Thursday, July 30, 2009

Kiss Rules and Regs

Phew! I had a doozy of a talk with Andrea today about kissing. It ended badly. She went off about appropriate kissing, stuff like how when people kiss there should be no tongue involved because that kind of stuff leads to "things going too far".

This all started because this kid at work found out we were dating and that it had been a couple of weeks. He joked that I must be a pretty good kisser since I was kind of ugly. I like the guy and didn't mind the insult since I knew it was in good fun. What I didn't expect was for Andrea to frustratingly respond that she wouldn't know since I hadn't even tried yet. I was taken aback but wanted to keep things light and funny, so I responded with some sort of, "Uh, since I have never kissed a girl Andrea I need to be sure with my first." I knew that she knew this was a joke, and hoped it would be funny enough to change the subject, at least into an argument about the fact that I had kissed a girl instead of a discussion about why I hadn't kissed her.

Unfortunately, this didn't dissuade her. One of my favorite things about Andrea is how direct and unwilling she is to back down. At lunch she asked me straight out about kissing. I made up a stupid story, which I regret, but under the pressure it just came natural. I told her, "You know that I kiss girls early and I like you Andrea, I like you and don't want 'getting horizontal' to get in the way of how I feel about you." True... I did like her, but false, I hadn't kissed her because she made me nervous, and I kept thinking she would turn me down or I wouldn't perform well or something.

Here is the problem. She didn't hear any of that. The only thing she heard come out of my mouth was the word "horizontal"! She started into this big thing as I mentioned about appropriate kissing. She said that she had never kissed anyone laying down. I tend to get argumentative on this subject and, well, I argued with her.

I made the point that there were certain sections of the body that were off limits. Private parts are obvious. Too far up the inner thigh, and too low on the collar bone. Stuff like that. I agreed with her that dry humping wasn't allowed either. However, I stood my ground that it was perfectly okay for kissing to involve tongue, as well as hands and some lying down. She did not agree at all. She was mad, too. It was like she thought I was going to try and take advantage of her. She started quoting general authority talks and stuff. Like one GA said, "You should be kissing girls like you kiss your mother until you're married." Well geez! What... like the first time I am going to kiss her with any kind of passion is going to be over the altar or something - not effing likely. She left work without saying goodbye, and now... 9 hours later she has not responded to my one phone call and several texts.

Her dad is probably petting her hair and drying her tears telling her "I told you so. I told you about that evil boy who watches "R" rated movies!"

Blast, I need to fix this, I don't know what to do.


Jake is a Pansy A

Jake is such a wuss. All of the roommates totaled up the girls we've kissed since Jake started dating Andrea. The total is 8. EIGHT. (I'm only one of the eight, but still.) Plus, Bryson doesn't really count since he's engaged and moved back in with his parents last weekend to, quote, "save up for my wedding". I don't know what Jake is waiting for. I keep warning him that he's going to slip into the "friend zone", but he's confident that it won't happen that way.

Don't get me wrong. Andrea's cool and everything, but I really don't think she's Jake's type. Jake is the guy I see R-rated movies with and Andrea doesn't watch them. I don't even think she watches PG-13's. Plus, I hate the way Jake talks when Andrea is around. He's always whispering in her ear and crap. It's not that I feel like I HAVE to know what Jake is saying all the time, but it kind of makes my stomach hurt seeing him act like that. I'm watching my best friend get all lovey-dovey-sappy-smoochy with this girl and it seems like the Jake I know has crawled into a little sissy hole and is waiting for his buff, manly, average-looking sidekick (me) to help pull him out.

I went out with Carla last night, or tonight depending on how you look at it. Aaron said he didn't mind that I took her out, even though I'm pretty sure he was pissed that she jumped (his) ship and came aboard my ship. I feel a little guilty. I don't think it was a violation of "Bro's before Ho's" because he gave me permission. I did ASK him first. I think that ASKING Aaron might have been a violation, by itself. I'll have to poll Jake and Nick and see what they think.

Either way, I like Amy more than Carla and it's obvious I can't date them both. Andrea speaks to both of them regularly and she'll probably even be there for most of our dates since I double with Jake so often. Andrea will have to hear me say all of my rehearsed date-dialog with Amy on Friday and then hear the exact same rehearsed date-dialog on Saturday when I'm out with Carla. If Jake keeps dating Andrea, I may need to pray about some new material. (Just kidding. I don't pray about my rehearsed dialog. I just write it up and hope it works*.)


* = "works" can be defined as feminine laughter followed by a loving, mid-thigh caress or a long breathy whisper when her lips "accidentally" brush lightly against my ear. If that happens... then my pre-planned, rehearsed dialog has worked. Boo-yeah.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

To kiss or not to kiss

So I still haven't kissed Andrea. I am pretending (I think) for everyone around me that the reason I haven't kissed her is because I like her so much... because I really want it to mean something. Maybe in some way I think she'll think that too, I don't know, but that's not the reason. If I am being completely honest, it's because I am scared!

I think it's kind of funny that the last girl I kissed I just drove to Wendy's and mounted her in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant. There was no fear. Now, I want to kiss this girl like I want to be a millionaire, and yet I am petrified to make a move.

Just last night I drove her home. She lives way in the heck out in Eagle Mountain. I like that, because it gives us a lot of extra time to talk. I certainly enjoy conversation, especially with her. Anyway I walked her to her doorstep, and we hugged. Then as I was saying goodnight and walking away, she grabbed my hand and asked me when we were hanging out again. We ended up sitting on her front step talking and snuggling for another half an hour. I could tell she didn't want me to go. I think she wanted me to kiss her, too... but I just froze.

I don't know what I'm afraid of. She likes me, I like her. I want to kiss her. She is no doubt frustrated that I haven't kissed her. Regardless of all of that I just lose every ounce of testicular fortitude when a moment arrives that we can kiss. Why?!

I have told my roommies that I am going to kiss her on the 7th date... no matter what. Friday was 3, Saturday was 4, and Monday was 5. That pretty much means this weekend... Hopefully until then I can build up the courage and brave the mockery of my roommates. Aaron has kissed 5 girls in the last month which is making me look fairly pathetic. Calvin is worried that by not kissing her, I am going to mess it up with Andrea. Man oh man did she look hot at work today! Ugh, guess we'll see what the weekend brings.


Monday, July 27, 2009

Why do Mormons make-out so much?

I've kissed a lot of girls in my life. My first kiss was two months before my 16th birthday (for shame) and it was amazing. I kissed as many girls as I could before my two year mission (had to fill my canteen, you know?) and then I did my best to get back into my snoggin' groove as fast as I could after I got home.

I had a conversation with a non-member lady friend of mine the other day. She was baffled at how Mormon guys could be so interested in making out. It was hard to explain and I talked in circles for a little bit until I figured out exactly what I was trying to say, but here it is... in a nutshell (and I apologize for the stereotypes):

In non-LDS relationships, I'm pretty sure that the goal of the guy is to have intercourse with the girl. Good old-fashioned sex. The girls usually know what the guy is trying to do, so she doesn't do anything sexual, really, until she's ready to go all the way. Non-LDS girls don't want to be involved in horizontal make-outs on the first date cause they know what will probably end up happening... intercourse. Clothes will start coming off and stuff. So, the girls don't participate in that sort of activity because of where it will (most likely) end up.

In LDS relationships, the girl pretty much knows that the RM she's going out with won't try to have sex with her. Since she's pretty sure she won't be pressured to do anything she's not comfortable with, she's much more likely to participate in vigorous, lengthy, horizontal, uninterrupted, gentle, face-caressing, passionate kissing.

Non-Mormons keep a tally of the girls they sleep with. We (Mormons) keep a tally of the girls we make-out with. We can't even keep a tally of light or heavy petting. As soon as we start keeping track of that stuff, people might think we're competing with each other... or maybe that we're TRYING to go that far with girls... and we totally aren't. Sometimes it just happens. But when it does, I assure you, the only thing we write down on our list of accomplishments is the fact that we made out with her... not the other dirty stuff.

For example, I will almost always date someone until we snog a few times. It's not like I only date her so I can make out with her. Usually, I'm genuinely interested in her until we snog. After we've made out a few times, I realize that I was only interested in her for "the chase". Once I've caught her and we've made out, I'm done.

From what I understand, something similar happens in non-LDS relationships... only that feeling of "I'm done" doesn't happen until the couple has gone all the way.

I hope that clears things up a bit.


Friday, July 24, 2009

The next step

I am realizing that this blog just jumps from one weekend to the next and our dating escapades. I could write all about how we've planned a group date tonight. Me with Andrea, Calvin with Amy, Aaron with Tiffany, and Nick, well we'll find him a date before 7 o'clock. Afterall it's pioneer day, everyone in Utah is looking for something to do. I could even write about our plans and what we think will happen and the fact that I still haven't kissed Andrea, and technically it's our third date. Which lots of people say by the third date a first kiss should happen. I could talk about that stuff in this blog post, but then it would look just like every other post so far.

I feel rather like waxing intellectual... When I had my final interview with my mission President before being honorably released. He asked me, "Elder, now that you have followed this commandment do you know what the next step in your life is?" I joked that it was going to be buying a car and getting a date. He chuckled, but then went into this ranting disertation about procreation being the first great commandment and how marriage in the temple should be foremost on my mind. It was really boring... and though I know he meant well, and that my focus should be on eventually finding a wife. I really don't think I need to be in the rush he led me to think was necessary.

I would really like to perpetuate to everyone (especially my mom) that my fervent dating efforts are simply my effort to heed my Presidents council. Unfortunately the truth is that I seldom think of marriage. I never envision the girls I go out with dressed in white kneeling across the altar. I envision them in a skimpy one-piece or modest bikini. I think about kissing! I think about what I might do if kissing started to go to far. I think about how nice it is when Andrea, or any female for that matter flirtatiously touches my leg or the back of my arm. Hopefully, that's good enough for now. Hopefully kissing, more then kissing, and flirtatious touching will lead to love and marriage... it just doesn't feel like that's what I am actually going for. Should I care, that I don't really care?


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Sister Harms

When you hear someone say "sister missionary", very unpleasant images will probably pop into your head. It's not that sister missionaries aren't spiritual or faithful or dedicated. It's just that they're most likely not very cute. The only girls who go on missions in Utah are girls who can't find a guy to marry them by the time they're 21-years-old... and in Utah, that's ancient.

Every once in a while, though, there will be a sister missionary who is drop dead gorgeous. Sister Harms was that missionary. I was in the MTC with her and it was obvious that everyone in my MTC district thought she was hot, as well. I was secretly trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Why would an extremely attractive Mormon woman be unable to find an eternal companion by the age of 21? I figured there had to be something wrong with her that wasn't visible to the naked eye. Maybe some sort of mental illness. Something that would keep all prospective R.M.'s from proposing.

I couldn't figure it out for 18 months. The whole entire time she was on her mission, she always seemed so sweet and nice... sometimes even a little bit sexy if she didn't wear her knee high nylon socks and I actually caught a glimpse of bare calf. Yowza! She might as well have been in a revealing one-piece at Pineview Reservoir.

I didn't think much about her until I came home from my mission and she was at my homecoming. She came to my house afterward and ate some delicious snacks. She was dating another elder from my mission at the time. He was an A.P. and I didn't know him very well, but he was a pretty big guy and I'm pretty sure he could have taken me.

Well, guess who came to FHE on Monday night? Yup. Sister Harms. Her name is actually Shera and she still looks pretty dang good. She's not dating that other dude at the moment and I'm pretty sure she'd go out with me... if I get the courage to ask. She dated that other guy for a while so I'd probably be the "rebound" guy or something, but I honestly don't care. I can't wait to call Elder Fergeson and tell him I snogged Sister Harms... if I actually do. That's gonna be awesome!


Monday, July 20, 2009


Our house decided to do a little FHE (that stands for Family Home Evening for all of our non-Mormon readers) of our own tonight. We played some ultimate frisbee out in South Jordan by my parents house. We got together as roommates and decided that we were going to try to each get a few girls to come out and then we could invite outside dudes as the ratios deemed necessary.

Aaron and Nick invited some girls, but of course they didn't come. I am starting to think these girls Aaron claims to know don't exist. I invited a bunch of girls too, and they all showed up. Weird! So far Aaron & Nick have brought nothing to the table in the 2 weeks they've lived with me. Luckily right now I have Andrea and she is all I need. So, there was me and the 4 roomies, Brysons fiance, and then a group of 5 girls I have known for a long time. With Andrea and this sister missionary from our mish that put the ratio to 5 guys and 8 girls. So I invited two other guys I used to work with before the mish. Kevin and another Nick... they were both pretty good looking guys. I realized long ago that if I can find cool, good looking guys to roll with that girls will keep hanging out with me. I just have to always be at the top of my game personality-wise. Aside from Bryson and possibly my roommate Nick I am near the bottom in the looks category, but I have personality, and I am confident I have all of the guys who were at frisbee tonight beat in that category, except maybe Calvin, who I'm tied with, but he thinks Andrea's too skinny anyway so I'm not concerned.

We played ultimate frisbee, which is fun as always, for a couple hours then all went and got Ice cream. It was a big success. All night it was clear that Kevin was into Andrea, she kept looking at me as his flirting grew stronger as if to beg me to tell him I belonged to her. I loved that, and was kind of enjoying watching the exchanges from afar and doing nothing. I waited until after frisbee to tell Kev that we were dating. His look of defeat was worth its weight in gold since I remember how that good-looking savage stole Melissa Mortensen from me years ago.

My roommate Aaron was totally gaga for my old friend Tiffany. I have known Tiffany since I was 15 years old. Back then my best friend wanted her and right now I could see Aaron falling head first into the same trap. Things didn't work out so well for my friend in High School so I don't foresee Aaron making it very far. He is sitting on the sofa right now asking me question after question about her, even as I write this post.

Aaron: What kind of guys does she like?
Me: Douche Bags.
Aaron: Really!?
Me: Yeah, I think you should go for it, you're totally her type.
Aaron: Are you calling me a douche?
Me: Sorry I couldn't hear that last question, I think your popped collar is covering your mouth.

Heh heh heh. Actually Aaron and Tiffany might make a good couple, so I'll see what I can do. After I spend the next few hours thinking about Andrea in her short blue gym shorts...


Sunday, July 19, 2009

Plural Marriage... er... Dating. Plural Dating.

Jake told me yesterday that Andrea's cousin Carla likes me. Carla went out with Aaron last weekend, remember? I mentioned that I thought she was checking me out. I usually assume that every girl is checking me out, but this time I was right.

Here's the problem, though. Andrea set me up with her friend Amy last weekend and she ALSO set Aaron up with Carla. So now what? I can't date them both, can I? I mean... I COULD, but eventually Andrea will tell them. She's cousins with one and best friends with the other. I'm not very good at dating two girls at the same time anyway.

One time in high school, I got a date with this girl (Girl #1) who canceled on Thursday cause she was told she had to work. She told me she would try to get out of it, but when I hadn't heard anything by Saturday afternoon, I found another date (Girl #2). Right after I'd solidified with Girl #2, I got a message from Girl #1 saying she was able to switch shifts and she could go. I purposely didn't call her back cause I didn't want to explain that I'd found another date. She called me about six times, but I didn't answer and I didn't call her back.

Well I picked up my date, Girl #2, and drove her to my house so we could meet the other couple. The doorbell rang and when I answered it, I saw the other couple standing on the doorstep along with Girl #1. I could have said something smooth, but I didn't. I froze. I've blocked out most of the details, but I vaguely remember going up to my parents room and tearfully asking my mom to take care of the pickle I'd gotten myself into. She gave me a hug and went downstairs. I have no idea what she did, but she sorted it all out for me.

The bottom line is that I don't do very well with more than one girl at a time. I'm a horrible liar and I seldom think before I speak... which is trouble waiting to happen. Jake is great at dating multiple girls. That dude knows how to juggle.

So how do I decide who to pursue? Carla is blonde. Amy is brunette. Carla laughs at my jokes more often. That's pretty important. I wonder if they'd agree to going out with me at the same time. When that happens on dating shows, the girls always compete to see who will put out more. These girls are the types where they'll probably each take turns baring testimonies instead of baring naked flesh. Both of those are important to me in different ways... depending on the day of the week.


Saturday, July 18, 2009

Alright Already

Calvin is pretty adamant about me making another post here. I think he is trying to prepare me for having a nagging wife or something. Because he nags me incessantly. "Dude, did you make a blog post?" "Hey, I thought you were going to write something today." and if I tell him about even the most minuscule events in my day he'll usually respond with, "Hmm, that's interesting Jake, that would make a pretty interesting blog post... think about that."

I clearly don't have the gift of writing that Calvin has, but I will do my best to fulfill this blogs purpose to portray a true, uncensored, look into the lives of single, sexy, bachelors who happen to be Mormons and try their hardest to live by those standards. Okay, sexy might be a stretch.

I am really digging on Andrea. She is pretty freaking beautiful. I notice little things about her that I feel sappy and embarrassed about noticing. For example, when she gets nervous and she is talking she will blink and her eyes will un-blink at different times. Her left eye un-blinking just after her right eye. Also, when she gets excited and starts talking about something she is passionate about she will press the nails of her thumbs repeatedly under the nails of her middle and ring fingers intermittently between making regular hand gestures. I notice this kind of stuff because I love watching her... I really like being with her. Even though we have really only been out a couple times.

One tid-bit of not so perfect information. I met her dad on Tuesday. We were sitting in the dining room and he came in and interrogated me a little bit. After all the usual stuff he says, "So Andrea tells me that you watch "R" rated movies?" I responded with sort of a scared, unprepared, "Uh..." he cut me off and said, "Being off your mission so short, I wonder why you think that's okay when an apostle has come out and clearly said we should not do it."

I had to think hard about how to respond, but didn't have a whole lot of time... I have had this discussion a hundred times before and felt fairly capable. However, Andrea had told me on a couple occasions how much she adored and looked up to her dad. I was treading on some dangerous territory here. I didn't want to lie and just cave in either, and say something that wouldn't be true. I responded with, "I love movies, I always have, I want to make movies for a living some day, so quitting the "R" rated's have always been a struggle for me."

He gave me a disapproving look and I knew he was about to go into some lecture he had probably been thinking over since Andrea first told him that. I thought about things I could use to defend myself like how in Ireland & England they use a different rating system, and that members are told that they cannot watch "18" rated movies. Well the movie Braveheart in America is rated "R" and in Ireland it's rated "15"... so a good upstanding member of the church in Ireland can watch Braveheart and be a "rule follower" while that same member can fly over to America and be looked down upon by his Mormon peers. I would then follow this up with some speech about the spirit of the law, and tell him (and this is the truth) that I don't watch just any "R" rated movie... I try to ensure that whatever I decide to watch wont drive the spirit out of my life.

Instead of saying all of that, which would surely have started a verbal arm-wrestle, and then would have him disapproving of me to his daughter when I wasn't around. I decided that before he could respond, to say, "It's something I am working on, my dad and I have this same conversation all the time." He smiled and said, "You should listen to your father." Andrea and I left shortly after that and I expected some sort of discussion and urging on her part to get me to renounce "R" rated movies, but she didn't even bring it up. She's pretty awesome.

Even though I avoided what could've been a more uncomfortable scenario, and even though I was honest on the surface, I felt like a coward and have spent many hours running the next movie conversation with Daddy through my head. I may be a little more argumentative with him once me and Andrea's relationship gets a little further along.


PS: Had a good date tonight with Andrea, # 3, still no kiss... more on that later.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Hypocracy and Proposals

I told Jake that it was his turn to post something, but he's talking to Andrea on the phone. He was trying to mouth something to me so she didn't know that he was not giving her 100% of his attention. I thought he was mouthing "Eat Ess, Ach, Eye, Tea (the SH word)", but he was really mouthing "You just did!"... as in, I just barely put up a post yesterday. I tried to mouth to him, "But our blog is really like TWO blogs, with other stories and experiences from our other roommates scattered throughout, as well." But I'm pretty sure he had no idea what I was mouthing to him. I guess I'll just take his turn.

Kinda funny story... about an hour ago I sneezed a few times in rapid succession. Aaron actually looked away from his LDS singles account for long enough to spout something about how three sneezes in a row releases the same amount as endorphins as an orgasm. No freakin' way. I don't know exactly what endorphins are, but my third sneeze didn't get anywhere CLOSE to the other feeling. I made the mistake of saying that aloud and Nick said, "How would you know. I thought you were a virgin." Then I said, "I AM... Mr. Box of Tissues on Your Headboard." The amount of hypocrisy in this house is astounding.

Luckily we can all take an above average amount of ridicule and mockery. Except Aaron for some reason. He'll make fun of one of us, then as soon as we say something back... like, "You're fat" he gets all quiet and doesn't say anything for 15 minutes, like he's pouting or something.

I guess Bryson's fast worked. He decided that he's going to propose to his girlfriend. The weirdest part is that I was there for their first date. I WAS THERE! I watched them meet. I was a witness to the first-date-awkwardness that happens to everyone. Now... a few short weeks later... he's proposing. It's a real eye-opener for me. Like, I'm realizing how easy it could be for ME to meet someone and fall in love. Bryson didn't do anything different than I usually do. It just happened for him. It could just as easily have been me. That's what makes me feel so weird. Every single date I go on could be the first date with my future wife. I don't know if I should feel excited... but I kind of do.


Monday, July 13, 2009

Here I Go Again!

Update: I totally ditched Mindy. All of my roommates were giving me crap about giving Mindy another chance so I guess you could say I caved to the peer pressure. Even after I decided I wasn't gonna take her to the lake last Friday, I still kind of wanted to see her one last time so we could roll around. She's an amazing kisser and I figured it was gonna be awhile until I would be able to kiss another girl. It's usually more work than I think it's gonna be.

I called Mindy on Friday afternoon, about 2 hours before I was supposed to pick her up. She answered the phone. The conversation went something like this:

"Hey Mindy. It's Calvin. What are you doing?"

"Watching tennis."

"Oh. Hey, I was thinking... I don't think we should date anymore. It's not working for me."

"Really? Um. Ok."

"Great. Bye, Mindy."

I hung up quickly and I didn't answer when she called back. Today is the first day that she hasn't tried to get a hold of me (even though it's still pretty early). I'm actually kind of nervous that she'll get frustrated enough that she'll actually drive over here. I guess I'll deal with that when (and if) it happens.

Jake's date, Andrea, set me up with her best friend last Friday for our group date. It was pretty awesome. My date's name was Amy. She was pretty cute and I think we got along pretty well. Andrea also set Aaron up with her cousin. I got a weird vibe, the whole date, that Aaron's date was kind of into me, as well. (Un)fortunately, we have our Mantra so it's not like I'm gonna try to steal her away from him... even though she's pretty hot.

By the way, I was just thinking the other day that nobody has ever offered me alcohol. Odd, isn't it? Actually, I take that back... when I was flying to Ireland, the stewardess asked if I wanted anything to drink and I said, "Sure." Then she asked if I wanted some "Squash". I'd never heard of it before so I said, "Is it alcoholic?" and she answered, "It is if you want it to be." I, of course, said no thanks... just regular squash would be great, but I'm pretty sure that counts as having alcohol offered to me.

Other than that, nobody has ever offered me alcohol. I guess that just shows you the type of people I choose to have around me. Plus, I'm sure it tastes like butt-hole.


Saturday, July 11, 2009


Holy crap! I have to post because there is no way I can sleep after the awesome night that I had. First, at work my plan went off without a hitch. Andrea consoled me when I told her that (wink wink) my date had canceled. She even offered to see if one of her friends could come. I pretended to be perfectly capable of getting another date on short notice, and like it was no big deal which was pretty fun.

Then my boss Susan broke the news to Andrea that her cousin wouldn't be able to come. Making up some story about how he had an ex-girlfriend he decided to get back together with. (since Andrea saw Cousin's Facebook page and thought he was cute this was an amendment to the original plan I had to put in to avoid her pursuing a followup date with the hunky cowboy Cousin) Susan suggested to Andrea, that she ask me. It was awesome! Seriously, the hottest girl I have ever been 2 feet from walked up to me and asked me out on a date. Talk about avoiding uncomfortable confrontation.

Unlike my sneaky "get-a-date-with-Andrea-scheme" the date itself did not go as planned. First of all Calvin ditched Mindy at the last second, which maintains his kinghood by the way, so Andrea set him up with one of her friends. Then, we invited these other two guys, and they were late, and we had to wait for them because they were the ones who knew how to get to the Lake. They were nearly an hour late. Which actually worked in my favor because I was still pretty flustered around Andrea. Having Calvin and her friend and the other boys around made it easier to break the ice. Especially since we just kept making fun of the D-bags that were so late.

Then when we finally did start driving to the lake, which happened to be in Utah County, we got lost along the way. We didn't even get to the lake until 9pm just before it started to get dark. This also worked in my favor because me and Andrea were alone in my Dad's truck with the canoe strapped to the back following a caravan of our confused friends. We were really able to talk and get to know each other. Andrea is pretty awesome, and now that I know her better, I know that I don't think that just because she is beautiful. I'd say she's probably the most beautiful girl I've ever dated, add in her level of cool... I may be in trouble here.

The lake was fun, and the food and canoeing were great. Everyone had a good time except for Nick. The chick he got set up with was a little too emo for his liking.

When I finally got Andrea home, I was shaking with nervousness for the doorstep scene. I knew I was going to walk her to her car, and I knew there was no way, NO WAY, that I was going to try and kiss her... still I was petrified.

I walked her up to the doorstep and we had a conversation. I have no idea what it was about. I'm pretty sure I didn't even hear a word she said, and thinking about it now I wonder if my responses were even coherent. After a couple moments of awkwardness she lunged at me, arms in the air and wrapped them around my neck. We hugged for a good little while. It was great. It was so great. I felt a little tingle feeling as my hands gently moved up and down her back. Not a tingling feeling like, you-just-hit-puberty feeling, but more like a your-arms-feel-asleep-and-the-blood-is-rushing-back-into-your-limbs feeling. She said that she had a great time! She also said that she was glad Susan's Cousin canceled. I told her I'd see her at work, and she said that she hoped that wasn't the only place I'd see her.

I drove home singing every song at the top of my lungs. Finally, a girl I like, and even better, I think she likes me!


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Second Chance

The last few days have been harder than I thought they'd be. I did my usual routine of listening to Here I Go Again by White Snake. That usually helps me to feel better after I get my heart broken. I can usually pull off some convincing air drums during the chorus, even through my tears.

Then Mindy calls me today. She apologized to me again and said that she didn't want our relationship to end. I said, "Mindy! You told my friend that you wanted him to marry you instead of his girlfriend." Then I asked her if she really thought she and I could actually "go" somewhere... like, longterm. She did a whole song and dance about how she knows dozens of married couples who have stories about dating their husbands best friend before finally falling for their husband and crap like that. Then I said, "But, Mindy... you're not attracted to me." "Yes I am." "Well, you told Bryson that you weren't attracted to me, didn't you?" "Well... yeah... I did, but that doesn't mean I could NEVER be attracted to you. That kind of thing comes with time. Just please give me another chance, Calvin. I like you so much. Calvin... I love you."

Are you serious? She told me that she loved me... 3 days after she tells my friend that I'm hideous and she wants to wrap her legs around him and his fancy truck. Whatever.

However, I decided that I would let Mindy have another chance. She'll be coming with us on our date this Friday.

Jake is pretty stoked about this co-worker of his, Andrea. She is pretty cute, but not in a "stuff $1 bills into her underwear" kind of way. More like in a "I don't watch R-rated movies and I wear a One Piece swimming suit to Lagoon-a-Beach" kind of way.


Monday, July 6, 2009


I know that Calvin has already posted his misfortune. I have to say, that I was pretty shocked as I watch it all unfold. Talk about fireworks over fourth of July weekend - forget about Sugarhouse Park. Here's the biggest thing, since returning with honor and all that, I have always looked to Calvin kind of as the King of dating. He always knows what to say and how to act. He was dating Mindy who was a total babe. I never would've guessed that she would have gone for Bryson. He did the right thing in telling Calvin right away. I wonder if he'd have done so so readily if he wasn't thinking about marrying his girl. I have to believe he would have, bro's before ho's transcends all. I'll look forward to seeing how Cal bounces back. See if he can hold his crown.


Sunday, July 5, 2009

What the Eff just happened?

I have absolutely no idea what just happened. Today is Fast Sunday and Bryson told us this morning that he was fasting to find out if he should marry or propose to his girlfriend or something. We were all pretty excited for him.

I call Mindy while I'm getting ready for church to tell her about how Bryson is fasting to find out if his girlfriend should be his wife. She said, "Today? He's fasting right now?" I told her, "Yes." and then she abruptly ended the conversation.

About 10 minutes later, Bryson called me. He was at church with his girlfriend but told me that he had just received a very peculiar phone call and he told me to sit down... just like they do in the movies. Bryson tells me that Mindy has just called him and this was what she said in a nutshell:

"Bryson, this is Mindy. Calvin told me you were fasting to know if you should marry your girlfriend. I felt like I needed to tell you that I really like you. I think that you might be the guy for me and I want you to consider that as you are fasting today."

Bryson said to her, "What about Calvin." Mindy replied, "Calvin is cool and funny and everything, but I'm just not attracted to him."

I asked Bryson to repeat the part about her not being attracted to me. Then I asked if that was EXACTLY what she said. Bryson sucks at telling stories and he said, "I don't know if that's exactly what she said, but it's pretty close." Then he apologized and we hung up.

Throughout our 5 minutes conversation, Mindy tried to call me a few times. When I finally answered, she admitted to calling Bryson and told me almost the same thing that Bryson had told me. She, also, apologized and said she didn't mean to hurt me. To be honest, I can't really remember what I said to her. I was pretty upset, but it was kinda hard for me to be really pissed off. I was more hurt than anything. I mean seriously. Bryson? I could understand pretty much any of my other roommates, but BRYSON? It makes me feel like Sloth, from The Goonies. I'm such an idiot.

I've got to hand it to her, though. That four hour conversation complete with dozing off and speaking in whispers was a pretty good performance. To think that she did it all just so she could get closer to Bryson. What a bitch. Sorry. But I think she really is.


Friday, July 3, 2009

Legs... and then some!

It's a little after 4:30 in the morning and I just got off the phone with Mindy. We talked for over 4 hours, but I'm pretty sure we both fell asleep for a little while in there. She's pretty awesome. Apparently, I don't need her tan, smooth, legs 8 inches from me in order to like her. I started to get genuinely scared that I only liked her cause she was hot. Now I know that I enjoy her as a person and not just someone who grabs the back of my head and presses herself against me when we make-out.

I took her to my parents house yesterday. She was wearing pretty short shorts which I think was totally sweet. We ended up laying in my parents hammock for a while in the backyard just talking. My little brother came out and took a photo of us. It was from a very awkward angle and Mindy looked like a muskrat and my legs looked abnormally hairy. It will definitely NOT be the photo we send out with our engagement announcement... assuming things keep going as well as they've been for the last month.