Thursday, June 17, 2010

World Cup and Stuff

It's no secret I love soccer. Seen my avatar? (look left). So I get excited to watch the World Cup, as excited as the next guy. Well the next soccer-loving guy. Calvin couldn't care less really. When I tried to explain to him how France qualified for the World Cup and Ireland didn't because France scored off of a "handball" Calvin asked, "Okay, and what's wrong with that?" How he could have served his mission in a country like Ireland and not understand its simple rules might seem baffling to you, but that's Calvin. If it doesn't interest him, it doesn't exist.

So anyway, I love the World Cup, of course. It makes watching Sports Center a little bit more worth it. It has great commercials, everything is so epic, like the world revolves around the sun only because soccer exists or something. Plus it provides some good soccer. I hate the guys who tweet throughout each entire game, and write stuff like "Goooooaaaaaaaaallllllll!!!!" Geez that's annoying. Also, if I wasn't already watching the game and I was interested enough to get a tweet every freaking time someone scored or got a yellow card I would be following the game online or something rather that waiting for your stupid tweet mimicking some South American game announcer.

Having said all that, I am not the type of guy to watch every single World Cup game. I love soccer and all but, a game (between French cheater-faces and I-can't-even-remember-I-was-so-bored) that ends in a 0-0 tie makes me wish I could only watch the 3 minute highlight reel.

So, Claire invited me to this World Cup party last Saturday, which started at 5am! That's 30 minutes earlier than I wake up for work. The thought of getting up that early on a Saturday makes my head hurt. But... it was Claire, and I like to perpetuate myself as someone who's always down to party. Besides I really did want to watch the USA vs England game. Claires World Cup party boasted an HD projector. Calvin has a nice 32 inch LCD that he bought when we moved into this house which is a little on the small side especially for watching soccer.

So Claire picks me up and we head over to this guys house. There were about 7 people there at 5:30. Four guys, me, Claire and one other girl. I invited my roommates, but they didn't have a crush on Claire fogging their judgment to make them think waking up so friggin' early on a Saturday morning was a good idea.

This dude has a killer theater room in his place (or rather his parents place). They even have those light ropes in the floor lining the walkways. Claire and I ended up in the front on one of the love sacs. There was an early goal which we all got to cheer for, and then Claire fell asleep next to me.

I fell asleep. I think everyone did, except for one guy. (The crazy tweeter-watch-every-game-and-brag-about-it-doucher I was referring to earlier.) The love sac helped me and Claire to get really close as we both sunk into the middle. I love Luv Sac's. We slept all morning even through to the next World Cup game that started at 8am.

It was awesome, I would wake up periodically. Claire got more and more comfortable and nuzzled my neck. Her hair smelled awesome. It was actually the most physical Claire and I had ever gotten. I was loving it, of course, and it was all very innocent... as physical contact goes.

More people started showing up, their chatter and salutations woke me up for good. I watched the end of the Argentina/Nigeria game. It was pretty blah. Basically we were watching Messi running circle around people and trying to score, never delivering. I found myself thinking more about my Claire/Andrea situation. I set the alarm in my phone for a month from Andrea's wedding cancellation last week to call her. My mind was spinning I will attempt the best I can to recreate in written format my thought process as I lay there.

- Hopefully Andrea wants to try to make it work again for the two of us - I do - But what if she does and I am two weeks into a relationship with Claire? - I could date them both - No, I don't think I could - Argentina should really be doing better than this - Claire looks really cute in jammys - If no one else were in the room I think I'd try to kiss her - I haven't even told her how I feel yet - I think she'd deny my kiss attempt - good thing there are people here - where are those pretzels? - I don't want to just be Claires rebound - I don't believe in rebounds - That incessant buzzing noise is driving me crazy - Really, Claire and Andrea are both coming out of something - Do I really want to deal with that? - I think I could deal with it - The USA game doesn't start for 2 more hours? - I don't think I can sleep - I hope Claire doesn't want to sleep that whole time - Andrea is prettier than Claire - Claire is more grown up even though they're the same age - Andrea worries more than Claire - Claire is a little more superficial and judgmental - Being Claire's rebound would be good if Andrea did decide she wants me - unless after spending a month with Claire I suddenly have stronger feelings for her than Andrea - I need to fart - Claire won't notice if she's sleeping -


- Good one (sigh) I don't think that'll stink - so who would I pick, Andrea or Claire? - If I knew for certain I could have either one? - Would having kissed Claire influence that choice? - Maybe I should make sure I kiss Claire before I call Andrea - Andrea is a good kisser - I remember how fun it was to kiss her - kissing her - kissing her - kissing her - Uh oh, I'd better re-adjust, don't want Claire feeling my excitement - Maybe I do? - No, not like this - I really wish Nigeria would score - I hope the US wins today too - I don't think they will - I think England will beat them 2 to 1 - Oh yeah, I was going to re-adjust - Actually I don't have to now -

Guy behind me says, "Holy frick, who farted? That was a good one, that you Jake?" I replied, "Nope I think I'm too close to the ground, I don't smell it." They laughed.

- I guess it smells worse than I thought - Claire is stirring - I really want to kiss Claire - she looks like she'd be a great kisser - I love how her lips stick together for a split second before she talks -

I watch her lips stick together for a split second before she says, "It smells like boy butt in here." Then she buries her face further into my neck.

I'm not going to confess or deny the fart - she'll be asleep in a flash anyway - yep, she's asleep again - Where are those pretzels? - I just had them? - 2 minutes left in this game - maybe I should ask Claire what she wants to do before the USA game - maybe suggest a walk to Jamba Juice - oh wait maybe it's raining - is it raining still? - I haven't been near a window for almost 4 hours - Where are those pretzels? - Maybe someone else has them - no - I don't see them anywhere - I bet Andrea is watching this game somewhere too - she used to come watch my soccer games - Claire probably wouldn't ever come watch a game - what if my sons play soccer I want my wife to go their games - comparing them isn't really fair - Andrea was a relationship I screwed up - Claire is a relationship I haven't really started yet - I would pick Andrea - of course I would, we have more history - the game is over - only one point from the mighty Argentina? -

I say, "Only one point from the mighty Argentina."

Claire wakes up and says, "I'm hungry, you want to go to Jamba Juice or something?"

Hmm, that's weird - Screw the pretzels -



Jade said...

Whoa Jake, sounds like you and me are going through a similar situation, just I'm a girl dealing with 2 guys. Anyways good luck figuring it all out, I know it's not the funnest thing to think about. I'm hoping things with Andrea work out for you though, there's something about her that I really like, though Claire is awesome as well.

Thanks for adding the little fart story, it made my morning. Farts are always funny stuff!

Julie said...

"... but that's Calvin. If it doesn't interest him, it doesn't exist."

Isn't that typical of any male?

Little Debi said...

Even though Claire does seem a little more mature than Andrea, Andrea still wins for me.

Ryan @ thesinglesward said...

The ear piercing sound of vuvuzela horns, one of the roommates likes it so much he downloaded an app for his phone that plays the noise.

Perfect play on the fart, just blame it on tweet every play guy.

Waiting On A Sister Missionary said...

Ever notice the Tweet every play guy is also the crazy "USA! USA! USA!" guy? He's also the I-never-watch-(sport)-except-for-the-(major event)-but-I-LOVE-(SPORT)! guy?

Confessions from a Mormon Maxi-Pad said...

I am completely shocked that you were thinking about 2 girls while watching sports...ok so sex should trump world cup soccer, but I think mostly not. I am so confused...

Kari Anne said...

Jake, honey, are in between a rock and a hard place on this one... You just have to REALLY dig deep into your feelings for both of them and try to figure it out... Do what your heart tells you to do... I wish you the best of luck!

a chick said...

Right now I am thinking how great is is to be in a different time zone than y'all. Makes it easier to watch the early games. lol

Girl101 said...

The fact that we (UK) couldn't even beat you guys at FOOTBALL is absolutely shocking, especially since you all call it soccer. USA was supposed to be an easy win.
To say I am slightly ashamed is a gross understatement. Football is supposed to be our thing. And we were awful.

Also.. Go for Claire, don't live in the past, move on with your life!

Lalis said...

Um... I don't believe you. Anyone who loves FOOTBALL as much as you claim doesn't call it SOCCER. Seriously, America, get it right. *sigh*

Oh, and don't kiss her. Claire, I mean. She's on the rebound.

The Sweetheart said...

Um Soccer rox and The US shoulda won but Mexico is going rock the world cup world and causally see both of them

Anonymous said...

Jake, your thought process was hilarious. Good luck with this one.

Nikki said...

Typical guy mentality...let me just fart and shitty up the room and then try to get it it on. Oh baby take me now. Yea fart smells totally get me hot. I bet she can't wait to clean your skids too....yea I said it. :)N

Anonymous said...

Hey look, Nikki is back, and she brought her potty mouth with her.

Anonymous said...

Dear Jake,
I want you to marry Andrea so much. she sounds like a super awesome chick and i just think you two are perfect for each other. :P
That is all.

p.s im serious. your lives read like a story :)

Lovin' it said...

I like Nikki. Sometimes she's more entertaining than the blog post!

Little said...

bahaha! oh how i love Nikki's comments...always look forward to those :) and seriously Andrea?? really??? come now...she just broke off her fricking wedding. that should be a big hint to stay away!!

~*~Katie Jo~*~ said...

You're thoughts are amazingly humorous to read.

Anonymous said...

I like Claire better.

Andrea seems less mature and slightly more maintenance.

Anonymous said...

I just discovered your blog through a friends, so far I think its pretty freaking hilarious! I love this blog about Clair, Andrea, the fart, and socceer. When deciding who to pick look beyond the surface, to things in common, goals, trust understanding, fun. The surface stuff changes so much over time that it should not be what sways you to one side or the other. But hey who am I to say but a total stranger. Thanks for blogging....Cassie

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