Friday, October 30, 2009

Hallow's Eve Eve

(CALVIN THINKS I NEED TO MAKE MORE LINKS, SO I AM EXPERIMENTING WITH THIS POST)

About 4 o'clock today my phone started going crazy with texts.

"What are you up to tonight?" "Any good parties tonight?" "You doing a haunted house or what?" "Huge Costume Party at such and such." I love it!

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. I mean I love scary movies and candy. I could do without having to think of a costume every year, but I deal. Anyway, I'm sure I could go on about that for a while, but I'm tired and I think a bunch of us are gonna go to Denny's in a minute.

So aside from Calvin, (he has his date) the rest of us went out tonight.

I saw this picture on the internet a month or so ago and it gave me an idea (one I have since found out was not as original as I thought)
I bought one of these bad boys online. It was cheap, and think of the countless uses I will get out of it! Then I grabbed one of my Van's slip-ons and with rubber cement I fastened it to my head (the hood, not my actual head) and walla I was gum. You know, stuck on the bottom of a shoe? Thats why I'm pink, like gum... well anyway I thought it was creative. I did end up being the only idiot who spent any money on his costume.
Nick was feeling extra creative, and he grabbed this pot that has been lying on it's side on our front porch for as long as I've lived here. He put it on his head. That was his costume. "Hey Nick, what are you supposed to be?" He would get a huge grin and say, "A pot head!" and then burst into his very unique loud and contagious laughter.
Best in show however goes to Aaron and Lance. One of the two DI couches we own looks almost exactly like the one pictured. Not the most comfortable for snoggin, but it does the job. So Aaron and Lance took the back cushions and safety-pinned the crap out of them and fastened them to their shirts. Then they repeated the process pinning the bottom cushions to the front thy of their jeans. Then they each took one matching pillow, and made these neat little sleeve things out of tube socks which were safety pinned to the pillows. Aaron wore his pillow on his right arm, and Lance wore his on his left arm. When they sat, or squatted properly they became a seat. Quoting them, "Together we're a love seat!" The main genius behind this costume idea was that ever girl we met want a picture sitting in their laps.

We started at Crimson Nights. Lots of hot girls... then we stopped by the Circle Lounge downtown cause Lance's buddy could get us in for free, lots of hot, but skankier girls there. That whole scene just isn't for me. So once I could drag Lance away we went to a house party up by the U frats.

This was a good party. There was food an beverage. Separate area's for dancing and lounging. I always gravitate to the lounging area's. The night had already been fruitful each of us had gotten at least one phone number. I ended up by myself in this living room area. When I say by myself, I mean away from my roommates, there was a bunch of people in there. The Loveseat was getting it's groove on to that lame new September song, and I could faintly hear Nicks signature laugh from the kitchen. (probably just told someone what his costume was) I was tired and content to just sit and sip a dew.

This cute little blonde girl sat down next to me and started a conversation. She was dressed up as Adrian Peterson. It was sexy, and she did actually know who he was. We talked for a while about all sorts of stuff. I used my designated 2009 Halloween joke which is, "I would have dressed up like a Chip and Dale dancer, but I only have one white shirt and I couldn't very well cut the cuffs and collar off for my costume otherwise what would I wear to Church Sunday."

She laughed and then gasped and said, "Oh my gosh, my Sister is getting married in three weeks. I would so love to get some strippers to come to her bachelorette party." I laughed and said, "Too bad for that whole Mormon thing, huh?" She said, "Oh no, not real strippers, they're gross! No it'd be funny just to get some regular guys to strip down to like their boxers." She looked at the ceiling thinking about her new idea. She looked at me and said, "What do you think, could you strip for a bunch of screaming women?" I thought for a brief second, "Yes." "Really?" "Yeah, no problem."

She looked at me like she thought she would notice some "tell" that would let her know I was joking. She said, "It would have to be a joke you know?" I said, "Then I am perfect. I have a patch of chest hair that looks kind of like the bat symbol." She grimaced, smiled and said, "There'd need to be more than one of you." I replied "Right, I think I could get 4 or 5 to do it with me." Just then, as though fate had predestined it, Nick walked into the room. I called out, "Hey Nick?" He said, "Yeah?" "Would you want to strip down to boxers at some girls bachelorette party?" He didn't even think he said, "I can't dance... but yeah." Me and the blonde looked at each other and said in unision, "Perfect."

Just then this guy dressed as Brett Farve walked up. Blonde says, "Oh hey, this is my boyfriend Joe. ...and this is Jake. He's agreed to strip at Wendy's bachelorette party." I think the guy grunted or something, I can't really remember because I was thinking about how lame it was that they dressed up as "teammates." I never actually got her name... but she got my number and said she would text me about the stripping thing. I wont hold my breath, but it does sound like a fun idea. As we drove home I told Lance and Aaron about it, and they too were all for a little "not-sexy" stripping sometime in the future.

Oh, time to go to Denny's... mmmm... bottomless hot chocolate.

Jake

37 comments:

Nate said...

Hilarious! Just make sure you give the bride-to-be a little extra attention. It is her special day, you know... ;-)

michelleFFTL said...

hahaha yours is the funniest costume i've ever seen >.<

Kelly said...

Thanks so much for the links to Halloween and Beverage. I was really scratching my head on those!

Happy Halloween! Can't wait to see what other uses you will find for your pink unitard.

lifechick said...

Single Jake, you are hilarious. Sorry, but for entertainment purposes, we may need you to stay single. It's much funnier!

Btw, could anyone actually tell you were gum? Or did you have to explain your outfit like Nick?

Scott said...

Great use of links. I think the best patterns for link-usage are the Uni-watch articles from ESPN--lots of links with some hilarity thrown in.

About the whole stripping thing--you guys really are a bunch of man-whores...

Anonymous said...

Ha ha. Well done on all the links, I enjoyed them thoroughly.

It sounds like a fun night, and I am well up for the idea of you as an 'innocent' male stripper. Sounds like fun. ;-)

So: loving single Jake. Keep it up.

Busy Bee Lauren said...

Why am I not surprised that the person that hooked you up with free entrance into the club was, Lance?

Anyway, yes...the "teammates" thing is lame.

Lula! said...

OH MY STARS! Denny's has bottomless hot chocolate? Best news ever.


Team Calvin needs a recap of his date. Waiting...

p.s. Y'all seriously go clubbing? I thought that was just a euphemism or something.

Or maybe I was just hoping it was Lance doing all the rump shakin' on the dance floor.

Ashton Dene' said...

Jake, love your costume, how hilarious.

Being 'teammates' is lame. At least you get to non-sexy strip for a bunch of crazy woman. Good luck with that.

Paula said...

So predictable. I have 2 guesses as to who will be attending said bachelorette party.

kelleidoscope said...

Did the girls boyfriend make sure the outfit was complete with gray beard and hair?

Happy Halloween.. and i love your costume idea.

Alexandria said...

Sounds like you had a lot of fun while clubbing in ShinyShirtVille, USA. Awesome....

The teammate costume thing is the dumbest thing ever. Good luck with the strip gig though...

Alexandra said...

Hahaha you seriously wore a pink unitard in public? I don't know if that's awesome or insane.

I like your choice of what to link to. Like "beverage" and "Halloween." Good practice.

Denny's has the best hot chocolate. But remember not to share it with anyone, because if they notice, they'll stop giving you free refills. True and sad story.

Fi said...

Jake. It's spelled Brett FAVRE. You would think he spelled it Farve, but no. It's Favre. And yes, Favre should be pronounced "Fah-vruh." But he's Brett Favre and he mispronounces it, along with every other football fan in the world, because he does what he wants.

Because he's Brett Favre.

Now I'm positive this blog is written by a girl. ;)

Rachael said...

Happy halloween! Loved your costume. Why did everyone dress up last night? Isn't tonight halloween or do they do things differently in utah? Also, that "new" september song is not so new, at least not out here on the east coast.Where is utah anyway? ;)

Alexandra said...

@ Rachael- since it's Halloween weekend this year, I think everyone's just milking it for all it's worth. I know a lot of people have parties and stuff on the 30th and 31st, in and out of Utah. :)

Amy said...

Yeah, the links were crackin' me up. I don't really know why. Maybe my body thinks it is 4 in the morning? Everything is funnier at 4 in the morning. True Story.
"Patch of chest hair that looks like the bat symbol." ROFL! You guys are so hilar! LOVE the costume ideas! Bummer about the boyfriend. Talk about a 180 degree turn. :)

P.S. Can I pull a Calvin and correct something? "walla" is Actually spelled "Voila" I think it's french?

Megan said...

Ha ha ha, I would like another post-party report tomorrow! I am party-hopping in salt lake tonight so I'm totally looking for you guys. Yeah, in salt lake there's parties like four nights in a row where you dress up if you wanna.

Oh, and I forgive you for the "Favre" thing, since you wrote the post at 2am and it looks like Calvin was asleep and probably didn't edit this one for you! :) looks like you got your "thans" right all by yourself.

Allison said...

Well, sounds like you had a fun night.. :D And I can't believe that a girl just straight out asked you to be her (or her sister's) stripper! Dang.. I thought things like that only happened in movies.

Have fun tonight on REAL Halloween, and don't forget to tell us about the stripper experience! :D

Megan said...

I'm glad you think that September song is new. Says a lot about you. Even though what it says contradicts what not knowing how to spell Farve says about you.

Tara said...

Bwahahaha. Picturing two guys with couch cushions stapled to their bodies shaking it to that song might be the funniest thing I've imagined in 6 months!

InYourBoat said...

that blond sideswiped you! she should have been wearing a "taken by a primate" sign. BUT think of all the hot chicks that go to bachelorette parties!!

Kristin Lee said...

I agree with Tara.

Picturing some guy in an all pink leotard also makes me laugh. You're raising on my cool scale just because of your costume.

Nikki said...

The best thing at Denney's is the "2 moon's over my hammy"! It is also the best thing in life too. Happy Halloweeny!

Tini-P said...

You guys had awesome costume ideas. Y'all sound really funny, and I love your blog! It's nice to hear honest opinions for a change. Thanks for the heads up on the bottomless hot chocolate! Denny's is next on my list...

Nicole said...

flexting - flirting through a text. isnt that great. feel free to use it everyone. used in a sentence "he was totally flexting with me"

Amy said...

Halloween is amazing. So is Denny's. This post was cracking me up.

I am so proud of you dude! Using pictures and links. You'll be a pro in no time. By the way, my cousin in Provo is having a bachelorette party in a couple weeks. I told her I'd only go if there was a stripper there...that's what makes a bachelorette party right? Hahah I was just messin with her. But maybe you could help her out with that if you wanted. Ha!

Anonymous said...

So for you guys to always be disclaiming how you're "not as attractive" as the pictures we have in our heads, you guys seems to pick up a lot of girls' numbers and feel pretty confident walking around in pink leotards, offering to do mini strip teases.

Jade said...

Jake I think we all know the real reason why you decided to be gum and wear a pink leotard.... lol ;)

Zabes-Yap said...

How can you strip in a non sexual way? Just curious.

Also... great tactic to find out what some of your readers are like.... Determining their shirt size.... Quite brilliant in fact. Now you can figure out the democrafic a bit more. *grin*

Just think what if people lied to try to appear smaller or larger... or perhaps even a different gender. Hmm... curious thought....

Elspeth said...

That couch costume is legen...(wait for it) DARY! Also, I loved that you were so wiling to be a stripper, way to stay true to your colors man!

Natalie said...

denny's in utah has..bottomless hot choco-whaat?! i guess the real question is: are marshmallows included?

fml. arizona is lame.

Anonymous said...

you could totally be the pink power ranger!

Katie said...

linkage sucks... you write better without it

Ru said...

Hahaha, I have some friends who did "wholesome stripping" for a few bachelorette parties. The choreography and music choice is key.

Craig Barlow B. said...

Mhmm... mhm, mhm, mhm. Yup.

Bottomless hot chocolate is the only thing I've ever really wanted. Denny's has done us all a valuable favor.

Bekah said...

omg pictures or it didn't happen

and yes, i mean the not-sexy stripping thing...