Friday, April 16, 2010

Elude and Avoid are Synonyms

I've got a very healthy hamster in a wheel in my head, and the little bastard just won't stop running. What am I going to do with Claire? Here's the thing, I can't compete with how funny Calvin consistently is in his blog posts... so today I'm going to just jot down some serious, not-so-manly thoughts on Claire and my current chick turmoil.

Claire sent me a text last night, "Where have you been?" It's not so much that I have been avoiding her... I have just been eluding her. She started dating Adam. I like her, and I didn't do anything about it and now I am stuck with an effing hamster in my head. I am feeling tortured... let me see if I can elaborate.

For almost the last month Claire and I have been seeing each other everyday till Adam came along. We would sit in her apartment and talk late into the night about everything. I told her all my deep dark secrets, and she shared hers with me... even though they didn't really compare. Sometimes we would talk about music and TV shows. Other times we would talk about the scriptures and General Conference. Some nights we talked about love and family and all the things that are important to us in life.

I really like Claire. I worry that because of my post about our differing attitudes towards Sabbath observance that some readers might think she isn't amazing. She is amazing. Even amazing people can be a little self righteous sometimes. I'm not perfect so she needn't be. I feel like there is this connection. I think about marriage and eternal family all the time. I am looking for someone who I can talk to and want to spend so much time with.

I look back over the last year since I got back from my mission and realize that I felt a similar connection with Andrea (which I screwed up) and Sanders (which I screwed up). The only difference here that I can see is that, so far, I haven't "got" Claire. I recognize it's all my fault, I never even tried. Now I think anything I do will look insincere, forced, and that she'll just brush me off because she doesn't feel the same. I am tormenting myself.

I'm trying to look at my options logically.

A) I can just go to her and tell her how I feel. That would be the "movie" thing to do... but what about Adam? He's a really cool guy. He sees the same sweet, sexy, awesomeness that I see in Claire. I wouldn't want some DB coming up to a girl I'm dating and confessing his undying love... besides, it's not like it's undying... or, love. What happens when she says okay, Adam hates me and then we date for a month and after I "got" her, my intensity fades and I blow it like I did with Andrea and Sanders? No I don't like this option, it breaks the Golden Rule in too many different ways.

B) I can just try and continue cultivating the friendship that we started. Set aside my feelings until either she marries Adam or they break up. I can't honestly say however that I could put my feelings aside. I would no doubt shroud my feelings in a guise of friendship that seethed with ulterior motives. That just seems like a more cowardly version of option A, so I don't like that.

C) I can walk away and try to just meet someone else. I would have to walk away to do this because every time I am with her I go crazy. Every time I know I am going to see her I analyze my actions and what they are "saying" to the point of insanity. I wish I could just be happy for her and Adam, but I'm not. I'm jealous. I'm covetous. I can't be around her until I find another crush of greater or equal value... or until my feelings for her fade. It seems that this is the better and only real option I have.

I text her back, "I've just been busy."
She texts, "I miss our talks. I need one of our talks."
JAKE: "Yeah, lets get together one of these nights."
CLAIRE: "What about tonight?"
JAKE: "What about Adam?"
CLAIRE: "What about him? He knows that we're friends."
JAKE: "I would think it was a little weird if I were him."
CLAIRE: "Don't worry about it. He thinks you're awesome."
JAKE: "I am awesome."
CLAIRE: "You are... so talkie?"

I thought about my date last Friday night with Vanessa. She was cute but she wasn't for me. A little to ditsy. At dinner, Calvin was telling a joke to the group. Calvin is saying, "A guy is standing outside a bar and he sees his friend walking up the street all drunk and swaying. Just then a Nun walks by and as she passes the drunk, without provocation he gives the Nun a crazy insane Wii boxing upper cut so hard he must have shattered her nose into a thousand pieces, then before she falls backwards to the ground he gives her 3 or 4 swift punches to the kidneys, another right hook to the face, she falls to the ground and he drops his elbow into her esophagus, and then the drunk starts kicking her while she's on the ground. Then..." Vanessa interrupts and says, "Is this the Batman joke?" with a kind of a disgusted look on her face.

Calvin was stunned. The whole table sat there hanging on his next words. He sat there and looked at her with his jaw dropped. "Really?" he said frustrated. "Really? Did you really just ask the punch line a second before I was about to deliver it?" Vanessa didn't look guilty or apologetic. It was as though she couldn't see how she just destroyed Calvin's night. She said, "I heard it before it's not that funny, I think it's gross." Calvin's date begged him to continue but he didn't want to... the joke had been ruined. Calvin finally, defeated said, "Yeah, so the drunk was kicking the nun while she was on the ground and when his friend got their to pull him off her the drunk says, 'Not so tough are you, Batman." The table laughed but it was all courtesy. On the drive home Vanessa proceeded to defend herself and talk about how my best friend was too sensitive. I sided with Calvin. It sucked and the whole date I just thought, I wish Vanessa was Claire.

So I text Claire back, "I'll be over in 20."
She replied, "Yay!"

I got there and we talked. It was great. I avoided talking about Adam too much, and Claire did her thing where she made me feel like the most important most special person in the world. So, I threw logic out the window... but, just that once. I still think I need to implement option C and just walk away.

But Claire would never ruin one of Calvin' jokes... I'm screwed aren't I?



Zona Bosted said...

After reading this I think it's time for you to hand in your "Man Card". Quit thinking and acting like a girl. Geesh get a life and quit being such a pussy!

Michelle said...

She obviously does not like Adam very much if she is texting you and wanting you to come over for a talk. If she really liked him that much then she wouldn't even give you a second thought. But it is obvious she likes you and she just might be trying to make you jealous. I say you wait it out just a little bit, keep trying to make her want you so bad that she can't possibly want to be with Adam anymore. I don't know maybe that is mean but you two sound like you would make a good pair.

ethan_marston said...

Since when did experiencing emotions become a qualification for being a pussy, Zona?

Nikki said...

Haven't you ever watched the movie "When Harry met Sally"? Men and women can't be friends. Even in friendships and especially at your age the only men women hang around with are ones they want to eventually snog. It's a game. Let the sexual tension build and your first make-out will be OFF THE HOOK! My husband and I were good friends for 2 and a half years before we dated and our first make out was until 4 in the morning. Oh yea baby, let the tension build.

Anonymous said...

Do you try to be such a pussy or does it just come naturally?

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Jake, do you want to screw this up by walking away? As you said, you've messed up two relationships, do you want the regret of messing this up too?

What I mean is that you don't know all the reasons that Clair is dating Adam. Sometimes people get in a relationship to get in a relationship. They've know each other for a month and unless you are secretly at BYU, I doubt you have anything to worry about. And though you supposedly don't know her for more than a little more than two months, it is something.

My advice is to wait. Wait and see how things play out. But be there for her, continue to be her friend. Be selfless as much as you can. That way if they break up, you are there to catch the pieces and tend to her heart, and if things start getting serious between them, reveal your feelings for her, and say that you want her to consider the idea of going out with you.

And I thought the Golden Rule applied to roommates and good friends. He is a guy you barely know right? Your happiness comes before his. Don't worry about the gold rule when it comes to him. Technically you broke it when you made out with Daisy cause Nick and Aaron were after her, so what's the big deal?

Anonymous said...

Option A. If she rejects you then you walk away (option c). At least you gave it a shot instead of being a pussy and choosing option c first because you are too scared to hurt someone's feelings. If you want it you fight for it.

That Chick said...

That is a stupid joke.

English Nerd said...

They are synonyms Jake, you finally mastered elementary level English. About time, I was beginning to lose hope.

Anonymous said...

You are the typical guy. Its all about the chase. The chase is what you love what you want. Once you get the girl the fun is over the excitement has ended and you screw it up just like Andrea and Sanders. You only want what you can't have. If you think you really like Claire then leave her alone because chances are once you've "got" her, you will be done and crush her. She's happy with Adam move on.

Anonymous said...

Can I blame you two if I fail school because I procrastinate my classes and school work by reading your blog due to boredom?

wry said...

i don't think it's all about the chase for you. you seem like you're trying(75% of the time) to do the right thing.
but yeah, you're screwed. you're timing is the most awful thing i've ever read.
might wanna work on that.

WilWheaton said...

Nikki, I loved the "When Harry Met Sally" reference, that movie is a classic. However I will say men and women can be friends, but only under very specific circumstances which almost never come up because of natural male tendencies.

I think Jake can do one of two things here.

1.) Accept that she's with Adam(for now) and try to be happy that someone you care about is/seems happy(easier said than done, I know, been there). Don't avoid her, that's immature, by asking where you've been she already knows you're avoiding her because of Adam. Be the bigger man, tell her you're happy she's happy, she'll really appreciate it(and you'll most likely get back into her head because you're so mature and care about her so much that you just want to see her happy).

2.) Be a DB. Start weaseling in. She obviously likes you and thinks about you a lot, otherwise she wouldn't still feel the need to talk to you. This could indicate that you give her something that Adam doesn't, if that's the case you should either start spending more time with her, or deprive her of that altogether and start doing your own thing.

Cassie Lynne said...

Just do it. Tell her how you feel. If not you'll end up regretting it and asking yourself "What if..." a year down the road when she's married with a kid.

Ashley Eliza said...

watch this.. really do!

"..just say it.. say it right then, out loud,otherwise the moment just PASSES YOU BY!"

loves, xoxo

Anonymous said...

Tell her. Just tell her. Worst thing to happen is what your option C is. To walk away and let your feelings fade.
You will always be wondering about it.

Anonymous said...

Hand in your "Man Card" because you're in the "Friend Zone."

You have a better chance of scoring with her mother than you do with her. Key words: "Youre such a good friend." GAME OVER!!!

Anonymous said...

It's funny how this post appeared in my google reader two days ago, and now it's posted here with some new additions. Real or fake, I still enjoy reading.

And for the love, go for Claire already!

Jade said...

Jake you need to just go for Claire. It's obvious she still has some sort of interest in you, if she didn't she wouldn't of asked where you've been and wouldn't of asked you to come over and just talk with her. If her and Adam could have the same kind of talks that you and Claire had together, then she wouldn't of asked you to come talk.

I still think you have a chance to get her. Just whatever you do don't just jump strait to option C, that's only going to lead to regrets if you do that first. Trust me, I've used that option before with guys that I was crushing on, and later it came to bite me in the butt. So C needs to be your last option.

If I was in your shoes I'd go for option A or B first. If she really doesn't suspect that you have feelings for her then you could always pull the "Oh I have a friend who's really good friends with this one girl and he really likes her a lot, but shes dating this other guy card" and see what she says you should tell your "friend" from her opinion, that'd let you know if she thinks the guy has a shot or if he shouldn't even bother with trying to get her. And also with that option if she has a tiny bit of suspicion that you like her, it might open up an opportunity for you to tell her how you feel about her, because she might ask you if your "friend" likes her or if your "friend" is you. So really I kinda think that might be a good option for you, if she says your "friend" should go for it then you jump on that opportunity the next time you see her and just lay the cards on the table and tell her how you feel about her. If she says that your "friend" shouldn't go for it then you use your Option B and just keep being friends with her and wait for things between her and Adam to die out, keep dropping subtle hints that your interested, but just keep being her friend so that when things with her and Adam are done you can move in save the day and be her hero.

Whoa sorry this is getting so long... But Jake really just go for it, you've put it off long enough, it's time to take action and do something about it before you just walk away... you apparently regret just walking away in the past cases so don't do it again on this one just since it's the easier thing to do. Be willing to take a risk and see what happens. You never have a chance until you try. SO JUST JUMP IN WITH BOTH FEET AND GO FOR IT!

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

Gotta go with A or C.

What about Adam? He's a really cool guy? COME ON! Knowing Utah, if Claire is as amazing as you say she is, Adam will propose in 3 to 6 weeks. Either do something about it or walk away.

If you don't do something it will haunt you forever.

Just saying...

marcie said...

Have you read the book "He's just not that into you"? (don't watch the movie it's crap) I know it changed my dating perspective after reading it, same with a lot of my other girl friends. Basically if a guy isn't asking you out then he's just not that into you. So maybe that is how Claire is feeling; That if you really liked her you would have asked already. I suggest reading it, if not for anything else other than a different perspective (not all the advice works for mormon dating but the basics are there).

Amanda said...

Jake, do it! Talk to her. From the kind of person you describe Claire to be, I think she would want to know how you feel. Be a man and just do it. :) "Of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these: it might have been." If you don't try, you'll never get a chance to see if it could work out. Not trying at all is a lot sadder than trying and failing.

Cassie said...

You regret more the things you don't say than the things you do. So you should totally do Option A.

Girl101 said...

Mm people seem convinced Claire's all into you and whatever because she text you and invited you round. Not so.
If I were Claire (and I have been, hypothetically) I would text you, of course, because you're attention. You're like.. Male attention that flows freely and in huge doses. So what if I have a boyfriend, you dote on me, I kinda of know you're into me, I have Adam but I don't care, we're 'friends', I miss your attention.
So I say you don't give it to her. She can't have her Jake, and eat it.
My opinion.
But then, I do think like a complete guy, so maybe I'm wrong and Claire is in to you. But then maybe .. she's not.

It's Always Funny in Philadelphia said...

Hiiii! My roommate and I just started a blog! We've been readers be our friend! kthanks!

Pierrot Lunaire said...

You acknowledge your own fear that once you start dating Claire, your feelings for her will fade and you will "screw it up" like you did with your past two relationships. This alone should tell you it's not going to work out, and in the back of your mind you probably have already had that thought.

The fact that you refer to her as "self-righteous" is a clear indication that you won't treat her as an equal. So truly, what exactly are your intentions here? You just want to screw around. You want to make out with a pretty girl without consequence until it gets boring, and then dump her.

If you honestly "think about marriage and family" all the time, you sure don't act like it. You have the maturity of a sponge.

Anonymous For Now said...

I'm getting caught up after not reading for a while. I love your blog. I really hope these are legit stories, but even if they're not, you guys are amazing story tellers. If this is a fake I feel like people leaving comments of advice make it some type of 'choose your own adventure' blog. I'm rooting for Jake and Claire. I say whatever way you decide to go don't play games with her. If she is starting to imply she likes you, let her know you're interested. If she seems totally involved with Adam, be a good friend and wait for the old fuddy duddy to loose his charm. She'll come running to you. *turn ahead to page 109*.....

-Annonymous because this uses an explicit and refers to horizontal make-outs. I don't want that connected to my blog for the protection of young and impressionable viewers :P

Anonymous said...

Don't let your hamster into Brigham's cage. You've got enough rodent at the MBP.

Carlos the Great said...

No offense to Calvin, but that joke sucks. He would've gotten courtesy laughs regardless of the space cadet who spoiled it.

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You are mistaken. I can defend the position. Write to me in PM.

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