Sunday, October 18, 2009

Under Pressure

I go over to my parents house every other Sunday for dinner. All of my siblings are invited, but I'm the only one who consistently attends. It's usually a good time. We all sit around and catch up. Who's doing what... and who is Calvin dating, nowadays? You know. Stuff like that. My dad is my friend on Facebook so he's actually asking me about girls by name. That's kinda weird, by itself. My mom's scared of Facebook for some reason so she relies on my dad to fill her in on who's writing on my wall and what they're saying.

Last Sunday, I got to my parents house for dinner and I was the first one there. My dad and I were sitting in the front room talking about where I should go to get the back window of my totally bitchin' Chevy S-10 replaced. Then, out of nowhere he says, "Oh, hey... I've got something for you, Son." He goes into the dining room and grabs his brief case. He pulls out two pieces of paper stapled together and hands them to me.

I asked, "What's this?" to which he replied, "It's the resume of the new receptionist I was telling you about."

My dad had mentioned about a week before that he'd hired a new receptionist who he thought might be a good match for me. He'd brought it up a couple of times in casual conversation, but I didn't realize how serious he was about setting me up with her. I'm not sure what the policies are in his office, but I'm pretty sure that it's not ok to give out copies of the new hires' resumes. I figured he knew what he was doing so I looked it over. The first thing I noticed was that there was no photo attached. Blast! More employers should require an attached photo, I think.

Her name is Tori and her first job was at 15 years old. She worked at a Snow Shack. I thought it was a weird coincidence... I also worked at a Snowie when I was 15. I figured that we'd have at least ONE thing in common. She worked at a tanning salon from age 16 to 17. That was a good sign. I've been tanning a few times in my life and I've yet to see an ugly tanning salon employee. Then I noticed she had quit the tanning place and had come to work at my dads office. Then I looked at her birthday. She had barely turned 18. I realize I'm only 21, but 18 seems really young to me. I don't know why.

I told my dad something like, "Well, she looks good on paper. We'll have to see how she performs under pressure." I'm not really sure what I meant, but my dad thought it was pretty funny... and I always feel good when I'm able to make my dad laugh.

I called my dad on Friday and Tori answered (cell phone reception is very poor in my dads part of the building). I asked if Russ was available. Tori said, "May I tell him who's calling, please?" I didn't have a chance to think of anything witty. "It's Calvin. His son. It's his son, Calvin." "Oh, my goodness... this is the famous 'Calvin' I've been hearing so much about?" I reply, "No, actually. Probably not. This is Russ's son, Calvin. I'm not sure who you're thinking about."

"Oh, it's you, Calvin. It's definitely you." At this point, I started to blush. Literally, I was sitting in my truck, by myself, and all of the blood in my whole body was rushing to my face for absolutely no reason. I tried to be smooth. "Oh really? Well then..." I wasn't at my smoothness peak.

"So when are you going to come in here so I can meet you?" I almost soiled myself right then and there. "I'm not sure, Tori. (I find that using a girls name a few times in conversation early in a relationship can quickly move things to a more friendly yet intimate place) I guess it depends on the best time that I may accidentally run into you. Maybe you should give me the phone number to a couple of your friends so I can call them to find out when you work. Then all I have to do is think of a good excuse to come see my dad." I thought it was a pretty good line for improv. "Or you could just ask your dad when I work, right?" Foiled again. "Oh yeah. Right. Good call, Tori. Sometimes I get flustered when girls start asking me questions. In fact, I think I may have just blacked out." She giggled. She has an adorable laugh. That's pretty high up on my list of marriage criteria.

"Let me put you through to your dad, Calvin. Great to talk to you." Sigh. "You too, Tori. I'm sure we'll talk again soon." Duh. She answers the phone at my dad's work. I'd probably talk to her again in, like, 45 minutes. By the time I got through to my dad, I'd forgotten why I'd called.

Note to Readers: I normally write a few things out before I call a girl for the first time. Not, like, word-for-word stuff. Just a few topics of discussion, in case the conversation doesn't flow as well as I'd like. I felt like my first conversation with Tori went pretty well for absolutely no pre-planning.

I thought of something tonight, though. What if I date Tori for awhile and then things don't go well and I decide to stop dating her? It's gonna be hard to avoid and ignore her if she's answering the phone every time I call my dad.



Bethany said...

So I just have to say I love this blog and think it is hilarious! And I told 6 of my friends so now you have even more readers, your welcome. I practice my phone conversations if I have to call a guy out loud to myself haha.

anna said...

you could send your dad msgs on facebook telling him to call you.

Nicole said...

Impressive! Glad it went so smoothly for ya. and blog is hilarious. hopefully things go ok with her otherwise your dad will be hearing from you WAY less often. Good luck!!!

Amy said...

Oh. my. gosh. this is funny!!! What happened to Tori, sorta happened to me a week ago. I was even gonna write a post about this. I'm a receptionist for an office and my boss's nephew has dropped by a few times. He totally flirts with me, which kinda scares me- he's 27 and I'm 20. It's kinda weird- he's actually not bad looking, but he's so old to me. Well, the other day he called the office and I answered (of course). I assumed he wanted to talk to his uncle so I said I'd transfer the call. He said all flirtylike, "hey well, can't I just call to talk to you?" We talked a little.. It took a while for me to get him off the phone. It was weird. Sorry for the long story. It's your blog, not mine. Ha.

I think it's great what happened with Tori though- she seems to know SO much about you. Dad must talk about you alot. And it seems like she likes you already. Definitely get working on that dude! By the way, 3 years isn't that much of a difference in age. Don't worry about that. :)

f1trey said...

Dude I would seriously reconsider any advice your dad has EVER given you about life......if he brought home a girls resume for you to review as a prospective girlfriend...... not jokin.....LOL

Anonymous said...

Hubby and I are 7 years apart. We met when I was 17 and he was 24. Worked at the same place- he thought I was "Spiritually Challenged" so he decided to make a me his service project. I had a huge crush, flirted like mad. Got under his skin. Normally the guy wouldn't have looked twice at a girl under 20, but you never know who will be the right girl. Been married now for 6 years.
ALSO- while a breakup with her might be awkward, I think you should chance it, anyway. Maybe try to flirt and see her at work without making an official move for a week or two, so you can "feel her out" at bit to make sure she isn't crazy or weird for you. Then give it a shot. Could be worth it.
AND- love your blog, you make me laugh every post - it's my guilty pleasure.

Anonymous said...

haha, this made me laugh because my parents are the same way. my dad has a facebook, but my mom is too scared to get one. so she makes my dad login and then she checks out all her kids pages to see what we are up to. anyway, it might be worth a shot to hang out with her.. i have been suprised to find that sometimes parents have pretty good taste. it seems like your dad already approves of her too.. good luck!

Lauren said...

Calvin...I like the sound of her! I like that she didn't play the "I'm going to pretend I have no idea who Calvin is, just to see if he knows about me first." She totally put on a brave face and talked to you! I like it.

Ask her out!

Calvin said...

Anna - Great idea. I was actually thinking about just telling him to call me every hour throughout the day, just in case I needed to talk to him.

Trey - My dad gives great advice. I'll dedicate a post to his advice sometime if you don't believe me.

Lauren - I was eating a Blueberry Muffin from Costco when I read your comment. I lost my appetite and threw most of it away after I read your last sentence. Great advice. Not as easy as it sounds, yo.

Lauren said...

Calvin...puh-leaze. From the sound of it she is either:

1. a big flirt.

2. interested in you.

Either one of these would guarentee her saying yes if you asked her on a date. Truth!

Question...does your dad have any pictures of you in his office? What if she already saw a picture of you and decided she thought you were cute and wanted you to ask her out?

Calvin said...

He has a collage of our whole family. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure his collage includes a photo of me at age 13 with braces that have alternating Halloween rubber bands. Black, orange, black orange.


Nate said...

If she's a cheerleader, you're probably safe as far as looks are concerned - no need for a photo resume (although I imagine BYU-H cheerleaders have some pics on the web somewhere...)

As for sharing a league, take a look at the Mormon Scale of Attractiveness (explained here: If you are legitimately a 6.5 (under the normal scale of hotness), she is still within range as long as she isn't over a 10.5. Given that we are dealing with a 10 point scale, I think you're good. If worse comes to worse, you can always serenade her with some Les Mis ;-) might want to unfriend your Dad on Facebook...I'm just saying.

Ashley said...


For reals. Just ask the girl out. If it doesn't work out, that's too bad but if it does??? YOU WIN! Seriously you have nothing to lose. Be brave and do it.

The Boob Nazi said...

Umm, Nate, there are ugly cheerleaders. Believe me. But I mean that with all the love in my heart. (I was one and coached for a long time, so it's okay for me to say that.)
And I say get on it. I also like that she didn't make like she didn't know who you were. I fully support that.

Nate said...

Boob Nazi,

I've encountered ugly (comparatively speaking anyway) cheerleaders as well, but by and large, they are more attractive than the rest of the population. Which is why I said Calvin is probably safe. ;-)

Bekah said...

I'm concerned. Is Tori still tanning? The smell of the tanning bed is kinda nasty...

But don't let that sway you. Ask her out and then maybe you'll find out she no longer tans. Maybe she had a cancerous mole & got spooked.

Good luck!

Autumn said...

Great post Calvin, yet again! She sounds like a great girl! I'd give it a go! Just ask her out. I think you'd have a great time. Trust your dad, he knows you better then you think. Good luck, and of course keep us updated. I have 5 friends that I told about this that are now your followers! Great work.

Teri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Allison said...

I like her. I also can't get over the fact that you meet/come in contact with SO MANY GIRLS every week! Dang.

I agree with Lauren. Ask her out! (and then tell us about her :D)

Alexandra said...

I was briefly Facebook friends with my dad. Luckily he got bored of it quickly.

I've been wondering, have any of you MBP guys been speed dating? Because it's crazy fun and you'd probably get a pretty good post out of it.

Zabes-Yap said...

It’s ridiculous I tell you! Flat out ridiculous!

Now everyone is demanding (yes they are demanding) to be everyone’s friend. I love my mother to death but adding her on facebook was a little frustrating. Now I have to watch what I say. I think to myself… I don’t want to upset my mother so instead of putting “THE WORLD IS FALLING TO PIECES AND I WANT TO CURL IN A BALL AND FALL ASLEEP” I put this “Man… it was a long day. Can’t wait for tomorrow :) )

Sometimes I don’t want to be positive! I want to be annoyed. Plus… now I can’t flirt… because then my mom can read my convos… (I doubt she would). But still the posiblility erks me in a sense…. I’m not sure why. I love my mother to death and she’s my best friend! But somethings… I have to shelter her from….

And now on top of adding parents… you have to add Aunts, Uncles, high school Nemeses…. I’m telling you it’s getting ridiculous!

Even people I don’t know… who are in my classes…. What is up with that? I think to myself…. I don’t even know you????? Why do you want to be friends on facebook? To check out my photos??? What else could they possibly want? If your interested in me ask me out on a date!!

Lula! said...

Oh, Calvin...first of all, that's the best name ever. Secondly, get Lance to suss this girl out. In a non-shiny shirt, that is. I'm thinking Lance is the barometer of "dateability" in your household, just because he's probably...experienced. Ahem.

Tori's lone black mark against her...the cooking of the epidermis. Tanning beds also kill ovaries. Just an FYI for future reference.

And do I find it endearing that you write out conversation prompts for your phone calls? I do. Adorable. I also love that you owned up to it.

Alexandra said...

I am going to steal the phrase "cooking of the epidermis" from you. Just FYI. It's awesome.

Ivy said...

I like Lula's "cooking of the epidermis" line too! I must steal it. I am a dermatology nurse and I need scare tactics besides skin cancer... it just doesn't work... premature aging of the skin and wrinkles works better than skin cancer when trying to convince people to avoid tanning. Geesh.

Calvin. ASK. HER. OUT! You have nothing to lose. You are a confident young man. Who cares if it may be awkward later (although.. you considering it is endearing). Put on your confidence face and cologne(first impression scent is important) and walk in there and ask her out.

Ryan Hadlock said...

I didn't read all the comments, but my immediate impression is, don't date her - your dad could still get in trouble if things with you and she were to not work out. She could claim she felt under pressure to date you or she'd lose her job, blah, blah, blah. Just avoid it altogether, as you're very aware, there are plenty of hot chicks around.

And as for having your dad on FB???? I've denied requests from my mom twice, she does NOT need to see the girls I'm flirting with, not ever, until I bring one of them home for dinne. :-D

lifechick said...

It's cute that your dad is your wingman!

THE Stephanie said...

Yeah, laughter is WAY important! My husband makes me laugh constantly. I wouldn't want to live without it.