Monday, May 17, 2010

Ugly Turn of Events

I haven't got the "hey-I'm-getting-married-and-wanted-to-call-and-tell-you-about-it-for-some-reason-that-you-probably-can't-fathom-a-reason-you-can't-even-pretend-to-know-for-this-blog-post-because-if-you-could-that-would-mean-you-could-fathom-a-reason-for-this-informative-yet-painful-phone-call" call from Andrea that she said she was going to make.

Meanwhile life goes on. Claire's relationship with Old Adam has been a little rocky lately. She has called me on a couple of occasions to talk. Occasions which I have avoided because I don't want to console her or advise her on her boyfriend issues and jump into "the friend zone".

I'll admit, I've been overly inquisitive with those close to her to find out "the skinny" on the situation. Apparently, Old Adam has changed in recent weeks. Criticizing things like the cleanliness of her house, or things that she has chosen to wear. Things, which to me sound silly that I can't believe any man would have issue with. Also he has been described by my sources as being extra "needy" and "insecure" in recent days.

Then today, Claire put up three Facebook statuses that alluded to them breaking up. "Claire knows that she is a great catch, and thinks she should be treated like one." "Claire is tired of hearing I'm sorry over and over again while nothing changes." "Claire this time baby I'll be bulletproof" Then around 5 o'clock today she changed her relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single".

At about six, I got a call from Claire. She tells me that she needs a pick-me-up. She says that she wants to take advantage of the nice weather and go up one of the canyons and maybe do a campfire or something. I offer to invite my roommates, but she admits she hasn't had a good day and that she was hoping for a little "Jake" time.

This was it, I was especially liking the terms "pick-me-up" and "Jake time." During our phone conversation I had to keep myself from making some horrible comment like, "Don't worry baby, I'll Jake you up" while repeatedly raising and lowering my eyebrows. Here's my chance to swoop in and show her that I was not a "friend zone" kinda guy.

So, I get to Claires place and sure enough, no Adam in sight and she is dressed in flannel (totally back in style by the way... I see chicks in it everywhere) and she has a sleeping bag and some blankets piled up on the chair. I give her a hug and tell her I'm sorry for her bad day. I tell her how cute she looks and then Wendy walks in from her room. She is wearing flannel too... A little surprised, I make one of those "didn't get the memo" jokes and I notice (unfortunately) that Wendy is carrying a sleeping bag too, which she sets on the chair with the rest.

I guess that Claire wants some Jake and Wendy time. The Two girls talk about smores and food and before I know it we are all piled into Wendy's car heading out. At some point during all the jokes and conversation Claire says to Wendy, "He's going to meet us at the mouth of the canyon." I'm not certain but I think I may have done a double take. The question in my head and probably yours too? Jake and Wendy time plus "who else" time? Claire notices the confused look on my face and says, "Adam is going to meet us there."

I realize there will be no "Jaking me up"'s for Claire tonight (or for me, depending on how you look at it). I said, "Maybe my Facebook was broken today, but I could of sworn... Claire cuts me short and says, "I changed it back just before you got to my house. I was being a little too dramatic today." She makes her trademarked cute little oopsie grin, which, in most cases makes a difference. Right now, it did not.

I began to visualize the coming evening and I didn't like it. Me, Claire, Adam, and Wendy in the woods in the dark. Right after Claire and Adam had a rough day. I knew the would be of whispering and stuff leaving me to hang with Wendy. I started to feel very not excited with my plight... but what could I do, I was stuck in the car already committed to this little adventure.

As per usual Adam is like 45 minutes later than he says he's gonna be, and it's almost 8:00 before we even get going. Adam gets in the car we head up the canyon to try and find a good campfire spot. Things aren't looking to good as all the spots we try are either closed or full. I start to hope that we will call the whole thing off and just go back to Claire's complex. That's where my car is at. That's where I can escape. The sun starts going down and Adam suggests we at least just go catch the sunset. My suggestion to just go catch a movie at the cineplex is mocked because of the niceness of the day.

We go back down the canyon and get into Adams truck and he drives us to some barren "up on the east side" road. We park on the side of the road. The view was phenomenal, but there was nowhere to sit or lay in all the gravel. So what do we do, we all climb into the back of the pick-up. Adam and Claire are of course snuggling. Which left Wendy and me. Pick-up beds aren't very big and Wendy kept getting closer and nudging her way into my embrace.

I try to keep a 4 person conversation going for as long as I can, but Claire and Adam keep whispering to each other. At this point everything is completely out of my control. All I want is to get out of here. Instead Claire and Adam end up lying down whispering and kissing. The natural course of action that Wendy interprets is to follow suit.

It got dark.

I was not talking.

I was spooning with Wendy.

I could see the stars okay.

I hear the soft smacking of lips from Claire's side of the pick-up. (I say side of the pick-up but really I could have stretched my arm out and caressed Adams shoulder)

We were probably only there for half an hour, but it seems to me like forever. It was horrible. I was trapped. Not trapped. Tortured.

Wendy's okay. I like her, she can get a little annoying and finds way too many opportunities to be judgmental but she is fun and easy to talk to. This situation might have been okay, except that Wendy starts trying to turn our "lay down" in the dark into something more. First, she says while spooning, "Why don't you snuggle me?" So I sort of shuffle my hands around in a massaging fashion on her back. My heart wasn't in it so I'm sure it sucked. So she tells me to tickle her arm in a very specific way, which involves her grabbing my arms and demonstrating like I am a puppet.

Then in one horrifying instance she rolls over. Of course she does. Our noses are almost touching. She whispers, "Jake, do you want to kiss me?" I don't. I don't want to think about kissing her. I try to think of something to say, someway to let her down easy. I definitely don't want to delay and have her interpret my hesitation as cutesy nervousness convincing her to take the initiative and just plant a wet one on me. I say, "No." It's dark enough now that I can't see her face, but I can see a little light reflecting in the whites of her eyes and can tell they are moving back and forth like she is confused. We lay there. Not another word is spoken between us.

I wish that my "no" stemmed from my feelings for Claire. That I don't want to Kiss Wendy because it might ruin my chances. I wish it were because I don't have feelings for Wendy... or some other slightly noble reason. I would even be happy to blame it on this bad night and getting my hopes up only to be made a fool. Not just any fool but an epically foolish fool-hardy fool.

The truth is though, the honest to goodness truth is that I don't want to kiss her because she is ugly. So unattractive, no, so ugly, that the thought of kissing her makes me ill. Physically ill. If any of the other girls in Claire's complex were here I would kiss them without hesitation. Just like I did with Daisy. Shallow? Un-Christlike? Yes I know. The fact that I know that those two things are the case doesn't change the fact that that's how I feel.

Wendy closed her eyes and just laid there for probably 20 more minutes while we listened to Claire and Adam smooch. Finally, I called out into the night, "Should we go to Carl's Jr? I can hear a chocolate shake screaming my name from here." There is some silence for about 10 seconds when Adam says, "You're reading my mind, Bro."

Wendy didn't utter a word to me for the rest of the night and is obviously moping. Claire and Adam seemed happy. I'm so glad I could be there for their little make-up make-out. Jerks.

I am pissed off...

Jake

61 comments:

AngelaBeth said...

OH GROSS. I'm sorry.. I LOVE making out and all but you should not force anyone to have to LISTEN to that. It's awkward enough that she didn't warn you that you were the double for someone else... but forcing you to sit there. RUDE. And *GAG*.

Anonymous said...

oh wow that sucks

Ryan said...

INCOMING!!!

You just took a grenade chucked at you by the girl you're into. Doesn't sound like friendly fire. Good thing that "no" shield saved you.

Anonymous said...

omg that totally sucks.

Haley said...

Kay I am straight grossed out. You should have faked an appendicitis. Or however the heck you spell it. Haha. Just got out of there. ASAP.

Anonymous said...

That has got to be one of the worst experiences I have ever heard. I don't think I would be interested in Claire anymore...

Anonymous said...

Dang man, that sucks... I know you like (or at least liked) Claire and all, but that was a straight up bitch move on her part. Maybe that should be censored but I don't know how else to put it...

CK said...

I'm so sorry. That really sucks.

Anonymous said...

...You forgot an apostrophe.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. That sucks so bad. Hopefully you werent close enough to Adam and Claire that you felt their movements the whole time.

Natalie said...

That is SO AWFUL!! I can't believe this girl!?!? You should call her out, text her and say "is that what you call Jake time??" I'm over this girl, I had my hopes for you but this is ridiculous. Sorry you had to go through that!

Anonymous said...

Claire was a total bitch. Why'd she even want you to come along?? And wendy too? Adam and her could've gone off on their own for crying out loud. And it's not like she tried to keep a convo going with the two of y'all either. One second she wants her friend jake, just for 'jake time', the next she's sucking face with adam. Forget it jake, move on, almost anyone's better than this brat.

VOR said...

Claire was a total bitch. Why'd she even want you to come along?? And wendy too? Adam and her could've gone off on their own for crying out loud. And it's not like she tried to keep a convo going with the two of y'all either. One second she wants her friend jake, just for 'jake time', the next she's sucking face with adam. Forget it jake, move on, almost anyone's better than this brat.

Crystal said...

I wonder why Wendy was so SURE you wanted to kiss her when she's so ugly. Poor girl is oblivious to the fact she was trying to make out with a guy who only cares about appearance. Oh wait, that's all guys. Woah...I'm sorry. I got a little bitter there.

Anyway. I told you via Twitter AND Facebook not to go over there. You didn't listen. Man, I'm grumpy today. I'll say what they tell me to say at work when a customer is being snotty. "I regret that this happened." That's all I've got.

c a n d a c e said...

ick. That is a horrid experience, J. Sorry you had to suffer... I'm not a fan of that Adam kid.
"You're reading my mind, Bro" really?? bleck.

Bad Horse said...

Jake, Jake, Jake. Nice try.

Nice try to make us think that you are only into looks. Nice try at trying to get us riled up at the Wendy comment.

I mean, it isn't like you can't call Clair on what she did and make her feel guilty for it. Not like you could have don if you had made out with Wendy.

It's not like you can't use this as some type of proof that you just don't make out with whomever, and that you are interested in Clair. It's not like you can't accuse Clair of taking advantage of your friendship.

But take that for what you will.

You also shouldn't go over to Adrea's and try to take her back.

Heather Guymon said...

Dude what the hell? This post pisses me off. Who DOES that? She is an idiot if she stays with that guy. He is still single for a reason. How is that not easy to see?

Sorry man. I would have just started walking off...listening to people make out is so obnoxious. I would have been livid.

Hailey said...

Well I hit a dog today with my bike so I think I win over not wanting to kiss an ugly girl.

Lindsay Anne said...

Id be pissed. I think you should call her out on her crap.

April said...

Wow, you have to make this stuff up! That is crazy!

Kristin Lee said...

She's an idiot. End of story.

JawnZ said...

Jake,

in the middle of this blog post, I literally had to get up and go outside (I'm at my office and didn't wanna make a scene) to punch something.

I HATE situations like this. I don't believe in hating people, but that's one of the few things that makes me close. You handled the situation much better than I would have.

As soon as Claire said that Adam was coming, and she mentioned that she changed her status back, I would have bailed. gotten out of the car at the next stop light. It's not even an immature thing, her behavior is just unacceptable.

I wish that you had decided to not kiss Wendy for more noble reasons too. it would have been more meaningful. but at least you're being honest with yourself. it was almost certainly for the best either way.

Dude, drop Claire. just like her "I'm a catch and I deserve better" status, she's not worth your time. if she comes around, and peruses you, then maybe she can be redeemed. In the meantime, she can deal with her own problems and stupid decision.

This post makes me literally shake with anger.

anna said...

it's time to unfriend her on FB and not take her calls. if she is serious, if she wants you, whatever happens, she will find you if she really wants to find you. and NOT being her friend might be so hard on her that she will realize what she's missing.

i pretty much don't like her for being so ignorant. i mean, she could have AT LEAST brought a hot girl for you to make out with if that was her plan all along.

Jade said...

Oh Jake, I'm so so so sorry that this had to happen to you... That's just horrible what happened. But if this had happened to me I think I'd call her out on it, she needs to know that she was in the wrong with what she did, what was suppose to be her "Jake" time wasn't even close to being "Jake" time. So call her out on it, and if she comes running back to you again don't just entirely push her away, still keep whatever possible little friendship might be there there, but let her know that she has to earn your trust back again, she burned you bad both as in a friend way and in your case "I'm not only a friend way". Ahhh I just want to go yell at her for you, but I can't and it wouldn't do any good.

But Jake I'm sorry she did that, I really am. Oh and by the way your reason for not kissing Wendy is a perfectly reasonable one. I feel the same exact way about kissing some people, so your not the only one who feels that way.

But sorry again Jake,

Irony said...

I was feeling bad for you because of the way Claire treated you...

until I read how you treated Wendy. You even admited that you think she is really cool and easy to talk to. I understand not being physically attracted to someone, but that was not letting her down easy.

I am glad Claire rejected you. You deserve it. Especially for the way you rejected Wendy.

Joie said...

Why would you spoon Wendy at all if you weren't interested? And why would lay there listening to Claire and Adam make out when you like her? You're not in high school. Just because you like her doesn't mean you have to sit there and let her take advantage of your friendship. You probably won't say anything to Claire but she shouldn't treat you like that. Stand up for yourself!

Nikki said...

Wow that is brutal. I once had a boyfriend who made out with my best friend right in front of me after they told me they liked to practice kissing with each other. It was fine, I didn't really like him and she was my ticket out of the relationship. Of course this was in the 7th grade and not as an adult. Sounds like Claire likes drama. Fight, break-up and then back together. Sigh. We all want to be in love in a movie or TV drama but this is ridiculous. Soap Opera girlfriend, that is what I call girls like her. She is neurotic and likes guys who thrive on her neurosis....and insecure Adam gives her what she wants by nit-picking her world as to control her by keeping her in her lowly place. Steer clear of soap opera girls and insecure guys boys and girls.

krista said...

Geez, drama much? Why couldn't Claire just call you and say that she and Adam needed to talk, instead of dragging you into the awkwardness?

And one more thing, I hate when people put their lives on facebook because they want the world to know how horrible/awesome their life is.

Good luck dude, sorry for the bucket of ice water she dumped on your head.

Brittany said...

So this is pretty random but I was wondering what ever happened to the private ratings?!

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

Seriously!? I thought all that break-up-for-a-day stuff ended in high school.

I'd confront her about it and tell her how ridiculous that was to do to you. Then, after that, run away as far as you can because now you're the guy she'll expect to be there whenever she and her squeeze have a fight.

Gwen Marie said...

I have to say..I stopped reading your blog for a while cuz it started making me sad and was destroying my hope that there really are decent gusy left of there. haha But it sucked me back in and ...I REALLY felt for you when I read this. That sucks SOOO much!

Anonymous said...

Really Gwen? A pair of random guys post their inner most thoughts about dating and girls, and you think that means that no guy is decent?

You are a sad strange little woman and have my pity.

Little said...

holy moly batman...that sucks. seriously what was she thinking?! #1 is she still worth wanting when she acted like that and #2 i can totally understand the whole ugly thing...sorry but not everybody was blessed with good looks and you really have to be attracted to a person to want to even kiss them. sorry about that whole situation man...

Anonymous1 said...

Wow seriously? What a jerk move Claire. She probably knows you like her and she's treating you as the rebound in case the Adam thing falls apart. Totally awkward to hear other people make-out when you're the third wheel too. Glad you didn't make out with Wendy. I wouldn't make out with someone if their unattractive as well. It's unfair for me and the person.

Amy said...

And you completely should be pissed. That was rude of Claire. I know you really liked her at one point, but her actions are immature. She knows you liked her at one point and then to put you into that situation. rude. Plus, Adam bugs. He is most likely looking for someone he can m"old" into who he wants. Hope Claire stops falling for it/him and grows up. p.s. oh Wendy....sigh. I feel kinda sorry for her and if I was that ugly I might try to take advantage of a situation with a 6.5 guy like that too...if I were single. :)

Anonymous said...

Bahaha! That sucks majorly!

sara said...

for once, i am proud of you and i feel sorry for you. there could be tears.

ethan_marston said...

I think that she might have used you. Like, maybe Wendy was down about being ugly or something, and Claire figured that since you had made out with Daisy to try to make her jealous, you'd do the same with Wendy in a similar situation. She probably wasn't even going through any tough relationship stuff, either. At least you didn't fall for it, though. If not for the most chivalrous reasons.

Lalis said...

Ain't it funny how social networking has completely changed our lives??? Oh facebook, how I loathe thee! And yet, I wouldn't live without it.

Amy said...

Yep....Clair is a bitch. She did that on purpose, you know...to hurt you. AND I think she was trying to hook Wendy up with you. I am glad you didn't kiss Wendy and was true to yourself. I just can't believe what a bitch Clair is.

Kirsten said...

As my up-coming move to Utah approaches, I read these blog entries and think "is this really what dating is like in Utah??" I simultaneously am entertained and terrified by these stories as I have a sinking feeling that my dating life might change with my change of scenery.

Thanks.... I think?

Anna said...

At least you said no, right? Way better than kissing a girl who you don't want to kiss and potentially lead her on, right? And way better than kissing an ugly girl, right--AM I RIGHT?

Nice hyphenated modifier by the way.

Anonymous said...

Hey, pull the sympathy card and you get more comments. Something to think about.

pummelhead said...

It's one of those moments where I would have yelled in my head "BRACE FOR IMPACT!"...and maybe even out loud.

Kristen said...

I'm somewhat mystified by the amount of people who think claire's hideous....she didn't set out to get jake's hopes up and then cheerfully smash them in his face. come on, let's say she really cares about this adam kid, and he decided he wanted her back when she thought it was over with him. if you had that chance and you thought he deserved that chance, wouldn't you be willing to screw over your plans a little to be with the person you want? maybe all of you are better than me... but I would absolutely do that. I'm positive I would; if not quite that way. she was obviously trying at least a little, she brought jake a girl too. yes, she could have chosen better. yes, she was a coward for not calling and perhaps should have at least given jake an, "oh, something came up, let's reschedule." But hey, emotions run high.
secondly, much as I love the amazingness of just friends, boys, you must know: there is no friend zone. well, I suppose there sort of is, but you don't magically end up there by being friendly. this is a lie, and I believe it is precisely this lie that is propagating rampant douchiness among today's youth :P haha there is one, and only one, fool-proof way to be in the friend zone - if the girl doesn't find you attractive, that is where you'll be. a girl never puts a hot boy "in the friend zone." A girl generally never puts a boy she ever thought of as some one she would date in the friend zone. any boy who's graced her make out fantasies regularly could sit and listen to her whine about her problems for ages and she'd still want him.
and last on this dissertation of lame commenting...hahahaha um really? she finds too many things to be judgmental about?

Mills said...

I think I was a lot like Claire when I was young. Selfish, or at least self-absorbed. She most likely knows you've got a thing for her, and wanted to feel wanted by somebody after her breakup. So she called you, and sometime between then and when you came over, she spoke with Adam and patched things up. At that point she probably deluded herself into thinking 'I've done a double date with Jake before, so I just have to find him a woman and then I won't need to cansel. This will be fun!' Luckily, her ugly roommate has a crush on you, so she'll hit two proverbial birds and hook you up.
Honestly, I don't think her intentions were melevolent. Do I think she's an idiot? Yes. I also think she is young and has a lot of things to learn about people. So do you.
Just go out and find somebody else. Don't be her 'plan B' guy. Ever. I hope you learned your lesson, it was hard-won. She may also realize someday that she was really rude to force you along.
Best idea is to just 'cut-and-run'.

{The Huffakers} said...

So glad I don't have to deal with that crap anymore.

ginger said...

That is no bueno J. I'm so glad you manned up and didn't NCMO Wendy. That would have just made you look and feel like a douche, when in reality Claire earned that award. Fuggedabout her and move on....

Anonymous said...

You're crushing on a Facebook addict? You're losing your credibility, man....

Autumn said...

You're pissed, for good reason. That was totally messed up for claire to do. You're just not having good luck are you man?

Clark Kent said...

I've had something like that happen to me as well. It is the worst feeling in the world when you find out "oh, so and so is coming" Honestly, if that's what I heard in the car, I would have said to stop the car. Use my phone and call for a ride back. That's BS times ten. Seriously, if you ever find yourself in a situation like that again, leave right then and there and don't even be polite about it. The gloves come off when that crap is pulled.

Whitney Haddock said...

First of all... awkward. Secondly, you totally got conned. 3rdly... no you're not shallow or un Christ-like.. think of it like this.. Jesus wouldn't kiss a person if he didn't want to and lead them on... so in reality you get Christ-like points! 4th...ly? that was kind of a sac religious analogy for you.. my bad...

sorry about Claire Jake

-Whit

B R I T N E Y said...

I'm sorry to hear that's how it turned out - that was pretty inconsiderate on her part too... She should have both informed you that her status had changed and she had made it a double date with Wendy.

As for Wendy... She couldn't have assumed you would automatically want to, right? That seems a little ridiculous... Too bad I guess...

Miss A said...

I love this post and I love all these comments even more.

Gregg and Lacey said...

Sounds like she has feelings for you, but a girl can't resist the drama of a guy who is on and off again with them. We want everyone to like us. Selfish? Yes. Immature? Yes. The fact that she ran to you after they "broke-up" shows she knows you like her and would rescue her, but she couldn't resist an apology from dorkus. She felt too bad to cancel plans with you so she changed them without you knowing. Also, she gave you the ugly roommate obviously, because she knew you wouldn't be interested in her and Claire could still gleam in the fact that you do have feelings for her. Sorry, Jake girls are mean. I agree with Mills...

Molly McAllister said...

If you're confident enough, there's no such thing as the "friend zone." Trust me. Barriers can always be broken.. And as for the make-out thing... it's sad that she was too ugly for you.. honestly.. that's horrible you said that, but sadly I have too. so I can't blame ya.. such is life..

Molly McAllister said...

By the way.. she changed her facebook three times? Then checks the single and in a relationship button?? AAaand puts up SUPER personal stuff for the whole world to read? This girl's weird and immature.

alanna said...

dude, jake, seriously? claire is a BITCH. this is coming from a girl who has watched friends do this to guys and honestly, it's mean spirited and hurtful and you really ought not put up with it or her. do you actually want to date someone who would treat someone else like that?

Anonymous said...

So here is how I really feel:
This is an awesome story to tell your future wife.
I really don't think people are that evil. Let me rephrase that. I don't think, that someone you sincerly liked and cared for, would be that purposely hurtful.
Here what I think happened, She called you to hang out and really wanted Jake-time. Then, her bf took the bait from her fb rant and called to beg her forgiveness. So to not seem like an idiot she rounded up the only available roomate wendy.
I am so glad that you didn't kiss someone who you think is unattractive.
You might be the threat she hangs over her bf head if he doesn't behave. So if you want to play that part I guess be friends.
Also, tell her to hook you up with someone more attractive next time and see what she says to that.Actually say:If your going to trap me into a double date, next time choose someone hotter. Then you could break ties easily.HA.

Mormon Man said...

You were way too beta male man. Ten bucks says she wanted a "Let's you and him fight" between you and this Adam dude. He's got more alpha swagger than you with her right now though. Any dude that can show up 45 minutes late and still have this chick eating out of his hands is playing his cards right. You should've bounced as soon as you saw Wendy was coming, or at least made a remark that she wasn't invited unless you go to make out with both of them together. Once you knew Adam was coming, you should've bailed immediately. Also, never let someone else drive. You're in charge here man.

Pierrot Lunaire said...

Weird. Awkward. You Utah Mormons sure do things differently to toe the line as close as you possibly can.