I like to think I'm an average guy. Average 21 year old. Average Mormon. Average returned missionary. Average looking, even. So it's comforting to think that I'm probably pretty average when it comes to my relationships. I don't date girls for longer than three months. It's not something I do purposely. I don't keep a calendar under my bed where I check off days during a relationship. I don't make a 90 day paper chain after a first date and rip off one paper ring every day and then break up with her on Day 90. I just mean, typically, three months is all a girl gets out of me. Usually less, but my more serious relationships last 90 days.
The oddest part about my "90-day-maximum" thing, is that my feelings don't slowly fade out like a lot of people. In MY relationships, it's like a light switch. There have been times where I've been really into a girl at 8pm when our date starts, and then at 9:30 pm, the switch goes off and I'm done. I'm literally done. I'm SO done, in fact, that I can't even finish the date with a smile on my face. I'll force myself to suffer through the next 3 hours and then I'll start my breakup process of avoiding telephone calls and such.
I haven't done the math or anything, cause I'm pretty lazy and I hate math, but there's no way I'm even close to 90 days with Brittany. I'm at MAYBE six weeks... tops. Brittany invited me to her brother's birthday party on Saturday. Except, about halfway to his house, Brittany told me that it wasn't actually his birthday, he was just celebrating his "half birthday". I asked why, but she didn't have a decent answer. Pretty much all of his reasons equate to "I'm stupid and I need to create fictitious reasons in order to feel comfortable inviting all of my friends over to my house." It was an unbelievably boring party. It was 30 of his friends... 25 of which Brittany also knew, and then me. All of the guests were only about 5 to 7 years older than me, but I felt young and stupid anyway. Nobody went out of their way to include me and I didn't care enough to make any sort of effort, either.
After the party was over, we went over to Brittany's house to watch a movie. Her roommate was there and invited over her guy friend (I don't even know his name). I guess he's a computer guy or something and he had a pirated copy of The Proposal. I missed the first 30 minutes of the movie because Brittany kept whispering stuff in my ear. Like flirty stuff. I was getting pretty irritated and I tuned out most of what she was saying until I heard her whisper something about her co-workers making fun of her. I peeled my attention away from the movie and asked her to repeat what she'd said. She said, "All of my co-workers make fun of me." I asked why and she said, "Cause I'm the only girl in my office whose boyfriend refuses to have sex." Oh geez. Whatever, Brittany. "Are you trying to make me feel guilty for not having sex with you?" "No," she replies, "I just feel like there's something wrong with me."
As close as I can pinpoint, that's when the light switch went off in my brain. It was like a combination of her crappy brother, his crappier party, her interrupting my movie, and then trying to make me feel guilty for not putting out. I rolled my eyes and decided to tough out the rest of the movie, go home, go to bed and try to put Brittany out of my mind forever.
Then something funny happened in the movie and Brittany poked my belly button, like, "Ha ha. That was funny wasn't it?" I told her not to poke my belly button. (It's one of my pet peeves. It doesn't tickle at all. It just kind of hurts.) Well, apparently Brittany didn't hear me cause about 10 minutes later, she did it again. I swatted away the offending digit and told her to "knock it off". She apologized and seemed surprised. I whispered, "I told you not to do it and then you did it again." She said, "I didn't hear you." Which is very possible, I guess.
She asked me what was wrong about 10 times between then and when I finally got out of there a couple hours later. She called me a ton on Sunday which I didn't answer. She only tried twice yesterday morning, but that's it. It seems like she's getting the hint quicker than most girls.
I know it shouldn't be funny, but it kind of is: Brittany probably thinks I broke up with her because she poked my belly button... twice.