Sunday, April 25, 2010

Not Necessarily

I thought about Kristen a lot last week. I'm sure that's to be expected after our spontaneous vertical make-out session last weekend. A few people have commented on this here blog (and some of my real life acquaintances, as well) that maybe my sudden loss of interest in Mikaela had something to do with Kristen. I don't think that's true. I mean, I know this is Utah and I know that since Kristen and I have a long history of friendship that has recently blossomed into a physical relationship, of sorts, that a lot of people assume that this must be the beginning of my eternal companionship with Kristen... but I don't think that's what's happening here.

I've been so confused lately on what to do with Kristen. For about three days after our date last Friday, I was paranoid that our friendship had been ruined. Every time my phone rang and every time a text message came through, my insides knotted up. Not in excitement. It knotted in nervousness... like I was scared that it was gonna be Kristen wanting to "talk about it". But it never was.

By Tuesday night I started feeling relieved. I felt like enough time had passed that if one of us DID make contact, it wouldn't be awkward. I dunno if I'm explaining myself very well here. If she called me the day after our date, I'd have felt like Kristen thought something was happening between us... and that scared me. But by Wednesday night, my feelings had U-turned. I was wondering all kinds of things that only girls worry about. I wondered if she was mad that I hadn't called. I wondered if she felt stupid and was avoiding me. I wondered if she regretted kissing me. That thought kind of made my stomach hurt. I really didn't want her to regret it, cause I didn't regret it. I still wasn't sure if it was the best idea... but I definitely didn't regret it.

Thursday and Friday were pretty rough. I almost called her a couple of times, but didn't. If I hadn't talked to her for a couple of months before our date last Friday, why would I call her now? I decided I wanted things to stay as "normal" as possible, but the more I thought about it, the more I didn't like the idea. Kristen is such an amazing kisser. She laughs at all my jokes and she has the cutest laugh in the world. She's really funny. She has really tan, smooth, shapely legs. We hate all of the same people. We make fun of our hideous peers... cause they're ugly. Man. I dunno.

By the time yesterday rolled around, I still hadn't heard anything from Kristen. I noticed her status update on Facebook said that she was excited to see her mom and sisters last night. Well, her parents live about five houses away from my parents. I don't remember consciously deciding to "run into" her, but at some point yesterday afternoon I thought of a reason to go to my parents house. I think my subconscious plan was for Kristen to see my truck parked at my parents house, and think, "Hey, that's Calvin's truck. I should text him. Oh, heck. I'll just drop by and see if he wants to go for a walk. But first I'll go tanning." Well, it didn't work out that way. I ended up sitting at my parents house for two hours, periodically wandering into the front yard to make sure Kristen's car was still parked at her parents house.

Finally, at about nine o'clock, I wandered outside and noticed that her car was gone. I totally chickened out. And I totally wasted a Saturday night. And I still haven't talked to her since our date. I'm so effing confused.

Calvin

24 comments:

Diz said...

Call her!

singlemormonchick said...

stop being a baby. just call her. if she is as super cool as you say she is, she will GET it. either she is on board with you or she isnt. either way, i think your friendship can survive. one of the rare cases that i would think its possible. put on your big boy underoos and call her.

ethan_marston said...

I definitely get the feeling, and most of the time I find out that I was over-thinking everything and freaking myself out.

Ali said...

Souds to me like Kristen is a smart girl! I'd do the same thing she's doing. There's no way I woud want to contact you first. It's definitely good that you've waited this long but it's time you talk to her! If you wait too long you might just lose the friendship too and no one wants THAT to happen.
:)

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

You're both to chicken to talk to each other! You're thinking yourselves into a circle.

You liked it, but you don't want to tell her that because she may not feel the same way. But she may feel exactly the same way. She's not talking to you because either she liked and is worried you didn't OR She didn't like it and is worried that you did.

Gosh, this is totally the last 20 minutes of When Harry Met Sally.

Eventually you're going to have to tell her the truth about how you feel, because if you make her do it she'll never EVER forgive you. Women can hold grudges For-Ev-Er.

Crystal said...

Hmmm, I say call her. Just act like everything is normal and see if she initiates any dialogue about the "event". If she doesn't then you are just buddies again. If she does...well you'll have to take over from there.

I'm just typing out loud.

Missy said...

Call her!!! This is funny! I remember these days!

Anonymous said...

this blog sucks balls.

Anonymous said...

wait...I thought Mormons did not get "wasted' or swear and use words like "effing" ????!??!?!!?!


I guess there is Bad Mormons like there is bad people.

brooke said...

simple...call her!!!

Anonymous said...

Some player you are... Sheesh... Grow a pair!

Crystal said...

effing isn't even a curse word....it's a made up word even....come on...geez.

Steve said...

If enough comments tell you to call her, will you freaking CALL HER already? Agency is all about consequences--you kissed her, and now you have to deal with the consequences of that. And those consequences might be awesome, but you have to actually TALK to her to find out.

-TG said...

haha Calvin you're awesome.
I think I'd chill out and wait for awhile. There's a slim chance that maybe she's concerned that you like her more than friends and she just wants to be friends. I'd call and make casual conversation though. Maybe..tomorrow? haha Good luck! She seems awesome :)

sarahjane_72 said...

Im with crystal on this one. Just act normal. Trust me, this is coming from the queen of breaking it off with guys and pretending like we are still just friends (me) If you just act like its normal for long enough, it will go back to being normal. It feels a little awkward at first, but eventually they see that you are normal and that things are fine and the awkwardness goes away and the friendship is back. Plus, if you guys are as good of friends as you seem to portray, if she happens to bring it up, talking about it wont be that awkward.

Anonymous said...

just TALK TO HER. seriously. lol

...and then write a post about what happens :)

Anonymous said...

CALL HER!

And lol, this totally is like the last 20 minutes of When Harry Met Sally. :P

Michelle said...

I am pretty sure you and Jake write the anonymous comments. Mostly because I can see you making fun of yourselves. You should have just sent her a text you dummy. I mean no disrespect but it would have been much painless than acting like you are in high school and wasting your whole Saturday night.

Heather Guymon said...

Call her damn it or give me her number so I can for you.

curses said...

you hate all the same people and make fun of hideous people because they're ugly? you sound perfect for eachother.

you should marry her and then you can have a bunch of ugly hideous children together because you cursed yourself for making fun of people.

I swear to you, my sister used to make fun of all my brother's kids for all sorts of things, and now her kids are 100 times worse!

Carly said...

Just wanted to say my best friend is currently serving a mission, and he gets such a kick out of MBP that he has me print out your blog posts and mail them to him every week. His current comp even turned some of them into posters to pin up on their wall for a laugh (like the deal breakers post) LOL! Think I'm gonna have to send them some of your t-shirts. :P

Oh and again, you should call her.

LarkenBird said...

I am a girl. My best friend for the past 6 years is a boy. The first time we made out (hey we got curious) he freaked out thinking I would want our friendship to change. Nope. Didn't change a thing for me. I still love him as my best friend.

Christin said...

This girl is awesome! And this post makes you seem like less of a jerk which I applaud!

Pierrot Lunaire said...

So you two will have a relationship based on mutual hatred of "ugly people," the fact that she laughs at all of your jokes (aka worships you), and your attraction to her legs.

Basically, I agree with "curses."

And also, you're a 13-year-old boy. That's all.