Here I am dating a beautiful, funny, amazing girl, and my mind is racing with dilemma's over silly little things. Let me elaborate.Have you ever dated somebody perfect? I have the feeling that's what I am doing right now. Could Andrea be one of the Three Nephites? Unless that is contained in the sealed portion of the gold plates I think that's impossible.
I am usually able to find as many weaknesses in my significant others as I, myself, have. This makes me feel comfortable, it makes me feel justified.
Andrea, has very few weaknesses. She amazes me on a regular basis. For example I watch "R" rated movies. I do not feel guilty for this, and welcome arguments about it. (If you remember my conversation with her Dad) Andrea has never once condemned me, chastised me, or attempted to make me feel guilty for this.
Usually I can count on running into this problem with the girls I date. In every other case the girl has been fairly self-righteous on the issue of watching "R's". Like she is better than me because she'll watch "Yes Man" (PG-13) and not "Role Models" (R) even though both movies pretty much have equal parts inappropriate content in them if you ask me. I have always been able to take solace in the "judging" versus "R rated movies" conundrum.
I feel like I have a pretty strong testimony. I stay for all 3 hours of church on Sunday, even though priesthood is sooo boring. I'm a stalwart tithe payer. I am pretty avid sabbath day keeper. I have never tried alcohol or drugs. I have a temple recommend. All of that, and I am dating this girl and feeling guilty. For what? For every stupid little thing. Things I never used to pay a second thought too. Things like the fact that I swear here and there. I have a tendency to be crude for the sake of humor. I often forget to do my home teaching. I skip Sunday school to fraternize in the hallways. I don't go to the Temple. I commit adultery/fornication in my mind every seven minutes. I'm like 90% righteous, which I think is normal.
What about Andrea? Well, in contrast she seems to be 100% righteous. Seriously, she is not high minded and judgmental, she is accepting of everyone, and leads quietly by example. Even that little argument we had about kissing, she handled like a champ.
So whats the problem? Nothing really... I love spending time with her, I love laughing and talking to her. I just, I mean, talk about pressure. How could I live with somebody who's perfect, and if she is perfect why would she be interested in me?
Am I just eating the fruit of the tree and thinking that there's something better for me in the great and spacious building here, or do I actually have a point? I don't know.
Jake
17 comments:
Do you have a point about what? That she might be one of the three Nephites? Hmm, not so sure one that one, but let us know if she gets twinkled anytime soon...:)
Sounds like you're suffering from a case of the "She's too good for me" syndrome. In my opinion, that's probably a good thing, right? You want to date/marry up, don't settle. If you're still having a wicked good time with Andrea, don't blow it by worrying that it won't work because of you not being good enough/her being too good or whatever. Andrea isn't the one putting pressure on you, you are. Give yourself a chance, and just go with it.
The rated R thing WILL become an issue the longer you date. Trust me on this one.
I doubt that she doesn't have faults and I agree with Nikki she is probably just better at hiding it than you are.
Just relax and maybe talk to her about some of these things that you are feeling, she might surprise you!
You know, Jake, I think that this is a great opportunity for you man. Think about it, do you really want to date and eventually marry someone that makes you feel like being stagnant is okay? Do you really want to date/marry someone that doesn't make you want to be better? I'm dating a girl right now that I think the world of. She reminds me of your Andrea. She rolls with my faults and seems to have very few of her own. The thing that I find however is this: I'm SO interested in her because I feel like she's something that I don't necessarily deserve. She makes me want to be better. She drives me to progress. She is the angel on my shoulder that is trying to get me higher. Does this bother me? Heck no! In fact it is one of the many things that I love about her. I know that I've got faults, obvious ones. And I appreciate and love the influence that she is upon me to be better. Without her even saying it.
My thoughts are you've found an amazing opportunity to progress man. Does your Andrea have faults? Oh, I'm sure she does but the fact is you can't see them. That intrigues you. You probably find yourself thinking about what she'd think of things you do even when she's not around. (Maybe?) Dude, that's the way things are meant to be. Isn't this what you want? To have someone that turns you into a better person?
PS. What's with you girls and believing that she has to have faults? Does it bother you to think that there might be a girl out there that Jake likes that might just possibly be really good and not be a snotty "Holier than thou" mormon? It sounds like you ladies are being a bit on the cynical side. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?
Jake, I think she sounds great!
Wow, someone is cynical. Jake, I think Andrea sounds like a great girl! I agree with Hobbes, go for someone who inspires you and makes you want to be better! She probably feels the same way about you.
i say sleep on it. no need to overanalyze your butt off.
The thing is, I don't think dating Andrea is making him want to be better. Unless he actually wants to 'become a better person' by giving up rated R movies or anything else that Andrea might disapprove of, this relationship is bound to generate conflict. I'm not trying to be cynical, just realistic.
I was thinking that perfect is kinda relative.....
everyone has faults. people just tend to notice it more in themselves than in others in my opinion. don't worry...you're perfectly normal. :)
That is a good thing. Don't look at it as feeling guilty, but rather as she makes you want to do better!
She's got her problems I'm sure. Things she may struggle with internally.
You can't go around feeling guilty with her everywhere you go.
OPTION TIME:
1- Realize that you can't date/marry a person you are guilty around and move on.
2- Realize that you've found a pretty amazing girl and accept that she won't judge you. She obviously accepts you the way you are. So there's no problems.
3- Realize that your guilt may be telling you something isn't right. Does Andrea have a less enjoyable life because she chooses not to watch R rated movies? Andrea makes you want to be better, which is a good thing.
4- On top of your movies, swearing, Mind Fonication, non-temple addending, Sunday School skipping attitude (your admission, not me judging) you can forget the church all together and go have fun without guilt.
don't feel guilty! live it up! make her make you a better person! i promise, it happens. my hubs is about a trillion times better of a person than i am.... and you know what, ever since we've been dating i've been so much better myself!
megs!
Being in a far more extreme black and white relationship, I was dating a guy who is extremely spiritual and well... I struggle keeping the commandments (any of them). But when I opened up to him about my past and told him I felt insecure around him because he's so much "holier" than I am.. he said this "Everyone has weaknesses... some are just easier to spot from the outside than others. i.e. I have huge pride issues... but you wouldn't see it like someone's alcohol problems." It seems to me Andrea likes you for who you are... so relax. Unless being with someone so perfect is too nervracking for you. (personally I couldn't do it) and I love that you admitted you fornicate in your mind every 7 minutes! haha
The post on my birthday.
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