Sunday, August 30, 2009

Exhausting Resources

It's probably been nearly 2 months since we have attended the same ward two weeks in a row. However we debated over the many wards we attended and decided together which ward to make our permanent one. Lucky enough we actually live in the ward boundaries of the ward we picked. This is good, because in past weeks there have been some pretty aggressive bishoprics who told us in no uncertain terms that we couldn't attend their ward.

One Councilor told me and Lance that he "would not allow us to drain the resources of his ward and leave for greener pastures when things became scarce." I thought the analogy was genius... and recognized he was probably right. I guess he wants us to focus on being strong ward members instead of finding eternal companions. Sure, one should be able to do both, but for single members, once all the resources are gone which really means all of the dateable girls have been dated. Should one focus on being a good member of that ward? Or should he/she move on to greener pastures (a new ward). I think the priority is clear.

So, we picked this ward because it has the highest quantity of hot girls. There is one house with 4 girls in it who are all hot! Not like average good looking, or even like two are really good looking and the other two are 6's trying really hard to be 9's. They are all 8's and 9's. Not to mention there's also this chick from France who has this accent that makes me think of all sorts of things I'll probably burn in hell for.

Andrea came to church with me today because I told her that we had chosen a ward, and she wanted to check it out. We sat on the pew after sacrament and watched the mingling melée. Lance and Aaron were all over the hot house of girls and Calvin chatted to a couple of chicks (7's) while Nick stood next to him with his arms folded kind of bobbing back and forth not saying much just happy to be included.

Andrea slapped her hand onto my leg and said, "looks like you're missing out on all the pretty girls." I laughed, looked at her and put my arm around her. I wondered if she said that because I was intently following the activities of my roommates or because there were so many pretty girls in the ward. I responded, "I am totally..." I paused and stared at her intently pretending like I had forgotten what I was going to say. She noticed, kind of smiled and said, "what?" I continued to look her in the eyes for a few awkward seconds and said, "um.. I kind of got distracted, I forgot what I was going to say." she looked at me and her eyes twinkled a little. She said, "if I wasn't in the chapel right now you'd be getting the best tongue kiss ever." then she smiled really big and laid her head on my shoulder.

I sighed realizing I had successfully avoided the question and told her I thought she was pretty without actually saying it. Andrea was pretty, keeping in line with the ratings, she was an 8. I looked over at Calvin right as every girl around him burst into a loud bout of laughter. The answer to Andreas question was "yes." I did have the feeling I was missing out. I sat there thinking about that while this beautiful girl lay on my arm. One I didn't feel worthy (by looks or righteous living) to be with, and yet I was feeling unsatisfied. There are so many other girls... can I be content with just one?



Kristin Lee said...

Ouch that's pretty harsh. You really think you're missing out when you have this amazing girl with you now? Hmm.

RuthAnne said...

It's not harsh. It's just because he's young.

Jake, stop beating yourself up - I'm sure you're "worthy" (whatever that means) of going out with Andrea. And the fact that you feel like you're missing out is also totally normal.

Mormon culture involves a lot of people settling down at young ages, and for many of them, that probably works out just fine. But the fact is, most of us are not mature enough to end up with the first person we date seriously. We don't know enough about ourselves, other people, and relationships generally to make a big commitment on the first go around. Put it like this: I had a psych professor tell a class that a study showed the optimum number of people to date before getting married is 7 - 12. It just takes that many relationships before most people really grasp the sort of compromise and communication skills most marriages require.

As a newly returned missionary, Jake is essentially still 19. Someday Jake will feel content with just one girl, and he shouldn't feel bad about the fact that today is not that day.

Lyss said...

come on jake! are you really with andrea cause you like her or do you just want action? because if you are feeling like you are unsatisfied that just might be saying something.

Eric and Larissa said...

Jake, if you are feeling that way, maybe you should go play the field for a little longer. Just remember that Andrea is not going to wait around for you!

f1trey said...

The words content and missing out both (in my eyes) have luke warm connotations....content doesnt really describe an intimate soulmate and missing out is definitely not a seal of undying affection.... youve answered your own question....

Angie said...

um you're stupid.

Steven said...

My friends and I did everything together. When one of got a girlfriend, everybody else would try to get a girlfriend. When one of us broke up, so did the others. We worked at the same jobs on two different occasions. And when one of us decided to quit, the other two followed!
We did it because it was more FUN to have everybody in the group doing the same things.
Then we grew up!
You can be a follower and miss out on a good thing, or you can make your own decision. Maybe the decision is to date whoever you want. Maybe you don't like Andrea as much as you thought.
My point is... your being an asshat! Grow a pair and do what you wanna do.
"When I became a man, I put away childish things."

Anonymous said...

I have been on your side the whole time with your make out whore lifestyle, but geez youre being harsh.

Anonymous said...

Fellow Commenter’s,

I'm a little surprised? Am I the only one who has second thoughts? Is Jake a jerk for simply recognizing how he is feeling and being honest about it?

I know I am often attacked for being "sanctimonious" here, and this probably wont help, but we have all been so happy and excited about the honesty of this blog. Here we go though, ripping Jake a new hole for just pointing out that he is experiencing a "grass is always greener" moment.

He hasn't decided that he's leaving Andrea because of this, he hasn't even thought about it. Perhaps I am the only one, but I would be more inclined to think ALL of us have thoughts like this at times in ALL of our romantic relationships.

Maybe Jake will decide that even though he does feel a little left out, that he likes Andrea the Amazing enough to sacrifice that, maybe he wont. I just don't think we can chastise a guy for his thoughts... what if we knew all of yours? I'm not willing to share mine.


Anonymous said...


Good luck brother, I’ve been here, and deciding how to act will ultimately reveal your true feelings for Andrea, not only to us, but probably to you yourself.


Anonymous said...


I am going to back you Just like Blazzer has. I love this blog because of the honesty and how much I can relate to it. I dont think it's wrong to have those thoughts. I think everyone does, and that's how dating goes. That's how a lot of things in life go, You just have to decide if it is worth it to give up what you have now and go for what you may not get, or keep what you have and love, and pass up what you looks great, but may not get.

Bishop Liz

Brooke said...

Your blog makes me sick, and really sad that there are guys like you and your roommates out there.

Kalina said...

I have so many friends who do the same thing! I don't go to a singles ward because it seems every one has marriage on their mind and I'm not ready to get married. I love the family wards better.

I wonder if Andrea is the girl for you? It seems that you should be honest with her and tell her that you still want to date her, but date other people too. You'll know she's the right one if all you can do is think about her when you go on other dates.

Momma J said...

And I'm not allowed to describe mousse, as melt in your mouth? I;m majoring in Baking and Pastry.. thanks.. i think that's appropriate especially on my own blog.. :)

Anonymous said...

To me it sounds like Jake is used to dating around (this isn't a bad thing). So, it's normal that he would miss it, even if he is happy with his girlfriend.

That Chick said...

have to agree with everything RuthAnne said. Well Done.

And Trey, I will find the exact reference, but FYI: There is a quote out there from a church figure, I think an apostle, though I can't remember which one, that says that that ultimate "soulmate" does not exist. There is not necessarily only one person for someone.

Becca said...

I think it's kind of sad that at one time (like a month ago) you said she was easily the prettiest woman you'd ever seen, then you get her and all of a sudden she's an 8? You seem like a pretty solid guy, but do her a favor and break-up with her so that some guy can appreciate her for who she is.