Ugly Turn of Events

I haven't got the "hey-I'm-getting-married-and-wanted-to-call-and-tell-you-about-it-for-some-reason-that-you-probably-can't-fathom-a-reason-you-can't-even-pretend-to-know-for-this-blog-post-because-if-you-could-that-would-mean-you-could-fathom-a-reason-for-this-informative-yet-painful-phone-call" call from Andrea that she said she was going to make.

Meanwhile life goes on. Claire's relationship with Old Adam has been a little rocky lately. She has called me on a couple of occasions to talk. Occasions which I have avoided because I don't want to console her or advise her on her boyfriend issues and jump into "the friend zone".

I'll admit, I've been overly inquisitive with those close to her to find out "the skinny" on the situation. Apparently, Old Adam has changed in recent weeks. Criticizing things like the cleanliness of her house, or things that she has chosen to wear. Things, which to me sound silly that I can't believe any man would have issue with. Also he has been described by my sources as being extra "needy" and "insecure" in recent days.

Then today, Claire put up three Facebook statuses that alluded to them breaking up. "Claire knows that she is a great catch, and thinks she should be treated like one." "Claire is tired of hearing I'm sorry over and over again while nothing changes." "Claire this time baby I'll be bulletproof" Then around 5 o'clock today she changed her relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single".

At about six, I got a call from Claire. She tells me that she needs a pick-me-up. She says that she wants to take advantage of the nice weather and go up one of the canyons and maybe do a campfire or something. I offer to invite my roommates, but she admits she hasn't had a good day and that she was hoping for a little "Jake" time.

This was it, I was especially liking the terms "pick-me-up" and "Jake time." During our phone conversation I had to keep myself from making some horrible comment like, "Don't worry baby, I'll Jake you up" while repeatedly raising and lowering my eyebrows. Here's my chance to swoop in and show her that I was not a "friend zone" kinda guy.

So, I get to Claires place and sure enough, no Adam in sight and she is dressed in flannel (totally back in style by the way... I see chicks in it everywhere) and she has a sleeping bag and some blankets piled up on the chair. I give her a hug and tell her I'm sorry for her bad day. I tell her how cute she looks and then Wendy walks in from her room. She is wearing flannel too... A little surprised, I make one of those "didn't get the memo" jokes and I notice (unfortunately) that Wendy is carrying a sleeping bag too, which she sets on the chair with the rest.

I guess that Claire wants some Jake and Wendy time. The Two girls talk about smores and food and before I know it we are all piled into Wendy's car heading out. At some point during all the jokes and conversation Claire says to Wendy, "He's going to meet us at the mouth of the canyon." I'm not certain but I think I may have done a double take. The question in my head and probably yours too? Jake and Wendy time plus "who else" time? Claire notices the confused look on my face and says, "Adam is going to meet us there."

I realize there will be no "Jaking me up"'s for Claire tonight (or for me, depending on how you look at it). I said, "Maybe my Facebook was broken today, but I could of sworn... Claire cuts me short and says, "I changed it back just before you got to my house. I was being a little too dramatic today." She makes her trademarked cute little oopsie grin, which, in most cases makes a difference. Right now, it did not.

I began to visualize the coming evening and I didn't like it. Me, Claire, Adam, and Wendy in the woods in the dark. Right after Claire and Adam had a rough day. I knew the would be of whispering and stuff leaving me to hang with Wendy. I started to feel very not excited with my plight... but what could I do, I was stuck in the car already committed to this little adventure.

As per usual Adam is like 45 minutes later than he says he's gonna be, and it's almost 8:00 before we even get going. Adam gets in the car we head up the canyon to try and find a good campfire spot. Things aren't looking to good as all the spots we try are either closed or full. I start to hope that we will call the whole thing off and just go back to Claire's complex. That's where my car is at. That's where I can escape. The sun starts going down and Adam suggests we at least just go catch the sunset. My suggestion to just go catch a movie at the cineplex is mocked because of the niceness of the day.

We go back down the canyon and get into Adams truck and he drives us to some barren "up on the east side" road. We park on the side of the road. The view was phenomenal, but there was nowhere to sit or lay in all the gravel. So what do we do, we all climb into the back of the pick-up. Adam and Claire are of course snuggling. Which left Wendy and me. Pick-up beds aren't very big and Wendy kept getting closer and nudging her way into my embrace.

I try to keep a 4 person conversation going for as long as I can, but Claire and Adam keep whispering to each other. At this point everything is completely out of my control. All I want is to get out of here. Instead Claire and Adam end up lying down whispering and kissing. The natural course of action that Wendy interprets is to follow suit.

It got dark.

I was not talking.

I was spooning with Wendy.

I could see the stars okay.

I hear the soft smacking of lips from Claire's side of the pick-up. (I say side of the pick-up but really I could have stretched my arm out and caressed Adams shoulder)

We were probably only there for half an hour, but it seems to me like forever. It was horrible. I was trapped. Not trapped. Tortured.

Wendy's okay. I like her, she can get a little annoying and finds way too many opportunities to be judgmental but she is fun and easy to talk to. This situation might have been okay, except that Wendy starts trying to turn our "lay down" in the dark into something more. First, she says while spooning, "Why don't you snuggle me?" So I sort of shuffle my hands around in a massaging fashion on her back. My heart wasn't in it so I'm sure it sucked. So she tells me to tickle her arm in a very specific way, which involves her grabbing my arms and demonstrating like I am a puppet.

Then in one horrifying instance she rolls over. Of course she does. Our noses are almost touching. She whispers, "Jake, do you want to kiss me?" I don't. I don't want to think about kissing her. I try to think of something to say, someway to let her down easy. I definitely don't want to delay and have her interpret my hesitation as cutesy nervousness convincing her to take the initiative and just plant a wet one on me. I say, "No." It's dark enough now that I can't see her face, but I can see a little light reflecting in the whites of her eyes and can tell they are moving back and forth like she is confused. We lay there. Not another word is spoken between us.

I wish that my "no" stemmed from my feelings for Claire. That I don't want to Kiss Wendy because it might ruin my chances. I wish it were because I don't have feelings for Wendy... or some other slightly noble reason. I would even be happy to blame it on this bad night and getting my hopes up only to be made a fool. Not just any fool but an epically foolish fool-hardy fool.

The truth is though, the honest to goodness truth is that I don't want to kiss her because she is ugly. So unattractive, no, so ugly, that the thought of kissing her makes me ill. Physically ill. If any of the other girls in Claire's complex were here I would kiss them without hesitation. Just like I did with Daisy. Shallow? Un-Christlike? Yes I know. The fact that I know that those two things are the case doesn't change the fact that that's how I feel.

Wendy closed her eyes and just laid there for probably 20 more minutes while we listened to Claire and Adam smooch. Finally, I called out into the night, "Should we go to Carl's Jr? I can hear a chocolate shake screaming my name from here." There is some silence for about 10 seconds when Adam says, "You're reading my mind, Bro."

Wendy didn't utter a word to me for the rest of the night and is obviously moping. Claire and Adam seemed happy. I'm so glad I could be there for their little make-up make-out. Jerks.

I am pissed off...

Jake