Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Finding, Dating, and Marriage Pools

The last few days since ending things with Andrea have been rough. I'm not going to complain anymore than the previous sentence though, because I do realize I brought this all on myself and am getting what I deserve.

In the form of a teeny update, Andrea has tried to call me twice and sent me a text or two everyday until today. Today she didn't send me anything. I have not responded mostly because I just don't know what to say and partly because I'm afraid if I do that I'll just end up crawling back to her. Her basic message thus far seems to be that we need to talk, and that she thinks I have made a mistake. I have decided to try to move on even though my motivation is pretty low right now. I do miss Andrea and wish it had been different.

In the interest of moving on, I have decided to enlist some of the training that I got on my mission and apply it to my dating cause. When on a mission there are three major pools that you work your investigators through. The first is the finding pool (in my post mission application I will still call this the "finding pool"), then the teaching pool ("dating pool"), and then finally the baptism pool ("marriage pool").

The finding pool is the largest pool in the group. It covers people that you haven't even met yet. In Ireland, on days where we decided to work our finding pool we would go to the town center and stop people on the street, or we would go tracting door to door, or visit less-active members. Pretty much anyone we talked to that day about the gospel was then added to our finding pool. We would make sporadic contact with them until they were ready to be moved into the teaching pool.

Since I was semi-serious with Andrea over the last three months, I have just been throwing every girl I meet into my finding pool. Including, but not limited to, the "chesty" chorister in my ward that I'm certain makes eyes at me during hymns. The blond that sits across from me in Macro Economics that always seems to find an excuse to ask me a question. The receptionist at my Grandma's nursing home that has twice taken the liberty of revealing far too much about her ex-boyfriend to be a coincidence. Along with a myriad of other girls that may or may not make it into the next pool.

The teaching pool very obviously comprises all the people we were teaching the discussions to. From those receiving the first lesson to those being interviewed for baptism. The teaching pool is the one a missionary spends most his time focusing on. A good missionary does not neglect his finding pool because he'll need to keep feeding his teaching pool, but probably 80% of his time is spent on teaching.

Again, because of my pseudo commitment to Andrea, my dating pool is pretty bleak at the moment. I pretty much have Harper, who I've told you about. Holly, the girl in our ward who has shamelessly informed me that she has a giant crush on me. And, Renee, a sister from my mission that I have a little bit of history with.

However, Harper is a bit of a loon. Holly has braces and shorter hair than me, which by themselves aren't unattractive, but combined with her overall average looks makes her altogether unattractive. And, Renee, she lives in friggin Cedar City, that's a little far to go to see someone on a regular basis.

With prospects like these three girls, it's similar to when a missionary moves into a new city and the teaching pool is kind of stagnant and has just some of the same old people in it. Just like I would have done on my mission, I am going to relegate these girls from my dating pool into my finding pool for now and see what happens later on.

(side note: I only put a link to the definition of "relegate" because Calvin was certain with his vast understanding of the English language that if he didn't know its definition, that you, our readers wouldn't know it. He tried to get me to change it, so I appeased him by putting in a link that would not only help some people learn a new word, but would also allow me to mock him for his maternal spelling and grammar nagging.)

So, what was once known as the "baptism pool" is now called my "marriage pool". Unlike the mission, in a romantic relationship there can be only one that moves into the marriage pool, because, as you probably all know, Polygamy was done away with a few years ago. Unless you follow Warren Jeffs, or take the HBO series "Big Love" a little too seriously.

I sat down today and decided that there were a few girls I already know I want to move from my Finding Pool into my Dating Pool. I recognize that I am pretty much basing my excitement over any given girl in my Finding Pool off of her attractiveness for the most part. Shallow? Perhaps.

I guess I could take the time to deeply and thoroughly get to know all of the girls while still in my Finding Pool, and then, based off of their personality and finer qualities, pick one of them to date and move them into my Dating Pool. This would probably result in the dreaded "hang-out and make-out" friendships that I hear so many girls complaining about. However, I actually like dating, and going on dates. So, it seems to me a more prudent idea is to date a couple of them at a time while getting to know them.

So yesterday, I sent a mass text out to each girl in my Finding Pool (seven of them) that said, "What you doing?" to try and strike up a conversation and kind of "feel out" where I stood with each one. They all responded, and I had fairly decent flirty textersations with each of them.

Textersation of the day was with Becca. Becca is roommates with a girl that Lance makes out with every couple of weeks without ever taking her out. Becca has more respect for herself, she's cuter than her roommate (I think), and she's funny. Here's how it went:

J: What you doing?
B: Not much, just sitting in class. What are you doing?
J: Just got a Jamba, heading home. How's class? Exciting?
B: Ha ha...? Always!!
B: Ok there wasn't supposed to be a question mark. :)
J: Oh, phew! I was sitting here thinking you didn't think I was funny.
B: No, I just don't pay attention to what I write until after I send it for some reason. :)
J: Who do you think is sexier? Bruce Wayne or Peter Parker.
B: Ha ha ha... That is an easy one!! Bruce!!
J: Really?
B: Heck yes!! Way Hotter, and Richer! And he would probably know more tricks in bed. ;)
J: Ah, I see what's important. Compared to Peter though he's kind of a player, gets around, is afraid of commitment... no problems there?
B: As long as I didn't get killed by someone trying to get to him, or get herpes we're good.
J: Ha ha ha! You're bomb.
B: Ha ha ha... Thanks!
J: Have fun in class, catch you later.

I decided to stop there, and wait until later to ask her out, but I think Becca will definitely be one I'll try and get comfy with in my Dating Pool. Furthermore, in the interest of continuing to apply my mission training to dating I have decided to set goals. My goal now will be, I hope to have at least three girls in my actual Dating Pool before Thanksgiving.



Anonymous said...

I know what relegate means... don't underestimate your readers. Also, you really want to add a girl who talks about someone, even a fictional character, knowing more tricks in bed to your dating pool? Andrea IS better off without you.

The Boob Nazi said...

She brought up tricks in bed. Unlike anonymous before me, I think this is a good thing. I vote for Becca.

Koo said...

I've just been introduced to this fabulous collection of "manfessions". It's fabulous, hilarious, and eye-opening?

I shall return. *shifty eyes*

Ps. Bruce IS sexier.

Ru said...

Ha ha, the mass text! Be careful with that trick Jake, girls eventually figure it out. :) Becca sounds fun, I hope you guys hit it off.

Anonymous said...

Becca seems awesome! and I didn't know what relegate means. I didn't click on the link either because I am that lazy. Anyway, I couldn't picture Andrea saying something like that. This girl seems more your type. I am interested to see what happens.

Bailey said...

Ha I have mixed feelings about this chick. It's totally something I would say, but probably after the guy knows I'm not a slut face.

CarrieBradshaw* said...

I agree with my blog BFF Boob Nazi. I automatically liked this Becca chick with her response. She's not dull, and has a sense of humor. She may even watch PG-13 movies with you! But if you're looking for a REALLY good time I nominate Miss Scarlet (sorry I can't add links ) http://www.nikeki.blogspot.com. just saying I heard she has a lot of tricks in bed and I happen to know she's single.


bd said...

Jake- no offence, but you're kind of a douche bag. You said that you wanted to be open and honest with Andrea and then you wont give her the time of day. Part of being the person you pretend to want to be involves growing up and not running away from a conversation. Now, if she gets crazy when you are actually having a conversation and wont talk to you rationally, then you can start avoiding her. From experience I can tell you that running away from this sort of thing just makes you feel bad in the end.

Lula! said...

Wow...my first visit here and it has made me happy.

Did Becca say, "...or get herpes, we're good." Because that is amazing right there.

And did you really do your mission in Ireland? DUDE, I met Mormon missionaries in Ireland. When I was doing mission work there myself. 'Cept I was in Cork with the evangelicals...of whom I inquired, "There's MORMONS in Ireland?"

Please love me through this admission. I really didn't know. I was a former Catholic, turned Baptist. And we Baptists tend to think 90% of the world is Baptist, too. Seriously.

20 Something said...

Way to get right back out into the dating world. Good luck with the 3 of the girls! Cant wait to hear about them.

Anonymous said...

You are a douche. Simply put.

You broke up with Andrea because you felt less of a man around her? I guess, douche and idiot. Instead of working on becoming her equal, you broke up with her.

I am older and have seen this movie many times...horny, loser, guy who thinks he knows more than anyone else...

Seriously, I hope you marry someone that cheats on you with your brother...or sister.

Glad Andrea is better off.

Kristin Lee said...

I don't even have words for this. But it makes me laugh. Interesting way to date. :P

Bekah said...

Wait. Polygamy isn't practiced anymore? It's the only reason I visit this blog... I was hoping to be the first of many wives for the most attractive roommate. Or the funniest. I'll take either. (Or both?)

PS: Lula I love you

Bekah said...

PPS: just kidding about what I said above. Except the part about loving Lula. I do love her

lifechick said...

You both use too many "ha"s, but other than that, Becca sounds like she could be a good fit for you - for your nefarious purposes at the moment, anyway. ;)

I fear what it says about education in the U.S. that "relegate" could be considered a difficult word. Oh, shoot - should I have defined "nefarious"?

K & L said...

Just found your blog. You guys are too funny. Let's be friends :)

Anonymous said...

hmmm...has it ever occurred to you to maybe just let things happen and stop trying so hard to find so many girls to date? maybe you should take some time and mourn the loss of your relationship with andrea? you're taking the romance out of finding love and trying to control it too much. your love life sounds like a job. it doesn't sound natural at all....maybe it's a mormon thing.

Anonymous said...

i agree with "bd." you need to man up and stop avoiding andrea. you OWE her some time and some conversations. this was something you were thinking about for a long time, but it was completely out of the blue for her. show her some respect. men need to get over this passive aggressive avoidance bulls**t. be upfront and direct. GROW UP. start now before you're married because it will just get worse once you're married if you don't.

kelleidoscope said...

Ha. I'll just say you make me appreciate my boyfriend.. quite a bit. Thanks.

Autumn said...

Hey! You guys are awesome! And I enjoy your posts, even though a lot of the time, you are complete d bags and think with the wrong head. But, either way, you make me laugh. And thanks for following me by the way.

Ashley Lin said...

So, I love the idea of your website, and I really love reading your posts. If I was honest with myself, I'd admit that I wouldn't mind being one of these girls you date, because seriously, this is pretty valuable information. Oh, and Calvin, I appreciate that you're concerned about grammar and punctuation. The majority of blogs in this world make me want to hand out dictionaries on street corners...

Nikki said...

This whole dating thing is a total yawn for me...I do however have a question about Becca's roommate that makes out with Lance every couple of weeks without going out translating into "no respect for herself". Technically if a girl demands dinner before a make out is she not in essence a sort of prostitute? I mean why can't a girl want to just make out for the fun of it like a guy does? Maybe she just wants to make out with Lance and has no interest in dating him. He may be a good-looking douche bag that she wants to pounce on and nothing more. Is that a problem or is it because she is a girl? Is Lance a disrespecter of self because he just wants to lip lock without dating? I am guessing No and neither is she. Let's be honest guys, girls are no more sluts for kissing many guys than you are. And yet you say such primitive things about "girls". Why are women not offered the same luxury of promiscuity as you are without labels? Double standards suck and so do the guys who make them. Women want to get it on just as much as guys do, don't kid yourselves. Madonna taught us how to be nasty girls who want to pleasure ourselves and I know its intimidating for men to be with women who know what they want, but get over it and get over yourself. You are a make out machine, are you disrespecting yourself? Or do you think it makes it all good because you spend some money on the poor bambi's before making out? I don't get it. Personally save the dinner and a movie for the ugly girls. I want to make out with you first to see if you are worth having a hamburger and watching a shitty movie with. Just sayin. :)N

Amy said...

Whoo. I have to agree with Nikki. "I mean why can't a girl want to just make out for the fun of it like a guy does?" So true. I used to makeout with guys just for fun, before I found my bf. Does that make me a 'slut' or does that mean I'm 'disrespecting myself'? Ha. No. It's just fun to make out ok? Sheeeesh. :]

By the way, I don't think you need to focus so much on having as many girls in your dating pool as possible. Take it one girl at a time. Of course, you wanna look at all your options first, but try not to think of numbers. Just like on a mission, numbers are important, but are they the most important? Wouldn't you rather have baptized five people who stay completely active in the church their whole life, rather than 800 people who leave within a year? And is the number of girls in your 'dating pool' more important that the quality of girls you date? Well, maybe to you, since you are a guy. But remember, quality over quantity. haha. Doesn't mean you can't date lots of different girls...have fun!!! But don't make it your focus to have a huge 'pool.'

Jake said...

Ladies (Nikki & Amy),

Already I have Calvin constantly riding me for my posts being to long. Otherwise I would have happily fleshed out the portion of the story about Lance and his make out buddy. However I didn't figure I'd bore you with the other fluff so I left it out to attempt succinctness.

You do make a good point, and I too agree that a woman should be offered the same luxury of (mormon appropriate) promiscuity as me, without labels. Sorry for the generalization. However in my not so humble opinion, Becca's roommate is not one of these empowered self confident, get-what-I-want-because-I-deserve-it kind of girls that you are speaking of. Furthermore, Lance definitely has very little self respect, again, I could spend several entire posts evidencing that fact, but for now you're just going to have to trust me.

Though I do agree with your point, in my limited life experience, I think that the female mindset you are promoting as common place is very rare. I could be wrong, I'll admit that, but I just haven't seen a lot of it. Seriously, confident women who want to snog without commitment, line em' up!

I would say more like 1 of 50 girls thinks about physical intimacy the way you are describing. I'm sure scientists somewhere have looked into this and that studies would back me up... though I'm to lazy to look anything up.

Rather I'll just arrogantly state this as an unsupported fact: Kissing/intimacy very definitely means more to the average woman than the average man. Because of that, there are more women who, if the don't respect themselves, slut around to make people like them.

I think we're both right... I'm just more right. Oh, and quit bagging on double standards. They make the world go round.

PS: Amy, I am looking for quality to be sure... but if I HAVE to get a bullseye I'd rather throw 800 darts then 10.

Nikki said...

Jake, great points. You are right about one thing, in a physical relationship the relationship will eventually become more emotional to one side, and it is more likely to be the woman. That I can stipulate. I guess I am in my prime and have a skewed view of a woman's libido. As for you being more right, not a chance. You are still too young and too male to know your head from your ass. I say that with all due respect and as a lover of the male species...:)N

Anonymous said...

Nice to see the MBP boys interacting in the comments these last few posts :)

Jake your profile say's you don't know your then's and than's. You should probably add, to's and too's, your's and you're's, and there's, their's and they're's. ;)

-a girl to whom a kiss means something

Ryan Hadlock said...

I just went through the old posts to get a better feel for this blog. 1 thing, Jake JUST got back from his mission in MAY??? Dude, you shouldn't be worried about an exclusive relationship with ANYONE yet! I'm gonna go out on a limb and say THAT's why you broke up with Andrea. And to which I'll add, you did the right thing. 50% of LDS marriages break up just like every other marriage in this country, you should be in NO hurry at all!!!

As for making out with lots of girls, just realize that to a lot of girls not only is that more emotional than it is to you, but it means you LIKE them more than just hanging out friends. AND girls talk AND the world in which you function is small and you don't want to start getting THAT reputation. Don't be greedy, but don't be too hasty to choose one forever - trust me divorce SUCKS, so get the right girl the first time (maybe within a couple hundred darts instead of 800 :-D )

And this blog is awesome, it cracks me up! B-)

Busy Bee Lauren said...

Dear MBP. You all rule. Busy Bee Lauren will now endorse you and all of your straight awesome entertainment.

Make a button, because it is totes going on my sidebar.

Actually, hit me up...I will set you up with my person who makes me buttons.

caitlin said...

I always demand dinner before a make-out session, however I don't do it on a street corner, so I'm pretty sure I'm not a prostitute. This blog is mostly funny, a little too descriptive of the late night kissfests, but mostly funny.

Tay said...

Jake, you are a complete ass, but I guess somebody's gotta be. I'll give you props on not just saying "this doesn't feel right" and leaving it at that after days and days of weirdness. And if you want the truth, there are very few men who actually "deserve" the woman they married. And only this biggest jerks actually say that they deserve their wife.

I'm not saying that my husband doesn't deserve me, but I do make more of an effort in the spiritual area and just go forward with the realization that he'll move at the pace he moves, not mine. And that's ok. I'm female, things like that come to me faster.

Just stop making excuses for yourself, man up, and realize that most girls love a guy because they see the potential. Most girls are ok with the fact that they aren't marrying perfection.

Now, going back to what Ryan said, you are a little too soon off the mission to be seriously dating. At least you waited until you were de-weirded. There is nothing worse than and awkward RM just off his mission trying to date a girl more seriously than he's ready for. And it's usually not a good idea to marry the first girl you date.

Anonymous said...

K, that girl is a skank. No wonder why you would decide to include her. You are pathetic and sad. You sicken me!

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