Ripley's Believe it or Not

I know I'm 21 years old. I know I'm an adult. I know I'm a jerk. I know I should make more of an effort when I break up with someone. I knew all of those things before reading all of your comments. I even felt a tiny bit guilty before reading all of your comments. But I decided on Wednesday that I should probably call Brittany and end things officially instead of just avoiding all of her calls like I'd been doing.

Girls claim to appreciate it when a guy is honest. I contemplated being honest with Brittany and telling her that I didn't have any real reasons for breaking up with her. I thought about telling her about the switch in my head that turns itself off when I'm done with a girl. I thought about telling her I was intimidated by her two children and wasn't excited about a future of My Two Dad's type of baggage. I thought about telling her that 34 of my 42 commentors called me a pussy and ordered me to answer my phone and break up with her "like a man".

Turns out I didn't have to do any of those things. She called me from a number I didn't recognize on Thursday morning, essentially tricking me into a "break-up" conversation. I think Brittany was afraid when I answered since I hadn't answered for four whole days. She stuttered through her prepared speech like she was nervous I'd hang up on her or something. (I'm not that scared of confrontation. Give me some credit.)

She told me that she knew exactly why I'd been avoiding her calls. She asked me if I'd come to her work and talk to her in person, just so we could "end things face to face". We even laughed a few times during the phone call, like we were friends meeting for lunch instead of a dick-face guy and his promiscuous soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

When I got to her work, I called her and she took her 15 minute break. We sat under a tree for a little while and talked for a bit about our relationship. Brittany apologized for being so forward and told me that she totally understood why I chose to move on. She told me she had been selfish and explained how we probably weren't a very good match. At the time, I could not believe how cool Brittany was about the whole thing. We hugged and she told me she had to go back inside because her break was almost over. I drove back to work feeling pretty good about myself... like I'd finally become a actual man. A man who considered other people's feelings and tried to do the right thing.

I felt pretty good until Saturday night. We had a bunch of people over to our house, as usual. There were probably 25 or 30 people in our house and few more outside in the driveway and on the front lawn. This guy in our ward came inside at about 10:30 and told me that Brittany was outside and wanted me to come outside and talk to her. I immediately got kind of nervous. I asked him if she was alone or if she had a bunch of guys with her. He said that she was with another girl.

I asked Jake if he'd come with me and we went outside. She had parked on the side of our house. It's dark over there and nobody ever hangs out on that side of the house cause they don't want to step in any rotten peaches on the ground.

I walked toward Brittany and her roommate. They were standing by their car and they were dressed like they were headed to a bar or dance club or something. (NOTE: I'm about ready to tell you a true story. Jake told me that I might want to leave a certain part out since it's so unbelievable. Jake was afraid that telling this part might make people doubt the truthfulness of this blog. However, I thought it was so awesome that I have to tell it... even if you choose not to believe me.) Out of nowhere, Brittany gets right in my face and is talking pretty loudly... not quite yelling. She says stuff like, "You don't deserve me" and "I'm the prize" and "Who do you think you are?" She was pretty pissed and I also think she was kind of drunk.

Then (and here's the unbelievable part) she says, "I can get whoever I want, whenever I want. You have no idea how stupid you are for breaking up with me!" then she grabs her roommate, who had been standing there silently, and gave her an extremely wet, tonguey kiss. It was a short kiss, but freaking awesome. Then they both got in the car and drove off.

Jake and I just stood there for two full minutes laughing about how awesome it was that we'd just seen two girls kiss in real life. It totally sucked that nobody else was there to see it. It's an experience that only Jake and I had. I'll keep it in my heart forever.

Calvin