Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Reelin them in

I often refer to my roommate Aaron as "The Bait." He is a very attractive guy, I don't really know this, but girls reactions at a first meeting make it pretty hard to think otherwise. Good looking guys and girls alike, often don't develop personalities. Why would they? They don't need to because everyone just gives them love and acceptance because they are beautiful.

In order to compete I have had to develop a personality. One I would describe as "winning." In our interactions with women, Aaron can walk into a room and get noticed by all the girls. However if you give me a chance to interact with them, I'm usually the one that they remember. So, Aaron reels them in, and then I'm the one who gets to fillet and fry them. Right now I have Andrea, and things are going great, so I haven't had a recent experience with this. I did however have a conversation with Aaron today that I think will illustrate what I am talking about.

A little background: I've been friends with this girl named Tiffany since High School. Aaron has had a crush since the first time they met. I think she'll hurt him pretty bad because she's a player too, and I've seen the pieces of broken hearts she's left in her wake over the years. In my opinion Tiffany will eat Aaron alive, so I haven't been too eager to assist him in going out with her.

AARON: So, if I ask Tiffany out do you think she'll say yes?
JAKE: Of course she'll say yes. Would you turn down a free meal?
AARON: Well, did you ask her about me?
JAKE: Yeah.
AARON: and...?
JAKE: She said she thought you looked like a young Ryan Reynolds.
AARON: Really?
JAKE: Dude you took your shirt off at the pool party... Obviously she's going to notice your Ryan Reynolds esque "sex arrows".

(Aaron gets a pleased-with-himself look on his face, which slowly turns into a look of puzzlement.)

AARON: She didn't even talk to me at that party.
JAKE: Yeah?
AARON: "Sex arrows" can be intimidating.
JAKE: Maybe, or it could have been the steady flow of other sausage that was vying for her attention.
AARON: Why don't you set us up?
JAKE: You guys hang out in the same circles, you have her number right, just call her.

(He looks at me as if I'm putting him out, I continue)

JAKE: I don't get why you are being such a pansy this one time, you've made-out with more girls since you've moved in here then anyone.
AARON: None of those girls were as hot as Tiffany.

(I look at him to see if he's joking, is he admitting he's making out with not cute girls? I mean I kind of thought so... but guys have different tastes you know. Anyway, his face is serious and he continues...)

AARON: I mean what if she's the one? Does she know that I was in the Elders Quorum Presidency in my last singles ward?
JAKE: I don't know. Why don't you drop that tid-bit in when you call her you douche nozzle.
AARON: What?
JAKE: Then on your date you can wear that busy Ed Hardy V-neck and your True Religion Jeans.
AARON: Oh yeah? She's into that stuff? Awesome man, that's what I always wear on my first dates... thanks dude, I think I'll call her.

I love Aaron to death, but sometimes he just doesn't get it. Obviously he didn't grasp that I was calling him a douche to his face here. Tiffany does appreciate a preppy, well put together guy, so maybe he'll pull it off, but she isn't shallow or vapid enough to be impressed by a former priesthood calling. Tiffany is my friend, but hopefully this displays how easily Aaron can be used as bait.

Jake

27 comments:

BunnoGal said...

One question: What are "sex arrows"?

Anonymous said...

BunnoGal I think "sex arrows" are when men have well defined muscles around their hip bones, and you can see only part of the lovliness and they look like they are pointing down to their...ya know? Very sexy. Too bad Aaron is a douche!

That Chick said...

HA. Don't we all know the type. Just be careful, my friends, not to let your confidence in either looks or personality, turn into cockiness. MAJOR turnoff.

Anonymous said...

Hey! Just bcuz someone has sex arrows (hot) and wears nice clothes doesn't make them a doosh. Sounds like "devloping yur personalty" is just you makeing fun of others.

Ok, the Elders quorum thing. Thats sorda lame.

Anonymous said...

I find it curiously interesting that girls are the primary responders on your blog. I mean, I would assume that the majority, if not all, of the girls that respond are LDS and you guys aren't exactly what the LDS classify as typical Priesthood holders. So my thoughts are, "why are they so interested?"

Is the true psyche of LDS females one of a girl that is pent up looking to exfoliate some of her more carnal desires?

-Hobbes

f1trey said...

Maybe hes a closet baptist....or something.....

Haley said...

Gross PLEASE don't let him tell her that he was EQP. I agree with That Chick, it'll just look cocky and dumb if he straight up tells her that, and NOBODY wants that. I mean, I'm not dissing the calling at all, that's great, good for him, but you have to help him out in some way. Don't let him go completely off the deep end.

Lyss said...

yeah definitely never talk about your old callings with girls.
Major turn off!
We dont give a crap. If we ask, you can tell us... but dont just bring it up to try to impress us, 'cause it wont.

Nikki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Ryan Reynolds is so sexy, and he does have the best sex arrows. I've never heard them called that, the anatomical term is the obliques, I think. Rather then thinking about what they are called I am thinking about them, and thank you for that.

Sarah

Dani said...

Hobbes: I don't know..it's kinda like, I've always wondered what goes on inside guys brains. But on the flip side, it's kind of like everything I didn't want to know/ hoped wasn't the case. But it's still pretty entertaining, and there isn't anything "carnal" in here. Besides, the name is "Confessions" of a Mormon Bachelor Pad...maybe I wouldn't date or marry either of these guys, but read their blog? Definitely.

Dani said...

Bahaha, and Aaron sounds like a sinking ship! V-neck AND bragging about his calling?? Wow. Don't we all know someone like him though?

Anonymous said...

Not carnal? Perhaps. But when I glance over to see blog defining posts to be "Mormon Sex" I kind of wonder. But you're absolutely right, it IS "confessions" and thusly it is perhaps more so defining of what is actually going on on the inside of all LDS male minds... or at least a few of them.

But you target directly my point, you "wouldn't date or marry either of these guys" so I ask you; what keeps you reading? What is it about their livelihood that intrigues you to "definitely" read but not consider to even date?

-Hobbes

Anonymous said...

Not carnal? Perhaps. But when I glance over to see blog defining posts to be "Mormon Sex" I kind of wonder. But you're absolutely right, it IS "confessions" and thusly it is perhaps more so defining of what is actually going on on the inside of all LDS male minds... or at least a few of them.

But you target directly my point, you "wouldn't date or marry either of these guys" so I ask you; what keeps you reading? What is it about their livelihood that intrigues you to "definitely" read but not consider to even date?

-Hobbes

Anonymous said...

Oops. Dumb computer.

Anonymous said...

Hobbes-
I am and LDS girl, and I love this blog cause I think there is honesty in it. I like seeing how the guys mind works. I think if it was a short show on youtube about girls being honest about dating, men would be primarily watching it. And they are funny guys, good writers, and it just opens up what we have been wondering about for a while here.



-- Whims --

Anonymous said...

All this annonymousesness is giving me a headache! Show yourselves commenters! Don't think you're off the hook either Mormon lads of the bachelor pad. I served in the Dublin mission, if three of you served there in the last 2 years, we'll figure out who you are! It bugs me that I love reading this blog because I hate not know who writes it.

On top of that all the commenters are too scared to say what they think without a mask on. Anonymous sucks. You should disable that!

Oops, did I do this anonymously? isn't that irritating?

*Cathy*

Anonymous said...

Hobbes... are you Calvins imaginary friend?

If you're imaginary, who is typing your comments?

Hobbes... are you Calvin?

Anonymous said...

I believe I am simply expanding the uses of this blog that was created by a couple of LDS guys. They create an "honest" blog (hidden in anonymity) to learn from girls how girls work. We guys are learning just as much as you girls are.

Whims, so what is it exactly you have been wondering? I lie in anonymity as well simply because they remain nameless. Though in truth it really doesn't take any stretch of the mind to guess who they really are...

-Hobbes, who is quite real...

Hobbes said...

There. Now you'll always know it's me. :)

Tiffy J. said...

Don't be offended by any of this or anything...I'm sure you guys are big boy enough to handle this, but my roommate and I were joking around about different callings we thought we were going to get, and our personal favorite was the ward humbler--it's a secret calling for the girl who flirts with and otherwise gets every single cocky arrogant guy in the ward to fall for her, lets them take her on tons of dates, carry her books, and otherwise make fools of themselves, then say "oh we're just friends." Basically a John Tucker Must Die situation. It sounds to me like your whole bachelor pad needs a visit from said ward humbler.

Tiffy J. said...

Not that I don't love you. I adore reading your blog because it's hilarious. and in all honesty, I think I would be friends...at least with Jake.

Anonymous said...

Hobbes- Who does exist-
I guess what I have been wondering is how the guys mind works and how they justify what some would call "playing the field". Or sometimes I wonder if guys even think about the same things girls do when dating them.
So basically it is me wondering if guys care about little things as much as girls do, or what little things guys to think about.

But Hobbes, What keeps you so interested?

--Whims-- aka Kenz

That Chick said...

hahaha. people are silly. calm down, kids. its a blog. not the end of the world. if you dont like it, dont read it.

Steven said...

I have to laugh that MOST of you girls commenting are talking about how HOT sex arrows are! That's what you got out of this post??? REALLY??
Just keep baiting Aaron and reeling in the women for everybody else "Jake." Obviously it's working! HA hA hA!

That girl said...

Well I've read this post & all the comments.. And still, all I'm thinking right now is I would definately like to meet Aaron. And his sex arrows could come along too - shallow, pretty much. But no sane girl can say no to those lines, they're like.. beautifulness on a man.
I call them 'cuts' though, that makes me feel slightly less of a perve.

That Girl

Tiffy J. said...

Truth be told...That Girl is telling the truth. I do shallow...but you guys can't deny that you do too. and I'm in the field for a convienient NCMO...so yeah. Aaron and his sex arrows sound like a plan. We do have a swimming pool at my apartment complex.