Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Year End Stats

Since none of our roommates are aware of the existence of this blog, we had to be extremely subtle in our fact finding expedition. Luckily, 2am to 4am every single day is usually reserved for the five of us sitting in our basement... discussing our lives, school, work, girls, and church. Lately, we've been using this time to gather the following information.

We are men, and because we are men, we like statistics. Statistics tell stories. Here is our story for 2009.

  • Credit Hours Completed
00 - Aaron
24 - Calvin
15 - Jake
00 - Nick
08 - Lance
  • Mustaches grown to fullness
00 - Aaron
01 - Calvin
00 - Jake
04 - Nick
00 - Lance
  • Months without doing dishes
00 - Aaron
03 - Calvin
06 - Jake
02 - Nick
01 - Lance
  • Make-outs
18 - Aaron
08 - Calvin
05 - Jake
04 - Nick
22 - Lance

  • Horizontal Make-outs
18 - Aaron
08 - Calvin

05 - Jake

04 - Nick

22 - Lance

  • Relationships longer than 1 month...
01 - Aaron
04 - Calvin
02 - Jake
00 - Nick
00 - Lance
  • ...2 months...
01 - Aaron
03 - Calvin
01 - Jake
  • ...3 months...
01 - Aaron
01 - Calvin
01 - Jake
  • ...4 months...
01 - Aaron
  • Pairs of shoes worn
27 - Aaron
03 - Calvin
08 - Jake
15 - Nick
24 - Lance
  • Number of Different Temples attended
05 - Aaron
03 - Calvin
02 - Jake
11 - Nick
00 - Lance

  • Dated/Kissed a Midget
Nick (since 4'11" is the max height of a legal midget)

  • Owned the most cell phones
Lance (9)

  • Got the most # of girls to pay for dinner
Aaron (15)

  • Kissed the most girls in a 24-hour period
Aaron (3)

  • Most tow trucks/broken down vehicle incidents
Jake (8)

  • Had the Largest Quantity of Food Stolen by Roommates
Calvin (59)


  • Blog Numbers
40 - Percent of readers who think Calvin is a woman.
7 - Months blog has been in existence.
7 - Number of people who know we write MBP.
5 - Number of people we wish didn't know we write MBP.
  • Things MBP takes credit for
0 - Baptisms resulting from reading/commenting on MBP
0 - Marriages
resulting from reading/commenting on MBP
4 - Friendships born due to the existence of the MBP

  • Random Facts
5 - Fans we've been tempted to reveal our identities to in order to date them.

0 - Number of fans we've revealed our identities to in order to date them.

Happy New Year
Jake & Calvin


Katie said...

Nice stats boys. I didn't realize Calvin had been in any relationships..haha. Happy New Years!

Little Miss Paige said...

Aaron is the ultimate tool, but it makes me laugh.

& your Christmas card was hilarious. Me & my sister laugh every time we see it.


Allison said...

Kissed a midget?? Okay.. great achievements, boys. We all thought that C&J were playas.. but Lance really has to take that title. :D And all your make-outs were horizontal? DAANG.

Jade said...

Nice stats boys, pretty impressive. If you have 5 girls you want to tell about MBP so you can date them, why don't you just find a way to date them, they'd date you even if they didn't know you were writing MBP. Just go after them as yourselves.

Kell said...

Ah....... interesting! Lance seriously sounds like.. a tool. And I'm impressed that you guys managed to make all of your makeouts horizontal!

Chess said...

Hysterical! Good job for resisting the temptation to reveal your identities in order to date fans. Standards of steel! :)

Mal Mecham said... even though half the time when I read this blog I wonder how two people could be such shmucks, you're still freaking hilarious. Just sayin'.

Kristin said...

Only 4 friendships?

Way to go for not revealing your identities to girls just to date them. But only 5? I would have guessed more.

Haley said...

1) I love the midget kissing stat. Probably my favorite.
2) I'm really curious as to the stories behind some of these. Actually, just the midget one.
3) I might be slightly obsessed with midgets now?
4) I'm also really curious about the 5 people that know who you are, the friendships created, and the 5 fans you want to date. As I'm sure the rest of your readers are.
PS: Calvin, if it makes you feel better, I don't think you're a woman. Maybe that'll make it only 39%. :)

Tyler & Nicole said...

Enjoyed the stats! you do realize there is a way to date fans without revealing your identities don't you???

Kate Weber said...

I laughed pretty hard at the fact that all of your make-outs were horizontal. Just funny that you had to clarify!
Also, who owns NINE cell phones in a year? Craziness.
What a great year! Can't wait to see what exploits 2010 brings to you two!

Anonymous said...

I would guess that you have at least 5 times more readers than those who actually comment.

Since we're talking stats.

bri said...

Ah how great it would be to be one of the 5

Anonymous said...

I haven't for one moment doubted that you are both boys. Happy New Year. I think next year you should repost this one and add in 2010's stats so we can all compare.

~kiMbeRLy~ said...

I like the stats...good idea! Do you all have your kisses lined up for tonight??

Rissy said...

I don't know how you guys haven't cracked yet and revealed yourselves to one of the really hot girls who reads/loves you and lives so close by. I wouldn't be able to do it.
I also think this post proves that Lance is the overachiever of the group... I mean wow Lance, wow!

Vanessa said...

Dating a midget? Quite an accomplishment if you ask me! I look forward to 2010 posts!

Happy New Year!!

Alexis Voltaire said...

Haha, this was hilarious. I feel bad that Calvin had all his food stolen, all the while Jake wasn't doing any dishes! lol

Nate said...

Calvin, with 59 quantities of food stolen...

Kind of a useless stat - there needs to be some unit of measure in there. 59 Dr. Thunders or whatever your drink of choice is.

Anyway, Happy New Year!

Unknown said...

hah who the heck are you guys? i just saw this link on my friend's blog, and read your first post. Its freakin funny hah where are you going to school?

Ashley Eliza said...

the stats rocked.

Can I just say that I LOVE You guys. Yours is the first blog i run to when I get onto my blog.. Keep it going strong.. more posts from EVERYONE. Ya'll are simply amazing.
ps can i get a Christmas Card still?


alex said...

Calvin! A Mustache?! How could you?

Busy Bee Lauren said...

So, who are the 4 friendships?

Amd who are the 5 girls?

Rachel said...

Add another one to someone who has figured out who someone from this blog is. I feel confident in my guess, but I'll keep it to myself.

Anonymous said...

When you guys have Temple interveiws with your bishop, I really hop that you don't say that you are keeping the Law of Chastity, because "Horizontal Makeouts" count as breaking that, or so I've been told, by adult after adult.

ReRe said...

more thick mustaches in 2010 (that's more thick mustaches, not thicker mustaches...for the grammar police that lurk!)

Mars said...

What's with guys and stats? haha too funny. But loved them. Happy New Year!

Nikki said...

Molly is your last name Mormon?

Nikki said... are wrong.

Bags said...

Seems to me that there is a direct correlation between number of shoes worn and number of makeouts... I need to buy me some more shoes.

Crystal said...

Who knew statistics were that interesting? Not me. :)

Emmy said...

Lol! Quite the set of stats there. I found it interesting that the number of make out sessions was the same for all as the number of horizontal make out sessions.

Calvin must have some good food.


Too funny!

Autumn said...

That was totally great. I think there are more then 4 friendships that have been born since the start of MBP. I know that I have made a couple of online friends, due to your blog completely. Why don't you guys still find a way to date those girls hmm? I don't think it would be that hard. I bet BBL knows who you really are though.

mCat said...

Guys, stumbled across you from Stace's page. Your review of her was very good, although having met her IRL - I'd go a little higher.

You guys are FUNNY and after looking over the stats, I figure Aaron is there just to help pay rent. No credit hours and lots of making out. Smooth operator.

My own son gets home TOMORROW - he will find your site hysterical like I do.

Anonymous said...

Alexis 7:15am Maybe there is a connection between Jake doing no dishes and Calvin's food being stolen...

Julie said...

Aaron may be a "Tool" as well as a shoe whore (18 pairs...*sigh*)but he washes dishes. Heck, that's enough of a reason to keep him around. Lose him boys, and you will be washing dishes.

Happy New Year!!!!

Brittnay said...

You all are shoe whores. With the exception of Calvin :)

Bitten Usagi said...

Poor Calvin. All that stolen food.

Nikki said...

I also want to mention something about the comment stats which were not part of the stats. If my comments don't make it onto the "what people are saying" comment thingy more often, I am going to be pissed. Don't worry about your little girly fans who would freak out about your Nikki attention and thinking you have a mommy crush on me and give me some much deserved billing. Throw this bitch a bone...Much horizontal love in the New Year! What's love got to do with it, huh? ;)N

Brooke said...

there seems to be a direct correlation between pairs of shoes worn and make outs. there may be a lesson to be learned here ;)

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

I'm pretty sure Calvin is counting each individual Fig Newton or something... and shoe whore?

Indoor soccer shoes, cleats, basketball shoes, black church shoes, brown church shoes, vans slip on's, and flip flops. They all serve a function.

I have no comment on the dishes.


Cassidie Anne said...

dang. that was funny. especially that a lot of these are at the expense of calvin. not that i don't like him. just that i think it is funny. that nikki lady is kinda creepy......

Nikki said...

Yea, I get that a lot.

nic said...

I'm 4"11 - I can officially own midget status - yessssss

Jules AF said...

Horizontal makeouts are against the law of chastity and should be reported to the bishop??? Well, crap.

Unknown said...

Nick went 11 different temples? Dang.

Alyssa said...

Haha this is great. Happy New Year!

Tiffany said...

If Aaron starts going to school, can you hook me up?
Only because you didn't come to my New Years Party Calvin. I didn't get a New Years kiss because I was holding out for you.

Anonymous said...

@Nikki It might as well be. :D

brie said...

loved the stats; i was roaring.

i know i don't know you, but i swear i do...


Cal, go buy some new shoes! if you are indeed a woman, i've got 87 pair - you can borrow some of mine!!

Anonymous said...

I am sure I won't be the first or the last to say something like this, but I am sure glad I am already married when I see such sex driven "Mormons". Learn to control your thoughts and actions temple attending but not afraid of numerous horizontal make outs or completely inappropriate things to say.

Vickie said...

Actually legal midget height is 4'10"

The Denham Family said...

I really want to hear more about this Lance guy! So funny because every Lance I know is just like Lance seems to be, but I never know! Dear Mormons, please do a special Lance edition post. Love, My face

michal said...

I might maybe have a crush on Nick, solely due to his mustache growing skills.

Lance, also, sounds pretty fantastic, what with the astounding number of make-outs in one year.

Then again, if I met any one of you, I might just submit myself to you because you write this blog.