or anything." His response was silence. Uh oh, did I offend him? I said, "I mean we're all buddies and make fun of each other for all sorts of things... true and untrue... you know... so..." The other end of the phone remained silent. I continued to overcompensate, "Like one of the guys who lives here's dad died, and we always tease him about it you know, and it's so funny cause he'll play along... we're just good friends and if you moved in you'd become a friend, as well... and so I just want you to come in to this situation knowing there'd be all manner of mockery." The pause continued. I realized that I was digging a hole and so I stopped talking. After a couple of seconds, I said, "Hello?" I kid you not, he replied, "Well, I never." and then he hung up.

I recognize that my delivery could have been better, but I know that there are cool gay guys out there who can joke around and stuff. This one guy just happened to be a tool. I started to wish I could have handled it better because I figured a cool gay guy might have loads of female friends. I hope another gay guy calls and wants to move in. I'll be better prepared next time.

So, seeing as we are totally anonymous and need to remain that way in order for this blog to live on in awesomeness, I can't very well advertise rooms for rent on our kick A house here on the blog... but if you're looking in the Salt Lake area, try to find the room for rent that has a really funny advert.

Jake

23 comments:

Rachel Nell said...

I wonder how many people are currently scouring KSL right now trying to find your ad. I bet there are a few... haha

Jade said...

I can understand your thinking, but it's still kinda weird that you'd want a gay guy to move in with you. I'm actually surprised your not looking for female room mates.

KatOfDiamonds said...

I am proud of you. Really proud of you. Proud-ER than I have ever been at being able to see past the "I'm gay" statement even if it was for his money =]

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

That reminds me of a joke...

-c

WilWheaton said...

So, you told him that you were "not going to walk on egg shells around him," but then did just that by rambling on trying to justify what you said.

Nice.

Crystal said...

Gay people can be some of the nicest people on Earth. And some of them are the rudest people. So I guess they are just like everyone else.

What a novel idea.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious that my post with my finding didn't show up...

I know your name and where you live now...

At least I don't think you are fake anymore...

Anonymous said...

I have 2 very good friends that are gay, not "a couple" and are in fact room mates. They also have another room mate that is not gay. We have poker night at their apartment occasionally (I know, poker is baaaad...) We are always teasing them and they tease themselves and it all makes for a great time. I dont think it was bad of you to say that in the first place. And if he wants "mormon" standards, doesnt that mean he should be strait? If he cant take a joke then you should be glad it didnt work out.

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

One of my roommates could be gay and I wouldn't even know! I've been here a while and because of different work schedules and what-not, I haven't even met them all!

It's good that he told you straight up, though. I could see that fact coming out later down the road causing big drama with you guys, especially Calvin.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should look for a female roommate. A straight girl who has older brothers and is "one of the guys." Now that would be an awesome roommate to have. Just think about it, she can cook and clean, but won't get angry when someone makes a fart joke.

e said...

except if she is "one of the guys" what would make you think that she would possibly want to cook and clean for a bunch of males?

just sayin.

Anonymous said...

Fear.

Boss said...

Ha ha ha, "Gaeggs".

Anonymous said...

I know that you're all a little immature, but using the word "gay" to tease your friends, using gay as a derogatory term is really uncool just generally speaking.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 4:29...

You're a fag.

Nikki said...

I knew the comments on this post were going to be gay.

Pierrot Lunaire said...

You're in for a huge wake-up call when you leave Utah for the rest of the world. Then again, you probably never will, so I guess I'm preaching to the choir.

Your attitude toward gay people is astonishingly Medieval. Don't you think that perhaps as a gay male in an overwhelmingly red state, this person wasn't too keen on being made fun of in his own home? Welcome to the 21st century. There are gay people. It's extremely socially incorrect (not to mention not very Christlike) to taunt or harass people because of their sexual orientation...even grade schoolers know this now.

I'm sure your future professional life will be rife with blatant social blunders such as this one. I'm looking forward to reading about them all.

Rachael said...

"I hope another gay guy calls and wants to move in. I'll be better prepared next time" That line pretty much made my day, I seriously have no idea why I find your blog so entertaining. :)

Matt said...

I probably would have hung up on you too.

Anonymous said...

And yet no one has mentioned your paragraph up above, the first paragraph.

Face it Jake, you lack the skills to rile people up and get a hundred comments or more.

Ba ha ha.

Autumn said...

I have no issue with how you reacted to the gay guy. it was funny.

Laura said...

Haha.

I'm not sure how I would have reacted to that question. You handled it better than I would.

Anonymous said...

How did your date with April go? Wanna knowwww!