Andrea and I have worked together the whole time we've known each other. It's never really been a problem because we work in different departments. She is on the sales floor and I work in validation. So I see her often, because I have to walk out to the sales floor frequently, but we're not together the entire time.About a month ago a new girl started working in my department named Harper. Harper is attractive. She has short blond hair that is naturally curly. Her face isn't nearly as cute as Andreas, and her voice is extremely high pitched. I'm always reminded of listening to the radio show "love lines" on KBER, and hearing Doctor Drew as soon as he heard a high pitched voice like Harpers he would assume that the girl had been sexually abused at an early age and that the trauma cause her voice to stop developing or something like that. I don't know much but it's almost silly the first time you hear her talk.
She is built like Andrea, tall, slender, but she sports a boob job which... The verdict is still out for me on those as to whether or not I like them. I mean I haven't actually "experienced" fake boobs. Right now I sort of feel like they are equivalent to the DB who has to buy the nicest car or a $300 pair of sunglasses to compensate for where he's lacking. Seems like a pretty big sign of insecurity. One thing is for certain, I have a hard time ignore boobs like that on such a skinny girl. They definitely help the clothes hang better. Hopefully the saline and silicone carriers of the world can give me more time to formulate an actual opinion before they hunt me down and suffocate me with... well... that'd be too easy. But you get where I am going.
Harper and I have become pretty good friends. We flirt a lot. Recently we've started leaving little notes at each others desks. Mostly funny stuff like "you've never seen me do the air drums, if you did you'd be pretty impressed at my skills and probably jump my bones." or my favorite of hers was, "if I'm a midnight toker and you're a joker, whose got the peaches and whose got the tree and what the hell will shaking them do?"
I have never really felt like this relationship we've developed is inappropriate. I mean I'm not running to tell Andrea about how Harper put her hand on my shoulder and then ran it gently down my back giving me goosebumps when she told me that she thought my shoes didn't match. Plus Andrea and I aren't "exclusive" by title. Andreas mom set her up with fireman (I told Andrea not to tell me when they go out, I don't know if they have or not yet) so I started thinking maybe I should go out with Harper just to keep things fair.
Today, Harper asked me about me and Andrea. I sort of downplayed our relationship. Harper asked me why I've never asked her (Harper) out, to which I replied that I already thought dating one girl I worked with was complicated. Adding a second love interest in the same environment could be ugly. She laughed that I'd actually called her a love interest and said that she thought I should "live a little". Then she put her hand on my leg and told me to be a man and that I "wouldn't regret it".
She walked away and looked back at me over her shoulder. I thought about it and figured that, at the very least, Andrea going out with fireman and me going out with Harper would only strengthen Andrea and I's relationship. If it didn't, then we probably aren't meant to be. I think I'm going to ask Harper out today for the weekend. The question is, do I disclose this info to Andrea?
Jake
44 comments:
Good for you! Sounds like you're really reeling them in.
I think you should tell Andrea. She told you about the fireman, so it's only fair. Although, telling her might provoke her towards trying to make you jealous.
Trust me telling Andrea is definitly the smart thing to do...if your relationship progresses you wont want any kind of secret there...plus she did tell you about the fireman so..
I don't know her, so I can't judge her. And even if I did, it's not my place to say this. But Harper sounds like the kind of girl that is so flirty it makes me cringe. I can't stand to watch girls flirt the way Harper did. Touching your leg and being all like, "you won't regret it." Blah. Make sure you don't base your decision on her boobs either. Thats gross and pervy. And there's a reason why she has fake ones- she wants to draw attention to them so she can get any guy she wants. But it's your choice to take her out or not. I say, go for it.
If you think it's going to stregthen yours and Andrea's relationship, then you need to tell her. It's only fair because she told you all about the fireman.
tell her.
I think Harper sounds fun! You should totally go out with her fake boobs no fake boobs whatever her personality sounds fun! Tell Andrea though but mention it casually as if its no big deal...
huh. interesting situation. I agree with Amy's assessment of Harper.
ooohhhhh......hhhmmmmm..... Hear me dude.....if you plan on leveling the playing field duck and cover....period.....go outor mention that you are going to go out with the other chick expect one of two things jealosy or an explosion that is irreversabel...your serve...
I think it's hilarious that you guys continually ask a bunch of strangers in cyberspace what you should do. ;-)
My rule was always it isn't exclusive until both parties have decided it is. Since you and Andrea have not had the DTR talk (excellent job avoiding it by the way) you don't really owe her an explanation or even notification that you are going on a date with someone else. Besides, as you surmised, she likely only told you about the fireman to make you jealous/spur a DTR/judge your reaction.
Go out with Harper and find out if you "won't regret it." (an excellent line btw).
Um, I'm still voting for Andrea, so I think you shouldn't react in fireman jealousy. Harper sounds fun, but if things don't work out with Andrea, she's probably still gonna be around. Talk with A, and stop being so silly and scared of being with someone good. It seems like you'll just sabotage the good with A if you go out with H, whether you tell her or not.
I think it's logical for you to be able to go on a date with someone else since Andrea is, whether it's 'forced' or not.
But she told you about it, it's only fair to tell her back.
Jake, I think you'll regret this if you do it. What if you go out with her, and you kiss her? Would you then have to tell Andrea that? "It's only fair" seems to be the normal response. I don't think so. You specifically worded it as "aren't 'exclusive' by title." You know full well that at this point there already is commitment, you two just haven't titled it yet. That doesn't mean that there aren't feelings emotions and expectations.
I think, if (I don't think you should) but if you decide to go out with Harper, that you don't tell Andrea. All it would accomplish is jealousy and hurt. Experiment, with this side girl, then decide what to do.
I know women hate the idea, but the old adage "it's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission" works really well in relationships.
Good luck.
-Blazzer
Only go out with Harper if you want things with Andrea to end.
I don't like where you're going with this.
BUT you haven't had a DTR yet..so I guess that's okay,I definitey agree with Kristin though. Tell Andrea. She told you, it's only fair.
PLUS,
If Andrea was to find out about this "Dating Harper too" thing...she would probably wonder why you didn't mention it to her and her thoughts would MOST LIKELY end up in the "he's trying to hide this from me.." kind of thoughts and that just wouldn't be good.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY.
She is communicating with you...it's only fair you communicate back.
Unless of course you don't care if you and Andrea work out or not..because in that case..do what ever the heck you want.
What, a guy wanting to date a girl who isn't as cute but has bigger boobs? Oh how shocking!!! Good luck with being an asshole.
She sounds easy.
Don't be a dick Jake. Use your brain.
I feel like your type of girl is somewhere inbetween Andrea and Harper. Until I found my husband, I felt like I was always dating someone who I would wish was a little more lax about things and sometimes a little more serious. It was like I had to find the perfect medium. I am probably going to get attacked for saying this, but the first time my husband and I hung out, I thought he was going to be way way churchy (which is fine, if thats your style) but then he said a swear word and I found myself instantly attracted to him. It was like I felt like I could be myself around him. Not that he swears all the time or anything like that, but he made me feel like I didn't have to strive to be this "Perfect" christlike image when around him. I felt like I had found my perfect match. Someone that I didn't feel inferior or superior too. Maybe neither girl is right for you.. maybe you just need to keep looking if you know that it isn't going to go anywhere with either of them...
You guys aren't exclusive, so I don't get the big deal about telling her. Now, if she asked you what you're doing on a certain date and you're going out with that girl, then tell her.
You're 21 right? That's a young age to be settling down with one girl. Besides, it sounds like you still got that roving eye that's not ready to settle down anyway.
it's interesting you posted this today because i actually posted on my blog today about MY fake boobies.
i don't do it to compensate for anything other than my previously small boobies. and, ask my husband, they handle just fine.
some people are kind of lame. what, women get boob jobs JUST TO REEL A GUY IN? vomit puke stupid you don't know what you're talking about. (a previous commenter)
i got a boob job AFTER i was married and after my husband loved me for all the big and little things about me, and i certainly didn't do it to "reel a guy in." i was already married and couldn't have cared less whether my hubby was happy while, you know, groping. i did it for me.
i'm bugged. like her or don't like her but don't make the decision based on her fake boobs. i'm more worried about her oozing flirtations. she should be embarrassed, but NOT because she has fake boobs.
Brie, I have a feeling you were talking about what I said about her fake boobs. And I just wanna say, I didn't mean ALL women get boob jobs to reel a guy in. I just meant that SHE sounds like a kinda girl who got them so she could get more attention from guys. I personally wouldn't mind fixin myself up in the chest area haha. It would definitely help me feel like I'm older than 15 lol. Just wanted to clear that up :]
I don't think going out with her is a good idea, if you really care for Andrea, clearly she told you about the fireman because she wanted you to not want her to go out with him. She wanted you to tell her you wanted her all to yourself, so it's not like she's "dating other people" she's doing it because her mom set her up and you said, "ok." You actually are asking her out it's not an even match because you are actually pursuing someone you are interested in, whereas she is going on a date it sounds like she doesn't even want to go on. Do it or not that is your choice, but it's not comparable to the fireman.
Goodness, you lost me at the part where this is to strengthen your relationship with Andrea. Seriously? I'm sorry but I just don't see how dating a girl who is throwing herself at you in a very sexual way is going to strengthen your relationship with another girl (in the same work environment no less). Call me old and married but I'd say the best way to impress Andrea is to tell her that you aren't seeing anyone else even if she decides to see Mr. Fireman.
if it was me, I would probably go out with the other girl too, simply because andrea would have gone with the fireman and it seems fair.
I don't really get how it would strengthen your relationship though... in fact I'm gonna go with it wouldn't. Unless you go with her and realize you dont like her and instead really like Andrea. But it doesn't sound like that would happen.
Whatever, live life, no regrets, just leassons learned i suppose. Do what you feel like.
BTW, check out my blog. justlikepotatoes.blogspot.com
How is this going to strengthen your relationship with Andrea? Girls minds work different than guys, Andrea probably told you about the fireman to see if she could get a reaction. If you would tell her you didn't think she should go, or what.
Obviously it's your decision whether or not to go out with Boobs, but don't do it just because Andrea is going to do something with Fireman.
And if you do go out with Boobs, definitely tell Andrea. If not, she'll probably think you're trying to hide it, or aren't very serious about your guys' relationship.
You're not exclusive, I say go out with her. If Andrea is mature and ok with the decisions she herself has made, she won't blow up in a fit of jealousy. Plus if that does happen it opens up the door for the beloved DTR.
I don't think leveling the field will strengthen any relationship. I think if your looking for a way out with Andrea this could be it. Andrea did tell you about the fireman, so if you do end up going out with Harper, you need to tell Andrea. She might think your hiding more then just one date if you don't. You and Andrea have something good here I don't see why you want to ruin it.
Just remember Andrea was looking for a way out of her date her whole conversation with you. Compare it to fighting, you get hit hard, and you hit back harder. Both of you are left hurt and your not better friends because of it.
Last thought, Dating at work never works out! I met one of my ex-boyfriends at work, left on vacation came back he had cheated on me and 6 weeks later was engaged to someone else. Trust me keep the dating drama out of work, and especially out of the same department at work.
I agree with Kristin, if your gonna go out with harper.. you should tell andrea after all she did tell you about the fireman.
If this is a one date, just for fun and curiosity situation then absolutely do not tell Andrea! It is not at all the same thing as her telling you about the fireman. There she said my mom wants to set me up but I don't really want to go, here you'd be saying you WANT to go out with someone other than her. Ouch.
I agree it's probably not the smartest choice though. What if you take Harper out and like her? Then things get complicated... And then you'd have to make a choice between the two way before you're ready. But if you're interested in a date just for fun and something to do then I'd say that could be fine.
Like it or not, fake boobs are to "fix" something a person doesn't like about themselves.
Everybody has things they would change about their physical appearance if they could. But I think if a person is willing to pay thousands of dollars and risk surgical complications that's a pretty glaring problem. Sorry Brie I like you a lot and you're a funny girl, it's just my opinion.
Jake if you're gonna date high pitch Mcgee just let Andrea know. Like everybody has said she's gonna find out anyway.
So what you're all saying is... It's Okay for Andrea to date the fireman because her Mom arranged it. Plus Andrea doesn't really want to go. And Andrea is only going out with the fireman so she can be exclusive with Jake!!!
Come on now. She's still going on a date with another guy. If she was 100% sure she wanted to be exclusive with Jake she would have just told her Mom no thanks. If she can date other guys Jake should have the freedom to do the same. And Jake, you should tell Andrea.
You would love it here! Especially that, I think that my culture is very similar to yours! (example: making out and how that is how the night ends for us, if that makes sense lol)
I agree with Steven. It's ridiculous to condemn Jake for wanting to date elsewhere, while giving Andrea a free pass. And if Andrea *is* only going out with the fireman to get a rise out of Jake, or to test if he wants her exclusively, that's petty and childish.
(I'm not claiming that this is what she's doing, just that it's not a good thing if it is).
Jake, if you want to date Harper, date her. Don't go out with her to "keep things fair". That's just using her in your little drama with Andrea, and unfair to her.
Harper is actually the most straightforward character in this story. She's flirting with Jake, showing her interest. She's quite clear that if Jake dates her, he can look forward to some physical action (probably even more than he's willing to pursue).
Some here seem to dislike Harper because she's *not* playing the expected coquettish girl game, playing hard to get, showing some interest but not too much, etc. Harper sounds like a cards-on-the-table kinda chick. It's funny how some judge that as a negative quality.
Not "Andrea and I's relationship." For example, you wouldn't say something like "I'm working to strengthen I's relationship." You'd say "I'm working to strengthen my relationship." MY. Not "I's." MY!
I like Harper.
oh man. stay far away from harper! she sounds like trrrrrrouble. seriously. she's only interested because she knows you and andrea have a thing. it's a game for her, a challenge. going out with harper will NOT strengthen your relationship with andrea. it will destroy it. it's going to be right in her face. it's different than going on a date with someone she doesn't know. this is someone she has to work with...even if she doesn't have to see her all the time. stay farrrr away from harper. she sounds like a game playing tramp.
i think you're kind of an idiot if you think this will strengthen your relationship.
I am hot on your trail. I am unbelievably hot on your trail.
To Anonymous person who wrote this...
..."person is willing to pay thousands of dollars and risk surgical complications that's a pretty glaring problem".
Not everyone who has plastic surgery has a "glaring problem." Don't lump EVERYONE who has plastic surgery into that category.
One of my friends underwent painful reconstructive surgery because of the extensive scars on her body caused by fire. My younger teenage sister went to get her breasts reduced because she suffered painful back injuries and to stop the insults that other teenager girls hurled at her just because the size of her chest. Most of the boys that asked her out in high school only did so because they thought she was "easy." She was severely depressed until she got the surgery.
Don't be too quick to judge people who go through plastic surgery. Every person's situation is UNIQUE. Until you walked in that person' shoes, you have absolutely no idea what they are going through and what made them decide to go through plastic surgery.
I believe that most people who go through plastic surgery don't come to that decision lightly.
And if it makes them a happier person, who are we to judge them?
I've never had plastic surgery, but if there ever comes a day that I have kids and my boobs are hanging down to my knees and I have a mile of extra skin on my belly...tummy tuck & boob lift her I come!
Alice
unbelievable...i mean, er, go for it dude. but you better NOT tell andrea, unless you think you and andrea actually have a real future together. because if you do, then you can kiss it good-bye. but who really cares. harper sounds like a hoochie and she would be a great makeout!
Jake,
U seem like such a nice guy. I wld love 2 date sum1 like U. I, just like Brie (luv her blog, BTW, just discovered it here, second only 2 this one!) have a booby job 2. I'm glad that "the verdict is still out" but want you 2 know that most of yur pre-assumptions r stereotyping & off.
So, mayB you need 2 spend sumtime with more of us, "fake boob girls" 2 make a better assessment on yur verdict. I think U'll find that most of us r very emotionally healthy.
Being Mormon I shld probably tell U 2 forgo "experiencing" fake boobs tho --even tho I think U'd luv them!
-Megan C
Megan,
As painful as your comment is to read... U txt 2 much... I will be fair an equitable in my "fake boob" ruling. Admittedly I don't know well many fake boobed women. I apologize for the stereotyping, but stereotyping is a real time saver.
Jake
Um, I thought she was being ironic?
Alice I'm sorry but your logic escapes me. I am not talking about burn victims, cancer patients, and those kinds of unavoidable situations. I've also known girls who've had breat reductions because of major back problems and physical issues.
However, the girls who get breast implants because they're small are shallow to some degree. It shows a lack of confidence in my opinion. Nobody is completely pleased with their body.
Plastic surgery (usually) is a hollywood B.S. trick to make people feel better about their own insecurities.
Also your logic of "if it makes a person happy it's ok" is scary to me. So if some guy feels inadequete and isn't able to ASK girls out on dates it's okay to rape a girl? It does make him happy right. And he's not capable of having sex any other way. Maybe money makes me happy! So I'll just steal from your house while you're not there.
I'm sorry but these are ALL character flaws.
Then girls that get their boobs done and wear low cut shirts COMPLAIN about guys gawking at their chests. Fake boobs are a sherade.
Anonymous, you continue to make sweeping generalizations about people, use analogies that don't correlate, and yet question Alice's logic? Alice's contention that people should be able to do what makes them happy doesn't include a provision for doing things that hurt other people -- *you* added that. She's quite obviously referring to things people do for themselves, not things that hurt others.
Maybe some girls who get fake boobs just like big boobs. Just like girls who dye their hair blond prefer the color. All people have preferences; this doesn't necessarily make them shallow.
The point is, some are shallow, some aren't. Your stereotyping makes you sound shallow. If you really want to call out character flaws, painting everyone in a group with the same brush is a pretty massive one.
Can someone PLEASE explain why so many Mormon females get boob jobs? Isn't that against how the body is to be treated? A Coke is not OK but how is it justified to have chemicals put in your body 24/7? And it is not a one time surgery. They do not last forever. If they are not eventually taken out forever, they need to be replaced every 15 years or so.
Because Mormons believe that any cosmetic procedure that you get done in this life will go with you into the next life.
Like boob jobs or circumcisions.
-c
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