Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Honest Scrap

We here at the Mormon Bachelor Pad are pleased to announce our first in a long line of awards. We have been nominated for the Honest Scrap Award by this always entertaining blog, which we would have nominated for this award had she not already recieved it. Brie over at Blogxygen must have known this honor would go to our heads because I am certain that she wanted to nominate someone who would respond. We humbly accept and will happily participate.

Here’s how those who are bestowed this prestigious trophy are asked to respond:

"This award is bestowed on a fellow blogger whose blog content or design is, in the giver's opinion, brilliant. This award is about bloggers who post from their heart, who often put their heart on display as they write. There are three rules that need to be followed on accepting this award:
1) Brag about it.
2) Nominate by selecting three blogs you find brilliant and link to them.
3) List 10 honest things about yourself."

1) Perhaps the most difficult task for me. Our blog is the best thing one can read on the internet. Not only is it funny insightful and altogether unique. It brings people of all walks of life together into one big loving family. Men and women can learn more about love and the human condition from this blog then any other blog... and find true lasting happiness in this life by commenting on this blog and all of it's posts. No where else in the world is so much wisdom and care displayed on the screen. It's better then your blog. Yeah you, better then yours.

2) Now Calvin might nominate some different blogs then me, but since it is my turn and he is always nagging me about when my next post is going up (and now thanks to you guys he's mocking me for my bad grammar) I am going to shoulder the responsibility here.
First, the cougarlicious Single Mormon Chick ...I know she's a little older then me... by 18 years, but after reading her posts I would totally love to get to the bottom of the Law of Chastity with her... if you know what I mean.
Second, I'm a big fan of People attempting the impossible, Kristin at The Two Year Wait is blogging about just that... I swear it's not just because I want to be there to capatalize and date her when she decides she's grown out of Zack. (I'm kidding Kristen, please don't sick the entire MG society on me again for my lack of support)
Third, very seldom do I feel like if I were in a room with someone that they might be funnier then me. When I read the thickest sarcasm in Mormondum at My Religious Blog I feel like that.

3) 10 honest things about Jake from the Mormon Bachelor Pad. (which I feel like delivering in the 3rd person for some reason)

1. Jake's first kiss happened when he was 13 and it was with a black girl named Summer. It happened on the the tether ball court at his Middle School.
2. Jake's Mom is one of 3 people on Earth that knows that he writes the Mormon Bachelor Pad.
3. Jake rates physical features in a mate in this order: Eyes, smile, small of the back, neck/collar bone, butt, legs, abs, hair, bosoms, arms, hands, feet.
4. Jake didn't "actually" serve with Calvin while on their missions. They lived in the same house and convinced their companions to trade (go on splits) for an entire month behind the Presidents back.
5. Jake thinks that the members in the Catholic church sing their hymns way better than the members in the Mormon church do.
6. Jake has confessed on more then one occasion to a Bishop about masturbation.
7. Jake is getting really bored coming up with these 10 truths and is thinking about quitting... I mean what are "they" going to do, take the Award away from him... and Calvin.
8. Jake is too scared "they" might actually take the award away to quit now.
9. Jake knows that Jesus Christ is his Saviour and that the teachings and the Priesthood in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are true.
10. Jake's name isn't actually Jake.

Thanks for reading and commenting folks. Thanks also for liking me more then Calvin... truth be told.. he is funnier then me though.

Jake


29 comments:

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

I don't know, dude. That was pretty funny.

-Calvin

Chloe said...

haha congrats guys! that is awesome. you guys just have this way of sucking people in that want to read it and the people who don't! the proof is in the comments! you deserve the award. keep it up :)

Nikki said...
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the MomBabe said...

Congrats on your first award.

brie said...

i don't know, jakers. some girls i know have some pretty gnarly feet.

just saying.

the MomBabe said...

AND of all the girls I know that were "waiting" for missionaries? NOT ONE lasted.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha ha! Are you sure your Mom appreciates hearing about your masturbatory habits! Ha ha

(sigh) Great post Jake, or whatever your name is.

-Blazzer

Kell and Haylee said...

WOOT WOOT! My missionary is now my husband! :) Sometimes it happens!

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the Award!!! I love that your mom knows about the MBP!! That show's how close you guys are. And Number 7, well wow that show how honest you guys are. Way to go.

Bishop Liz

P.S. I like You and Calvin The Same

Nikki said...
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Steven said...

Calvin is more funny, yet your posts seem to get more attention. Guess your writings are more captivating. Or maybe people just like a good masturbation story??

Kristin Lee said...

Heh, are you crushing on me Jake?

It's okay, I'll just prove you wrong in the end. :) Sure statistics aren't in my favor but they never have been. ;)

Hilary and Morgan said...

i vote you nominate nikki's blog. not only because she's funny, but because she swore with me in the church building last night.
and that takes balls.
-morgan.
p.s. nikki i gave you a shout out.
and i hope that makes you proud. because that's all i really want to do in my life. make you proud that is.

Nikki said...
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Anonymous said...

Nikki-
You are grown up, Your way past mid-life and waste your life away on blogs.

Nikki said...
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Nikki said...
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Anonymous said...

hey Nikki's stupid... ha ha ha lets all see what she says?

Lets see what her big comeback is.

maybe something like - your a sanci-bla-bla and bitchy- kettle bla-bla- black neener neener anonymous coward blaaaaaaaaaa. shock shock shock, hey everyone I'm a shocking mormon. wooowoo look at me.

ha ha ha

Chloe said...

ummm...anonymous..what makes you think your better for what you just commented about? at least Nikki isn't afraid to post under her real name.

Anonymous said...

"neener neener anonymous coward blaaaaaaaaaa"

Ummmmmm...Chloe...what makes you think you're better for what you just commented about? At least Calvin and Jake aren't afraid to post under the guise of anonymity.

pppffffffftttthhhhhhhhttttt! (thats the only way I could figure to type the sound my tongue makes as I stick it at you and push air through my mouth quickly thereby making my lips vibrate)

manda said...

Wow there is so much love between fellow bloggers. Congrats on the award. I love reading your blog and how your both honest about things! Keep it up :)

Anonymous said...

I was the First Anonymous at 1:14 AM, I just Hate Nikki, She drives me Crazy! She is like the Mormon that tries to show the world that mormons are not that bad, but really just shows that she is not true to the religion and does not respect the small things we have been asked to do. Like not swearing, or being clean. I am not saying I am perfect, But I am also not yelling out " I am a Mormon and love to swear and talk about dirty sex YAY!!" Its disrespectful. And now your all thinking I am this molly Mormon, and I am not that person either. I just think Someone needs to stand up for our religion. Nikki is not a good example, she should not be proud and spreading all over the web about all the "bad things" she does, its like she is in 7th grade trying to get friends or attention.

This blog is awesome cause it's the guys being honest in what they are going through, real life what temptations we all face. Its not for people to show how "bad" mormons can be.

I dont know who the second person was. Sorry I forgot my name earlier

-Liz-
or as Nikki Calls Me
Bishop Liz

Samantha Kay said...

I must say, I've consistantly like Calvin's postings since I started reading.
After your ten truths (mainly 1,3,5,6,7 and 8) I officially favor you.

Nikki said...
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Nikki said...
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Anonymous said...

nikki go blog stalk some people your own age.

chicita

Amy said...

Ummmm whoever that anonymous who said 'neener neener anonymous coward blaaaaaaaaaa' and 'pppffffffftttthhhhhhhhttttt!' person is...how old are you? That's something my 8-yr old brother would say. I don't like fighting- that's your hobby, not mine. But I just gotta let you know that you sound like a little kid.

But anyway, love love love the blog guys. Just started reading it. :)

Rachel said...

Lurve this blog so much, and lurve Single Mormon Chick too. Good call on that one.

Meaghan's world wide adventures said...

So to be honest, I've become addicted to reading this blog, its like a good book i can't put down and i have been reading it non-stop for like two days. :) so thanks for writing because it's totally distracting me from the things i should be doing.. but won't if i can do something more entertaining..

ANYWAYS. i just thought i would finally comment seeing as I've read through a million posts (and have had a lot to say but im not much of a commentor (is that a word?) but I think Calvin is way better than Jake (sorry) he sounds more sincere caring and a heck of a lot funnier. annnd waiting for a missionary is not impossible it just takes determination and im pretty sure that any girl who can wait for their missionary is the girl all the guys want to date in the end. :) but great blog, i think it will be SUPER funny when someone finds out who you are and then andrea and becca and brittany and all of them read it lol. thanks for the honesty and laughs.