Saturday, September 5, 2009

Role Reversal

Brittany is getting pretty pushy. I'm trying to decide if she's naive or manipulative. Her two children would lead me to believe she's not a naive person. But then again, maybe it's her naivety that has gotten her into a situation where she has two children with two different guys.

I should clarify briefly (and I'm not really sure if this even matters) that Brittany had her son out of wedlock when she was 17. Then she got married when she was 19 to a different guy, had her daughter, and then got divorced. So even though there are two dads, her actions weren't completely off-the-deep-end slutty or anything... I don't think. But I can't really trust my opinion of her since I'm directly involved in my relationship with her.

She really likes me to sleep over. A couple of readers have alluded to, and even said straight out, that Brittany needs someone in order to be happy. She's had a man in her life pretty much non-stop since she was 17 years old and I just happen to be the guy that's in her life now. I don't mind being that guy. But I don't like the insinuation that Brittany is using me. I guess it's possible, but there are guys out there much hotter than me who could be spooning Brittany every night instead of me, but they aren't. I am.

I've been able to remain in control up to this point in our relationship. I admitted in a previous post that the line I've drawn for myself is probably a couple notches further than the line you've drawn for yourself. It has become abundantly clear to me over the last week that Brittany's line is a couple of notches past my own line. Remember that scale I used a couple of weeks ago? Then one where "holding hands" is a 1 and "full blown intercourse" is a 10? Well, I'm pretty comfortable in the 4 to 5 range. If I've been dating a girl for a little while and I'm really into her (actually... that doesn't really matter) then I've been known to delve into the 6's. I've hit an 7 twice in my life, but Brittany seems to be pushing for an 8 or an 8.5. That's pretty far out of my comfort zone. It's definitely in my "I wish like crazy I didn't have a Testimony" zone, but not in my comfort zone.

I'm always the one who stops the heated horizontal progression. Never her. She's even seemed irritated a couple of times that I stop things at a 5 instead of waiting till we hit a 6 or a 6.5. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Actually, maybe I do know what I'm trying to say.

I've dated a lot of girls in my life and I've always felt safe with them because I know they share my value system. I know they won't let me go too far and I won't let them go too far. Brittany is only the second girl in my life who I know for a fact wouldn't stop me if I decided to go all the way. That puts a lot of pressure on me. It means that it's only my self control that is keeping me safe. Nobody else's but my own. I don't know how long I can hold out.

Calvin

26 comments:

That Chick said...

Just in my opinion, if you're this worried about it, and feeling the pressure that badly, then it may not be the best idea for you to continue seeing her. The situation still reeks of red flags, maybe even more so now.

I think you should think really carefully about your next move. Its one thing to know that you can control yourself, but its another thing to put yourself into a situation where that choice is challenged regularly. Its just not the best idea.

Totally your decision though. If it was me, I would honestly just take a day to consider it seriously, even pray about what your next move ought to be.
Best of luck, bud. I really hope you get things figured out. :)

Crystal said...

well your last sentence says it all. I think you need to move onto another girl, unless you want a lot of heartache and a long road to repentenance in your near future. But I dont think she's worth that. Guys who choose the right are wayyy hotter, than guys who dont.

Anonymous said...

Calvin...

Why eff up your standing in the Church with someone who is needy, and doesn't respect your values in life? She sounds like a skank to be honest. You don't even love the girl...

You need to run in the opposite direction, and I hope you do. The day you say you effed up with this girl, will be a sad day.

FictionGroupie said...

I'll preface this by saying I'm not a Mormon, so I'm coming from a different perspective. However, I will say that the comments seem a little harsh on the girl.

Yes, when in a relationship, each person should respect the other's values. However, it is also understandable (to me) that a person who has once been married and has experienced level 10 (as you're calling it) is tempted to experience that again.

Once that switch is flipped on, it's kind of hard to flip it back off. Not impossible, just tough. Before you've experienced it, you don't know what you're missing. But afterwards, you know exactly what you're missing. :) So maybe she's just struggling with that.

Having said that, she shouldn't pressure you to do anything you're not ready for.

Hekela Lee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Girl Meets Gun said...

A apologize if I repeat any of the other comments, but I'm not reading them right off.

Brittany has two kids. She pretty much has no line. Not saying that is bad or anything; however, she is used to having intercourse. Therefore, it is probably really hard for her to understand why you don't want to have intercourse. Not to mention, she probably got it from every guy she's been with, and if she is used to it, sometimes it's hard to just stop once you start.

She shouldn't pressure you to do anything you don't want to do, nor should you feel guilty about not doing it. But, in the long run, if you guys DON'T do it, it'll probably end the relationship swiftly, because Brittany will find a new play thing. You are probably better off without her if this happens, and also if she actually gets irritated or annoyed that you won't take her panties off.

Just my opinion, though. Good luck.

JenX said...

Time to move on.

Tiffy J. said...

There are so many red flags that you might as well be in Communist China!!! I can't believe this!!! you need to step back and re-read this!! what are you doing? You said that you're worried. You shouldn't have to. Get out now while you still have self control and self respect!

Kalina said...

A few moments of pleasure ain't worth a lifetime of regret. Avoid the horizontal make-outs and the sleepovers and there won't be a make out session that goes to the level 10.

I'm sure Brittany is a good person, but I think she would be more suited to someone who is older and who has been married before or has kids too. And of course she's going to cross the line, she's had sex before, she knows what she's missing! Once you've had sex, it's hard to hold back especially when you're making out with someone that you have the hots for.

My 3 word advice, "Run, Forest, Run!"

Nikki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nikki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I know someone in a situation similar to you. Hes an RM of about 3 or 4 years and hes pretty churchy, or at least he was until a few months ago he started dating a non mormon. Hes dated a lot of them and I didnt think it would be a problem because hes the make out a quit it type but he really fell for her. He is now engaged to her and hes had sex with her. He says he will stay in the church and she isnt anti mormon or anything, but its caused all sorts of problems for him. Sex WILL cloud your judgement.

Anonymous said...

Calvin. You're screwed mate. I mean that very literally. You need to walk away, now. I'm sure you realize you're contradicting yourself, she IS taking advantage. I'm especially concerned because of the new poll in the sidebar. Foreshadowing are we?

-Blazzer

Kelly said...

I can't decide which analogy would be better here. The undesirable used chewed up piece of gum or the two stage coach drivers....

Don't be reckless. But be kind to Brittney.

f1trey said...

ok...ready??? your estimation of where her line is .....naively inaccurarte... a woman with two kids has a line beyond the 10.......you have your evidence .HEAR me.....you dont get two kids at 8.5........

she will push you till she gets what she wants...or give you the boot (blow up) when she realizes you are not going to budge...... you can send me a commetn when this happens....youre welcome in advance..... peace dawg

20 Something said...

I think that Brittany Is pushing you way to far. If your past your comfort zone and have had to stop here more then once, its time to move on.

Sorry it didn't work out

Nataliexxx said...

Thanks for following NQQxxx honey. You've made my day :-)

Anonymous said...

I'm getting the feeling this blog is written by anti-Mormons and that this is going to alloho really bad. If you are Mormon, please please be careful! I care very much about this church you're pretending to believe. If it gets much worse you could get excommunicated for this!

Nichola said...

Okay this is the first time i have commented on this blog since i only started reading yesterday. BUT... I think you are stepping in very dangerous waters here Calvin.. BE CAREFUL! If you dont think you can control where things are heading with this girl then you should really think about Ending it... Its really not good for either of you.

Mormon Bachelorette Pad said...

So you know that much about Brittany... AND you are still with her? Good grief.

Morgan Green said...

I agree with MBP... Why did you start dating her in the first place? Call me old fashioned but 1. I don't believe in dating someone you met online. 2. Go back and read your own posts, b/c obviously you're not seeing the red flags that are so blatently waving. Maybe 3rd party perspective will help.
Also, You keep mentioning your fantastic self control and strong values, but you are walking a VERY Very fine line. for example your values keep you at a 5-6 but you've already gone to a 7 (twice). How much longer do you think you can play with fire without being burned. TRUST ME, it's never worth it to find out.

Chloe said...

just be careful dude! it's so easy to get into those situations, and so hard to get out of. i am sure she is a great girl. just because she has 2 kids and has been married doesn't make her a bad person. but, try looking at knowing this info as an advantage, and just be careful that you don't let her make you compromise your line!

samnhal said...

And that would be why she has two children...In my opinion, most mothers adhering to LDS standards wouldn't want someone to sleep over. What kind of example is that showing her children? She may not be using you intentionally, but she appears to be one of those women who do need a man in their life constantly to feel secure. You should stop seeing her if she isn't willing to uphold your same standards, self control when it is left to only one individual is known to give out sometimes, and I bet you don't want that.

Samantha Kay said...

It's not Brittney's job to keep you safe and keep you from going to far. It's yours. It should never be her job or any other girls job. It should always be your job. It should be their job to keep themselves safe and in their range.

ReRe said...

i think if you don't stop sleeping over , it's gonna get harder and harder to stay at a 5 or 6 -- she knows that too

Taren said...

Just as yourself where is this going to get you? and the answer is no where good. no where good at all. Unless you see you being the father of her 3rd child as a good place, then by all means.