Plan B

Jake and I decided early on that we would try really hard not to view this blog as a competition between the two of us. We are both individuals and we do our own things and think our own thoughts and there are bound to be some people who like Jake better than me and there are probably a few of our readers who like me more than Jake. But, like I said, it's not a competition. I still can't help but look at his 100+ comments on the last post and think, "Holy crap. How am I ever gonna beat that?" I guess I could tell a story about how Jake's mom walked in on me when I was naked a few months ago. Or maybe I could hide a video camera and record myself kissing Nick's little sister and then upload the video to this blog. That would be awesome (but I have to convince her to go out with me first).

I just keep telling myself over and over as I stare at the ceiling in my room, trying to fall asleep, that this is NOT a competition. It's hard, though. Jake never obviously rubs it in, but whenever he logs on to our blog or something, I'll watch him out of the corner of my eye. He'll raise his eyebrows and then mumble just loud enough for me to hear, "Whoa... 26 more comments in the last half hour." The whole Andrea thing has really done some damage to his sexual prowess (Harper aside) and I think the only thing keeping him from working the streets and turning tricks to boost his self esteem is probably the comments on his blog post. I'm not going to take that away from him. Poor savage.

I'm sure that everyone out there is biting there fingernails in anticipation. "Calvin! Please stop rambling about Jake. Tell us how your date with Tori went. Was she cute? Is she really a cheerleader like your dad said? Did she nibble on your ear during the scary parts of the Haunted House?" Well, my dad called me from work on Friday and told me that Tori had called in sick with "flu-like symptoms".

When he told me that, I'll admit I had a mixture of emotions. I was disappointed that the date was probably off, but I was also relieved. I was feeling a significant amount of pressure. I mean... seriously? I was going on a first date with Tori and all of her friends. Like one hot chick (presumably) isn't intimidating enough. I was expected to flirt with and entertain 6-12 BYU cheerleaders at a Haunted House, by myself. And what if I really DID get scared? I don't normally, but what if I did? Have you ever seen The Changeling? Remember that part with the seance and the video camera is whipping around the inside of that huge house? Meanwhile you hear that dead kids voice saying "My father!... My Rooooom!" Geez. If they had a re-enactment of that scene, I'd probably crap my pants. Literally.

So anyway, I went up to my dad's house last night with a bottle of Tropicana Twister and a small card. I told him to leave them on Tori's desk so she'd get it this morning when she got to work. Was that a stupid move since I've never even met her and she canceled on our first date? Lance thinks so. In fact, I think his exact words were, "You're gay." But Jake, Nick and Aaron all thought it was a good idea as long as the card wasn't lame.

I wrote:

"Sorry you got the Swine Flu. It's a good thing you canceled cause I really didn't want your puke in my mouth."

Just kidding. C'mon! If you seriously believed that I'd write that, then you don't know me as well as you thought. This is what I really wrote:

"You canceled cause of the Swine Flu? How cliche. I expect to see a dr.'s note when we finally go on our date. Don't worry though. I had a great time at the Haunted House with your friends. I think your short blonde friend likes me... like... more than a friend."

Anyway. No text from her yet this morning, but for all I know, she's taking today off from work as well. I guess I'm forced to go to Plan B... which is to actually ask her out myself.

Calvin