Calvin put up that poll a few days ago about posting actual correspondence on our blog, because he had this funny email string he had with some chick that he was planning on blogging about.Little did either of us know when that poll ended that I would receive the letter from Andrea in the mail today. I nervously tore open the puffy envelope to find inside, 5 handwritten pages. It smelled like Andrea. It was not good. Not good at all. Halfway through the second page I was crying. Andrea is taking this far harder than I thought possible.
When Calvin got home and after the other guys left for the night we had some lengthy discussion about how to handle the letter. Post it as is? Transcribe it? Summarize it? Calvin is nervous that Andrea might see it and expose us.
My eyes were swollen, and I wasn't stoked for my date tonight anyway so I canceled (it wasn't Harper, her names Dana. She's the chorister in our ward) I decided I would stay home and think on the contents of Andrea's gift. I guess I wanted to stay home and blow up pity balloons... you know, wallow in misery and all that.
We decided to sleep on whether or not to post the letter. So Calvin left to go pick up his date. Being home all by myself, the pity party has been super lame. So, throwing caution to the wind as I do, I decided to post the letter right now. The answer, to the first question you will have after you read the letter, is me, saying with a sad face, "I don't know" and shaking my head.
Jake
Straining those pretty eyes trying to read the pages?You may click on each page and it will blow up. :)
Not like "explode" but as in get larger, like when you"blow up" a balloon... like perhaps a pity balloon :(
172 comments:
I'm not trying to be rude, but how old is this girl? I really don't think two people should be talking about getting serious when one person still uses hearts in the place of an "O", stars to underline words and block letters to emphasize words. OH MY HEART! WTF does that mean? Is that for real? There is a lot of immaturity here and I should know, I am queen of immatureland.
Also, after posting this...forget ever getting with her for any long term deal. If you do see her again and plan on a relationship, this is the lamest thing I have ever seen. It is the ultimate in douche-bagery shown by a dude. Your croc tears mean nothing when you cry and then scan. Nice. This is very personal and she is clearly pouring out her heart to you and you posted it for your little harlots and bro's to read. Perhaps she can have the fireman pull the knife out of her back. I don't think it's cool to exploit a persons feelings meant only for you, so that you can get uber blog ratings.
Unless you had Calvin pen the letter for sweeps then GOOD ON YA!
She used the wrong your. That's a dealbreaker, ladies.
I can't believe you posted the letter! I would die. Oh this sounds so sad, but you guys are young.
Andrea is 19, a 19 year old girl in love, or who thinks she is in love is one of the most dramatic things there is. You shouldn't have posted it. I change my vote.
Oh, and no surprise from you Nikki! Insulting both Jake and Andrea. Are you sure you didn't mean to be rude? I still use hearts and I'm going to start using stars.
You're a hater Nikki.
Stop hating.
You shouldn't have posted that for the world to see. Not nice Jake.
Yank it off and post excerpts--if you care about her at all.
...and I mean typed-in excerpts. Scanning in a letter like this is cold.
A few weeks ago, my RS teacher said that she was feeling bad one day and her Stake Pres called just to chat and asked how she was doing. She said she was having a pity party and he responded with, "I have those all the time but no one ever comes."
I think you're wrong for posting the letter and you should take it down. I understand your wanting to get the opinions of others and needing someone to direct you, but paraphrase something she said - don't scan it. I remember writing a similar letter (although it was about me leaving him) to my HS BF and even now in my 30's I'd be humiliated if he put it out there for everyone to see. I'm just saying.
Oh c'mon you guys, it's not like this is the 10 o'clock news!
This whole blog only exists to exploit other peoples feelings... that's why we all love it. And it's only cold if Andrea does see it, which Jake clearly believes that she will not. That this letter will, like the rest of this blog, remain anonymous...? right Jake?
I'm iffy on this whole letter posting thing. It's anonymous, it's not meant for her or anyone she knows to read. For that reason, I feel like it's okay. Especially since I think you and Calvin have changed your names as well.
So what's the verdict Jake? What's the plan now?
Don't take it down! This is the greatest thing I've ever seen!
Ever!
EVER!
Dude, she says a lot of great things about you in that letter. You should crawl, hands and knees back to her, no, on your stomach.
Adoy
Heather and (B) and me are right... don't take it down.
Here Jake, here's a pity balloon for you if you keep it up.
HAhaHAhaHAhaHA *sigh* luv this blog.
Just marry the poor girl already Jake. She loves you, and you know you love her. Talk it out, work through it, but most of communicate. And give her another chance. She obviously really cares about you.
:[
Ha ha. Boob Nazi, you're funny!
But seriously, Jake. I would do whatever your heart is telling you to do. It's usually right.
You made a good choice, you totally don't deserve her. But I agree with her, you should man up and at least tell her why you are a jerk.
Take down the letter and type excerpts...it's the right thing to do. It's way too personal, way too sweet. She's pouring her heart out to you, and only you.
That being said, I'm glad I got to read it before you take it down (which you will do, because it's the right thing to do.) Andrea sounds like a kind and gentle person who is seeing your heart pretty clearly. Is it possible that you could possibly become a better person being with her, a more true version of yourself?
Just asking...
And she deserves the truth, too. And she doesn't deserve her heart thrown up here on the screen.
hahaha omg i cannot believe you posted this, if i wrote this i would die if i knew it was posted on a blog for the world to see...how embarrassing!!! that's a really personal letter. but like every other reader of this blog, i'm secretly glad you did because it makes the whole story that much better. kind of sad that this poor girls deep love and feelings for you is our entertainment! ouch!
honestly, she said some really amazing things about you and she has a valid point. stop being a commitment pussy and go get her!!! it may be a while before you find someone that is that spiritually sensitive, genuinely loving and passionate for you again. who knows just give it another chance and see where it goes!! you're young!!
I don't think you are wrong for posting this letter. I mean this whole blog is anonymous, so nobody know's who any of you are.
But whether you have feelings for this girl or not, you need to tell her the whole situation....give her reasons for the breakup other then you being a jerk, and you not deserving her. That's BS and you and I both know it. that's an excuse not a reason.
Good Luck Jake, I hope things work out for the best!
keep us all posted :)
Kels
ohhh! poor andrea. and poor jake. are you really unsure about how you feel about her? leave this whole "she deserves someone better" thing out of it for right now, and think about your true feelings. do you WANT her? do you MISS her? are you happy when you're with her? does she inspire you to be a better person? you seem to inspire her to be a better person.
in regards to posting the letter - i realllly think you need to take it down. transcribe it if you want, but don't have her actual letter on here. there's something really personal about seeing this girl's actual handwriting. it feels wrong. and it makes this whole thing less anonymous. please take the letter down. and please talk to andrea regardless of what you decide. she deserves that.
I FREAKING LOVE THIS BLOG! Even if it is fake, this is awesome entertainment and I just got choked up over that. Okay, you need to go after this girl!
there's something wrong in this letter -
the verse isn't "jesus is the christ." that's a very dangerous statement. it's "jesus christ is the LORD." jesus IS god in the flesh. he is the same as god.
don't forget what it says in revelation 22:18-19:
"i testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book; if anyone adds to them, god will add to him the plagues which are written in this book. and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, god will take away his part from the tree of life and from the holy city, which are written in this book."
you can't take away from or add to the bible.
Ohhh... train wreck... train wreck... train wreck. I can't even read the letter because I feel so bad for Andrea. This is something that would haunt me for years if I were her.
You know... the world might be a big place, but the LDS world shrinks that. I don't even live in Utah, and I've met people that have known people that I met while living in Utah. That world shrinks even more when it comes to recently-returned single RMs. Having someone's handwriting up on the screen with all that other information... Andrea's in for a crushed heart.
Train wreck... train wreck... train wreck....
I guess I just am so sad for her. It hurts when you feel that way about someone...when you feel like you'll never be the same without them. If you have any sort of the same feelings you should go back. It's too hard being older and being alone. Trust me. But if you don't, stay away. It will only hurt her more to come back and leave again. Do what you feel is right. That's all anyone can ever do.
You need to take this down, and NOW! Oh my goodness, this poor girl...She was so sweet and sincere.
Obviously, you don't care about her, otherwise you would have NEVER posted this on here. You could have paraphrased for us, and we would have got it.
Now, get off your cowardly ass and go talk to her face-to-face and tell her, "I'm Just Not That Into You." Because if you were, you'd still be with her. It's as simple as that.
She'll get over you. But the real question is will you get over yourself?
I feel like Nikki is being a bit harsh to Andrea. So what if she writes like that... I think its the substance of the letter and not the way she writes her alphabet that matters.
As for you Jake.
Oh.. I do not envy you. Because whether you are doing the breaking up and getting broken up with, it all sucks. And well, being in a relationship is like being on drugs. And once you quit you go through withdrawal. (I know thats a weird analogy but its awesome right?).
She very may well see a potential in you that you dont see. But if you truly feel like you two arent on the same level (of righteousness, spirituality...) then she may just be wanting to date that potential. Because at some point, people with potential need to reach for it. Because there are a lot of potentially great guys - who wont man up and become the guy you need them to be. And at some point their potential isnt enough. You gotta focus on who the person actually is.
Now you could re-think the whole situation and decide to get back together. And maybe it'll work out round 2. But before you go do that definitely consider the fact that if you jump the gun and get back together with Andrea and it doesnt work out... Round 2 break up will be even less pretty. Also, in my experience, people usually break up for a reason. And getting back together cause you still have feelings usually doesnt end up being enough. Because relationships take more than just feelings. And anyone who thinks otherwise is delusional.
As for the ethical issue of posting the letters. Screw what other people think. You wanted other people's opinions. This blog is anonymous. And even if Andrea sees it, no one knows its her that wrote it. She might be hurt if she finds the blog... or she may get an inner look that she seems to so desperately want on what it is that you're thinking. This blog might just be her dream come true.
P.S. I totally supported your cutting all ties when you broke up. I think too many people makes things messy by trying to stay so connected. You broke up. Give some space and time to get over that.
Oh... and I dont think that your reason for breaking up with her isnt valid. Could you get to her level? Probably. But it'd take alot of effort and work on your part.
I think you should take the letter down. It really is personal, and to YOU, not the whole damn world.
Also, things will work out for the better no matter what you choose to do.
You are clearly an idiot. If she wanted the letter posted to the world she would have done so. She sent that handwritten letter to you as a token of intimacy and trust.
You betrayed her, and exposed her vulnerability. You have shown her that you can not be trusted with her best interests and that you are far more concerned about what people think of you than her feelings.
No good can come of this and I am quite frankly amazed that someone who is blogs under a title that self identifies as someone who claims to follow Christ and live a Christ-Like life, would do something so lacking in compassion for a little attention.
I read only a few lines and felt shame for doing so. Grow up, respect others, love those that hurt, protect those that are weak, and make the world a better place. If you can't at least try to do that, you should just rename your blog to "Confessions of yet another scumbag, exploiting others for my own popularity"
Posted Anonymously, because I would never trust you freaks with my identity!
i was engaged to a guy when I was 20, then he broke it off... in an ass hole way, I was heart broken. But now 5 years later I am so thankful that he knew we weren't right for each other because now I am married to a great guy who is right for me and he is married to a beautiful girl who is right for him. SO if it's not right than its not right and she will thank you for it some day. My mom said to me when I was heartbroken he may be a jerk but he is a jerk that follows his promptings. It may take awhile but eventually you will both move on and she will see you just aren't as good a match as she thought you were.
i don't care that you posted the letter b/c i understand the point of this blog. i do have a major issue w/ people who can't spell though. and Andrea, while she draws some really cute flowers, is a really bad speller
:)
ps. take down the note, she would be so embarrassed if let a lone she knew your roommates read it.
Holy Moly, Anon 9:30! Are you a re-tard? This blog is anonymous! Anonymous like your comment, so you can say whatever stupid shit you want.
Andrea will never see this, if it's even real... she wont know it was posted. Therefore she is not hurt. We don't know who she is, she's not embarrassed. What the hell?
Jake might as well have stuck it in his ass and he would be "betraying" her the same.
Jake's also anonymous, that's not even his real name - proofed by the black marker... so where is the "popularity" he's supposedly trading in his soul for you, you, you stupid ---- stupid head!!!!
AAAAAAHHH! You're the kind of Mormon that makes the rest of us think you're weird idiots. This blog is the first time I have seen anyone claiming to be LDS actually act like a normal human being.
I think that she's in love with you. majorly.
And that's all I'll say.
Ya Jake, I don't think she'll be getting over you anytime soon. That doesn't mean you have to take her back if you don't like her anymore. But just know that she'll be around for a while.
I don't want to convince you of who to be with. I'm just sayin that Andrea really is in love with you, like Allison (above me) said. Poor, poor girl. I know how it feels to have your heart broken, and to try as hard as you can to get the person back...but that person doesn't budge. She is trying so very hard. Sending a letter must've been really tough for her. At least give her a call maybe? I don't know. I just feel for her. I know EXACTLY how she feels...
So my friend sent me this blog link and have been reading everything that has happened with you and this girl. You should not have put that letter up. I hope she see its and rats you guys out. You need to man up and tell her the real reason you broke her heart.
I have been in this situation(well similar) and you need to man up and tell her everything. There is more than she "doesn't deserve you." That is not an excuse. It's BS. Do the right thing take the letter down and go call her or write her a letter with the truth. You can't chicken out. TELL HER THE TRUTH. && don't sit there and wallow about how you feel. Tell her. I do enjoy this blog though, gives girls an insight on how you "boys" think.
I agree with Amy...she clearly loves you, so just give her a call and talk it out. She is aching for some answers.
PS...the blog world is a verrrry small world. I am scared for you!
i agree .. the blog world is small. we all click on each other's names - then to their blogs. who are they following? woah - he knows my that girl? and shes friends my sister in law ... blah blah blah ... you get the drift. unless andrea and her friends dont participate in reading/writing blogs - i feel like this could blow up in your face, buddy.
also - im with lauren and amy - i think you need to call the girl. she totally put her self out there for you - and to not call her and talk it out (whatever the outcome of that conversation is) would be really lame of you.
Jen, STFU. Comment on the content of the post and not my comment mmmkay.
Oh poor girl. My heart breaks for her, she reminds me of myself when I was 19 and crazy in love with a boy
However... sometimes infatuation is very easy to confuse with love. I'm not one to judge whether that is what she is feeling or not but she is obviously:
A) Really and truly believes she is in love with you.
B) Completely infatuated and possibly not wanting to be alone.
Or both. But I digress.
Poor girl. Poor you. Being the bad guy is never fun. What will be will be, and you just have to follow your heart- both of you.
Oh and I hate Jen she sucks.
I hope this doesn't come back and bite you in the butt. Mormon world is small. I bet she finds out about this by the end of the weekend.
just, wow.
i can't wait until the two of you have a minimum of five kids and can sit around and laugh about this.
or not.
good luck with all that. i love the blog, but i am kind of mad at you right now. i also sort of think it rocks and is really ballsy. i mean, i definitely read every page of the letter.
i'm torn about whether or not you should have posted it, but you did, and we read it... you'll end up taking it down, or you'll leave it up, but either way, could you really end up with her without ever telling her about this?!
dude...
take her back take her back take her back!!!!!
I totally love when people write in their comments, "I don't mean to be rude but..." and then they are totally rude! Anyways...
I think you should call her, talk it out, at least give her some closure because the poor girl is aching! I do not think you should get back with her because you pity her...that never works. Trust.
I also have to agree that the Mormon world is a small one! So be carfeul...I am not Mormon but I did date one for 4 years...and I learned MANY juicy secrets from the members of his ward!
I love that people can't stop reading and commenting on my comments...
I can't read other peoples comments on here. it's so distracting of my experience. haha
anyways. I think you should give her another chance. What do you have to lose?
NADA
yep, that's what I think.- shelby lou
I can't imagine what sort of guts (or madness, that's always a possibility) it took for her to send that. I could imagine writing all that stuff down, sure, but then I'd shred it and burn it.
I don't really think you should have posted the photocopy of it because of totally selfish reasons: people recognize handwriting, and if someone recognized this and the anonymity was blown, then the party's over.
I agree with Amy. She's confused at why you broke up with her...read the letter- she needs a little more clarification than has been given. You need to at least call her and tell her what's really up, instead of letting her wonder and sit around feeling like sh*t. I personally would rather be told "I'm breaking up with you because you're ugly" than to be told, "you deserve better." Call her.
I also agree with Lauren and Nikki (the one who commented right after Lauren) The bloggin world is tiny. Maybe you should consider leaving this up for a week or so and then taking it down. It's one thing typing up conversations you've had with girls. It's another posting handwritten letters- those are just so much more personal. I voted "no" on that poll. Could you imagine if Andrea found this? Don't think there isn't a chance she will. She'd probably want to go jump off a bridge if she found her letter on a website that get's tons a traffic. Would you really want to do that to a girl who's already really really hurt? Sorry for the guilt trip jake. I love you guys to death, but just think about it mmk?
Okay, I admit also for empathetic reasons because I know what it's like to get my emotions betrayed by a dude.
Wow. I understand your reason for "I don't know" now. I'm glad you posted it because it lets me live just that much more vicariously through you, but, like everyone else, I would hate to know that anyone I cared about had done this to me.
Anyway, forgive my impulse to console because I don't even know you except through this blog, but I think you probably posted it to get feedback. I must say that this girl has guts. There have been many times where I have had similar rants about different boys, but I only ever said them to myself. If she is courageous enough to actually write it down and send it to you then it just legitimizes the letter that much more.
I don't know what you should do, but I think that her trust in you is not misplaced and that you really should trust her feelings more than you have in the past.
Is it pathetic that I almost started crying when I read this letter? (I know how she feels! *sniff*)
I am pretty sure you shouldn't have put it up...but you didn't just THROW it up there. You thought about it first...even though I think you made the wrong decision...but I'm happy I got to read it! (mixed feelings..)
I still don't know why you broke up with her. Obviously you love her too Jake. You're throwing yourself a pity party because she just professed her love for you and you know you feel the same way...
Just go back to her already!!
You should give her a second chance. This poor girl poured her heart out to you! Even if you don't want a relationship with her, she at least deserves a face to face meeting so you can tell her why(nicely). And you should probably take the letter down beacuse it's something private she wrote to you.
I found myself ending a relationship in a similar type of fashion once. I tried the whole "I don't deserve you" thing, and similar arguments, but it never took. I didn't realize until later that that is not a valid argument -- you quite literally cannot make that sort of decision for someone else and expect them to accept it. So, like Andrea, she rejected my argument. And in similar fashion, I felt like we were broken up and so I started moving on, but in her mind she had rejected our argument and so there was no reason for her to to do the same. She expected that I'd eventually realize my flawed logic. That never did happen, and I slowly moved on.
I found out later that she ended up agonizing about the situation for quite some time. I really did feel quite horrible about that. And if there's anything she didn't deserve, it was to be put through that emotional wringer. Some time later, it really started to eat at my conscience and I ended up trying to apologize for being so callous.
So, if you really believe it won't work out, then I think you would both be well served by simply stating those feelings to her. Breakups are always hard, but there's no reason to make them harder than they need to be. At a minimum, write her a letter in reply.
She really loves you. I agree with Amy. Give her clarification. I'm not entirely sure you don't feel the same way about her. I think you're scared that you do. I remember you posted on my blog that you had a girl wait for you for 18 months on your mission; are you scared to get hurt again? I can understand that too I suppose...but you can't just hide from it forever.
She sounds like an amazing girl. So think hard about your feelings for her and no matter what you decide on-give her a call.
Good luck. :)
Once again, to all the haters, if you wanna hate on them and their lives, STOP READING THEM!I have the upmost respect for these boys, and personally, I don't think posting the letter is wrong in any way, shape, or form. You got rid of the names. No one will know. Just screw the haters. You guys are freaking amazing. Keep em coming, and forget all the stupid haters who can't write a decent blog to save their lives. Oh, I just added you guys on facebook as well. I love you! haha. Keep writing and dont you dare take down the letter.
"I invented 'It's not you, it's me.' Nobody tells me it's them, not me. If it's anybody, it's me."
Don't you love Seinfeld!!!!!!!
No one wants to here... the "I'm not good enough for you routine." Although we use it and sometimes we actually feel it.
Determine what you want.... Then stick with it.
And love... there are many levels of love and many stages. She might love you in a sense but not the ultimate love.
Also give the girl a little more closure. She might really be upset with you... but it might help her get over it faster (if you decide to break it off still)
This letter is heart-wrenching, don't keep it up.
oh, shut up all you haters! you know you loved reading it and every other post just as much as the rest of us!
i think it's great. :)
I personally think that you did the right thing. She is only 19 years old, and I highly doubt that she knows what love really is. I think that she is in deep "like" with you but not love. And yes, she said some amazing things about you that I'm sure are true but she's kinda making herself seem desperate. Yes, you should talk to her and maybe explain your reasoning more but if you were to get back together with her you'd regret it. Hands down you would.
All I can tell you is pray about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know how primary of me to say that but in times like this it's best to get down on your knees. Good luck!
I REALLY don't get why YOU are having the pity party, seriously! It's not like she dumped you. LAME
-Natali
He cares about her obviously. He needs pity because he's hurt somebody dear and sweet. The anonymous just before you must not have ever let anything anything you love go.
You care about her, and that us why you dumped her. It may not have been the right thing to do, but I think it was noble if you. The compassion that Andrea talked about in her letter, that we never get to see through your writing, has got the better of you.
Life sucks. But I love you Jake... like a brother.
I AM FREAKIN OUT!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS LETTER MEANS? IT MEANS THIS BLOG IS REALLY REAL. THESE GUUS ARE REAL TOO. LIKE I COULD WALK PAST THEM AT THE MALL OR SOMETHING TONORROW. I COULD END UP DATEING ONE OF THESE BOYS. SO EXCITING!!!
Listen hun, leave the letter up. Its an anon blog for hells sake. And CALL HER. Seriously. If some man did that to me I'd be spreading rumors of the most vile kind, not writing him a 5 page love letter.
I love your blog, I honestly do. But I think that posting that letter was the wrong thing to do. It was too too personal and she would be absolutely crushed if she knew that you read it and then just went at posted it for the world to see.
I'm not saying that she will find out, coz she most likely won't, but it was still a bit heartless to do what you did.
Take it down Jake, before this whole thing blows up in your face.
P.S, call her!!
Wow. Definitely a lot of responses to that post. But here are my thoughts:
As the Boob Nazi pointed out, SHE USED THE WRONG 'YOUR'. Can you ever move past that? (I won't comment on the rest of her spelling/handwriting. She can write how she wants. She's only 19, anyway.)
But really- it's so hard to break up with someone, but you obviously did it for a reason. I'm not sure she'll ever understand why, but the best thing to do is cut ties and move on and make it possible for her to do the same, so you might just have to explain to her that it wasn't right. (Which it clearly isn't, or you would have stayed with her. I think it's just that simple.)
1) If you don't want to get back together with her, don't. In the non-LDS world, women in their 20s experience heartbreak like this four or five times before finding the right one, in relationships that have lasted far longer than yours and were more physically intimate. They also do way more psycho stuff than writing a 5-page letter because they have alcohol. Eventually they are okay and eventually Andrea will be okay... she's like 20 right? You did the right think breaking up with her and leaving her alone. Don't toy with her.
2) If this is, in fact, real, take down the letter. Pretty soon someone is going to recognize the letter and the situation and this blog will be dunzo. And THAT is depressing.
Boys, I'm really disappointed in this. This is a beautifully tragic love letter from a young girl. Posting it to the world is probably the most callous thing I've ever seen. I've loved all your posts.. found a glimpse into your lives voyeuristically intriguing. But I'm honestly ashamed of you for this. No harsh words or name calling, just the fact that although you both are no gentlemen (kissing and telling is always tacky in its attention seeking) I did always get the impression that once you matured a bit you'd both be really great guys. The instant you submitted that letter to your blogger account you crossed a line that you cannot step back over. I send you and your cast of players a lot of warm, happy thoughts and hope that the poor heartbroken girl finds someone who will protect and respect her feelings rather than purposefully abusing them, but I can't be a part of something I know to be intentionally cruel. Good luck in all future endeavors.
I feel like I've been here (feeling the way Andrea feels), but maybe not. Or maybe I've just put it out of my mind so far that I can't get back there.
But either way, it's sad-in both good ways (as in: that is seriously pulling at my heartstrings) and bad ways (as in: mildly pathetic).
Tough digs :(
....oh my gosh....I know who you guys are...and I know Andrea...I can't believe you would do this to her. she is the sweetest most sincere, kind loving person and you throw her letter into this blog?
Andrea deserves better, maybe she will realize it after she sees this and realizes exactly how much you respect her feelings...
Told you so
CALL HER!
Sigh. Love hurts. You would think Andrea knew that by now.
But I think she's acting like a sixth grader. Love notes? SRSLY? I feel bad for her and all, because I know better than alot of people my age how much love hurts, but there are more ways than love notes......hm....what would I do.....OOH! I know! I would make a new email under then name "No one" and put a link to a youtube video or something that said what I felt veeeeeeeeeeeeeery subtly. She is trying to make you come crawling back, and please, don't. I'm really sorry, that sounded harsh, but I mean what I said.
Oh, and I agree with Jenna Taylor.
hmmmm... ok as far as the posting of the letter, i'm honestly split. i personally enjoyed reading it but honestly if anything ever does become of you guys and she ever finds out about it could be devestating to her and your relastionship.
i don't care if you are 19 or 50, people can still know what love is. she seems close to the spirit, who is to say she is too young to understand it and that she loves you. i like her. i like that she accepts you, i like that she is so honest and good and brings out the good in people. isn't that what we all try to do or should be trying to do. if you truly feel unworthy of her then dont be with her but i think she has some really valid points. i'm just saying!
O-Jake...I can't breath and I have heart palpitations. I am so nervous for you. I love your blog...it is great fun and well written. I love your honesty...yet, I think I am afraid of it. Well at least I am fearful when you post the actual hand written letter from Andrea. The blog world is a small one. The "Mormon" one even smaller. I fear it is only a matter of time before you lose your anonymity. Once that happens there goes MBP. What a sad day that will be.
I agree with all the above statements, conflicting and all.
I still stand by my idea that you should turn this into a reality show or tv show. You could all remain anonymous by having the cameras chronically cutting your heads out of view. That would be a hoot!
Wow. I was really surprised to see all of the comments that criticizing you and your actions. They were undeserved. I guess that's what you get for being honest.
I don't agree with the idea that a 19 year old girl doesn't know what love is. Love is just as real when you're 19 as it is when you're 25, 30, etc. From the way you talked about her before, it sounds like she is very mature. She has her priorities right. And she obviously sees potential in you. Maybe it's true that you don't deserve her. Maybe that is irrelevant. She knows the risk. She also knows the reward, even if you can't see it yet. I hope you give this as much thought as she has. If you feel like your original decision ended in you BOTH feeling miserable...there's a good chance that maybe you made the wrong choice and are unnecessarily separating yourselves. But, if you still feel like you need to move on, she will manage her disappointment. We all do. And in the end, you will both find what you need.
Either way, I'm sure this will be a hard decision. Good luck, Jake.
- JT
Good luck with that one. And remove this post. Like now.
But you better be spending ALL DAY with her figuring this out. Or at least a couple hours. She really does deserve that much. And heartbreak isn't the worst thing in the world for girl, but it doesn't mean she doesn't deserve some closure, which you did NOT give her.
I may have voted yes on the poll, but i didn't know it was her baring her soul to you. For real, dude. Roommates are one thing, us a whole different thing.
I've been where she is. Recently returned missionary, I was 19 (without the hearts and stars), we lived across the complex from each other, and he dumped my butt with nothing more than a "You are SO great, but I just don't think it's 'right.'" And I went through a couple months of misery and rebounds and then met my husband when I got back to my old self.
Ok. Don't get me wrong, I love this blog!! But I also thought how could you cry so hard and then start scanning? I've always wondered if someone would catch on one day, and rat you guys out. I think this letter just might do it. I would take it down, the poor girl was just being honest and is so hurt by everything so to think of her getting on here and reading this and everything else would put her over the top! Of course its up to you.... but think of her! Still love this blog :)
Hey Jake, you could choose to go in a couple directions here. 1. You really don't want to get back together with Andrea...if that's the case, buddy, you need to give the girl some CLOSURE. I know giving her some space to get over you is a must, BUT she needs to understand everything before she can truly get over the relationship. There is nothing that lingers quite as long as the uncertainty about "why?"
19 year old females are quite resilient when it comes to heartbreak, however, those memories will be forever embedded in their minds. At least make sure she has all her questions satisfied before you walk away completely; otherwise you will always be that memory that riddles her mind any time she has an idle moment to think about the past. Perhaps you should write her a letter back.
2. If you really, and I mean REALLY, want to give it another shot...you better be ABSOLUTELY sure you're crazy about her. Quit the pity party about not being good enough. Life is not about being perfect, it's about constantly striving to be perfect. You'll have good days, and you'll have bad days. If you put all your energy into trying to be the man you should be, instead of worrying about how you don't measure up, you might actually make some progress and feel better about yourself.
You should repost the poll. Personally I still think this is okay. You wouldn't have put it up if you thought the chances of Andrea finding it were very good right?
I also think the people who are "so dissappointed" and are not going to read your blog again are stupid. You are better off without them.
"I'm not trying to be rude, but..."
I hope you and Calvin are very happy together.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahahahahahahahahahah(inhale)Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha(sigh)heh heh hoooo heh ha (sigh)
I can't believe that 90 people think this blog is real. Has anyone stopped to think that some woman, like a Stephanie Meyers, for example just writes this blog? She the author just wrote the damn letter herself. Still a good read.
-Jason-
For all we know, she is blogging anonymously as "Amanda" and is writing about how much this guy named "James" is wrecking her heart and destroying her life (and likely getting even more sympathy there than she does here). Write whatever you want Jake.
Oh yeah, and you broke up with her for a reason - something not likely to go away. Going back to her would probably be a mistake - you're both young anyway. Just tell her you prayed about it and didn't feel right about continuing the relationship.
FYI, the blog isn't anonymous if people can recognize "Andrea's" hand writing! You've gotten sloppy "Jake" Not to mention that is one of the coldest things I've ever seen you do. Take it down.
"Jake"
Do you know why Heavenly Father never mentions our Mother? Because people will exploit her. Look at some of these comments. I scrolled through to see if you would defend her and there is not one.
Just because she doesn't know you have exploited her doesn't mean it's not a fact. Do you really care about her or the blog?
-Natali
Jake, I think that Andrea was being as real with you as she could be! She made herself very vulnerable here and I think that is a big step and that shows how serious she is! I think you should ignore people who say she shouldn't decorate her paper, it just shows she has character and she's fun! You already know that but apparently others don't! I think you should pray about it! You dumped her with no real reason and yet she still told you she loved you! That takes real guts, guts that I can say that I probably don't even have! She's for real, she really loves you and sees everything you can be and she sees everything you want and all your good qualities instead of your insecurities and the things that you think are terrible! Give her chance I think it's worth it!
I am 56 years old and I am here only because my niece posted this on her facebook. She's interested in how guys think.
But, aside from what you're doing by posting the letter, if I ever saw a letter that yelled drop this girl, this is it. It's manipulative.
Keep this girl dropped, don't look back.
I agree she is in love with you. And I feel for you both...what a phone call to make!
As for me, I say give her a call and maybe meet somewhere to talk.
Whether you take her back or not...she deserves at least another chance to talk about things after that letter.
Oh and I SO agree with Lauren...I'm afraid for you.
The blog world can be so cruel.
And for the letter posted or not posted...it was your call.
Your blog.
Just marry her already.
Just because she is in love with you, doesn't mean you are right for each other. Feelings are not always mutual. If you don't want to be with her, don't be. If you want to, then go back to her.
But, giving her the real explanation that you, yourself mentioned: YOU FEEL INFERIOR, not that SHE DOESN"T DESERVE YOU is more truthful. She needs to know that.
Tell her the truth. I know there's more than "I don't deserve you" blah blah! Call her or meet her somewhere and talk about it. Don't shut her out. I have been on her side of this, the worst thing you can do is not tell her the truth. You know there's more to it than "I don't deserve you" I really hope it all works out for the best. As for posting the letter, I personally think you shouldn't have but hey its your blog. I just think it might back fire on you. Good Luck.
Go get her. Kiss her. Hard. On the mouth. She "LOVES" you. Yeah, that's right, she just went there.
I think you're fine for posting the letter. Names have been removed, and none of us (to my knowledge) know who you are (or really care to know, for that matter). We're here for the awesome soap opera of your love life that keeps us coming back for more. You keep doing what you do best. I'll be reading.
(Also, I don't think using hearts and smileys in a letter has ANYTHING to do with a person's readiness to talk about being seriously in love. To each their own, right?)
Oh, and that Nikki lady totally called me a harlot for reading your blog.
Ouch, Nikki. Ouch.
I am not gonna lie...I am torn. I really can't tell if this blog is real...I almost feel like Calvin wrote that letter for you...almost but then I think its real because of the stories you have told about Andrea in your previous posts and I feel like you couldn't have made up some of that stuff, but then maybe you are just making it all up so you have a cool story to write about....you guys get so much action in a small amount of time...it's kinda doesn't seem real to me....I don't know! But I love this blog especially if all of this is real!!! Oh and do what you want with the letter, if you feel bad take it down if you don't, then leave it up.
Wow, mormons are cruel.
i think...its astounding how many comments there are. you should go private for a while, continue writing about how all this turns out, then find a publisher and cash in, you've already got half of your pen names, "jake"...100 comments, wow.
and who didn't see this coming? honestly. poor andrea, angela, whatever her name is.
I'd buy you a drink, dude...'cause if anyone ever needed a cold beer, it's you. But (a) You're across the country, (b) I usually only buy beer for my husband, and (c) you're all Mormon and stuff.
OK, kidding. Kind of. Not really.
I agree with Bekah. Misspelling "you are" as "your" is a deal breaker for me.
Whatever! You commenters are pissong me off. How many peoples handwritting does anyone recognize.
I'll bet she never finds out unless Jake tells her himself.
You should totally sell add space on your blog. You were laid off afterall.
dude. i pray for both you and Andrea's sake that she never, ever EVER finds this. even if you never get back together, or even if you do, if she finds this bud, you're toast.
were it me, i would bust a freaking cap if a guy ever posted my letter on the internet.
however, i can readily admit i enjoyed reading it. though i was a bit exasperated by the hearts and block letters, like nikki said. just in a nicer way. and it isnt really hard to be nicer than nikki. :D
I'm so sorry about Jake. Thats real rough. I hope it works out for you. Just make sure you listen to what she told you about yourself. Have faith in yourself.
Jake,I really think that you need to think long and hard about Andrea told when she poured out her heart to you. what she said is real, it's not fake, those are true genuine feelings. She see's you for what you really are what your really can/will become. If you can't see that she truly does see that in you, then you need to do some pondering to see if you can see it then. JAKE SHE TRULY LOVES YOU FOR YOU, not just cuz of something like she thinks your good looking, cuz your a good kisser, SHE LOVES YOU FOR YOU, ALL OF YOU, SHE LOVES YOU WITH YOUR FAULTS AND WEAKNESSES, and in my opinion, if someone can see past the weaknesses and faults and TRULY LOVE THAT PERSON WITH ALL OF THEIR HEART MIND AND SOUL, then that's the type of person that you want to have for an eternal companion or at least have as an example of what you want to for an eternal companion down the road.
I really think you need to think long and hard about if you really want to lose Andrea forever, cuz once she lets go she's gonna be gone and strike 3 your out of her life. In my opinion she seems like a girl that you would be blessed to have in your life for eternity, she'd be someone who's not going to make your life Living Hell, she'd be someone who could be your best friend, who you could confide in and who would give you comfort and support. She would help you to become the man Heavenly Father has planned for you to become. She'd be a true helpmate for you.
JAKE GO GET HER BACK, DON'T BE STUBBORN AND LET HER WALK OUT OF YOUR LIFE. SHE'S WILLING TO PUT EVERYTHING OUT ON THE LINE AND FIGHT FOR YOU. GO GET HER, DON'T LOSE HER DANG IT!!!!
P.S. I liked reading the whole letter, the real thing, but I think it might be best to take those down, just cuz if she does see it, then that's gonna be HELL for you, and all will be lost. So just paraphrase what she said, I think that will still keep the readers satisfied, and still let everyone know what the letter said, but keep you and Andrea from having any unnecessary drama from it.
No it isn't hard to be nicer than me. I am not trying to hook up with fictional blog characters so it is easy for me to say something that is real rather than kiss two horny RM's asses. Good grief I feel like eminem. Freaking retarded commentors, talk to the author.
first time leaving a comment:
- either this IS a fake blog and you wrote the letter yourself. the tone and language is much alike so it wouldn´t be a surprise.
- OR it is real, and this is the most stupid, mean thing you ever could have done. honestly - you think your God cares if you have sex before marriage with your girlfriend more than hurting someones true feelings THIS much, posting their personal letter on a blog (about dating!) for everyone to see? so evil!! if she knew she would be destroyed, even more heartbroken than now. you should be very very very ashamed.
Wow! That letter was intense. And by your reaction it seems like you have some major feelings for her.
However... if things do work out between you two and she finds that you posted this, some serious trust issues could arise. Just something to think about.
I love this blog, keep it going guys!
Nikki didn't you know if you are ugly you should at least be a nice person, because that is the only way people will like you. I guess you don't care anyway. Also people who are king of the spelling bee should keep quiet, who cares if people spell your or you're wrong. You are a bunch of shallow bitches!
if you love her, you should marry her. marry her. marry her now. if you have any sense about you. i know girls like this and they make awesome wives! don't miss your opportunity.
people, chill outtt, at the end of the day, it's entertaining words on the internet.
the big
wide
world
web.
At the least, you owe her a better explanation.
Jake, you need to take this letter down. Everybody makes mistakes; please recognize that this is a HUGE one. I would recognize the handwriting of at least ten people I know, and I think the same is true for others.
Plus, many of us remember when you slipped and posted her real name (which is also still found in this blog). Whether or not the blog is anonymous, Andrea in no way agreed to be a contributor. She might even be able to sue you if she got wind of this.
But above all, the reason that the letter needs to come down is that posting it is WRONG. Whether or not she ever finds out about it, you've betrayed her trust in a deep way, by laying out her innermost feelings for the whole world to see. What did *she* do to *you* to deserve such treatment?
Please take it down, for both your sakes. There is no other way this has a chance to end well.
You lied to her. Try telling the truth next time. "I am not ready to settle down. I am too immature still. This is evident by the fact that if you write me a sob letter I am going to post it on the internet for all to see."
The truth from your own blog pages:
You chased and chased and chased her but she took longer than the other girls before she let you make out with her.Thus you decided she was too good for you because you knew what was going on in your head. Finally she let you kiss her. You made out a few times. You got bored. You decided it was all in the chase and you just weren't that interested. So you came up with this "story" to let her down easy.
Contrary to what was mentioned a few comments above, I'm pretty sure you can't be sued for any of this. Just saying. LOL
I've been following this blog for a while now, and was on the fence how I felt about it. About you boys, any of it. But apparently as I was making up my mind, I became emotionally invested in this whole Jake/Andrea business! So, like the rest of the world (which apparently the world is reading this since I'm like comment # 100 something) I'll throw in my two cents. Because I believe that's why you put the letter up there. Not to hurt anyone, not to embarrass Andrea, but because you Jake were hurting, and kind of wanted to see what others would make of her words.
Not to oversimplify your situation, but really you only have two choices. One, you love her, you really do, and honest to goodness don't feel good enough for her. If that WERE the case,then you'd straighten your life up, and take her to the temple. The End. It doesn't have to be tomorrow,or next month. You have the right to tell her things are happening too fast (now that she's said the I love You) but, you can have the temple as your ultimate destination with your Andrea.
or TWO, the "don't deserve you" stuff WAS bull crap, then that's fine too. But you need to tell her. Explain that you don't feel the same way, but give her some closure and MOVE ON.
You don't always make the right choices Jake, but I'm starting to have a soft spot in my heart for you and am cheering for you. You can figure this out!
Posting the letter is meh. You probably could have done as well by summarizing.
But whatever, the point I want to make is that while you were right to break up with her, based on the contents of her letter you did not explain yourself well. The letter gives you a second chance, however, if you want to take it.
I see two (good) options:
1) You end the relationship permanently. Explain to her that whatever other attractions there may be between you two, the spiritual difference is too big. Explain that you aren't willing to be an anchor to her, so you can't continue to be with her.
2) You end the relationship, but with a possible renewal in the future. Explain to her that whatever other attractions there may be between you two, the spiritual difference is too big. Explain that you aren't willing to be an anchor to her, so you are going to change. But that change has to be for it's own sake if it's going to be real, so you can't continue dating her until you are ready to support her and raise her up spiritually. Then you get to work.
I hope you choose the second one. I happen to believe, based on my own experience, that such changes are possible, and very rewarding. And if I know anything about LDS women, she'll wait for you. (For the record, I don't know much about women, period. So take my advice with a grain of salt.)(Also, if you take the second path, you'll need to tell her about the blog at some point. It won't be fun, but you can't renew the relationship without that bit of honesty.)
I guess a really hot issue is posting the letter...
It was her choice to write you. Your choice to post it and ask for help. If I were her, seeing this posted may hurt a little at first but ultimately I could see that you changed my name and I could go back and read everything that you post about me and you feelings for me--so many questions out be answered because since this blog is built on anonymity, I'd know that this is honest spur-of-the-moment inside info on my. As her, I could look at what I learn and digest it and see where we stand after it all.
On the content of the letter:
My last long-term relationship and heartbreak took place at 19 and my last falling-so-fast heartbreak happened just 2 years ago at 21. Both relationships shaped how I look at love and raised my expectations for my Earthly lover and also brought me closer to my Heavenly father. No matter what you decide, she will grow. You both just need to trust in your self and trust in the Lord.
xoxo
I've been a jake hater based on on your situation with andrea before. I've had a really rough day emotionally with relationships, so I'm going to try and not let that get in the way.
Jake: knock it off with the "deserve" crap, get down on your knees, and PRAY to find out what to do. I honestly thing she's right, and you do need to give this a chance. Unless you're hiding things so deeply that you can't stand to look at yourself in the mirror every day, there is nothing you can't work on.
the Temple Presidency here gave us a message once: you are generally 99% good. The other 1% we'll work on. and on days you're only 98% good, well that gives you twice as many things to try and improve.
Jake: I am cronically known to fall way to fast. To place my entire emotional needs into one person, and have it blow up in my face.
Don't screw this up. You will regret it.
ps. while I'm glad you posted the letter, and am half-tempted to save a copy myself just because it's so heart wretching yet hope inspiring, you should really take it down at this point (you can type transcripts to provide integrity, but it may be kind of rude to leave them posted that way.)
Whoa, that girl wants to marry you! I don't know your history but if you are seriously over her- DON'T get back with her. SHe can get over it in time... getting back with her now will just make everything worse!
Hmmm, I'm torn. Posting the letter...probably not cool. I wouldn't have done it, but guess what, not my choice nor anyone else's posting comments here.
The letter could be "sweet" but I think it's more sad. Sad because this girl isn't mature enough to realize that this kind of grasping at straws is SO unattractive - I know from unfortunate experience.
Also sad, because poor Andrea doesn't realize there are MANY other guys out there who will be more than happy to date her if she's as good as Jake portrays (though by this letter, I think she needs to not worry about relationships so much for several more years).
For those of you who think Jake should call her, that is WRONG. Nothing Jake can say will help Andrea feel better. The concept of getting closure from someone else is pure crap. You can only get closure from yourself. Jake can't give that to Andrea because she is SO fixated on him that until he says "ok we can get back together" she won't accept anything else anyway. It's a lack of personal confidence in herself, it has nothing to do with Jake breaking up with her. She's 19, I don't think we can expect her to act much differently, they don't teach this stuff in HS.
Jake, don't sit and cry over it. Move on yourself, don't post anymore stuff about Andrea, it's just drama, and despite the "entertainment" value of it, there is no benefit to you as a man. I know it's challenging, but you can do it. There are a lot of great girls out there for you to date. :-)
Dude, take down the letter. Anonymous or not that was meant only for you.
Do NOT get back together with her, you're way too young to be dealing with this much drama. She'll be fine, you'll be fine.
Hey maybe now you'll have 2 stalkers! :-D
Love your blog. seriously.
If she see's this letter online, she will be hurt. These letters we spend so much time and thought writing mean alot to us. I'd take it down if you want any kind of second chance with her. A second chance I think you should want. She's an awesome girl, who thinks the world of you. what guy wouldn't want a girl that can see him for his potential and not just who he is moment to moment? Yeah it's scary and it might just be harder in the end. But how will you know unless you try?
Good luck Jake!
One of the things I love most about your blog is the complete honesty and openness your postings contain. That being said, Jake you shouldn't have posted the letter, it was way too personal! I think her heart would be more broken if she knew you had posted that letter for the world to see. I think that neither one of you is ready for a relationship this serious and some time apart might do you both some good.
Jake, It is a small world. I sure hope she doesn't find this. But other than that, i love reading this blog. I also love that people get so mad and fight over comments. awesome. end of story.
Angela, I agree it isn't likely he could be sued, but a creative lawyer might be able to do it -- maybe citing a violation of intellectual property. That letter is completely Andrea's from start-to-finish, and she didn't give permission to use it on this site.
"The answer, to the first question you will have after you read the letter, is me, saying with a sad face, "I don't know" and shaking my head."
PRAY ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Hmmm, I'm torn. Posting the letter...probably not cool. I wouldn't have done it, but guess what, not my choice nor anyone else's posting comments here.
The letter could be "sweet" but I think it's more sad. Sad because this girl isn't mature enough to realize that this kind of grasping at straws is SO unattractive - I know from unfortunate experience.
Also sad, because poor Andrea doesn't realize there are MANY other guys out there who will be more than happy to date her if she's as good as Jake portrays (though by this letter, I think she needs to not worry about relationships so much for several more years).
For those of you who think Jake should call her, that is WRONG. Nothing Jake can say will help Andrea feel better. The concept of getting closure from someone else is pure crap. You can only get closure from yourself. Jake can't give that to Andrea because she is SO fixated on him that until he says "ok we can get back together" she won't accept anything else anyway. It's a lack of personal confidence in herself, it has nothing to do with Jake breaking up with her. She's 19, I don't think we can expect her to act much differently, they don't teach this stuff in HS.
Jake, don't sit and cry over it. Move on yourself, don't post anymore stuff about Andrea, it's just drama, and despite the "entertainment" value of it, there is no benefit to you as a man. I know it's challenging, but you can do it. There are a lot of great girls out there for you to date. :-)"
This comment is so good I felt it needed to be posted twice. As a female I agree with it. But ultimately just PRAY Jake!
Whew wee! This post has gotten a little attention. Like the 130 before me I will pretend like my 2 cents matter to you.
I think posting the letter is fine. I am with the few who think that Andrea would be a little hurt but would appreciate the input that you posted it to get. It is anonymous afterall, what does she have to be hurt about? Even if she found out? If you said "this letter was written by Jenny Smith at 212 Darrington Dr and my name is Joseph Young..." that would be exploiting her and cruel. However, I really think most of the readers are over reacting.
Her letter really is quite flattering Jake. I don't think my wife would say things like that about me. However, like some have said whether your reason for breaking up with her is real or not, you still did it. You should probably keep it that way even if you don't know the actual reason.
I do think Andrea is deserving of more closure though. That would be the right thing to do.
I'm guessing for a RM that you have prayed. Keep that up.
-Blazzer
In short, see what could happen with "Andrea" again after a sincere prayer. She obviously adores you.
You probably shouldn't have posted the entire letter for the world to see, but like someone stated previously, the blog itself exploits feelings - Why we all love you boys. You let us enter the mind of men, married or not married. It humors me, and makes me really understand my husband a lot more :)
this blog is totally awesome.
Scanning the letter was pretty lame in my opinion. It is bound to have negative repercussions even in your intent to keep things anonymous. Guys may not care that much but to a girl, those things are extremely private and if she found out she may not get over it no matter how much she loves you.
It seems to me that either you're too afraid to man up and rise to a better level that this girl inspires; or you have an opportunity to live better due to her belief in your potential. Then again maybe it's a whole other issue and the relationship just isn't right.
I can't decide if I love to hate this blog or the other way around. I don't agree with much of what you say and do, but good luck nonetheless.
I don't think posting the letter is callous or mean or lame. Shoot, I wish a guy I was dating had an anonymous blog with all of the secrets of his mind that I could read. If I was Andrea & found it, I wouldn't say anything so I could keep finding out what he's really thinking.
I have my own theories about this blog; theories that would both permit it to be reality-based while causing no damage to the individuals mentioned therein.
And if I'm right, people on both sides of the debate should seriously calm down. But I won't say anything more.
Jake, I'm not going to tell you what to do, or even pretend that I think I know what you should do. I do think that it took a lot of guts for 1- her to even write that letter, and 2- for you to post it for the rest of the world to read. She obviously has very strong feelings for you or else so much time and thought would not have been put into a letter like that. And I also believe that you have very strong feelings for her, otherwise the things that happened in the past week or so would not be having so much of an impact on your life.
I offer this advice as strictly that, advice. You can take it or you can leave it. The choice is entirely up to you and I will respect whatever it is that you decide to do because you have to be the one to live your life.
On that note. Having been in a similar situation that Andrea now finds herself in, had the guy been willing to talk to me about what he was thinking and feeling instead of just ending things with no warning and no provocation, I think that I might have handled it a little bit better and been able to move on and continue living my life must faster than I ended up doing. As it was, it ended up being drawn out over almost six years. And things only finally ended when I came to the realization that I did indeed deserve much better than I was settling for. But that was s decision that I had to come to for myself. And trust me, there were so many people who were trying to convince me of that fact for years, but I never listened to them.
I don't know if this helps you at all, but I do know that good communication is the basis for ANY relationship.
And I agree with everyone else who says that you should pray about it. Its the single best thing that you can do at this point.
Good luck.
Oh dear Jake! This is such a tough situation. From what I have read in your previous posts, it sounds like you are loving your life as a mormon bachelor. You seem to enjoy playing the field a bit and having some wiggle room, so to speak. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Andrea sounds like the sweetest most adorable girl. She is pouring her heart out to you, but she is young. She may not even know how to sort out what she is feeling. To help her and yourself, you need to be honest with the situation. If you can picture yourself marrying her and you WANT to be super committed, then go for it. But, if you are not 100% there, you should let her go. You will only hurt her more if you don't. It has already been said in these comments that the 2nd break up will be much, much worse. As much as you and Andrea may not believe it, if you dont go back to her she will be ok. It hurts, but time heals. Either way you should be honest with her and at least give her the courtesy of a face-to-face honest and heart-felt conversation. She deserves that. I can tell you care about her, but you should not have posted her letter. I would absolutely DIE if a guy did that to me!! Think about what kind of reprocussions you could have if she found out. If you think this is a mess, you definately don't want to deal with her finding out you posted her letter. Annonymous or not, that is still not ok. Girls look for a guy who will protect her and keep her secrets. Your posting does neither of those. OUCH!
I feel sorry for Andrea, not because you posted her letter on your blog, but because she doesn't have enough self respect to drop you. I mean, you broke up with her, didn't return her calls and then she writes you a 5 page letter? If I were in her shoes, I would throw myself in the dating pool and have fun!
I don't find anything wrong with posting the letter on your blog, but just so you know girls ALWAYS share the letters they write to ex-boyfriends to their friends. You never know if one of them could be a fan of your blog or become a future reader.
Jenna
OK I really didn't want to post on this and join the fan club but what can I say, I'm team Jake. Andrea has more balls then I gave her credit for. Seriously, I've written these letters so many times but never fathomed mailing them.
I think you are in denial, you deserve this girl and she deserves another chance.
Jake, I am where you are now. Sort of.
I did break up with him for other reasons, but my ex-boyfriend frequently texts me similar things to the basic message of this letter, and I do still care deeply...so I know how you feel. I wish that I knew what to tell you, so that I would know what to do.
I have also been where she is, and seeing this from her point of view, she does deserve more clarification. It's only fair. but at the same time, if you don't feel that you personally can handle talking to her right now...don't. I would understand...and eventually so will Andrea. I believe that you'll figure out what is right for you and do it. Good luck.
Maybe you could have just rewritten the letter. That way, her handwriting wouldn't have been out there along with her style and personality in her writing. And what if you did get married and she found the letter again. Wouldn't she wonder why it's scribbled on?
Also, when you commit to somebody for life, you generally tell them everything. Just something to think about as you write this blog. She will be able to read what you have written about her and allllll the other girls.
Emily Here.
I think if my hubby had a blog like yours while we were dating I'd make it into a book for our kids. :) I think it's a kind of journal- and honestly, the only things you've ever said about her were complimentary. So if she does find out, it really might not be so bad.
I have to say, I think Andrea is brave. Absolutely opening her heart to you when she can't guess where you're at. Scary.
SO-it seems you have 2 choices.
EITHER - stay broken up, but at least give her a real explanation. (you'll have to find it out yourself, I think). I like the idea of sending her a letter. (Make sure you scan it here before you mail it). Or meet her in person.
OR - You can decide you want a long-term commitment starting now, with ONE person, and you're willing to step up and work harder to be THAT man you think she deserves. It'll take more work on your part. BUT it just might be worth it.
Good Luck. I'm rooting for you.
-Emily
You tread a dangerous road in securing your anonymity - or others - in scanning the actual letter. I wonder how long it will last. Given your apparent ardent followers and the super-small world of the Church, probably not for long if you keep it up.
Jake quit being a pansy, and get Andrea back. Quit worrying about you not being good enough for her. She obviously wants you and only you, and she's not willing to settle for anything other than that until she is convinced other wise that there isn't even the slightest chance of her getting you back. So wake up and go get her already!
You need to give her another chance. Seriously.
I'm team Jake, and I'm not posting on calvins post today. Obviously no read his earlier posts about sister missionaries, ogres, and skinny girls.
-Jaime
one team Jake T please!!!
Sorry but posting the letter was cruel. Poor Andrea or what ever her name is. She was right that was a lame excuse you gave her. At least it does prove your point now we all know that you are not good enough for her. So I guess you did do her a favor by breaking her poor little heart. Sorry to be so rude I do enjoy most of your post. I think you are living and learning some valuable lessons. And you could be much worse. One day I am sure you will grow up and be a wonderful man.
Team Calvin all the way!
I get where Andrea is coming from... she's a 19 year old girl who just had her heartbroken (probably for the first time) and can't see the light on the other side yet.
Here's my thought on all her deserve talk... she complained that you never asked what she thought about whether she "deserved" you. The truth is... it doesn't matter what she thinks. It's about you. If you feel like she's not the right one for you because you always feel inferior then it's not the right relationship. Even if it's not true, it is how you feel. And if you feel that way now, you will always feel that way. And you'll have a lifetime of feeling inadequate. You did the right thing IMO.
The very fact that she cannot see that it's not about how she feels but about how you feel is what matters.
I speak as someone who was very much in Andrea's position several years ago. My BF didn't want to see me anymore. His reasons seemed lame and made-up to me. But it was true for him. And once I accepted it I moved on and met and married my husband who has never made me feel anything less than loved and cherished. If you can't make Andrea feel that way because you feel insecure around her. Or if she can't make you feel that way then it isn't the right relationship afterall.
Trust that you did the best thing for yourself. And, ultimately, for her. Because you'd never be able to be the kind of husband and spiritual leader you need to be in a relationship where you feel less than your best.
Ok seriously, that girl is a weirdo. She just got her heart broken and she doesn't know what to do...She'll get over it. Every girl gets their heart broken a few times. It'll toughen her up.
This girl is a TOTAL nut! Thank goodness you broke it off, don't look back!
I hope you really are over her, because after posting that letter, your relationship is toast.
Oh, and Nikki, get over yourself.
You need to be honest with her...that is all that I am saying. Tell her the truth. She will get over you, we all get over it. But the not being honest part is the worst.
Keep blogging - this is awesome!
listen to Andrea and pray about it before you make your choice. if the answer is no put her number and adress on the internet to so i can marry her
Ew, take it down. I feel dirty having read this girl's heart poured out to you.
Here's a thought-- you say you care about this girl? Maybe in making a decision about whether to post her intensely private, personal letter, you should consider what her feelings about it would be, rather than making ethical decisions via blog poll.
Oh, but the comments! This post is getting so many comments, you guys! Nevermind, that is clearly a much bigger consideration than the respect you're showing for her broken heart. I mean, if you get over 100 comments that means you're not a pathetic excuse of a man, right?
Oh wait, no. You're a creep.
This blog is SO obviously fake. But let's just pretend it's not for a minute:
This type of bullcrap is what makes me want to jab my eyes out with a rusty nail.
I HATE young 20-something Mormons like you all. You are all superficial, shallow, and INANE. Get over yourselves, get some valid adult pursuits in your life and quit acting like you live in some dumb-a$$ dinsneyland fairytale.
Hey Heather. Are you single? Are you comfortable rolling around for awhile fully clothed?
If so, call me.
Perhaps the funniest thing about this whole post is all the comments from our dear, dear, Nikki. Thank goodness we have her to keep things interesting... hahahaha! :)
Oh man, this really reminds me of my husband and me. I was 18 (oh so young and yet incredibly mature for my age:) and he was a 21 year old RM who "felt like he didn't deserve me." Reading her letter I could really feel her pain and see your side of things. This is the first time I've read this blog so I'm not all caught up on the whole drama but you should take a cue from my r-rated movie lovin' rabble rousin' hubby cause he DIDN'T break up with me and here we are 13 years after our temple marriage and more blissfully in love than we ever were when we were oh so young and immature! Man, you probably need her greatness to get you to the celestial kingdom!!!
I love the blog but posting this letter is likely going to lead to you getting caught. As much as I hate to admit it the momo world is pretty small; someone is likely going to recognize her future relief society president handwriting. Some more food for thought maybe you guys should date slightly older girls (gasp, I know) but I think maybe 20/21 year old girls would have a little more sense. I like the honesty in the blog and there are moments that I totally love/hate you guys but I am very interested to see how this plays out and for how long.
Calvin, You are so funny. I totally think you should forget about Tori and date this Heather girl. She seems super sweet! ;)
I agree that you shouldnt have posted the letter, however it was amazing. yes, she might have over empathized things with hearts and bolded letters,but that doesnt make her immature, it instead shows how much she cares as she took the time to add the detail... Jake, dont let her go...
andrea has a lot of growing to do. that's made clear in her letter.
She is young, I don't doubt that her heart was broken, I am sure it was, but she is young and she will learn from this and be a better person for having gone through this. If you felt like you made the right decision for yourself, that is all you have to lean on. She just needs some closure, which you can give her by telling her that you felt like this was something you needed to do. If she is as trusting in Heavenly Father as she seems, then she should be understanding to that.
So, I think it's pretty selfish of her to say something like "if you don't give us a chance you'll always wonder." Who is she to say that you won't find perfect happiness with the person you eventually choose? Because you will.
i like nikki.
i dont like jen.
shirley elizabeth is my hero.
seriously, this girl is retarded. she sounds like my ex boyfriend.
HAHAHAHAH I think the comments on this post are more entertaining than the post itself.
Clearly, she likes you. I haven't briefed myself on the whole situation, but if she's saying she loves you, when you weren't even willing to make the "exclusive" commitment, maybe she's just a little..confused? Or just falls hard and fast.
Either way, I agree with lauren--the blog world IS small. My best luck para ti.
PS. yeah, the misuse of "your"..that's a no no.
GOOD CRAP! it's 1:30 here and i've got 8 am class tomorrow, I'll have to finish this up when I'm not being crushed by the weight of superfluous homework.
Yeah, let's all judge her by her grammar mistakes instead of by the content of her character and the fact that she has a heart...which is probably more than what most of us can say...and oh wait! did we all just miss the message of her letter? My second bone to pick has to do with the posting of the letter itself, who the hell recounts the ripping out of a girl's heart and then when she describes the actual ripping in a personal and confidential manner through a letter, decides to post it? Really!? that's a class act. I'm so disgusted with this blog I'm surprised I'm even posting, but I guess this is my way of objecting to this sort of piggery, and I think you got a long way to go before you all are ready for meaningful relationships, but here's my advice all the same:
I'm of the philosophy that we live what we choose; we aren't victims. If you want this girl, if you want to be deserving of her, then choose to be.
Indeed. The right girl will make you feel like you need to aspire to be better than yourself. She should bring out the best in you. If you just feel discouraged that you don't deserve her, you don't. But that doesn't mean you won't.
She's likely gotten over you by now...Hopefully in the future you'll meet a girl that lets you feel comfortable stagnating where you are. It seems rising to the challenge and improving yourself is too scary for you.
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