Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Harper Experience

I went out with Harper last night. I did not, nor do I plan to, tell Andrea about it. I know, I know, most of the readers of this blog think it a very na├»ve decision. I don’t even have an extremely good or well thought out explanation or justification for my actions.

Sure I could say that we haven’t officially titled our relationship as exclusive. I could also point out that Andrea too, is, or has, gone out with another guy and it's only fair. I could, again, mention how the experience could strengthen what we already have. However, I could give some pretty solid counter arguments for t each of those reasons too. Truth is I had a chance to go out with Harper, and without bothering to weigh the consequences or to entertain every possible scenario, just decided to take that chance.

At work Harper mentioned how badly she wanted to see (500) Days of Summer. Andrea had a softball game that night and so I simply suggested to Harper that we go see the movie that night. Harper said, “You mean like a date?” I replied, “Not “Like” a date.” I waited for her to ask about Andrea, but she just smiled and accepted.

When I picked her up she looked pretty frickin sexy. I imagined her for a second getting ready for our date and making sure that her surgically perfect breasts were displayed in the most flattering way as to get my attention. I imagined her doing this because her surgically perfect breasts were definitely grabbing my attention… I’m not even a “boobs guy" (that said just because they’re not the highest bullet point, they are still on the list, and Harper had that item covered.)

We got dinner first. Conversation was flowing. She was acting like I was the funniest guy on the planet. I know she is a flirt, and I know that she was probably purposely over doing it a little, but I didn’t care, it felt good. She had mastered the laugh-and-gently-touch-my-arm/leg/shoulder-smile-and-then-make-prolonged-eye-contact move which, I was happy to see her repeat over and over.

Whenever I go to a movie with a girl, there is always the issue of the arm rest. I have always just decided to let the girl be in charge of it. I usually will act aloof, like I don’t even know that the armrests adjust and see what she does. We sat down and Harper immediately looked at the armrest and tried to adjust it. It didn’t move. She looked puzzled. On the edge of her seat she looked at the row in front of us and then the row behind. She said with a grin, “Oh, this wont do.” Then she climbed over the back of her seat, sat in the row behind, and adjusted the armrest. She coyly patted the empty seat next to her.

We snuggled pretty hard throughout the movie. It helped that it was a great movie to. It sort of ended on a "not-love" note, which I figure for a chick flick is a bad thing. We sat in the theater through the credits. I tried to get up a couple of times but she resisted with her head on my chest she said, “No (with a little whimper) wait a little longer.”

It was a little weird, but other then that the date was terrific. I constantly compared Harper to Andrea. Andrea was far more genuine, and far more interested in me. They were both fun and easy to talk to. Again, Andrea had a much more attractive face, but Harpers boobs were hard to ignore. I thought as we left the theater, I like Andrea a lot more then I could ever like Harper… (which is going to make me look like a bastard when you read the next part).

During the drive home Harper had her hand on my leg. She was sitting so that the profile of her chest bumps were almost picturesque. I was pretty turned on, and decided (again ignoring consequences) that I was going to try and kiss her, even though, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t go out with her again.

I walked her up to her doorstep and we hugged. I tried to pull out, but she again resisted. We hugged for a really long time. She whispered during the hug, “Please don’t kiss me.” I heard her clearly, but said, “What?” She whispered again, “Please, don’t kiss me.” (still in the hug) I kind of chuckled and said, “If I do am I going to get slapped? Because if that’s all that is at risk—“ She interrupted me, “No.”

She pulled out of the hug, her arms around my shoulders and she looked at me. The porch light wasn’t on, and it was dark, so I couldn’t be sure, but it almost looked like she was crying. She was being very serious, “Just trust me and don’t kiss me please.” I was confused. She was basically saying, "I can tell you want to kiss me, and if you do I'll kiss you back, but please just don’t do it."

My mind began to race and in less then three seconds I had the following thoughts. (a) Her dad is behind the door and if I kiss her he will come outside and beat me to death. (b) She was in league with Andrea this whole time to see what I would do, and now was feeling guilty and really wanted to tell Andrea that I didn’t kiss her. (c) She had some other man in her life to which she was cheating on at this very moment. (d) I had extremely bad breathe. (e) One of her boobies had popped or something and she needed to go. (f) Did she have a cold sore, or worse? (g) She is acting super weird right now… extremely unstable, perhaps bi-polar, and is probably carrying more baggage then I care to deal with.

My previously described arousal was gone, and I just wanted to be done. So I hugged her once more, quickly, looked at her and said, “Okay.” Then I left. She stood on the porch and watched me walk to the car. She stayed there staring until I drove away.

I’m not sure what happened. I don't want to go out with Harper again for sure though and will probably just joke about the silly 'don't kiss me convo' on her front porch. This little experiment made me want to see Andrea so I sent her a text that said, “P.S. you’re awesome.”

Jake

28 comments:

whyimstillsingle said...

I really don't think you were under any obligation to tell Andrea. You guys aren't exclusive (yet?). And now you can stop wondering about Harper.

RuthAnne said...

Um, it just sounds like she got both the "we're not going out again" vibe from you. Generally, even really flirty girls like Harper don't like to make out with guys they like, but who don't like them back - and much less have to see them at work every day afterward.

Awkward in her delivery, absolutely right in her message. I actually kinda like this Harper girl. Now (stern older sister finger shake) be nice to her at work and don't let it get awkward.

Chloe said...

Hahaha..seriously you guys crack me up. I sat here reading this post and felt like I was reading a juicy novel. I love it. I will stick by my last comment though, where I said that I think you just haven't found the right girl yet. You need a mix of Andrea and Harper. I know you will find her someday...I'm rootin for you guys.

Kelly said...

Wow. That was a super weird ending. I am so glad you did not kiss her though, because if that got out at work (and there's no doubt that eventually it would), then things would probably end pretty quickly with Andrea.

If I were you I'd go for a pretty face because when a woman gets to be 40 the boobs aren't as hot as they used to be.

Amy said...

I was rooting for Andrea the whole time, and I don't really have a reason for it. Harper seems cool, but I just have a huge pet-peeve of flirtacious girls like her. The way you described her flirting with you at work made me kinda sick. Like I said, it's just a pet-peeve of mine. But anyway, if I could chose your life for you, I would say, don't date Harper again. And I know you're a guy and can't help it, but in the future, don't pick a girl just because of her surgically perfect boobies. That's stupid. :]

Trey said...

Nice post. I was reading this during one of classes and had a hard time keeping the chuckles in. I shrunk behind my computer on a few occasions.

Be wise in your choosing and actions. Might I suggest thinking more long term. Kids, finances, etc.

Anonymous said...

there is plenty of time to worry about long term and consequences. i say live it up before you can't. take chances. you will learn more about yourself that way and make a much better husband, father and provider later on. i'm not saying go buck wild and make choices that might forever affect your life or anything, just take risks.

p.s. it does sound like harper is carrying some baggage that is too heavy for her right now...she acted really strange (at least that's what i'm getting from what i'm reading...) and if it's like that on a first date who knows what it will look like tomorrow or the next day.

absolutely love reading your blog!!

f1trey said...

not bad dawg....she is emotionally unavailable .....period.....

samnhal said...

I'm glad that you didn't kiss her. She seems nice and apparently is a touchy feeley person, but I definitely like Andrea better. Even though I really like Andrea, I kind of agree that maybe you need a mix. Maybe as you continue your relationship with Andrea she will come out of her shell more and be more flirtatious. Nice move with the text to her, that's cute. Girls love that stuff.

Angel said...

I think that there is nothing wrong with going out with Harper, you are exclusive with Andrea. It is always better to find out if you go out with someone else if you would like them more before you get to the exclusive relationship.

Andee said...

haha! wow that is SO wierd that she asked you not to Kiss her and was (most likely) crying..Talk about EMOTIONAL!
but I give you props for that text to Andrea too..girls DO love that.

:):)
P.S. I'm not sure how I feel about this blog. Sometimes I read it and I'm seriously disgusted. Then other times, Like today, I read it and I absolutely LOVE it.

(The sad thing is, I NEVER want to be one of these girls, yet I enjoy reading about it...most of the time at least)

That Chick said...

odd... either she was getting that "not going out again" vibe or she is in cahoots with andrea... dunno. interesting, though.

good post. like it. she sounds like a bit of an oddball though. probably better that you aren't going to be going out with her again, who knows what the crap would happen.

cute what you wrote to andrea. yay :D

Kalina said...

I think Harper knew you weren't going to ask her out again and that's why she acted "weird" and didn't want you to kiss her. She got emotional because she obviously like you and that the feelings were one sided.

One of the commenters mentioned that it seemed that Harper has "emotional baggage". I have absolutely no idea where he got that, but it seems to me that Harper knows you're not into her and that's why she didn't want you to kiss her.

Smart girl! She's saving her boobs for someone else!

Steven said...

Just a little tip. When you get married you don't automatically STOP noticing every other girl.
Point is... if you can't stop yourself from slutting around now, you won't automatically be faithful when you get married.

You're "technically" not "exclusive" with Andrea, but I get the impression you both kinda know that you ARE in a relationship. I'd suggest being more open with each other. If you wanna date other people then tell her that. If you don't, tell her that. If you're scared and not sure what you want... tell her that, and maybe you can figure out what's going on. Communcation is key.
Just my two cents.

Anonymous said...

I think its funny that everyone is assuming that Harper could tell Jake wasn't going to take her out again... What is she a mind reader? She could just tell?

If he was planning on trying to kiss her then it seems like she would be none the wiser.

Personally, I think she's psychotic, which is good because if Jake isn't a boob guy then she probably should save them for someone who will appreciate her investment. Like me.

Where do you work again?

-Jason-

JawnZ said...

I had a similar experience once, only I wasn't already dating anyone else. the girl told me not to kiss her, in almost the same manor...so I did. Harper sounds a lot like this girl (Evan, and yeah she's a girl), and I'm telling you now it was a ploy. it's probably worked for harper before, so she was trying it again.

man up and realize you should probably be with andrea. yeah, she's molly mcmormon, but if you're honest with yourself, that's the type of girl you wanna end up with.

anyways, enjoy reading your guys blog, cheers.

Brandon said...

harper sounds desperate. and weird. good thing you didn't kiss her otherwise andrea might not have been able to see past the date ONCE SHE FINDS OUT.

Bridger W. said...

I've spent about two minutes total looking at your blog. Please leave me alone.

Miss Priss Morgan said...

She probably doesn't want to kiss some guy, and subsequently start to like him, when she knows he's kissing other girls.

Also, I'm glad you had a good time, however it seems like you only like her because she makes you feel good (flirts a lot) and has perfect breasts.

If that is where your mind set is, be careful, you don't want to get off the path....

Secondly it's fine you date other people and not tell Andrea, you're not exclusive and if she's dating other people, she has to assume you are too.

lifechick said...

I'm with the posters who think Harper got that you're just not that into her.

I still think you're playing with fire not to mention it to Andrea. Harper works with you. What are the odds she won't mention to any co-worker that you two went out?

If you tell Andrea, you get to present the information. If it gets to Andrea through the grapevine, the story of your exploits will likely be greatly embellished by the time it reaches her. And she'll be likely to believe whatever version of it she hears, since she'll know you kept it from her.

Yes, the risk is that you tell Andrea, and she gets angry and maybe dumps you. If you don't tell Andrea, she maybe finds out elsewhere, and definitely dumps you. Do you always dig yourself into holes like this?

Whatever you do, good luck!

Anonymous said...

I think you are a man-whore. Why didn't you just give her a pearl necklace and get if over with. You don't care about Andria, Harper, or yourself. Get a life man!

Anonymous said...

Your stories make my day.
I think you're funny and I appreciate your honesty. It's refreshing to read your blogs and know that someone's telling the truth, even if it is messy and slightly complicated, it's the way it is. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Bwahahahahahahaha "chest lumps"

(sigh) =)

Anonymous said...

This was a pleasant post to read.

I'm going with option "d".

-Blazzer

Anonymous said...

You are a bastard. Here's you -Hey I don't like girl B, I like girl A better, buuut since girl B is here I might as well make out with her if I can. I don't like you anymore.

Chloe said...

I think I am going to link to you guys..sorry I didn't before..but you stopped commenting on my blog! And I don't think you guys are bastard's. You are just trying to figure out what you are really looking for like everyone else. And you are being honest about it. People don't have to read it if they don't like it. And they certainly don't have to comment either. You guys rock.

The Boob Nazi said...

Real big boobs are better. That's all.

Allie said...

I am getting addicted to this stuff... I love your honesty and your ability to dig deep down and analyze your own thoughts.

If it were me? I would choose Andrea. From the other things I've read, it seems that she genuinely cares about you and you guys have a pretty good thing going.

I can't wait to hear about how this all shake out!