Saturday, October 10, 2009

Nick Has

One of MBP's "regulars" not-so-subtly suggested that if Jake or I didn't have a story to share, maybe we should opt to dedicate a post to Nick (since he's relatively unknown) instead of waxing philosophical about our opinions on sexual definitions. (Thanks, Blazzer... you dork face.) Point taken, my friend.

Nick plays a very big part in the MBP dynamic. He's relatively soft-spoken, but the chicks really dig him. I haven't really been able to figure out why. He's short, but pretty buff. Proportionately, he's the most muscular guy in the house. I'm trying to think of someone to compare him to. Ok, if you ever watch World Extreme Cagefighting, then you know who Urijah Faber is. Well, Nick is like Urijah except not quite as buff and without a butt-chin. Also, Nicks hair is shorter... like military short. Nick also laughs a lot. He's not the funniest guy in the world, but you know he has a great sense of humor because he laughs at all of the best jokes. He has a high-pitched laugh, as well, so that might also increase his female magnetism.

For a while, I thought that girls just looked at him like he was a lovable teddy bear or maybe a really cute cousin that they were allowed to kind of flirt with, but that's it. No kissing or necking allowed. Recently, I found out that Nick gets more action than I do. For some reason, if Nick and I do something equally offensive, I get dirty looks and groans, but Nick gets eyes batted at him followed by a late night smooch session.

I'm sure most of you have played the game "I Never", but I'll sum up the objective. Chairs and sofas are arranged in a circle so there are only enough seats for everyone, minus one. Kind of like a musical chairs scenario. The person standing in the middle of the room says something like, "I've never seen any television on DVD." Then, everyone who HAS seen TV on DVD must jump up and quickly sit in a different place. The person in the middle will also try to get a seat, leaving another individual standing in the middle of the room.

We play that game pretty often in our house, but we've discovered recently that it's also a good opportunity to reveal secrets about other people. If you've played this game, I'm sure you do the same thing. It gets pretty funny. For example, last night we were playing this game and I ended up in the middle. I looked around the room and noticed that three girls were present who had all made out with Aaron at different times over the last few months. So I said, "I've never made out with Aaron." I watched as these three girls slowly stood up while staring at each other and meandered to new seats. Everyone thought it was funny... except those three girls, of course.

Well, eventually, Jake gets into the middle and says, "I've never ran naked to the mailbox and back in the middle of the night on a dare." Then he immediately looks at Nick. Nick starts to blush and walks to the middle of the room while Jake moseys over to his vacant seat. I watched everyone laughing and then I observed at least two, but I'm pretty sure there were three, different girls looking at Nick from head to toe as he walked to the middle of the room. I noticed their gazes pausing for longer than necessary in the region between his naval and his knees. I thought, "Those girls are totally picturing his junk."

Nick stood in the middle of the room for about 20 seconds just "hmmm"ing like he couldn't think of what he was going to say. All the while, these hot girls are checking him out and totally light petting him in their minds. Then Nick thinks of something and it was exactly what I was hoping for.

"I've never climbed our peach tree naked in the middle of the night on a dare..." it was me... we had both taken similar dares a few days ago in the middle of the night. It was my turn to walk to the middle and let the girls check me out. Except then Nick finished his sentence, "... and then scraped my wiener on a branch as I climbed down." He started walking toward me even though I had decided I didn't want to get up anymore. All of the girls were looking at me in disgust... like the mental image Nick had given them was the most obscene and vile thing they had ever heard.

I got up slowly and went to the middle of the room, but the game stopped being fun for me after that. Nick and I took similar dares on Thursday night. Mine resulted in an injury that I didn't ever want to talk about... so I didn't. Nick did. Nick was the one who brought it up. Not me. For the first time in a long time, I was considerate of our mixed gender guests and chose to keep it to myself. So why was Nick the one who got to make out last night with one of the hottest girls in our singles ward?

Calvin

35 comments:

Guide to Mormon Boys said...

Oh my goodness. Wow, that's all I have to say. You guys are funny. Maybe Erica and I should dare each other more often. It could be interesting. -Rexi

LovelyLauren said...

Hey, I wrote about your blog in mine if you want to check it out.

Karin Katherine said...

Priceless.

lifechick said...

You may need to raise Nick's coolness # in your sidebar.

Anonymous said...

Just so you know - girls don't picture guys "junk". As a gay friend once told me, "that is one ugly piece of meat." It serves it's purpose, but it's not pretty.

Anonymous said...

Daring each other to run outside naked and have other guys watch? How old are you guys? That's actually kind of messed up.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 5:34...speak for yourself. Girls might not, but women definitely do. And some of us even think they are pretty.

Melinda said...

I agree with Anonymous 5:34, girls don't stare at guys junk. Or "women" that I know. Why? I could see them staring at his stomach if he has a six pack, but his junk... Whatever.

Blazzer said...

Yeah, Calvin... they weren't looking at his junk. Then again I think you know that...

We used to play I Never when I lived in Provo, but we had to stop because those games always got out of hand and girls would end up getting offended when someone said, "I've never kissed a bare boob." or something like that.

Thanks for acknowledging and listening to my request.

-Blazzer

Calvin said...

I caught a girl once looking at my junk. I said, "What are you looking at?" She started laughing and said, "Busted!"

So I know it happens. That wasn't an attempt to be funny. That's honestly what it looked like. I think it happens more than girls are willing to admit.

Bekah said...

i love how that's the Mormon version of "I never"

i love this.

that's all.

also, in regards to your tweet, turns out the apple rep WAS retarded b/c somehow he had my computer shipped to an address I lived at 3 years ago and addressed w/ my Maiden name.

:)

Alexandra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alexandra said...

Last time I played that game, my big unique statement was "I've never been asked to a dance by a straight guy." Got lots of laughs. But not as many laughs as your game probably did.

Anonymous said...

I am a frequent visitor and commenter on this blog, but for fear of embarrassment I am commenting as an anonymous person.

I always check out a guys junk!

Amy said...

About the 'junk' that many of you are speaking of: I think girls' eyes wander to that area on a guy sometimes, just as guys' eyes wander to the chest or at the bootay on a chick. So I'm sure it's the same with picturing the 'junk', because i know guys picture girls naked...so why not the other way around, huh? Just saying.

But anyway, Nick seems like a weird/interesting/fun/cool dude. I don't know how he got a girl to makeout with, but oh well. Maybe that hot chick likes guys who are open about their body parts. You should learn from him. Ha.

lifechick said...

If there are straight girls who've never checked out a guy's junk, I've never met them. I'm definitely not among them!

Kait said...

Girls tend to be attracted to guys who can laugh at himself and doesn't take himself super seriously. If I saw a guy get kind of teased during a game and then have no sense of humor about it, it'd be a major, major turn off. Doesn't matter how good looking you are.

Liking your blog, though! I'm enjoying seeing the pov of a couple of Mormons navigating the dating game.

Girl Meets Gun said...

Um, yes, I was young at some point in time and me and my friends most DEFINITELY dared each other to run naked to or from somewhere. We even ran down the road TOGETHER in just our underwear.

It's all in good fun. Sheesh.

The Singlutionary said...

I, for one, think it is so cute that you scraped your wiener on the tree! But I think it is even cute that Nick said it. With his cute wiener and all.

I don't think that girls picture guy's junk. It just doesn't work that way. The might have been thinking about his abs tho.

Stevi said...

I will just concur with everything Singlutionary has said. I do highly doubt the girls were picturing his junk. More like the overall effect of him. :)

Sasha said...

Ummm, okay maybe not ALL girls picture guy's junk, singlutionary. But sheeesh I'm one girl who does. And I have many girlfriends who do. And I don't care if anyone think that's nasty. I am a female with hormones. Why wouldn't I?

Some of you need to learn to speak for yourselves.

Marissa said...

Congratulations, Nick now deserves a higher number in his coolness factor on your sidebar.

PS. MOST girls picture a guy's junk. Let's be honest here. If not junk, then some other body part. But our imaginations do work.

PPS. This blog is becoming one of my favorite daily (almost) reads.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand some of the comments that the female commenters can't picture girls/women picturing a guy's junk. Helllooo? Have you read the comments here, there are girls who check out guy's junk. Why do other girls think that's so shocking? I'm more of a butt person, but if a guy's trunk looks attractive, then you can't help but wonder what the guy's junk looks like as well.

Yes, I'm mormon and I know plenty of other mormon girls who check out guys junk too!

Jenna

Ellie said...

I'd be picturing your butt. No scrapes. Curvy.... oh dear.

Anonymous said...

Nice, with all this talk about a guys junk you attracted porno girl...

jaime said...

Nate sounds a lot like a guy who married my old roommate...just sayin....I think I may be on to you.

Also, I totally imagine guys naked and check out their man business. My bf catches me looking more than I catch him it seems.

Ps- Sorry about your scratched weewee. No bueno!

Anonymous said...

So...what happened to Nikki? She was one of my favorite parts of this blog! Did you piss her off enough to stop commenting?

Anonymous said...

Stunts like running naked to climb a tree may have been "funny" in middle school.

Now, it's just gay. You guys sure your not hiding in the closet together?

Chloe said...

haha i still think it's funny. i don't care if that makes me immature.

Anonymous said...

Two things:

Anyone else notice the comment posted at 11:39 which alleged to have intimate knowledge of the actual identities of the MBP boys was deleted by MBP?

I think it funny that everyone is assuming that the boys were sitting around daring each other to do naked things with out girls around... I'd bet we are probably talking about a coed truth or dare game, that, from previous comments was probably a story they didn't tell in detail because they figured their readers couldn't handle it.

Silly readers.

-Jason-

20 Something said...

HA Ha , Love it!!!! Great post, More stories about Aaron Please!!

Girls look at junk, Guys look at Boobs. It happens.

Running Naked IS funny. . . HAHAHAHA Again Loved the Post.

Scott said...

So much for Bro's before Ho's, eh?

Oh well. Getting thrown under the bus every once in a while keeps your head from getting too big.

Nikki said...

Size does matter and guys know it, that is why they like skinny anorexic girls who have bodies like a 10 year old. They have small penises and they have to look big to somebody. Can't tell the size of a guys bulge? Look at the girl he dates and if she is smaller than a 5th grader, RUN! Or just laugh to yourself because you know their secret. Poor girl. :)N

Busy Bee Lauren said...

I always tried to imagine their abs...but that's just me.

I concur, Nick's coolness level needs to be upped!

Anonymous said...

It's true. Girls don't picture guys junk. And if you think about it, it makes total sense. The female body is like a work of art, the male body is an amazing piece of machinery.