The Harper Experience

I went out with Harper last night. I did not, nor do I plan to, tell Andrea about it. I know, I know, most of the readers of this blog think it a very naïve decision. I don’t even have an extremely good or well thought out explanation or justification for my actions.

Sure I could say that we haven’t officially titled our relationship as exclusive. I could also point out that Andrea too, is, or has, gone out with another guy and it's only fair. I could, again, mention how the experience could strengthen what we already have. However, I could give some pretty solid counter arguments for t each of those reasons too. Truth is I had a chance to go out with Harper, and without bothering to weigh the consequences or to entertain every possible scenario, just decided to take that chance.

At work Harper mentioned how badly she wanted to see (500) Days of Summer. Andrea had a softball game that night and so I simply suggested to Harper that we go see the movie that night. Harper said, “You mean like a date?” I replied, “Not “Like” a date.” I waited for her to ask about Andrea, but she just smiled and accepted.

When I picked her up she looked pretty frickin sexy. I imagined her for a second getting ready for our date and making sure that her surgically perfect breasts were displayed in the most flattering way as to get my attention. I imagined her doing this because her surgically perfect breasts were definitely grabbing my attention… I’m not even a “boobs guy" (that said just because they’re not the highest bullet point, they are still on the list, and Harper had that item covered.)

We got dinner first. Conversation was flowing. She was acting like I was the funniest guy on the planet. I know she is a flirt, and I know that she was probably purposely over doing it a little, but I didn’t care, it felt good. She had mastered the laugh-and-gently-touch-my-arm/leg/shoulder-smile-and-then-make-prolonged-eye-contact move which, I was happy to see her repeat over and over.

Whenever I go to a movie with a girl, there is always the issue of the arm rest. I have always just decided to let the girl be in charge of it. I usually will act aloof, like I don’t even know that the armrests adjust and see what she does. We sat down and Harper immediately looked at the armrest and tried to adjust it. It didn’t move. She looked puzzled. On the edge of her seat she looked at the row in front of us and then the row behind. She said with a grin, “Oh, this wont do.” Then she climbed over the back of her seat, sat in the row behind, and adjusted the armrest. She coyly patted the empty seat next to her.

We snuggled pretty hard throughout the movie. It helped that it was a great movie to. It sort of ended on a "not-love" note, which I figure for a chick flick is a bad thing. We sat in the theater through the credits. I tried to get up a couple of times but she resisted with her head on my chest she said, “No (with a little whimper) wait a little longer.”

It was a little weird, but other then that the date was terrific. I constantly compared Harper to Andrea. Andrea was far more genuine, and far more interested in me. They were both fun and easy to talk to. Again, Andrea had a much more attractive face, but Harpers boobs were hard to ignore. I thought as we left the theater, I like Andrea a lot more then I could ever like Harper… (which is going to make me look like a bastard when you read the next part).

During the drive home Harper had her hand on my leg. She was sitting so that the profile of her chest bumps were almost picturesque. I was pretty turned on, and decided (again ignoring consequences) that I was going to try and kiss her, even though, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t go out with her again.

I walked her up to her doorstep and we hugged. I tried to pull out, but she again resisted. We hugged for a really long time. She whispered during the hug, “Please don’t kiss me.” I heard her clearly, but said, “What?” She whispered again, “Please, don’t kiss me.” (still in the hug) I kind of chuckled and said, “If I do am I going to get slapped? Because if that’s all that is at risk—“ She interrupted me, “No.”

She pulled out of the hug, her arms around my shoulders and she looked at me. The porch light wasn’t on, and it was dark, so I couldn’t be sure, but it almost looked like she was crying. She was being very serious, “Just trust me and don’t kiss me please.” I was confused. She was basically saying, "I can tell you want to kiss me, and if you do I'll kiss you back, but please just don’t do it."

My mind began to race and in less then three seconds I had the following thoughts. (a) Her dad is behind the door and if I kiss her he will come outside and beat me to death. (b) She was in league with Andrea this whole time to see what I would do, and now was feeling guilty and really wanted to tell Andrea that I didn’t kiss her. (c) She had some other man in her life to which she was cheating on at this very moment. (d) I had extremely bad breathe. (e) One of her boobies had popped or something and she needed to go. (f) Did she have a cold sore, or worse? (g) She is acting super weird right now… extremely unstable, perhaps bi-polar, and is probably carrying more baggage then I care to deal with.

My previously described arousal was gone, and I just wanted to be done. So I hugged her once more, quickly, looked at her and said, “Okay.” Then I left. She stood on the porch and watched me walk to the car. She stayed there staring until I drove away.

I’m not sure what happened. I don't want to go out with Harper again for sure though and will probably just joke about the silly 'don't kiss me convo' on her front porch. This little experiment made me want to see Andrea so I sent her a text that said, “P.S. you’re awesome.”

Jake