Don't Text to Strangers

Andrea update: I successfully avoided her at work for the past week, (I know, I know, like a coward) I will no longer have to worry about that because I was laid off yesterday.

The weather has been so nice that this is probably the last week that I'll be able to ride my motorcycle before it ends up in the garage. So I drove it up to institute last night. Which was for the most part uneventful. None of my roommates came and I didn't see anyone I knew and wasn't feeling extremely outgoing.

When I got out to my bike to leave there was a sticky note on my gas tank. My first thought was, Uh oh, someone hit my bike. Luckily the note read, "I love a man on a motorcycle, text me cuz I'd love a ride." It was signed Judy, and had her phone number. I was curious to be sure. I thought, cute girls don't do this sort of thing, she must be desperate. Then it occurred to me that the confidence required to leave a note and phone number on a strangers bike might mean just the opposite. She could be extremely confident.

I rode home and mused further on the note. Things ran through my head like, "Where'd she get a sticky note anyway?" and "I'm not an attractive enough guy that girls just approach me, maybe this was a trick by someone. A roommate or someone from my ward at institute." I got home and decided to humor my curiosity... for all I knew this could be my future wife. So I texted her. Here is the conversation:

(I have not edited the spelling or grammar whatsoever, these are the actual texts. I thought about translating hers but I figured I'd let you have as much fun as I did. Tip: Reading them out loud helps)

JAKE: Hi, you accidentally left your sticky note on my bike.
JUDY: lol ya I sawu when I pulled in2 institute I wanted2 say hi butu wer gone soi left that note.
(it took me a minute to comprehend what I was reading, she sent another text before I had a chance to respond)
JUDY: Whats yr name
JAKE: Why it's Jake. Jake Sirname.
(about 12 minutes pass)
JUDY: Rad2 meetu Jake i sawa pic ofu nur really cute so that even makes it better
JAKE: Where'd you see a pic?
JUDY: I checkdu out on face book
JAKE: How do I see a pic of you?
JUDY: Il sendu some right now k
(I recieved 3 picture texts. She was brunette. The pictures were such, that her attractiveness could've gone either way. She was obviously taking the pictures herself, in the good ol' myspace kissy face pose from above. They were dimly lit and grainy, I couldn't make out a lot of feature details. I was hoping her pics would blow me away because in just the last 20 minutes that we were texting I was finding her text style extremely irritating. I mean I'm a bad speller and terrible at grammar, but at least I try. Her third picture was from the knees up. the pic was so tiny and grainy all it confirmed is that she wasn't fat. Possibilty of annoying? High. Possibility of fat? Low. They don't really cancel each other out... but I continued.)
JUDY: Sorryi dont takea very good pic idont look as much asa dork in person lol
(Lance and Nick came home and I regaled them with the nights events and about an hour went by while we talked and watched baseball.)
JUDY: Heyu where did ya go?
JAKE: Sorry, watching baseball. Got the pics, not too dorky. So tell me a bit about yourself?
(I then recieved a text which my phone automatically broke up into 5 texts!)
JUDY: Its cool sou like ball thats cool soil b29 nov7th im waitin4a job2 open up@ the u of u fora cardiology tech soi quit my job awhile back when my sister n her hubby hada baby he had2 go back2 work right away soi helped her outa lot soi live with my parents i had2 move ini couldnt afford rent without workin while i took care of my sis n her baby she was not well@ having ethan soi had2b their alot but alls good now soim hanging out waiting4a job2 open up iluv2b active workout camping dancing im gonna start taking acting classes iluv2 watch tv movies funny movies spooky ones2 iluv boating i wanna geta 4 wheeler really bad iluv2 talk alot get2 know other people get2 gether witha buncha people ndo whatever just hangout tell me@u
(I was reeling, there was no way this was real, Lance suggested that maybe Calvin was pulling one over on me. I read it outloud to the roomies and a couple of girls who came over to play Wii. Everyone agreed that IF she was real that I should at least meet her. She could be hot, and if not it would be a good story. I again didn't respond for about an hour.)
JUDY: so tell me@u
(after 20 mins with no response)
JUDY: so tell me@u
(another 5 minutes)
JUDY: Heyu where didu go? tell me @u
(About then Calvin arrived home. He assured me it wasn't him. While I was telling him the story I got two more texts)
JUDY: didu go2 bed?
(after 10 minutes)
JUDY: heyu its only 11 ru in bed if yr not tell me@u
(I decided right there that that was it, I was not going to meet this girl she was clearly a fruit cake. However my audience begged me to continue the conversation and I obliged them.)
JAKE: About me. I'm 21, stunning in blue, I like Sour Patch Kids, the smell of gasoline, and I love soccer...
JUDY: i luv soccer very much so dou play soccer2 id luv2 watchu play what dou do4 work? send me some pics ofu?
JAKE: There's like a 100 pics on facebook?
JUDY: I dont have an account on face book soi cant c all yr pics so takea pic with yr phone silly n wear sumthin blue
JAKE: Ha ha, my phone doesn't have a camera. (LIE)
JUDY: Suck so when ru going2 take me for a ride withu on ur hot bike
JAKE: I'm winterizing it tomorrow, too bad, we will have to wait till spring. I'll talk to you then.
JUDY: lol right yr going to wait2 spring o ur so funny
(I was done. I had a headache from translating her gibberish into English and felt I had sufficiently entertained my roommates and guests. She sent me 6 more texts that night, asking where I was and stuff. I changed her number in my phone to "Don't Answer4")

Jake