Thursday, October 22, 2009

Leaky Lynn

It's funny how easy it is to talk to girls when they're at my house and how extremely hard it is to talk to girls on the phone. Actually, it's not funny at all. It's kind of sad and depressing.

I'm a "pacer", as well. Like, I can't just sit in the recliner in our front room and call a girl. I've tried to do that, but my legs are bouncing... I'm constantly rearranging my position in the chair or on the couch... I'll get distracted by something that's going on in the kitchen. I just can't do it. The easiest way for me to have a telephone conversation with a girl I'm interested in, is to pace.

Ideally, I'll call a girl in the evening while I'm home. I don't like my roommates to hear me stuttering through awkward conversations, so I'll usually go outside and pace up and down the street in front of my house. It's so much more relaxing to me than trying to hold still.

Well, I wanted an excuse to talk to Tori this morning so I decided to call my dad. Pacing is hard when I'm calling a girl from my office, I learned. Unfortunately, I didn't think about it before I initiated my phone call. Luckily, I had chosen to call from my cell phone instead of the phone in my office, so I wasn't restricted by a telephone cord. When Tori answered, "How may I direct your call?" I realized that my office wasn't big enough to get a healthy "pace" going on. I identified myself by using my first, middle and last name, which works amazingly well as a conversation starter in situations like that.

C: Is this Tori?
T: Yes. How may I help you?
C: Hello Tori. This is Calvin Lynn Marler. How are you today?
T: Well, I'm doing just great Calvin Lynn Marler. (giggling) Is that really your middle name?

(it worked, conversation was underway)

C: Yes, it is. I didn't tell anyone about it for a while cause I didn't like it, but I've decided recently that I should try harder to really OWN it, you know?
T: ( still giggling) I think it's adorable. What didn't you like about it?
C: My grandpa used to call me Leaky Lynn when I was six or seven cause I still wet the bed. It's possible that I've just been in a constant state of embarrassment for the last 15 years and so I've avoided saying it aloud. I'm getting better though.
T: You don't still wet the bed, do you?
C: Yeah, right, Tori? Do you really think I'm gonna answer that? I'm not gonna make THAT mistake again.
T: (laughing) Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson. (more laughing, which I'm really digging) Your dad didn't tell me how funny you were.
C: He didn't? That's strange cause I don't have that many good qualities. What DID he tell you?
T: He just told me about your abs. I didn't hear anything he said after that. I just kept picturing old ladies washing their dirty laundry on your washboard abs.

(Normally this would have freaked me out, but I don't have visible abs so I knew she was joking. I'm sure I HAVE abs... somewhere under my well-groomed and recently trimmed chest and belly hair)

C: Oh. Well, good. I'm glad my dad is so open with his son's muscle tone.
T: (giggle again) Do you need to talk to him, by the way?
C: That depends on if you're done flirting with me.
T: What? I wasn't flirting.
(deep breath)
C: Tori... I think we both know that you were about to ask me out for the weekend, but you decided against it cause it's Thursday and you didn't want me to know that you didn't already have plans.
T: (laughing harder) Oh really? Is that what was about to happen?
C: I'm pretty sure it was, Tori. I'm pretty perceptive that way.
T: Well, actually, I was going to go to a Haunted House with some of my girlfriends, but it would be great if we had at least ONE guy there to keep us safe.
C: That sounds like it would be really fun. I DO get kind of scared in those things though... but I'll do my best.

We talked for a little while longer and eventually exchanged phone numbers and she told me that she'd let me know when everyone was meeting on Saturday.

When she asked again if I wanted to talk to my dad, I told her that I didn't need to talk to him, after all. She giggled again and said, "Well, ok then." I'm pretty sure she knows that I only called to talk with her.

So even though I didn't actually ask her out, technically, I still feel pretty good. I was able to steer the conversation to where it needed to go without really putting myself on the line. I was able to get a date without actually risking rejection. It was harder than I thought it would be, but maybe it'll be easier next time.


ps When I hung up the phone about 45 minutes ago, I realized I was in the park across the street from my building. Apparently, I had left my office, walked down the hall, rode the elevator down, left through the front doors, crossed the busy street and ended up in the park. I don't remember doing any of that.


Bekah said...

Here's hoping for a really scary haunted house so you can comfort her with a big hug when she cowers in fear!

Good luck!

Amy said...

Hahaha sounds like a great conversation. You nailed it Calvin. And I know how ya feel. When I'm talking on the phone, I can't sit still. I have to walk around my house or walk around outside to concentrate on the call. It's hard to talk on the phone. One time I ended up about 3 blocks from my house by the time I said, "bye". and I don't even remember it happening.

Good job with Tori! I'm just so proud of you dude :)

Anonymous said...

haha i am the same way on the phone. i always end up in places and have no idea how i got there. i walk around the table a million times while on the phone. i can't sit still. anyway, great job calvin! you flirted perfectly. you made her laugh, and you didn't make it awkward. i'm proud of you too!

Brit O'Connor said...

I love this. I love all of you. I hung out with a group of guys just like you when I was single.

Keep livin the dream! :)

And good job with Tori, I'm excited to hear how it all plays out!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you decided not to wait to post. I wonder what she looks like, though. ? BUT- she sounds like she flirts perfectly. So. With her adorable giggle and your awesome humor combined, you might just be *PERFECT* for each other. :)

Amy said...

Oh crap one more must be really kinda scary because you haven't even really met her in person yet. So good job for being able to do that. I can't wait for you to ask her out!

Anonymous said...

good job Calvin! way to be brave AND sneaky about it.

Anonymous said...

You are making more that just Tori want to go out with you when you write your clever conversations on this blog! I don't know if you've noticed, but your readers consist of about 95% girls. The ladies love you both! Can't wait to hear if Tori is cute or not!

Scott said...

Smooth. Definitely smooth.

Can't wait to hear what happens next.

Anonymous said...


I'm just like you when it comes to talking on the phone. I hate it. Phones scare me for some strange reason...until I get into it. then I pace.

And I pace far worse than you do. I've found myself hanging up a phone call, 2 miles from my house.

And if I stay in my house, I get stuck in things without realizing it (head stuck in cat tower, leg stuck between bed and desk, etc etc).

Good job asking her out though, I personally think that was smooth enough (it was cute enough that you didn't have to be casa nova smooth...or is it casa blanca?)

Anyways, hope it goes well.

Kelsie said...

Fabulous! She sounds like a spunky girl :)
Hopefully Leaky Lynn doesn't come back to haunt you at the haunted house. goodluck!

Ashley said...

Leaky Lynn....SO FUNNY! Good Luck w/Tori!!!

Tim and Audra said...

You are too funny! My husband is a pacer too. This post made me laugh, so therefore, made my day.

Mauri said...

sounds like it was a pretty good convo. I found myself giggling in all the places you specified her giggling (such girl things I guess). Glad this is going furthur than just phone calls at your dad's work :) I hope she turns out to be cute & cool! Can't wait to hear how it goes. This blog is highly entertaining & intriguing.

the "L" spot said...

I would hide in the closet when I was on the phone with a future date! It was the only place I felt safe enough to talk on the phone!

T. L. C. said...

I swear, this blog just gets better and better! I really know what you mean...I'm a pacer and a staller and I'll go back in forth from one room to the next!

The using of full name....smooth.

Teri said...


"don't worry babe, you're always safe with me... I'm a really good screamer."

Busy Bee Lauren said...

I totally am a pacer. I have to be walking whilst talking. It keeps the awkwardness at bay. I get you. I get you.

Anyway, I am so proud of you! I have a feeling Tori is just your type. I like how she isn't playing the shy, giggly girl. She is being the flirty, bit sarcastic, giggly girl. She rocks.

Here is how I see it going, though...

1. You will really dig her, and will date a while.


2. You will dig her, but end up liking one of her friends at the haunted house.


3. You won't like her at all, and will like one of her friends which in turn will lead some commenter to call you a douche.

Now...which will it be? Hmm...

Alexandra said...

Haha that was pretty darn entertaining.
Did anyone else in the office notice your dazed wander out of the building? Because I know if I did that, my coworkers would never let me live it down.

I'm so bad on the phone. Every once in a while, I'll drop the phone in my office when I'm on's pretty funny/embarrassing. Luckily it hasn't happened to me when I'm trying to talk to a guy, though.

M and C said...

Im a "pacer" too.
So excited to see how things turn out with tori.

Nicole said...

Who isn't a pacer? I think you're pretty normal. And nice smooth talking moves! Impressive. Hopefully things go well with Tori.

Anonymous said...

You know, Calvin, I bet any girl talking on the phone to you would have no idea that you thought it was hard. That was smooth. And I love your conversation starters.

Does your blog have a theme song? Lately when I hear that new Weezer song - (If you’re wondering if I want you to) I want you to - I think of you guys.


Ryan Hadlock said...

Dude, that was pretty smooth. It's taken me a LOT longer than you've been on this planet to get that comfortable with the witty banter. You got some skillz. NOW, if you decide you like Tori, make sure her friends like you, so flirt with them JUST a little bit, not enough to come off as a jerk to Tori, but just enough so they think you're "so cute" and "so funny" that'll be just right and she will be ALL about you. Maybe pee your pants just a little bit, it's the COOLEST!!! :-D Anyway, judging by your performance on the phone, you may already be prepped for this. NICE! Can't wait to hear how it goes.

brinleyr said...

I just found your blog today and read the whole thing. I couldn't bring myself to do any work here at the reception desk.

I hope you guys keep this going for a long time. It's highly entertaining.

Go for Tori.

KatOfDiamonds said...

Honestly, wasn't going to comment until I saw your ps.

so ps. lock yourself up somewhere while you are on the phone...
or at least remind yourself to look both ways:

Melissa said...

I love to wander while I'm on the phone or at least multi-task. Which actually might be bad... cause sometimes I get distracted and stop listening. But you guys are awesome at sneakily getting dates. The bravado is just enough to be appealing. Well done.

And Ryan... I freaking have been laughing every time I read one of your comments. Friendly flirting with the friends just enough so they think you're cool... totally works every time. There's nothing like "boyfriend" banter to get the friends on board.

Bethany said...

If your conversation really went down like that, and having not being overexaggerated to make it sound good for your post that is awesome! You are hilarious!!! I love it!

Allison said...

That's so exciting! As I'm currently living vicariously through this site, I can tell you that I can't wait for what comes next!

PS. I pace too. But just around my room, in tight little squares.

Anonymous said...

ok so i just found your blog.. totally funny! love it! i love how honest you all are too. so here is my question.. maybe you can do a post about it. i am wondering what is your take on RM girls.. do you like to date them or not.. or do they have too much of a "sweet spirit" for you? my next question is more for my sista.. she is only 21 and divorced, married in the temple and everything but turns out her husband was a complete DB so do you avoid girls that have that h baggage or what is your take on divoced girls.. i told her i don't think a guy would care.. maybe i'm wrong.

Carter @ The Kitchenette said...

I'm just amazed that you remembered that entire conversation! If a great memory doesn't impress a girl... well anyways, I'm sure your dad talking up your abs doesn't hurt.

Shelby Lou said...

snap. I wish I knew you boys.

Anonymous said...

hahaha! good job! it sounds like it was a good conversation! and it's pretty cool that you get to hang out with her without actually going on a "date." just in case you don't want to go out with her again, it will probably make things less awkward this way. have fun on saturday!

Alexandria said...

Well hello Smooth Operator! That was an amazingly adorable and witty phone rocked it!

Good luck at the haunted house...hopefully it is way scary and she needs you and all your ab-age to snuggle and comfort her!

Stephanie Evans said...

So... a bit embarrassing, but my little sister told me about your blog last night and I decided to check it out. A day later, and I've read EVERY post. Sad for me perhaps, but you guys are admittedly very entertaining. Reminds me of some guys I dated when I lived in Provo. I do feel guilty about deviating from my book about poverity in India but I'll chalk it up to diversity :) Btw I laughed my head off at the "Nick" story. Sorry about the scrape, but that was hilarious.

Autumn said...

I give you a thumbs up Calvin. Great move. Although it would have been better if YOU would have asked her. I have to agree with Busy Bee Lauren though, something strange will happen, and no matter what, someone will call you a douche. I don't think you guys are at all. I think you do stupid stuff sometimes, but, you're rarely actual douches! Good luck! Keep us posted!

Nate said...

She is obviously into you - you told her about wetting the bed and she laughed and wants to have you along at the haunted house? Personally, I think it's strange, but go for it!

THE Stephanie said...

Dude! You need to be careful with that whole pacing thing! LOL

You guys are freaking hilarious... And I'm happily married with two kids, so there's really no other reason for me to read this other than you guys just make me laugh.

Good luck on your "date". :)

nikki said...

love it ;o) good job!

Anonymous said...

pacing tends to make me even more nervous. however, i often find myself somewhere i don't remember walking to whether or not i just had a nerve-racking phone conversation, hah. but well done to you!! the haunted house should be fun. act as the knight in shining armor and all that jazz. good luck! :)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Freddy said...

How come when I phone flirt is sounds more like "Uh...hi...jkgsahghjgjhyurrealcute"?

M 'n M said...

Haha! That is the funniest post so far! You are smooth in a goofy way. Hope you guys have fun, she sounds cool!

The Naked Finger said...

Calvin you are so funny and cute. What girl can resist that charm? If only I was 10 years younger and lived in Utah, sigh..... :)