Supp - MBP Glossary

We at MBP promise to do our best to keep this list updated, accurate, and humorous... if at all possible. If you'd like a Mormon term or phrase defined, please leave a comment and tell us what you would like defined.

Also, any other LDS folk who feel like maybe the MBP definition is lacking in some way, feel free to expound in the comment section. If we like your addition, we may add portions of it to our own definition. If we don't, then we won't. Thanks.

Bishop - an office in the Priesthood where the person called presides over a Ward. The calling of Bishop is an awesome responsibility one that not many people would aspire to. Bishops cannot try-out, run, or apply for this office. The also do it completely voluntarily and they receive no compensation or income for doing it. Basically they agree when accepting the calling to be the ecclesiastical leader for 200-400 members, while still having a family and job. This is a total guess but most Bishops easily spend 40+ hours Bishoping. Listing all the duties of a Bishop would be quite a feat. Basically Bishops are responsible for all functions of the ward. They spend their time meeting with and interviewing members determining their worthiness to do all the things Mormon's do. i.e. callings, ordinances, priesthood, etc. Mormons believe that Bishops are given the gift of discernment and that the receive revelation in regards to their congregations. Bishops are by no means infallible, they are men with all of the same temptations and weaknesses anyone else has. For the most part they are pretty likable guys. Good Bishops are excellent at compassion, understanding and sleeping on the stand without bobbing their heads.

The Brethren - This is Mormon slang used to describe the 15 men who lead the Church. The Prophet his two Counselors and the Twelve Apostles. It seems most often to be used by Seminary Teachers and people that are making comments in Church that really want to impress people. "Well you know "the Brethren" have taught..." Yeah, like you know them. Hmph! Oh wait... I guess I just used it or you wouldn't have read this link. I don't know them either. I just used it because... oh nevermind.

Disfellowshipped - Sometimes, leaders of the Mormon church decide a member should be disfellowshipped if the member has engaged in serious enough transgressions to warrant it. While disfellowshipped, the member is told not to partake of the sacrament, not to participate in classes and also to not pray publicly... like in church meetings. The disfellowshipment is typically one year, but the length is ultimately determined by the bishop. This is good information to know... mostly so if a teacher calls on you to say the closing prayer, all you have to do is say "I'd love to but I'm disfellowshipped, so I can't. Sorry. Ask me in about 8 months." You won't get called on to pray again, but you also may have a harder time getting dates.

DTR - DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP. That dreaded talk between couples most often initiated by girls, almost always dreaded by guys - even if they really like her. Usually starts out with something terrible sounding like, "So... what are we exactly..." ooooh I just got the shivers. Scary.

Excommunicated (Ex'd) - This is much more serious than disfellowshipment. Being excommunicated is a more complicated process which involves church leadership further up the chain of command. It involves an interview with a panel of church leaders, after which they prayerfully discuss your transgressions while you sit outside the office, sweating bullets. I don't have a list of sins that qualify for excommunication, but it's pretty much the worst of the worst. Whether a person is excommunicated also has a lot to do with how repentant and remorseful they feel about their actions. If they have a careless attitude and say stuff like, "I did it and I'll probably do it again..." then the odds of excommunication go up significantly. Once ex'd, a member can not rejoin the church for at least 12 months. Rejoining the church also requires the greenlight from church leadership. If the member gets the greenlight, they can then be rebaptized and get a fresh start.

Fast Sunday - The first Sunday of every month is reserved as Fast Sunday in the Mormon church. Members typically fast for 24 hours, beginning Saturday night. Some members skip 2 meals while others claim we're supposed to be skipping 3 meals. My argument? Well, if you eat dinner on Saturday night at 7pm and then begin fasting, then wouldn't 24 hours end on Sunday night at around 7pm? At that point you can close your fast and eat dinner. So technically, you've fasted for 24 hours and only skipped breakfast and lunch. C'mon, Mormons. It's not rocket science. We believe that refraining from food and drink for 24 hours helps bring us closer to the Spirit and more receptive to whisperings of the Spirit as well as personal revelation. Like, for example, beginning a fast with a prayer asking God whether or not you should propose to your girlfriend. Throughout the fast, the prayers continue and (hopefully) by the end of the 24 hour fast, the individual has received an answer to his prayer.

FHE - Stands for Family Home Evening. Mormons are encouraged to take Monday night off of everything else, and spend that night with their family. Lots of time there is a lesson or spiritual thought involved, but sometimes it's just fun and games. In this blog the term is most likely referring to the "Singles Ward Family Home Evening." Since it is assumed that for the most part singles wards are comprised of students, most living away from home, singles wards will have a FHE activity planned every Monday night. Most often it includes volley ball, brownies and flirting... lots of flirting.

Greenie - New missionaries are referred to as "Greenies", because they're new... or "green". I think it has something to do with the insides of young tree branches being green or something. It also has something to do with St. Patricks Day and leprechauns... since leprechauns are small, like a child or a newborn baby... kinda like a new missionary.

Home Teacher - Home Teaching is a program in the Church where Priesthood holders visit members of their Ward once a month. Home Teachers are put into companionship's and assigned families to visit. It generally involves a monthly spiritual message and just getting to know each other. Because its voluntary like everything in the Church, Home Teaching doesn't always get done. Some families can't be bothered to make time for their Home Teachers either. However, it's a pretty good set up, and gives members the opportunity to get to know each other very well and have someone to call if they need anything, a blessing, someone to talk to, a little help with their yard work or moving large pieces of furniture. In Singles Wards it always nice to get assigned to teach the hot girls in the ward. This tactic is sometimes implemented for guys who don't do their home teaching very often.

Judgement - Surprisingly this one is very self explanatory. You are Judged for the choices you made while on Earth. The most paramount of which is, whether or not you accepted Jesus as your savior by following him to the best of your ability. The exciting part about this is the "bright recollection of all your guilt" where we will likely remember everything! That way, I can finally prove to Calvin that I was right about all those disagreements we've had that are impossible to prove in this life.

LDS - an acronym for "Latter-Day Saint". Again, another nickname for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Mission - Our Church believes in proselyting. Our Church has challenged every able-bodied young man to serve a two year proselyting mission when he turns 19. Women can serve missions if they choose to, as well. It is completely voluntary and each missionary must pay their own way. It is all very organized, and when one submits to serve a mission they are "called" to a specific area. There are 50,000+ missionaries in almost every city in the world. Missionaries live by a stricter set of rules while on a mission so it can be kind of a trip meeting with young adults who choose to do what they do. If you would like to meet the missionaries in your area (anywhere in the world) send us an email and we will set it up.

Mormon - a nickname for members of our religion. You would find out more about our religion on Wikipedia under its actual name "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." The nickname comes from a book that we, in our faith, believe to be scripture much like the Bible. It was a compilation of writings by a man whose name was Mormon, though some non-members think that Mormon, himself, (or maybe Joseph Smith) authored the book. Thus it is called The Book of Mormon. Christian faiths that only believe in the Bible nicknamed us the Mormons (thinking that we worshiped Mormon) when in reality we worship Jesus Christ. Mormon is just a prophet comparable to Peter, James, and John in the Bible. Some Mormon's don't like the nickname, but most (like us) don't care.

MTC - stands for Missionary Training Center. The "main" MTC is in Provo, but there are several scattered in countries around the world. The MTC is a place where missionaries go for 3 weeks to 3 months, depending on where they will be serving and whether they need to learn to speak a foreign language. The MTC instructors teach gospel oriented lessons as well as teaching the missionaries how to teach. Missionaries may also be subject to a 2 to 3 month crash course in the language they'll be speaking. Ireland speaks English... technically... so our stay at the MTC was relatively short. Though I can't help but think it would have been nice to have instructors teaching us more about the accent and culture... which they did not.

NCMO - Phew, finally one that isn't religious. NCMO is an acronym which stands for Non Committal Make Out. Pronounced Nick-mo. A true NCMO means both parties are just kissing for fun without attaching any level of commitment to that kiss. More often than not, though, it is a one-sided deal and can cause a lot of problems.

Outer Darkness - In layman's terms Outer Darkness is Hell. A place that the very worst of Gods children are outcast to. We believe only those people who receive the Holy Ghost and have the heavens opened to them and KNOW God, and then, with that perfect knowledge, still choose to sin against God are sent there. They are called "Son's of Perdition" or one's who commit the unpardonable sin. Interestingly enough for Mormon's you pretty much would have to be a Mormon before you could become a "Son of Perdition" this means most bad folks get off pretty easy. Most likely more people make it on to CBS's "Survivor" than make it to OD.

P-Day (Preparation Day) (Including P-Day attire) - Missionaries wear their Sunday best 6.5 days out of the week. However, on Monday's (day may vary depending on the mission) the missionaries are allowed to wear "p-day" clothes which are, basically, everyday clothes... like a t-shirt and levi's or something of that nature. Preparation Days are a time set aside for missionaries to shop, do laundry, write letters to as many girls back home as they can, and other types of approved activities. (Some Elders participate in something called "p-day eve" which is not endorsed by mission presidents anywhere, that I know of. This is when missionaries give themselves a few p-day hours the night before their usual p-day. In Ireland, p-day eve consisted of playing a board game as a group or maybe just getting a head start on the letter writing. P-Day Eve may be considered a slight violation of mission rules.)

Plan of Salvation - An excellent less boring example of how the plan of salvation works can be found at this LINK. The plan that we believe answers the where, when, and why of life. First, all of God's children lived together in PREMORTAL EXISTENCE (aka pre-earth life) at that time we were all spirits without body's. God held a council and explained to his children that they needed bodies and that they needed to learn how to use those bodies and to learn and to grow. He expounded his PLAN that would allow us to gain a body and learn from our mistakes, one which required a redeemer. There were two volunteers Jesus and Satan. Satan said he would do it, but that mankind would have no agency to choose, that he would force us them to do right so that we would all return to live with God. This was contrary to God's plan, Jesus said he would do it and do it as proposed by God, saying simply, "Thy will be done." Satan disagreed so strongly that a war ensued and Satan was cast out for rebellion. One third of the spirits followed Satan and were cast out with him. After Satan's expulsion the Plan was implemented. Every part of God's plan was just that, part of the Plan. The CREATION was the first part of the plan. God created Earth for us to obtain our bodies and live our lives. Adam and Eve finding themselves on Earth with bodies needed opposition in order to grow. Their choice is referred to as The FALL. Choosing to experience life through trial and error, thereby enabling them to learn and grow, and to become who God knows they can become. Because of The Fall we all make mistakes and commit sin, so as explained to us in the first council there was need for a Redeemer who is Jesus Christ. The redeemers role in our lives is of most importance and makes up The ATONEMENT. The Atonement allows both justice and mercy to exist so we can be forgiven for our mistakes and poor choices and return to live with God. When we die our spirits leave our bodies back on Earth and go to The SPIRIT WORLD. The Spirit World is a place that spirits dwell between death and resurrection. Jesus Christ went there between his death and resurrection to teach those spirits who had not accepted his gospel or been given the chance to do so. Mormons believe that the spirit world is a place to continue growing and learning. Where a lot of teaching will be happening. When the time is right there will be a JUDGMENT. Each and every spirit that made the trip to Earth will have their spirit reunited with their body during the RESURRECTION and Judged for their choices. Christs Atonement if utilized will make up for the mistakes people have made and God will Judge us as only a perfect being can, and determine where we will end up or our degree of Glory. Rather then believing in one heaven and one hell Mormons believe there are THREE KINGDOMS in which we will live for eternity. The TELESTIAL KINGDOM is the lowest of the three Kingdoms, it is described as having many degrees of glory. Though the Telestial Kingdom is the lowest it is described as surpassing all understanding. The TERRESTRIAL KINGDOM is the second or middle kingdom. The Three Kingdoms are compared by the Apostle Paul, in the New Testament, to the relative radiance of the Sun, the Moon, and the Stars. So if the Telestial surpasses understanding and it is like the light of the stars then The Terrestrial Kingdom, being compared to the Moon is much better. The CELESTIAL KINGDOM is the highest Kingdom and is the very same kingdom that God, Jesus, and all the Prophets and general religious super heros and good guys live... for-ev-errr. As with the other kingdoms there are many varying degrees of glory within each one. The Celestial Kingdom being the Sun in Paul's analogy is the best and Brightest. Living a lifestyle that is conducive with getting there is and should be every child of God's (aka every Human Beings) goal. (This is a very brief (yeah I know it doesn't seem brief) and basic outline of a very important and complex part of Mormon beliefs. If you are curious to know more or have have certain aspect expounded on, a much better explanation can be given by missionaries near you, email us and we'll send them your way.)

Priesthood - Depending on context this term can have a few different meanings in the church. First and foremost it is the power of God and is the authority to act in the name of Jesus Christ. Secondly, it is used to describe the right and responsibility to preside in the Church when called. Sometimes, Priesthood refers to the male membership as a whole. Some callings in the Church require the person has the priesthood and some calling do not. The Priesthood is given to worthy members by other members of the Priesthood, however the authority and Power are given from God. The priesthood is a blessing and a responsibility. Living contrary to the example and teachings of Jesus Christ negates the blessings and abilities holding the priesthood offers.

RM - an acronym for Returned Missionary. It's commonly used to describe missionaries after they return home (honorably) from their mission. Missionaries who are sent home from their missions because of rule-violations are referred to as Apostates, Slackers, or Lance.

Snog - a term that we picked up while in Ireland. Snog is frequently used slang in the whole of the United Kingdom. Snog means very simply to kiss, but not just any kiss, more specifically to make-out. Even more specifically than that, snog means two people participate in vigorous, lengthy, horizontal, uninterrupted, gentle, face-caressing, passionate kissing. Not sure of the Etymology, but I'm guessing it comes from the same roots as "snug" (meaning to lie close) which is sort of a requirement for a good snog. This is what snog looks like in a sentence: I have thought of nothing all day except how fun it would be and how I can best convince Bekah Buttons to gissa snog because we at MBP really really love Bekah Buttons.

Sommit - A slang term for "something." Pronounced some-mitt, but said very quickly. Used in all area's of our Mission in Ireland. I have heard it used in movies from England and Scotland so I assume it's slang across the United Kingdom.

Supplemental - Renee

Renee was in Jakes MTC district. Therefore she went to the same mission as Jake, Aaron, and Calvin. Calvin could say hi to her, but he never had a conversation with her. Aaron however was her Zone Leader on the mission for 3 months. In addition to that. Aaron and Renee flew home together. Aaron was out 6 month before Jake, and because Sisters served 18 months instead of 24 that put Renee and him going home at the same time.

Jake and Renee were great friends on the mission, and whenever their paths crossed they made a point of catching up and maybe even flirting just a little bit. Jake found out that Aaron and Renee had gone on a few dates. Jake knew Renee and aaaron had gone out a bunch. Jake assumed, with what he know of Aarons reputation that he should just wrote Renee off. Then he found out from Aaron that tgey had never even kissed. She would keep shooting him down saying she wasn't ready for that yet.

Curious, Jake started talking to her, and attempting to resume flirtations... but age lives in Cedar City so he's never made a bog effort.

Supplemental - Lisa Sanders

Introducing Sister Sanders... I met her on my mission. We served in the same Ward in a little burb of Dublin. No, we weren't companions, there was a set of Elders and a set of Sisters both serving in that Ward. Almost every night the four of us would end up at the same members house for tea appointments. This went on for the full three months that I served there. It was sort of like going on dates. I mean, if I asked you what a meal, conversation, some subtle (and very slightly inappropriate) flirting during afters sounded like? You would probably say "a date" right?During the three months we were there we became really good friends and were very close. Nothing inappropriate ever happened (except once without thinking I put my hand on the small of her back as we passed through a doorway - and I consequently felt her turn to stone with shock, to which I flung my hand away smacking my companion behind me. It honestly was 100% accidental and resulted in all 4 of us bursting into laughter)

Unfortunately our comfortable rapport seemed to some members of our ward to be way too comfortable. So, of course one of those nosy, judgmental, crazy members (I'm sure we all know one or two - like some of the anonymous commentors on this blog) took it upon themselves to go to our Mission President and tell him that, Sister Sanders and I, were dating. Apparently, the nark did specifically use the word "dating." Which was absolutely a bald faced lie.The mission President pulled us into his office and confronted us, separately. I laughed off the accusation, but Sanders took it pretty hard. I remember sitting in the lobby and seeing her walk out her face flushed red and her eyes swollen with tears. It sucked. Even though I'm sure he believed us, our President transferred us both to area's on different sides of the mission and I never saw her again until last week, when she invited me to the Jazz/Spurs game.

Sister Sanders first name is Lisa, but on the mish you pretty much refer to everyone by their last name, so I just call her Sanders. (I still have a hard time using Aaron and Calvin's first names for the same reason) I've always thought Sanders is good looking. She is tall, 5' 10". She has shoulder length wavy dirty blond hair, her eyes are a real-light blue, like the wrapping paper on Kirkland bath tissue that you get at Costco. On our mission Sanders was one of only three Sisters that I thought were cute. She is also wicked awesome. Sanders is a perfect example of a girl who on the LOS is a 6 or 6.5 but she is so cool and has such a winning personality that it bumps her to a 9 on the OS.

Supplemental - N.O.T.I

1. Unpassionate kissing: Including pecks, tongueless kisses, butterfly kisses, Eskimo kisses, hand holding, knee touching, finger intertwining, kissing the hand.
2. Passionate Kissing: Slipping the tongue, Incorporating gentle hand movements, making soft whimper sounds.
3. Vertical Make-out: Basically #2 for an extended period of time and involving a little bit more strategy.
4. Horizontal Make-out: This is #3 while lying down next to each other or on top of each other.
5. Necking: Also includes hickeys and all kissing of non-private body parts. Kissing the stomach, back, shoulders, legs, neck, collar bone, and toe and finger sucking.
6. Light Petting: This mostly refers to boob grabbing over the clothes, however we are throwing in doing #'s 2, 3, & 4 while only wearing underwear. Also rubbing the upper-inner-thigh over the clothes.
7. Dry Humping: Also called, Levi Loving, The Provo Push, and Grinding. Over the clothes genital to genital stimulation, generally to orgasm for one or both parties, though the latter is not required to qualify.
8. Heavy Petting: Includes, over and under the clothes touching of the genitals, bare boob grabbing, and kissing of private body parts.
9. Oral Sex: If this needs a definition you are too young to be reading this post.
10. Intercourse: If it's in, it falls under this category.

Supplemental - Marie

October 14, 2009

So all of the roommates went to see Zombieland on Monday night.

[...]

Well, as I'm walking out of the theatre I pass a group of girls who are on their way in to see Zombieland. They're all pretty cute, but I notice one girl with dark hair (Brunette) who appears to really be checking me out.

[...]

She and I make eye contact again and then she looks at her friends.

[...]

Then Jake leaned over and whispered "While you were gone, that brunette was telling her roommates how sexy you were."

[...]

All of my roommates were telling me to just go down and talk to her.

[...]

"I've never done this before and I'm sure that sounds lame, but my friends could tell I was checking you out and it appeared to them that maybe you were looking at me as well. Well, really I decided that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let you walk out of here without me talking to you and maybe getting your phone number or something so we can hang out or go on a date sometime."

[...]

I heard someone say, "Nice!". I turned around and saw all of my roommates standing just outside the theatre door like a bunch of idiots. But I got her number.

December 12, 2009

I was looking through my phone and I noticed "Marie Theatre" saved in there. It took me a few seconds to figure out who that was.

[...]

I'll look like a jackass if I call her now...

[...]

Maybe next weekend.

December 16, 2009

I fought through my nauseousness and called Marie last night.

[...]

C: Calvin Lynn Marler. I'm sorry, M-A. I feel kind of stupid. I was deleting a bunch of phone numbers out of my phone last night and I saw your phone number saved under the name "Really Hot Movie Theatre Girl Ma-" and then it cut off. I think my phone only holds a certain number of characters or something so I only was able to get the first two letters of your name. I didn't realize it until now.

[...]

I told her I'd call her on Friday to confirm the details for our Saturday date. She told me she still lives at home. What the crap? I'm almost 22 and I still have to meet the parents of girls I date?

December 20, 2009

She was in no hurry to go home and we ended up in my basement watching The Indian in the Cupboard. I know what you're thinking. "What? Seriously? The Indian in the Cupboard?" Well, I gave her a dozen choices and that's the one she chose. When I rolled my eyes at her choice, she said, "How much of it are we really going to be watching anyway?" True, Marie. True.

[...]

It worked beautifully. We ended up making out for most of the movie, including the end credits. The only reason we stopped is because the opening menu on the DVD has really irritating music that repeats over and over and over. Ugh. I hate that .

[...]

When I took her home, she insisted on having our doorstep scene in my truck... about two blocks away from her house. She claimed it had nothing to do with how late I was getting her home, but I'm pretty sure it was.

December 27, 2009

In the beginning I wasn't sure if she was going to turn into a NCMO, but she's pretty fun to be around. She's pretty short, but she has the perfect body type... at least for me. And she is an awesome kisser.

[...]

She sighed and said, "Nothing. I just can't believe how muscley your arms are." She was rubbing her hands down the backs of both of my upper arms.

[...]

The fact that Marie noticed was pretty awesome. It was pretty arousing to have a girl compliment me so sincerely on one of my physical attributes.

January 2, 2010

Marie was out of town this last weekend. Something about her cousins in Ogden. I was relieved when she told me she wouldn't be around. I mean... who wants to take a date to a New Year's Party, right (besides Jake)?

Supplemental - Becca

Becca is roommates with a girl that Lance makes out with every couple of weeks without every taking her out. Becca has been to the house a few times and Jake and her exchange texts occasionally. Jake intends on going out with her.

Excerpts:
Textersation
J: What you doing?
B: Not much, just sitting in class. What are you doing?
J: Just got a Jamba, heading home. How's class? Exciting?
B: Ha ha...? Always!!
B: Ok there wasn't supposed to be a question mark. :)
J: Oh, phew! I was sitting here thinking you didn't think I was funny.
B: No, I just don't pay attention to what I write until after I send it for some reason. :)
J: Who do you think is sexier? Bruce Wayne or Peter Parker.
B: Ha ha ha... That is an easy one!! Bruce!!
J: Really?
B: Heck yes!! Way Hotter, and Richer! And he would probably know more tricks in bed. ;)
J: Ah, I see what's important. Compared to Peter though he's kind of a player, gets around, is afraid of commitment... no problems there?
B: As long as I didn't get killed by someone trying to get to him, or get herpes we're good.
J: Ha ha ha! You're bomb.
B: Ha ha ha... Thanks!
J: Have fun in class, catch you later.

Nov 14th (date)

Jake: Becca's voice faded in again.

Becca was like, "Really we should go there sometime together I think you would really like it." I smiled and said, "For sure. Hey thanks so much for coming tonight it was the most fun I have ever had... ever!" The clock read 4:23am (so 3:23) and I realized I was sitting there being fake. Forty minutes of Becca talking to me, and I had no clue what on earth she had been talking about. I realized how fake I often was. I wondered if I needed to get caught more often like I did with Heather. I decided not to kiss her that night, because obviously, I wasn't into her really. I've sort of convinced myself that I decided not to kiss her because of the vow that hearing "Hero" reminded me of. It may have just been because I was so tired. Had we got to her house 2 hours earlier I don't know if things would have ended the same.

I walked Becca to her door and gave her a hug. She said, "I had so much fun." I said, "Me too." She said, "You're a really good listener." I said "You too."

'Blast' I thought, 'That was fake... and funny how fake rhymes with Jake.' Becca's a cool chick, but I just don't see anything real happening that wouldn't be just because I wanted to snog her.

Supplemental - Bryson

Bryson was a roommate in the House. Bryson met a girl and proposed to her in early July. He moved out at the end of July to save Money for his wedding which took place on November 4th.

Bryson almost steals Calvin's girl.