Thursday, April 29, 2010

2010 Census

I have taken on a part time job with the US Census. I figure since I am planning on being the first President who can't spell and doesn't care to pretend to, I would start my Government career early. Plus my mom really pushed me and pretty much got this Census job for me.

I've been training for the census. They basically tell us how to not get eaten by dogs, raped by uh... rapists, and how to resolve concerns people have about the Man getting them down.

Most everyone in my training group is old and laid off and nearly all conversations revolve around how bad the economy is and how they are losing their houses. When I say "old" I mean they are in their mid-40s and up. All except for me and one girl. Shaleese. (remember we may not change every name on this blog) Shaleese is 21 and she is cute as a button. I know that description sounds silly, but it's the most accurate description I can come up with.

She has really really really blond hair. It's short and her skin is tan but perfectly smooth. She wears pink every single day, which makes her seem really sweet. We have been doing these trainings now for a while and I haven't been able to muster the courage to talk to her.

Well the other day the trainer paired us off to do role-playing exercises and he paired me and Shaleese together. Everyday I wished he'd do that. It seemed like an obvious choice to me. We were the only 20-somethings. I often sat in class not paying attention and thought, "When I am as old as this guy and I see a dorky kid and a hot girl in a classroom I am always going to pair them off." It just seems like the courteous thing to do... to the dork.

So Shaleese and I sat there and role-played Census taking for a sec. The class room was really loud, though, as everyone else did their exercises. She cut from routine and said, "So Jake, how come you've never talked to me?" I was stunned and felt the way I had felt when I had previously chosen not to talk to her. I didn't know how to relay that without seeming completely pathetic so I said, "Um, I don't know... hopefully, for the same reason you didn't talk to me." (Because she was hot!) She smiled. I could tell she was confident and had a somewhat strong personality which made me infinitely more attracted to her than before. She leaned forward and began quizzing me about... me. I tried to return her curiosity, but she was too random and would sometimes ignore my question completely and just ask me a new question.

Shaleese: How well did you do in high school?
Jake: I did terrible, how about you?
Shaleese: What about college? You going or just working?
Jake: I'm not in school right now, College and me didn't get along. What about you?
Shaleese: Were are you working... you know besides the Census?

As I got more comfortable and was able to successfully make her laugh a few times I realized that she really liked to control the conversation so I decided to add some vague curiosities to my answers.

Shaleese: Do you prefer chicken or steak?
Jake: Depends on the vegetable.
Shaleese: (grinning) No vegetable.
Jake: Is there a sauce of some kind?
Shaleese: No sauce.
Jake: Well, that's easy then...
(I could see a look of satisfaction on her face like she had just won something) depends on how the meats are cooked.
(Her look deflated to 'slight annoyance')
Shaleese: You think you're pretty smart don't you?
Jake: (looking around the room) The smartest person in this room.
Shaleese: (smiled) For being so sure of yourself, it sure took you long enough to talk to me.

I quickly found that Shaleese responded best to me acting cocky. Which luckily comes a little too natural to me. Keep in mind as this story obviously relays, "acting" is the keyword. After that little exchange I kept thinking, 'Just ask her out Jake. Next time she says something about taking so long to talk to her, just ask her out.' We talked for the rest of training that day and only pretended to role play when the trainer would walk around.

Shaleese: You're Mormon right?
Jake: Yes
Shaleese: Do you watch R rated movies?
Jake: Yes
Shaleese: Have you seen Kick-Ass yet?
Jake: No. Have you?
Shaleese: Nope. I can't wait though. It looks so funny.
(This would be the perfect time to say, "Well, why don't we go see it tomorrow night? I knew that, but my chest tightened up and I got all nervous. Why!? so instead...)
Jake: Yeah, it looks hilarious.
Shaleese: I hate Nicolas Cage though. Did you ever see Knowing?
Jake: No.
Shaleese: It was terrible. Just terrible.
(Yet another opportunity to ask her out. I needed to because my recent dates with Vanessa and April weren't stellar. Instead, very cowardly I moved the conversation in another direction because I found that nervous feeling [which I couldn't control] take over.)

Asking her out was on the tip of my tongue for the rest of the entire conversation. I couldn't do it, though. She petrified me, or at least the idea of her rejecting me petrified me. I could not be myself at all, even after conversating for so long. Training ended and I totally pussed out.

Shaleese looked at me as she walked out of class. She smiled and waved. I should have fricking asked her out or at least asked her to walk her to her car or something. Anything.

I have resolved to make certain to ask her out before this training is over (which is next week). Driving home today, I entertained that Shaleese could be the welcomed "relief crush" I had been hoping to replace Claire. Shaleese is cute enough... still, my thing for Claire isn't passed, but this kind of thing is the only way it will pass. I think.



sara said...

weren't you macking some other girl just the other day??

hear those census jobs give some major bank. like over $20/hour :) lucky dog!

Whiteley Family said...

come on chicken butt :) just ask!

Anonymous said...

really? reallllly? ask her before you lose her to an old man in the training group....

Jade said...

Jake just do it! Don't miss the boat again, and just think if she turns you down then you probably won't see her after next week anyways. So make the move, she was giving you the go ahead so just do it, and do it soon!

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

Kick-Ass(or "Kick-A**" as all of the Utah theaters are advertising it, isn't exact;y the kind of movie I think a girl would like. Don't get me wrong, it's probably the best movie I've seen in a year, but I would never ask Hannah to watch it with me, It's definitely a guy movie.

This happens to me all the time, constantly thinking "next time THIS happens I'm going to talk to her/ask her out."

Just do it, but don't take her to a movie for the first date, that's lame.

Anonymous said...

You do realize that with a name like Shaleese, it makes it at least 78 times easier to Facebook "observe" right?

Crystal said...

Kick-Ass is definitely a movie that some girls would like. And if she seems interested to see it...she's interested. So yes, you should have asked her out. Hopefully you will next time you see her. But I agree about a first date NOT being a movie. Then again you did talk for awhile and already got to know each other a bit. Whatever makes you more comfortable. But I say go for it.

Bad Horse said...

This too shall pass.

singlemormonchick said...

OH MY GOSH! are you kidding me? stop sabotaging yourself and ask her out. its okay that you still like/love/want claire. at this stage, its ok to like/love/date more than one girl. time to master some multi-taking skills. trust me, it will serve you well in your future sex life.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 5:44

You do realize that Jake could easily be messing with us when he says the name isn't changed? Nothing says he has to be telling the truth. It doesn't even have to be this census he worked on, he could have worked on the 2000 census.

Anonymous said...

wait a second...a couple of posts ago this blog was quoting prophets and now your talking about how good a "r" rated movie is?

Natasha said...

Whatever, Kick-Ass is TOTOALLY a girl movie. Come on an 11 year old girl kicks ass! lol Seriously.

M-Cat said...

You called me old. You suck : )

And my son looked into the census job himself, but after doing some on-line modules decided he couldn't hack it. Kudos to you.

Tara said...

Jake your post seem so much more authentic and unexaggerrated than Calvins. Sorry no one comments on your posts. Just so you know, you're my favorite.

Tonight might have something to do with the Jazz game... :(.

Anonymous said...

cute as a button. haha

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

Ok, ok!

There are girls who would enjoy Kick-Ass. All of those girls are pretty cool. Let me rephrase my previous statement. Kick-Ass isn't exactly the type of movie I would think is ideal for a date. It's definitely good for a hey-let's-go-see-an-action-packed-and-equally-hilarious-movie activity.

Yes, Hit-Girl is the best thing that has happened to movies all year, even topped 3-D Avatar in entertainment in my book.

Anonymous said...

Tara, too bad none of this is authentic at all.

Rachel Nell said...

"My thing for Claire isn't passed, but this is kind of thing is the only way it WILL pass."

Sounds like a kidney stone.

Nikki said...

I'm with called me old. You suck ass.

Anonymous said...

So..what if Shaleese and Claire happen to know each other...?

Anonymous said...

What the interrogation? I think I'd rather take a bullet to the head than listen to question after question from her, and stupid questions at that. Chicken vs. Steak, wtf?