Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Closure?

I have a pretty good memory. If I tried really hard I'm pretty sure I could relay Andrea's and my hour and a half conversation verbatim. Who wants to read all of that though... I wouldn't. That would be dumb. Like most conversations of this type we talked in circles and said a lot of the same things over and over again. So I have written the key points while trying my very hardest to stay true to what actually happened.

A: Hello
J: Hey
A: Hey
J: How are you?
A: Good.
J: Good.
...
J: This is weird, right?
A: (laughs) Yeah
J: Yeah... I knew it would be. I thought we should talk though.
A: I'm glad.
...
...
J: So your letter was, um, it was pretty hard to read... You said a lot of really nice things about me.
A: I meant them.
J: I know you did. I know. I just, I don't...
...
J: I don't know how to do this.
A: I guess that depends on what you want to do. What do you want to do?
...
...
J: I want to explain myself. I just hated reading that letter. I hated knowing that you were hurting like that. Hurting like that over me, over someone who--
A: If you're going to start in with the "deserve" stuff again maybe we just shouldn't do this.
...
J: W--
A: And if your just calling to explain yourself, that's another conversation I don't see the point of.
J: Well... okay... but I... I guess what I want is to do is to talk about how both of us feel.
...
J: I think we need to... (sigh)
...
J: I don't know.
A: Okay, fine. Do you think you were falling for me?
...
J: I... I--

A: (quivering voice) Okay... well that wasn't a good answer.
J: No, come on. You know I care about you.
A: but you don't love me.
J: No.
...
...(sniffling)
J: I mean, I don't even know what love is Andrea. I know that I feel strongly enough for you that I want you to be happy. I know that I love spending time with you. I honestly can say that I haven't felt as strongly about any girl before you.
...
J: I just don't think it's love, or at least it's not the idea of love that I have always imagined.
A: I... Why can't we just spend time together then? That doesn't make sense.
J: I know it doesn't make sense to you. I think the reason for that is, that you don't believe me.
A: Believe you? You don't even know what you're talking about. You just said that.
J: No. I said that I don't know what love is. I know exactly what I am talking about though.
A: So what am I not believing then? That you don't deserve me?
J: Maybe deserve is the wrong word. But this is what I feel, and I promise you, no matter what you say, or my mom says, or Calvin and the guys say, I know what I feel and why I am doing this. I adore you, I really do. You are amazing and beautiful and you know I could go on and on with compliments, but you're amazing. I want the best for you.
A: You can't decide what's best--
J: No I can't. You're right, but when I am with you, when we are together I think "she's gonna be happiest with someone else. I want her to be happiest." That's the truth. I promise you I don't want to go out and find other girls. I don't think I'm not ready for a commitment. I don't think I'm too young, and I don't think you are either. If Joseph Smith can talk to God at 14, you and I can certainly know what love is.
...
A: Did you show Calvin the letter.
J: You know the answer to that.
A: You did didn't you?
J: Of course I did. You know how open I am, I showed it to the other guys too.
A: I knew that would happen.
...
A: It's still a little embarrassing.
J: I showed my mom, too.
A: What?! Oh my gosh are you serious?
J: What? You are like the biggest most important event in my life right now. I needed the input of those I trust. You're amazing Andrea. This isn't the kind of thing I just take lightly.
A: Jake, I'm not that great, c'mon, you make me sound like--
J: Remember in your letter when you said you knew for a fact I didn't grasp what I was capable of and who I'd become? Well I believe that, because that door goes both ways.
A: This...
A: You're...
...(crying)
J: (quivering voice) I wish you could believe me when I say that you will thank me for this one day.
A: (crying) I believe that that is what you believe... I think it's stupid. I don't see why you can't just give us a chance. Why do you have to make it so... Why can't we just see?
J: I'm selfish. I'm the bad guy here. I know it. I feel guilty when we're together. Everyday you spend with me is a day you wont be spending with whoever Heavenly Father really has in store for you.
A: That's not how it works.
J: You know what I mean.
...
...
J: Andrea, you don't want me.
...
A: Yes. I do.
...
...
J: Well... I...
A: Did you pray about it?
J: Like crazy. There's no way I would've made this decision without praying.
A: I don't believe you.
J: And we're back to the root of the problem.
A: Well?
J: I know. I know this really sucks.
...
...
A: What if we just take a month to see if we can make this work?
J: I don't think that's a good idea. I'm not going to change Andrea... anytime soon.
A: You don't get it! I don't need you to change Jake.
J: I need to change though.
A: Just one month. I really think if you would have told me a month ago that you were feeling this way that we'd be together right now.
J: How about one month where we don't see or talk to each other at all? That makes just as much sense, if we can't live with out each other for that month, then we'll know.
A: You're such a jackass!
J: (light laughter)
A: What are you laughing at! This is--
J: (laughing) I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I just never heard you swear before. It sounded funny.
A: (amused) I never do it. It felt weird. You just make me so mad sometimes.
J: I like making you laugh.
...
A: I'm not laughing (laughs)
A: ...jackass
(laugh)
(laugh)
...
...
A: We're not getting anywhere are we?
J: One day you'll see. Trust me I am the smartest man who ever lived. I know that I'm right about this.
A: You're an idiot.
J: I know.
A: I'm calling you in one month.
J: You'll be married in a month.
A: You are seriously impossible.

Andrea and I continued talking for a while. We left on pretty good terms. It seemed that she walked away thinking we were taking a month off while I walked away thinking that we will both truly move on to something else.

Jake

103 comments:

Allison said...

um.. first? Just had to say that- then I'll come back and write something profound

Allison said...

I kind of want to cry. It's like the abyss of a chick flick. Not that it'll come to the same climax, but. All the same.

Thanks for talking to her. It must have been hard for both of you. You're a good guy.

Amy said...

Hmmmm. I don't know how to comment on this. I'm glad you two finally talked! Sorry to say, but it's kinda sad how embarrassed she was that Calvin read the letter. Imagine if she knew 500+ girls who don't know her read it. Oh well. Ha. Anyway, she is a great girl, but if you really don't feel right about being with her, then don't be with her. It's as simple as that. Thanks for sharing. I was going crazy all day waiting to know what happened!!! Alot of us crazy MBP obsessed girls were :)

Cyd said...

I agree with Allison. I fell like this is a chick flick. sorry if thats a bad thing. But I hope its a good one that turns out happy for both of you in the end! whatever that happiness is going to be... Way to be honest and really tell her whats up. But I do have to agree with Andrea that maybe you should have brought it up earlier on then when you still felt that way cut it off. Then she wouldn't have been left so hurt.

Tash said...

Aww thats sad.
It will work out for the both of you.
And its good that you talked to her :)

Freddy said...

Jake, after reading the letter I honestly BELIEVED you were going to back down(?).

Glad you stuck to your guns.

Not that I don't feel for Andrea, I do, just...it's smarter to see the big picture, right?

Team Jake? Yeah?

Anonymous said...

I agree with all the other comments. I am not sure what to say. I am proud of you though for calling her, and telling her the truth. Good Job. I hope all works out for you.

Busy Bee Lauren said...

Would you believe me if I told you, right when I opened up this post to read it (all excited, mind you) Ted decides to give me a 10 minute break down of the sequel to his favorite book, Ender's Game? I can't make these things up.

Anyway, you are a smart guy Jake. I think you made the right decision...especially if you prayed about it.

I would like to hear the convo you had with your mom.

Oh, and the last paragraph was tragically beautiful. Excellent writing.

Elspeth said...

I've got to say, you are the man. That was so sweet and caring how you talked to her, and yet you didn't just give her whatever she (and I think you) wanted. You held your ground on what you believed to be right, and by that I think you prove that you're better then you give yourself credit for. Anyway, I think you did the right thing, and I hope you don't hurt for too long.

Alexandra said...

Haha, you made her say "jackass!"

I'm glad you guys talked. And honestly, after your conversation, I'll be surprised if you continue to leave that letter up. I mean, she was embarrassed your mom saw it.

Carter @ The Kitchenette said...

I think it's for the best. Andrea probably doesn't feel like this now, but she must realize somewhere (far, far down) that your relationship would never be the same after this talk. It wouldn't be as pure, and she'd always be doubting whether you really loved her or not.

I think you handled this really well, Jake!

whyimstillsingle said...

"I needed the input of those I trust." And the input of the entire internet.

Hahahaha. So glad you posted this. I'm not trying to be mean, but I can't stop laughing.

Nicole said...

Poor girl. Personally I don't think she knows love is either. She's just all wrapped up in you. I can't speak for her of course, just sounds that way. Her poor little heart is just broken. Good for you to sticking to what you feel, cuz no sense letting it continue longer, cuz you would only hurt her more later. Good call Jake!

kelleidoscope said...

I've gotta say I truly think you're a good guy for not leading her on. If you really feel that it won't go anywhere- why make her believe it will? Your honesty to her was refreshing and I'm sure she'll appreciate it someday.
It's awesome that you laid it all out for her, I think it'll help her move on a lot faster than she would have without that talk.
Way to go. :)

Anonymous said...

I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation!! I found it funny that she swore and then said, "I never swear!'" and then she swore again! haha! oh it made me laugh! i think you made the right decision! if she doesn't believe you when you said you prayed about it then i think she has some trust issues! and trust is one of the most important things in a relationship! anyway! good job jake!

-Sass

Kristin Lee said...

I'm glad you gave her some closure, even if she didn't exactly take it that way. If you prayed about it I don't think you'll regret it, and I think once she does find someone special she will thank you for it. It's hard to know the difference between love and infatuation. I think you did the right thing though...at least for yourself.

p.s. I was freaking out for like 30 minutes because the blog wouldn't load and I wanted to read the update.

Katie said...

hey jake... um... will you marry me? your like amazingly sweet and awesome

Eppy said...

not gonna lie. Andrea finally grew a little in my eyes for finally swearing.

wow, i sound like a terrible mormon. whatevs.

That Chick said...

glad to see that you finally manned up to her. more or less. at least you didnt go running back to her the minute you got the letter.

personally, i'm iffy on Andrea in general. Something about her doesn't float my boat quite right. she just seems really young... though i guess we're the same age, so who am I to talk. :P

You'll get there, Jake. You'll find a girl some day that you don't have to analyze this hard with.

Shelby Lou said...

love is...

intense.

that was intense... in a different way.

Good Call Jake. Good Call.

KatOfDiamonds said...

This was a good call and you handled it so well. We all where on edge with Calvin's cryptic Tweets about what was goin' down on the phone.

A: Did you pray about it?
J: Like crazy. There's no way I would've made this decision without praying.
A: I don't believe you.

This right here... Kinda proves her age and her grasping at straws... If she really new you then she wouldn't have reacted that way.

I hope that she grows up a bit more. I think that you made a really good move.

Kaylen said...

props-- if she calls in a month (even if you're feeling super makey outey) you can't give in because the reason you know you have to end it NOW (and not in one month) is because then you might be in love and it'll be a gillion times harder..

Nikki said...

OK. Seriously, I don't want any comments about my comment or I will have tourettes and call you all retards.
This is so lame on so many levels. Not the conversation per se, but the whole praying about who Heavenly Father has in store for you crap. I am sorry folks but Saturday's Warrior was a piece of false doctrine crap of a movie. So, so, so many Mormon couples get married based on the warm fuzzy prayer and find out their husband is gay, addicted to porn or their wife is a drug addict or becomes one and leaves her husband for the Bishop. This is dangerous ground. When you get married to someone who promises certain things to you and God, they become THE RIGHT person. This romantic notion of God as match maker is such BS. Stop it now. Stop demanding guarantees from Heavenly Father that if you pick the one he wanted for you that your life will be a picnic in the park and your potential will be realized, barf already. Is that really how you think it works? Marriage is hard, life is hard. What if he or she chooses a different path in 10 years? Or suffers from severe depression and didn't tell you. Why did God let you marry someone who was going to screw you over in 10 or 15 years? Pray about it? Why would God tell you to NOT marry a nice Mormon girl in the Temple who loves you profoundly? We have our free agency people. Practice it and stop telling God to pick your spouses, who also have their free agency. Heavenly Father let's us choose and then hopefully both people choose to follow his commandments. Your job is to find someone you are crazy about who wants the same thing as you and that could be any number of women, not just one. Stop making marriage into celestial match maker.com. You have a long ways to go before either of you are fit for what your potential is going to be...the hardest part of life is coming and who you marry is important, but it's not Heavenly Father's choice. It's yours and yours alone. He can only promise and bless you after the trial of your faith and not before. Leaping into marriage is a leap of faith and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't...and if it doesn't and God gave you the go ahead, then what? Did he lie? No. It's called Free agency. Pick a nice girl that you are crazy about. One that will nag the hell out of you and at the end of the day you say, ok I can put up with her. Stop the romanticizing and start getting real.

Megan said...

I like how when Jake said "whoever heavenly father has in store for you" Andrea said, "That's not how it works."

That was simple no need for anyone to give a insulting 500 word essay on the topic.

Yeah, that was for you Nikki, let your terrets fly you silly old hag.

Amy said...

Referred to your blog the other day from the notorious BusyBeeLauren! So, I have been catching up on most of the past posts. It has been so fun! The fusion of entertainment and enlightenment (Yes, I am stealing that from Glenn Beck-it's genius.) I love your honesty. Even though I am married with 5 kids it is enjoyable for some reason to get a peek into the psyche of a pad of mormon bachelors. I have been telling my husband some of your stories and we are both getting a good laugh out of it. Hope you don't mind. I think you get a rise out knowing people laugh at your experiences. Am I wrong? Didn't think so. :) You also have the most rockin' commenters. Is it bad that I laugh at the serious ones too? So, I pray that your real identities are never found out because I have a feeling we are supposed to be together in this world called the blogosphere. I hope you get the same feelings I do when you pray. So Rave, Rave, Rave. Love you guys! Mwah!
P.S. Good freakin' luck being single. :)

lifechick said...

Jake, Jake. You handled that convo well, nicely done. Now, it's time to shake your end-of-relationship blues, at least long enough to go out and have some fun. Sounds like you need it!

Cait said...

A gripping story!!
I couldnt wait for your update! This is even better than the movies.
Youre a good man Jake :)

Anonymous said...

You just dumped a woman that overlooks your flaws? A woman that can see what you can become? And a woman that so obviously likes you more than her father. Dang. You are a JackAss.
S

That girl said...

J: Of course I did. You know how open I am, I showed it to the other guys too.
A: I knew that would happen.
...
A: It's still a little embarrassing.
J: I showed my mom, too.
A: What?! Oh my gosh are you serious?
J: What? You are like the biggest most important event in my life right now. I needed the input of those I trust. You're amazing Andrea. This isn't the kind of thing I just take lightly.



GOOD.SAVE.

That was actually THE perfect demonstration of how to dig yourself out of potential trouble with just one flick of the shovel;

A: Jake, I'm not that great, c'mon..

She ate it up, when she could have gone psychomormon about you showing anyone, let alone a number of people. I hate how girls do that, let compliments totally throw us off track, buttt..
nicely done.

Lauren said...

Wow... I think you are kinda awesome for sticking with your guns and doing it in a way that wasn't cruel or intentionally mean to her. It's so easy to get reeled back into something because the other person makes you feel guilty, but you didn't. You rock Jake!

Nate said...

I think you're an idiot for calling her. You should have left it as it was. She's going to go stalker now and you are only delaying the inevitable. I think you are deluding yourself if you think that she will move on to something else in a month. In her mind, you will be coming to your senses in a week or two. Be prepared for boiled bunnies and things...

Anonymous said...

Oh, boy. I think now she has it in her mind that in a month, you'll give it another go, whereas you saw your conversation as the closure you needed to be able to move on.

Hopefully, though, a month is enough time for her to move on.

But (from personal experience), if you are the one ready to move on (no matter how much you care), its really hard to make the other person see that without being hurtful. Your conversation sounds like you did a good job of that, Jake. I like you even more now. :)

Ashley said...

I'm glad you called her Jake. Andrea deserved to at least hear you explain yourself.

I think taking a break is the best thing you can do. I know most likely you will move on and she will too but, sometime's that's not the case. It wasnt for me.

I also think praying to Heavenly Father is a good idea. TO whoever it was that went on a rant about about this being a dumb idea doesnt understand how it works apparently. Sometimes you marry someone with problems so they can be helped by you. Sometimes you dont. If a marriage is messed up its the people in the marriage who did it not Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father just helps guide you to people you can/will have a connection with.

Anonymous said...

I second Megan:

"Yeah, that was for you Nikki, let your terrets fly you silly old hag."

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA.

Whatever good point you had was swallowed up in your ridiculous ramblings.

The Boob Nazi said...

I agree with anonymous. False hope for her there. But hey, based on that letter, there probably wasn't much else to say to make her believe you're done.

Julia said...

Well done. Seriously. I think you explained yourself in a way she could understand how you were feeling. She doesn't want to believe you because that means she just got broken up with, and no matter the reason, no one wants to get broken up with, but I think deep down she believes you, and I think she will be able to move on now. It may take a while. She may wait for you this month, but at least she can understand why now. Well done.

ChloƩ said...

i think you handled it well Jake. i guess there really isn't a whole lot for me to say, seems like everyone else has pretty much covered it. i think Nikki has some great points though. i feel for Andrea, but i think in the long run she will thank you. she will end up with someone and it won't be complicated. she won't have to "force" them to stay together with her. you will find someone that you feel completely equal to, and you won't want to live with out them. you will be able to be yourself, and she will be able to be herself. as cheesy as it sounds, it's the truth.

Alexandria said...

Wow. I feel a little sad right now. But, I must say you handled yourself very well in that conversation. It could have easily turned into you being a jerk but it totally didn't...it came off like you actually care about this girls well-being, which obviously you do. Awesome!

Way to stand up and move on! Hopefully she does the same!

Ryan Hadlock said...

Jake,

I'm not one to say I told you so, But I told you so. No matter what you say, she won't hear it until you say you'll take her back or get back together or whatever. The only evidence you need that I am right is the prayer thing (previously mentioned in the comments) - she didn't believe that you prayed and still believed it's not right, BUT she WOULD HAVE believed you if you said that you had prayed and felt it IS right! See?

She really does think you're getting back together in a month. She probably has a really cute calendar all made up with stars and hearts and pumpkins and turkeys and everything, and she's ticking off the days til November 27. If you talk to her then, you'll have this SAME conversation again. I'd recommend NOT calling her again.

I think this is a great lesson for you, and one I wish I'd learned earlier on, but just telling the girl the truth right up front is always better. Rip the bandaid off and let the wound heal and DO NOT reopen it. You'll save yourself a lot of grief and time. Move forward dude, don't look back - NO REGRETS.

And Jackass isn't a swear word :-D

Julie said...

O-Gosh...How many of us have been on the delivering end or receiving end of this conversation. (Ummm...both my hands are in the air.) It doesn't matter what side your on...it just plain sucks.

Jake, you completely did the right thing. When you meet "HER" you will know. For anyone to suggest that you do not know your own heart and mind is ridiculous.

MEGAN @ 12:48
I applaud you...Nicely said! I think you summed up the general consensus of Nikki heartless and LAME ramblings.

Tara said...

Well, I don't know if you remember, but I am not the biggest Jake fan. But on one hand, I kinda feel like you redeemed yourself in my book. {Since I know that's what you were going for, redeeming yourself for your blog readers.}

But if in a month, you really want her to move on faster and get over you, just tell her you posted her letter online! She'll hate you forever!

Can't wait to see what happens next.

Rachel said...

This one felt better, Jake. I hope it works out for you, for her, and for all of us who thrive on your drama but project our own lives onto whichever person suits us at the moment.
As the one doing the dumping, I get you. It's certainly possible to care about someone and not want to be with them. In such cases, we wish we were the ones getting the heave-ho, right?
As the one being dumped, I get Andrea. I loved a boy once and remember him telling me I wasn't the one. It was crushing, and even though I KNEW (from praying about it) that he was right, long before we had the conversation, I still wanted him. Who knows? She may think about you every day for a year, but hopefully someday she'll move on and you'll move on and life will progress and everyone will muddle through and when enough of the raw emotion has subsided, you may even be able to be friends.
Anyway, the best part of this post is that you ended it with you two chuckling together. How we interpret this doesn't matter so much, but it gives readers hope that everyone will be ok in the end.

Nat said...

I have to say i was questioning whether i thought you were right about ending things with her for the last few days (not that my opinion matters on bit).....however, after reading this conversation i fully believe that you were right. i agree with lauren b., you prayed about it. she can't question that.

YMA said...

So in the past 24 hours, I have discovered this blog, read hours and hours worth of posts and comments, become a fan on Facebook and now I'm commenting. Seriously, ya'll are addicting. It's like Grey's Anatomy every day of the week! lol.

So, since I'm now becoming acquainted with these people and situations, Good for you for doing the hard thing. I really think she'll hate you for a while, but thank you later. Way to stick to it.

And can I just say while reading this post the only song going through my head was Mariah Carey's version of "I Want To Know What Love Is"...haha "I want you to show me..." It will be in my head all day now, thanks!

You guys are pretty awesome.

Brooke said...

THAT just took me back to some excruciating moments in my younger years. I think I'm going to throw up. Thank heavens for moving on and growing older and wiser.

I know (you both think) that there were specific reasons for the break up but I'd like to send Andrea a copy of He's Just Not that Into You. Not the movie, the movie nearly completely missed the point of the book. I'd actually like to give a copy to every young LDS girl (in Utah mostly.) My sanity has nearly been completely saved by applying the principles in that book.

Julie said...

YMA... I thought the exact same thing. I almost posted a link to that song.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say that maybe she didn't believe you prayed about it because she prayed about it and got back a different result. It hard for her to believe that the same prayer could leave two people with different results. I don't think she was calling you a liar.
You said you don't know what love is. Well in my opinon love is wanting the best for someone no matter the cost and in that definition you do love her. You have even used the ole "if you love something let it go".
I don't know my interpretation of what you are writing is probably different than most because I'm not Mormon.
Schneiderdoodle
ps please excuse spelling and grammer mistakes as I am writing in my phone.

Bekah said...

I am proud of you. It could've been so easy to just get back together with her.. what with all the hearts she drew in her letter and her obvious need for a savior from a life of never learning how to spell simple words.. but you stayed strong.

In all seriousness, I think in your conversation you explained your reasoning better (to US) than in your initial post about the break-up. Love the idea of a month break. Maybe just to be nice, send her anonymous tutor money for a reading specialist?

Lula! said...

I ditto everything that Bekah said, in all sincerity. Well mostly the part about the tutor--for grammar and spelling, of course.

Except for the month long break. It's clear you are done...so be done. I don't think you're getting her hopes up with this "month off" stuff. She's raising her hopes on her own. Bless her heart.

Stick to your guns. You're doing well so far...

Bekah said...

oh they have grammar & spelling tutors? then that's what I meant. It's been awhile since I was in elementary school and had to deal with issues such as simple spelling errors...


:)

Samantha Holladay said...

The new neon colors make it look like a pimped out ghetto night club where people like Lance go to on the weekends dressed in shiny shirts.

Anonymous said...

I think she needs to read the book "He's Just Not That Into You." Obviously, if you were into her as much as you said you were, you'd still be with her. There was something not right there, so you broke up. She sounds a little desperate and you should expect her call in a month, at which time I would definitely get her the book.

This blog is highly entertaining!

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Samantha: I can't fix it. I've tried adjusting the colors and it's not working. The good news is, all of Lance's friends who used to think the blog was boring are now reading it cause it reminds them of Club Grind.

-c

Brit O'Connor said...

She sounds like I did in high school. Like a lovesick puppy who thinks her world will end without you. Give it some time- without talking, and she'll move on.

Sounds like she has a little growing up to do still.

Stephanie Evans said...

Ahhh! Ok, screw this whole "let's wait a month" thing. You already know how you feel and that's not going to change. All this does is give her hope. She'll wait the month out on pins and needles, hoping you'll get back together at the end. CUT HER FREE!! She's obviously clingy and doesn't want to let go, so you need to let her know, in no uncertain terms, that it is over for good. I know it sounds harsh, but it's really the kind thing to do so she can spend the month crying and doing whatever she needs to do to get over you.

You told her that you don't "deserve" her. You think she is too good for you. She disagrees, but YOU know yourself better than her and if you think she's too good for you, then YOU'RE RIGHT!!! Not her. But here's the reason she hates that explanation. Because if you REALLY wanted her, you would change yourself to be on her level. You don't want to change yourself or raise yourself to her level. You want to stay where you are. Why? Because she's not worth it to you. So tell her that. Tell her you don't like her well enough to change. Be mean! The only way she's going to get it is if you cut her off! In the long run, she'll be happy you did.

Samantha said...

Clearly you know how to change it because it keeps changing. Which is only slightly less pathetic than the fact that I keep checking your blog.

Anonymous said...

Blah to all the "sticking to your guns" talk. Not that I really think you should reconcile with this chick.. if it's not right it's not right.

"I'm not going to change, Andrea. . .anytime soon".

"You don't get it! I don't need you to change, Jake".

"I need to change though."

I'm not going to change. . .but I need to change. Hm. A bit contradictory? To me this says she's not worth the change. She is better off without you. But hey, way to stick to your guns!

Anonymous said...

This blog is so obviously fake.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Bekah- you know I can't spell or use grammar properly either right? If it weren't for Calvin, you probably wouldn't even read my posts... so even though it's been brought up a lot, I didn't even know she had trouble.

Samantha- Thanks for the plug http://nothingbutcommentary.blogspot.com/ good luck blogging.

Anonymous 12:24- Thanks for reading and commenting on my fake blog, site meter says you spent 37 minutes on here which makes you so obviously awesome.

-j

Angela said...

Excellent. I'm glad you called. And I think the month is a great idea. I believe time brings clarity to a lot of situations. It may make you see that you really do want to be with Andrea, OR... in a month you will have 'grown' and moved on, and things won't be so emotionally sharp and you can tell her without a shaky voice, that you are done, moved on. Great post.

AshleeB said...

As long as you prayed about it, and you know its not right, then its not right. Ya know? She eventually realize that you do truly care for her, but your hearts not in it. and she'll find someone shes truly happy with and you'll find someone too.

anonymous said...

You flirted with her and gave her a glimmer of hope with this month thing. In her mind right now she's going, "so, you're telling me there's a chance! YES!!!" I'm going to go with **BIG mistake** on this one. I hope I'm wrong.

And Fake or not, great blog!

AshleeB said...

Oh and hey nikki, your entitled to your own opnion. But your saying that we dont need heavenly fathers help in choosing our spouses? HA. Your saying that we can choose whoever we want and then hope that they'll stick to their covenants?! and thats the way to do it? Dont you think we need His help because he knows everyone personally and better than we do. Just because heavenly father says marry him or her, isnt going to make our future spouses perfect. But he knows we can help them in their life, with whatever it is they need to grow.

and its really funny that you say all that because in my Patriarchal blessing,it tells me to strongly pray about my husband.

Alright, had to get that off my chest.

Anonymous said...

Okay. This really took me back to life before marriage. The best thing for you two is to not speak because this girl will just keep getting hurt over and over if she thinks that there is even a glimmer of hope left. It's sad, but true. We women are gluttons for punishment and LOVE drama and crying ourselves to sleep every night. So sad.

If you're sure this is not the girl for you, be done with it. It doesn't sound like the two of you could ever "just be friends."

For the record, I don't think you're a swearword! I think you are a guy who knows he's not ready for commitment. I've seen too many of my friends get divorced because they jumped into a marriage before they really figured out who they were and what they expect out of life. Marriage is a big deal and you ARE allowed to take some time to kiss some frogs before you find your princess!

Oh, and if this is a fake blog, it's the best fake blog! I love it. It sure does distract me from my responsibilities! Keep it up!

Bekah said...

Jake- you can't spell either? Thank goodness for Calvin then. And that REALLY means you can't get back together with Andrea. Your kids would be screwed! And would write

"I luve u Momi n dadi"

It's cute when they're 2, but not when they're 27. I support your choice
:)

ModernSophist said...

Seems like you handled the situation really well. It was a good read. I wanted to get your opinion on some of the language in your piece. I'm interested in you use of the phrase "Pray about it." Do you mean Pray, or do you mean 'think?' I ask because I just wrote a piece on the matter, and I think some people risk confusing the two. Praying as a Hobby Let me know what you think.

Nikki said...

AshleeB, That is not what I said, but you can interpret my comment how you want to. In the grand scheme of things you can pray all day and all night about a spouse and in the end they still have their free agency. This is obvious as you can see Andrea felt one way and Jake felt another, how do you answer that spiritual paradox. It would be wise to search for someone who has the same principles, religion and values as you, that is your end of the deal. Seek out a worthy mate. And when you do ask yourself what it is you are praying for...a sign that this marriage is ok with God? If you found a worthy person, why would they not be? Because there is a more worthy and better person for you down the road, someone more deserving of your greatness? This is pretty arrogant thinking. My point is that God has ok'd plenty of marriages that end up in divorce, I have watched many of them as I am indeed an old hag. I have been married for 17 years and have sometimes a great marriage and at other times we have struggled, that is life. My advice is to pray about timing. The person you marry may be worthy right now, but because of free agency may choose not be in the future...and I have watched so many friends say hey wait a minute I prayed about this person, what the hell happened. We are here to make choices for ourselves, keep that as part of your prayer and seek for God's help in the journey vs. a premarital guarantee of greatness.

Julie said...

I just read "What people are saying about MBP". I think you completely clarified everything Nikki has ever said pertaining to this blog. Thank you!!! You took her pages of ramblings and were able to transform them into concise meaningful phrases.

Jake & Calvin...Thanks for the fun read.

Rachael said...

Jakey,
I agree with Bekah. It would've been 100x easier to just get back together with her, but you stood your ground. Great job! I really am proud of you. I like to believe that if you are meant to be with andrea...you wouldn't have those feelings. So you are doing the right thing now. And the right person will come along for both of you. Now get back out there and start snogging with some other girls! Don't forget to to let us know how it goes!

p.s. I gasped at the part when Andrea got weird when you showed Calvin and your mom the letter. Imagine how she would feel if she knew you posted it on the internet for all to see! I'm still glad you did it though...

Nicole said...

same thing happened to me and my boyfriend. but i was jake and he was andrea. we got back together two days later. ha! it happens

Blazzer said...

I love the way you wrote this conversation dialogue only! Each time you tell one of your stories you do it a little differently, that makes it fun to read.

This time not clouding the drama with you thoughts really made this post enjoyable.

Also, I'm noticing more is this blog fake comments again... my verdict is real, and maybe I'll start a blog one day to write out all my reasons I think that. I will say that rumor has it someone actually spoke to Calvin and Jake yesterday, read about it at http://amycrispfife.blogspot.com.

Not proof, but more than we've had so far.

-Blazzer

Anonymous said...

p.s. I love your new 'what people are saying' feature. Seriously, this blog ALMOST makes me wish that I didn't live in Scotland with like seven other singles because then maybe Mormon life would be more fun. ;-)

Kelsie said...

SOO SOO glad you talked to her! I think that she will be able to move on from this now. Good Luck in the future Jake.

colleenroselle said...

haha she'll find another guy. she's only 19 & needs to date around anyways

Autumn said...

I give you kudos Jake. YOU called her right? That takes so much courage for a guy, and you are looking out for her and I know you are. You're doing the right thing. Dont let her send you on a guilt trip. When us girls are upset, we don't see the future, or what's best for us. She'll come around, and she will be your best friend. Good job. :]

Maggie said...

Good for you. It was the right thing to do. If she continues her delusions it is most certainly not your fault.

Anonymous said...

First time reader here so I don't know the whole story...do you really read all these comments?

Good for you for talking to her and you're right, she'll be better off with someone else. If you're not feeling it and you're making her swear...trust an old married woman when I say you're doing the right thing and in a nice way. But really, don't let herself drag herself into more misery - stop talking to her. Let her really get on with her life.

AmyWW said...

Jake, you are a prick. Don't call up a girl you just broke up with and tell her you care more strongly about her than any other girl ever. Don't tell her she's amazing and beautiful. Don't tell her she's too good for you. Don't do all that when you aren't sincerely trying to build a relationship with her. It's insensitive. It's selfish. It's narcissistic. And it's stupid.
Andrea, when a guy says he's not in love with you and doesn't see a future with you, believe him. You'll save yourself a lot of lonely, sleepless nights.

Anonymous said...

Amen to AmyWW.

When you break up, you make it hurt initially so the hurt doesn't continue for 5 months. So you didn't have the balls to tell her that her poor grammar and affinity for letters filled with smiley faces just weren't going to cut it anymore. Grow a pair and cut the cord. Really.

Jake said...

AmyWW,

You sound like my type. Meet me tonight at the Wendy's downtown at 2:00am, I'll buy you a frosty.

...and yes, I read all the comments. This is my life you're all talking about, I love hearing what you think.

-Jake, aka the narcissitic, bad spelling, prick.

Connie said...

Wow this is quite the conversation! I don't know the history with you two but she seems ready to marry you tomorrow.

I guess, I've had relationships like this. I didn't realize it just wasn't there until later when MY guy finally came along. When you KNOW you really do KNOW. (you'll get that someday :)

Sounds like either the timing is off on this relationship or she really is not right for you. Then again, you can make it work with any righteous member (so we hear in conf.) It's good you aren't leading her on... I think you did the right thing!
(Although I have some reading to do so I can write a comment that actually makes sense next time! haha jk)

Jade said...

Jake I'm glad you maned up and did what you needed to do to get Andrea some closure, way to be. Now find a new girl, I'm ready for some more stories!

Brenn said...

Good job Jake, I'm glad you stuck to your guns -- it would have been a lot harder later on if you hadn't. I hope she doesn't go all psycho-stalker on you!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha.... So I think your doing the t shirt poll not because your going to order t shirts, but because you want know the demographics of your readers. As in waistline... very clever you two.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, this is getting good.

I just have to say a couple of things.

1st - Jake, I am so glad you called her and gave her some closure. That was very good of you.

2nd - I don't think it's that big of a deal that you posted the letter because you are anon. But hopefully she doesn't ever find this blog.

3rd - Nikki, you can't control whether people make a comment about you or not so stop trying. There is this thing called free speech and if someone has an opinion, even if it is about your comment they are entitled to express it.

4th - Even though I don't always agree with Nikki I will just say that she is right that predestiny is false doctrine. I get what she is saying. We are not predestined to marry one person or whatever. And just because we are praying about it, does not mean that it is God's choice, it is our choice. Of course we should pray about who we should marry, but that does not mean that God is making the choice for us. We make the choice because there is more than one person that could be right for us. God will help us know what the right direction is or if we are going down the right path, but that does not guarantee anything. He has given all of us our agency, so he can't control the outcome and niether can any of us. But he knows what is best for us and in the end we make the final choice. Life isn't perfect, he knows we will experience trials and sometimes marriages fall apart even when people prayed about it and got an answer that it was right. That is simply because life is not about a God that controls the outcome, it is about all of us making our own choices and that means people are going to do stupid things. We can't blame that on God, we should blame the person that made the bad choice. So for once I agree with Nikki.

5th - Nikki the church no longer uses the term "free agency" it is just "agency" - look it up on lds.org.

6th - I have no idea if this blog is real or fake, but it is awesome!

Nikki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nikki said...

anonymous 11:38...free agency free agency free agency free agency free agency. Yep I guess they have changed family home and enrichment night to relief society too. And they also changed Bruce R. McConkie's explanation in the front of the B of M because it was recently proven to be scientifically incorrect...thanks for being so astute. Seriously, get over me people.

Nikki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JennyMac said...

Those conversations are tough...I hope for the best for both of you.

Molly said...

I am addicted to this blog. I swear, every morning I check it, and there's not a new post, I'm all like "C'mon, fellow Mormons! Update!" in a very annoyed tone. So, all in all, I pretty much love you guys.

Anonymous said...

nikki this is anon 11:38 - what in the freak are you talking about? Is that the best comeback you could come up with? Is that supposed to make you sound smart or something? Cuz it didn't work. There you go again, trying to control people and tell them to stop commenting on your comments, while you are commenting on comments. What? You make absolutely no sense! I think you are the one that needs to get over yourself.

Girl101 said...

One good yardstick as to whether a person
might be the right one for you is this: in her
presence, do you think your noblest thoughts,
do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are? (Ezra Taft
Benson, “To the Single Adult Brethren of the
Church,” Ensign, May 1988, p. 53)

Anonymous said...

Douchebag,

I am actually amazed that you talked to her. I can't believe it.

Now, one day...she will run into you and your wife and you can confess that the reason why you didn't deserve her was the porno you do on the side.

That has got to be it...

I am going to start signing my comments, so you know who I am

*E

Jake said...

Way to step up *E!

Look forward to more insights.

Mishale said...

I think it's a really good thing that you let her go. I think if she knew that you cared about her so little that you posted her personal love letter on the internet for all to read, she would finalize realize that you were right when you say she deserves better. Kudos for choosing the right.

Anonymous said...

i've been that girl and seriously the BEST advice for you and her (and i really hope you take it) is to walk away and don't hang on to her AT ALL!!! it's far worse to give her false hopes and to allow her to still hang out with you when you know it's over than to spare her feelings by spending time for her. you probably don't deserve her (no offense) so for her own sake just cut ties completely. it's the only way she'll get over you. believe me, i was her at one time.

Jen said...

Your concern for your manhood throughout the internet is thoroughly amusing. Keep it coming, Jake, keep it coming ;)

Anonymous said...

Wow this is getting really juicy and interesting! I just read your whole blog in 1 day and it's really interesting reading how much you liked her in the beginning and then you breaking up with her in the same day(for me anyways)! I get it though. Things change. Feelings change. You never know though, you may change your mind. And if you did, she seems like a great girl. If you don't I'm sure you'll find someone else who is awesome too :) Can't wait to read more...

-J

Anonymous said...

hey a large/ medium shirt could mean she is tall or has huge boobs. but thats exactly what i thought too when i saw the t-shirt. smart move dudes.

Ciana said...

you realize that girl is COUNTING DOWN THE MINUTES, right?

Anonymous said...

there was no thief by relient k. the lyrics made me think about this andrea thing.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Sort of skipped to the end of the comments.

If you really prayed about it and felt that you should be apart, then you did the right thing. Well, apart from completely taking her by surprise.

But if you haven't prayed about it, you are letting a great girl get away. Sure she may find greater happiness with someone else, but that is for her to decide, and if she decides on you, what are you going to do? Don't let her get away.

As for love, isn't that what love is, wanting the best for them, wanting them to be happy, being their best friend? You probably do love her and you just don't know it.

And if the prospect of marriage is scaring you so bad, don't worry about it. You don't have to be engaged after 3 months of dating. Date some more and wait for some more time to pass.

El Mattador said...

You guys are gay, and I'm gay for continuing to read this. I feel like a chick