I have a pretty good memory. If I tried really hard I'm pretty sure I could relay Andrea's and my hour and a half conversation verbatim. Who wants to read all of that though... I wouldn't. That would be dumb. Like most conversations of this type we talked in circles and said a lot of the same things over and over again. So I have written the key points while trying my very hardest to stay true to what actually happened.
J: How are you?
J: This is weird, right?
A: (laughs) Yeah
J: Yeah... I knew it would be. I thought we should talk though.
A: I'm glad.
J: So your letter was, um, it was pretty hard to read... You said a lot of really nice things about me.
A: I meant them.
J: I know you did. I know. I just, I don't...
J: I don't know how to do this.
A: I guess that depends on what you want to do. What do you want to do?
J: I want to explain myself. I just hated reading that letter. I hated knowing that you were hurting like that. Hurting like that over me, over someone who--
A: If you're going to start in with the "deserve" stuff again maybe we just shouldn't do this.
A: And if your just calling to explain yourself, that's another conversation I don't see the point of.
J: Well... okay... but I... I guess what I want is to do is to talk about how both of us feel.
J: I think we need to... (sigh)
J: I don't know.
A: Okay, fine. Do you think you were falling for me?
J: I... I--
A: (quivering voice) Okay... well that wasn't a good answer.
J: No, come on. You know I care about you.
A: but you don't love me.
J: I mean, I don't even know what love is Andrea. I know that I feel strongly enough for you that I want you to be happy. I know that I love spending time with you. I honestly can say that I haven't felt as strongly about any girl before you.
J: I just don't think it's love, or at least it's not the idea of love that I have always imagined.
A: I... Why can't we just spend time together then? That doesn't make sense.
J: I know it doesn't make sense to you. I think the reason for that is, that you don't believe me.
A: Believe you? You don't even know what you're talking about. You just said that.
J: No. I said that I don't know what love is. I know exactly what I am talking about though.
A: So what am I not believing then? That you don't deserve me?
J: Maybe deserve is the wrong word. But this is what I feel, and I promise you, no matter what you say, or my mom says, or Calvin and the guys say, I know what I feel and why I am doing this. I adore you, I really do. You are amazing and beautiful and you know I could go on and on with compliments, but you're amazing. I want the best for you.
A: You can't decide what's best--
J: No I can't. You're right, but when I am with you, when we are together I think "she's gonna be happiest with someone else. I want her to be happiest." That's the truth. I promise you I don't want to go out and find other girls. I don't think I'm not ready for a commitment. I don't think I'm too young, and I don't think you are either. If Joseph Smith can talk to God at 14, you and I can certainly know what love is.
A: Did you show Calvin the letter.
J: You know the answer to that.
A: You did didn't you?
J: Of course I did. You know how open I am, I showed it to the other guys too.
A: I knew that would happen.
A: It's still a little embarrassing.
J: I showed my mom, too.
A: What?! Oh my gosh are you serious?
J: What? You are like the biggest most important event in my life right now. I needed the input of those I trust. You're amazing Andrea. This isn't the kind of thing I just take lightly.
A: Jake, I'm not that great, c'mon, you make me sound like--
J: Remember in your letter when you said you knew for a fact I didn't grasp what I was capable of and who I'd become? Well I believe that, because that door goes both ways.
J: (quivering voice) I wish you could believe me when I say that you will thank me for this one day.
A: (crying) I believe that that is what you believe... I think it's stupid. I don't see why you can't just give us a chance. Why do you have to make it so... Why can't we just see?
J: I'm selfish. I'm the bad guy here. I know it. I feel guilty when we're together. Everyday you spend with me is a day you wont be spending with whoever Heavenly Father really has in store for you.
A: That's not how it works.
J: You know what I mean.
J: Andrea, you don't want me.
A: Yes. I do.
J: Well... I...
A: Did you pray about it?
J: Like crazy. There's no way I would've made this decision without praying.
A: I don't believe you.
J: And we're back to the root of the problem.
J: I know. I know this really sucks.
A: What if we just take a month to see if we can make this work?
J: I don't think that's a good idea. I'm not going to change Andrea... anytime soon.
A: You don't get it! I don't need you to change Jake.
J: I need to change though.
A: Just one month. I really think if you would have told me a month ago that you were feeling this way that we'd be together right now.
J: How about one month where we don't see or talk to each other at all? That makes just as much sense, if we can't live with out each other for that month, then we'll know.
A: You're such a jackass!
J: (light laughter)
A: What are you laughing at! This is--
J: (laughing) I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I just never heard you swear before. It sounded funny.
A: (amused) I never do it. It felt weird. You just make me so mad sometimes.
J: I like making you laugh.
A: I'm not laughing (laughs)
A: We're not getting anywhere are we?
J: One day you'll see. Trust me I am the smartest man who ever lived. I know that I'm right about this.
A: You're an idiot.
J: I know.
A: I'm calling you in one month.
J: You'll be married in a month.
A: You are seriously impossible.
Andrea and I continued talking for a while. We left on pretty good terms. It seemed that she walked away thinking we were taking a month off while I walked away thinking that we will both truly move on to something else.