Friday, August 14, 2009

The Unattractive Truth

We've received some constructive criticism lately in the "comment" section of our blog. We've purposely adjusted our settings to allow anyone and everyone to comment. We knew when we started this blog that we'd, more than likely, get many... many anonymous commenter's who would let us know how disgusting and vile our attitudes were toward dating and toward women. You all have definitely not let us down.

Here's the thing, though. We're trying our best to blog about what we feel. I think that we're pretty average returned missionaries. There's probably a small percentage of RM's out there who are more spiritually and/or celestial minded than we are... but I PROMISE YOU that there aren't as many as you think. I'd go so far as to say 95% of the women (and grown-ups) we interact with in real life would swear on a loved one's grave that we, Calvin and Jake, are kind, respectful, spiritual, considerate returned missionaries who are trying their best to do what's right. And guess what? I think they would be right. We ARE those guys. But in this blog, we've decided to let our thoughts and opinions spill onto the page without the burden of "appearing" to be someone else. That's the best part about writing this blog.

What I'm saying is this: We're pretty normal/average Mormon guys. A lot of you are screaming (via typed medium) that YOU know someone who's perfect and sweet and opens your door for you on dates, and whispers sweet nothings into your ear, and bares his testimony on Fast Sunday and volunteers to give the closing prayer in Sunday School. I've got news for you people. WE'RE those guys. WE do all those things. We might be in your ward. You might be coming over to our house on Monday for FHE. You'd never know.

So, if you've convinced yourself that you happen to be dating the "perfect guy", you might want to read his journal*, cause it will probably look a lot like this blog.

Calvin

* If he regularly writes in a journal, he's probably gay. Good luck with that.

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

Are you saying average Mormon guys just have vile and disgusting attitudes towards women? And that I am just supposed to deal with that? I hope that's not what you meant. It doesn't come across that way in your writing up to this point, and I really don't want to start disliking this blog. Hopefully you meant that because you are being more honest than what we are used to that readers MIGHT think you have D and V attitudes, even though though you really do respect and care for many women. Otherwise why bother being anonymous, you could just be rude in person.


Perhaps you should consider editing that or elaborating?

Anne

That Chick said...

I will step up and defend you here.

HELLO, PEOPLE. guys think like this! I, for one, am taking on this magnificent opportunity to learn something about the male mind and how it works rather than overanalyze everything thats said and take it as an insult towards my own gender, which it is not. Every single thing that I've read in here I can relate to, and if you can't, well, lucky you in your little sheltered bubble of a life.

Also, i've never once seens any of these comments as "disgusting or vile" towards women.

Basically, I think that people need to stop being so bitter and pissy. Get over it, kids.

Anonymous said...

I hope I am not one of the reasons for this blog. I love and support this blog. I love how real it is. I think that's what keeps me reading it. I never took from any of your post that your were rude or disrespectful guys. I would date any of you :) Thanks for writing it, and staying honest.
It seriously helps us girls stop obsessing over little things that dont matter, it shows what things you guys think about. And the people that are complaining if you get close enough with your guy friends you will know this is how they think.

I have never been offended. Keep writing, you have more fans then haters and if they dont like
it they can stop reading it.

Kenz

Anonymous said...

Okay, I can see that somebody somewhere has struck a chord with this comic book lover. Calvin, I think you might be over reacting just a twing. I believe, cause I've dated lots and known lots, that there are plenty of great RM's out there. Not saying that you're not.

However, chill out. Clearly from your stark cynicism there at your conclusion you got some issues with the "Peter Priesthoods" of the world. Get over it. Let them be who they are and they'll let you be whoever you want to be.

Last note, I can't help but wonder, since you have a nice link there "LDS Church" which directs people to the church site (cute?)... what kind of image is your blog setting up for non-members that might venture here?

-Valerie

Steven said...

There are women out there who want the "perfect" guy that is ultra-spiritual. You will throw his testimoney around at work, church, home, walking around Wal-Mart ect.
I think most women want a well-rounded guy. Spiritual, but not so much that he has the holier than thou attitude.
I know dudes that aspire to be Bishops, Stake Presidents, Prophets... and those guys are so lame I could throw up.
Good news is there's someone for everyone!

Candice said...

I too, will defend you. While there are some things that are written on this blog that I most definitely do not agree with, there are also some very humorous insights into the male psyche. And to be perfectly honest, the whole "Peter Priesthood" routine gets a little old really fast for me. I'm not saying that I want to date someone who doesn't honor and uphold the Priesthood responsibly. But there is some appeal to the fact that he isn't going to be perfect. I for one know that I'm far from the perfection that I wish I was. But that's the beauty of life. We're not perfect. That's where repentance and the Atonement come into to play.

I applaud you for being so honest in what you write. It really is very refreshing. So thank you.

Chloe said...

Hey i am one of the blogs you stalk, and i enjoy reading your blog. it's nice to see some insight to the true male mind. my husband is a very well rounded dude. i am glad i found someone that was not totally super "peter priesthood" and felt okay with making a mistake or two. he is real and i love him for that. just like your future wives will. wait..that sounsd bad. not like you are a polygamist or anything.. i meant like all of your gives wives.. im going to shut up now..you know what i meant right? we are all human and we all blog to get our real feelings out and there is nothing wrong with that. if people don't like it or agree with it, they dont have to read it! keep writin!

Chloe said...

did i say gives wives? i meant guys. wow.

Mikaela said...

I'm sorry you believe that most LDS guys are "disgusting and vile". But believe me, while there is some truth in the statement than RM's are not as "celestial" as they are sometimes believed to be, I don't believe that the numbers are as high as you are implying. Most of them are not average... they are shooting for something higher than just average, although they are by no means perfect.

And for the ones who DO lean towards the more crude crap, shouldn't we encourage them to be more than that, rather than saying that it is normal to be that way?

Nikki said...
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Anonymous said...

I'm going to agree with Jake and Calvin. I'm a girl, but I do have brothers and close guy friends and when they are real with me they say and think stuff like this. Guys and girls think differently. Guys are visual. Sad, but true.

Anonymous said...

I love reading your blog! I'm going to refer it to my friends who are still single. I find your blog honest & direct and I find myself cracking up with your dating adventures. It also makes me soooo glad that I'm not dating anymore and happily married!

Kay

Dani said...

I don't think that any of the stuff you're saying is crude. Like what alot of people have said before, it's honest. It just sounds like you're playas. Most guys would probably like to be a playa too. And I also think it's really interesting to see how guys think. Not that it's not weird for you to be spilling your deep, dark secrets to the internet (semi colon parenthesis), but thank goodness for anonymity, right?

Also, I think the problem with alot (maybe most) Peter Priesthood typ guys is that they aren't really sincere. They aren't real- not that they aren't genuinely nice, but I just don't think they're just not very in touch with reality. But they will all find a girl who will love that and be just like them. So it all works out.

Anonymous said...

Nikki, I'll bet President Monson opens the door for Fran, and acts like the perfect priesthood man. Would you laugh at him? Do you think he's secretly addicted to porn? Just wondering.

There is such thing as a man who honestly chooses to control his thoughts and overcomes the "natural man" tendencies to have inappropriate thoughts about sex all the time. I would know, I'm married to one. Not that he's an apostle, and not that I wanted to marry a future Stake President. He's just a clean-minded guy. And don't go telling me I've deluded myself. I know this man. I have known him for years. And I know there is such thing as a truly good guy. One who chose to keep himself clean before marriage. (Not that we didn't have long horizontal makeout sessions... but we kept it clean.) And now we have great sex, all the time. Just because a guy doesn't succumb to dirty sexual thoughts because it's "natural" or "normal" or "guys just think that way", doesn't mean he can't be sexual in the proper place and time. If you tell me "guys are just like that" well then you've just thrown out one of the biggest beliefs in our gospel, which is that every individual has moral agency. Don't tell me "he can't help it, he's a guy." That is fundamentally false.

manda said...

I just laughed out loud at my work reading about the whole journal thing! haha you guys crack me up and I really really enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for being real and honest. Its nice to hear what guys are really thinking about in the dating world. Keep up the great blog :)

Nikki said...
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Nikki said...
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Chloe said...

Amen Nikki!

Jon said...

Not that there's anything wrong with being gay OR writing in your journal. I did so faithfully growing up...

Hobbes said...

Wow... this is a beautiful thing. Everyone saying how they feel, fighting for either side, saying it like they feel it really is. Amen for honesty. Keep it up people.

Speaking from a pure male perspective I could clear up all thoughts and questions regarding the male psyche but where would be the fun in that? Learning what girls think of us guys is simply so much more entertaining.

Bottom line is this: Let's face it people, like Steven said, "Good news is there's someone for everyone!" So, everyone just needs to chill out a bit, including you Calvin. Don't screw up a good thing. Chill dude. Like you said, you knew you'd get some negative criticism when you started this thing. Be a man and roll with the punches.

Anonymous said...

AMEN Anonymous at 1:09! I will defend you till the end of the road!

-Valerie

Anonymous said...

Oh and Nikki, cool it girl! Sounds to me like you're the one getting offended by someone that has something you don't. Let her be her and forget all the sarcastic criticism. Be the bigger girl.

-Valerie

Ash Att said...

oh my! you boys are HILAR! I get a good kick out of reading this blog. i have alot of guy friends who tell me alot of what you write about. So my thing is you write what you want, if people have a problem with it then they dont have to read it. the end

Anonymous said...

Don't stop being honest! You guys are normal.

Fan of M.B.P. said...

For all those who think this "vile", please don't read non-LDS young men's blogs.

You guys seem like good guys. You are funny. I'm glad you have an outlet to express yourself.

Anonymous said...

yes your blog can be funny and entertaining. obviously, since im here again.
and im sure that non LDS guys blogs are a lot more "vile".
however they dont have links to the LDS Church website.
just saying.

Youngblood4ever said...

Heehee. Just found your blog the other day and this is the first time I have really had a chance to sit and read.

Ummm, even though I am MWC (married with children) it really wasn't that long ago I was a single in a singles ward. Just off my mission I met Hubby at FHE. Ya, incest and all! I love that you tell how you really feel. Ignore the dorks that take it personally. I've had people comment to me, and ya, I am one of "those" who will delete a jerky comment. If you don't like it, don't visit.

Keep up the fun. I like!

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I'm actually defending my earlier comment (1:09 Aug 14), this is stupid. But I just wanted to draw attention to the words "inappropriate" and "dirty" I included as descriptions of the type of sexual thoughts guys might have. Sex or thoughts about it are not inherently dirty or bad. I know guys are visual and they naturally think about sex. I specifically worded my comment to say that not all guys give in and entertain inappropriate sexual thoughts on a regular basis. All I'm saying is that there are guys out there who choose to put away inappropriate thoughts and not entertain them. They save sex for the time and place. That's all. And all of them have the agency, given to them by God, to make that choice. I know that's completely unbelievable to women who haven't had close relationships with or known men who are truly clean-minded, but you just have to believe me that they really are out there. My goal is not to brag about my life, I just hoped to show that guys are all different and not all of them fall into this category you've placed them in. I don't think it's right to confine all men into this stereotype that they're all horny all the time. Men and women alike are all individuals with different levels of sexual desire that may change at different times of our lives, and we all are given agency to decide what we do with that.

Nikki said...
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Cassee said...
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Anonymous said...

I'd snog with you any day ;)

CarrieBradshaw* said...

what is hilarious to me is that reading your opinions is what I imagine men's thoughts to be like but 10x worse! You guys seem extremely respectful and spiritual and all that good stuff. I'd feel my sins just oozing off of me if I were around you. So screw everyone who gives you shit about the way you think... honestly women you can't say you don't judge men on their appearance and say ridiculous crude things about them with your girlfriends? OK so I do! But I love the honesty, keep it up!

Darcy and Adam said...

I'm a married LDS woman, but still absolutely love reading about your single LDS-guy antics. My little sister told me about your blog (via-Facebook), and I haven't stopped reading for the past, well, 45 minutes. I appreciate what you have to say, and don't find anything disgusting or vile about your honesty. I'll be reading. Thanks for the laughs.

Bekah said...

as someone who runs a "secret blog" myself where I am anonymous, I often come into contact w/ "haters" because .. well, I'm more HONEST on that blog. I exaggerate a certain part of my personality for humor. So I get what you guys are doing.

And I love it. And appreciate it.

Don't let the 'hate' get to you. What you're doing is wise, brave & really freakin' hilarious!

Christie said...

This is interesting! I came from Lauren's blog and have been reading for an hour! Me and the hubby are LDS, and ONLY because I'm married and he tells me about guys and what they think, I believe that you are normal. I was pretty shocked after we got married the things he'd tell me about our dating life. I had the same "rules" for him...no tongue while kissing, no neck kissing, no hands on bare skin, etc. So funny. He lived by them though, otherwise, I would have felt he didn't respect me really. Not that I didn't want to, I just felt like Andrea said...naughty! This has been very entertaining, to say the least. That house on your profile looks like Provo or Orem! We went to BYU :).

Catmull's said...

I love you guys! I am happily married and have been for 7 years. (yes I'm LDS and I'm only 26) And can say that I love how open you are. I married my honey because he was open like this to me.
I can't believe that people actually think they get a say in what you write, or how you feel. Who do they think they are?
I think people need to chill out!
I hope that people who aren't LDS and read your thoughts realize that we are all normal people trying to do the best we can everyday. And that is the most anyone can ask. If we can't laugh along the way, then what's it all for anyways?!

Heather said...

Honestly I love this blog and it's sheer honesty. You guys have the best of both worlds...honestly you aren't prudes but you can hold the priesthood. It doesn't get any better than that!

My hubby is the same way and it's the ONLY reason I married him...well OK it was that and his super make out skills and uh...other things.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy your reference to "grown ups." What exactly are you?

Becca said...

LOVE this!!! :)

Britt said...

Calvin,

I keep a similar blog to yours and my bestie just told me about your blog. I have readers but nobody comments. I am putting myself out there naked as my mom says.

I think you own the blog do what you want. I wish I could see what you all look like but I understand it has to be private for yourselves.


Good for you and I love it.

Thanks for letting us get in your head and as a return missionary myself I must say amen. None of us our perfect and I am glad you understand that.

Thanks for all the love for your readers!

Ciana said...

for the record...im a huge fan of your blog and im glad you dont make up crap to make you guys seem better. i would rather read the real stuff. thanks.

Katie said...

Can I just say, that I absolutely love this blog? It's nice to actually be able to see into what a guy thinks, and it's refreshing to know that all these RM's I see everywhere are human. Seriously, if I knew you guys, I would like you so much more if I knew you were writing this stuff. All the haters are kind of dumb...They just don't have the guts to do this (even if you are anonymous). It's nice to read the real stuff, rather than someone talking about how righteous and amazing they are. Thanks for writing such awesome, truthful blogs!

Anna-Maria said...

A firend showed me this blog today and i love him for showing it to me. This is so spot on. My boyfriend is Non-Lds han half of everything you have written are things i have told him about how things work in the sub culture that LDSlife actually is. I especially loved the why we make out so much part. So true. I also think twister was invented my a mormon who wanted some action and maybe wanted to touch a girl or two... Ill be reading more of this, thats for sure!

Lauren said...

Thank you for helping pop the Utah bubble. Someone needs to own up and stop pretending everyone lives in lalaland.

Elissa said...
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C.J. said...

I'm late to this party, but I'm throwing my two cents in, anyway. So essentially what you're bragging about, here, is that you're hypocrites--and successful ones, at that. You manage to appear one way, and fool a certain segment of the population, but you're *really* sharing these other, supposedly more subversive, thoughts. So...why is this something to be proud of?

And as for the idea that this is how "all men" think, what BS. Sure, we all--male and female--edit our thoughts and feelings, to some extent. But trust me, it might feel like an impressive feat now, but it's actually very, very easy to put your best foot forward at church, and on dates. The truth comes out, however, once you're married.

Not that any of you probably care, or plan on getting married, or want any serious advice, but I have some, anyway: if you want a happy marriage, start practicing being open and honest (and that means sharing feelings other than stereotypical, RM, Peter Priesthood drivel) with the girls you know now.

Tiffany said...

Your blog makes me smile. My husband and i were both players before we married each other- we were also both the relief society and elders quorum presidents. Nothin wrong with being honest. we all think a like when we're single. Is it good to do? meh... probably not. You look back and wish that you had been kinder to some people. But its part of growing up. Those people who keep saying that "normal people aren't like that" are just...well.. not normal. and probably a little bit bitter that they aren't have as much holy roll'in fun as the rest of us.

~*~Katie Jo~*~ said...

I think you guys are freakin' hilarious, and I LOVE your blog! And I think it's great that you are so incredibly honest on here! You remind me very much of my boyfriend - like you, he's the good church boy. Bears his testimony, offers the prayer, opens doors, super romatnic, yadda yadda yadda. But at the same time, he's also a total guy, and since we've been together nearly four years, he holds nothing back. Like you guys, him and his buddies rate girls. He's on his mission now and apparently still does. He was showing fellow missionaries my pic and they were rating me a seven (which I guess is the best since appatently no one in Idaho is above a 7 they said...). And he very much has the same personality it seems as you guys. Anywho, what I'm getting at is, I think you guys are very genuine and you're not the only Mormon boys out there who think and act the way you do. Kepp it fresh and real - I LOVE it!! :D

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing this blog so i don't have to. -- single LDS guy

Chivalrous Badass said...

LMMAO! "That Chick" rocks my aging socks! "stop being so bitter and pissy". Look people, kids, retards as the case may be... one day you will look back and realize just how pretentious your cute little mormon lives have been. That's if you're ever lucky/smart enough to let life be the eye opening experience it is supposed to be. A little dose of reality is a good thing and, seriously, don't be surprised if Peter Priesthood is hiding some ugly stuff. The sooner you learn to love the truth the better off you will be. Ladies, If you don't believe me then good frickin' luck finding true love with a guy that is more skilled at keeping appearances than communicating honestly.

Integrity1st said...

Your opening paragraph tells that you really are "Good Mormons" as evidenced by the way you exploit your roommates in business dealings so you can be lazy, parasitic slime and call yourselves "blessed." Cram roommates into bunkbeds-- perhaps even putting so many people into a house that you violate zoning codes.. then.. bare your testimony in front of your ward and say how blessed you are for observing the The Law of Tithing....

I was ousted from "The Church" because two ladies sent me off to war with their intimate expressions of affection for me.. but my Home Teacher receives no discipline for fraudulently taking $40,000+ from me...

I prefer real sex and a true life of integrity to your sanctimonious excuses for SNOGGING, NCMOs, etc. I believe that the act of screwing somebody in business dealings is worse than sharing pleasure with a mutually desirous partner.

Your own texts say "BY THEIR FRUITS YE SHALL KNOW THEM" This blog shows the stuff you are made of and it's nothing to be proud of.

Natalie Marie Riddle said...

Does that mean you guys are gay? haha I am joking. You guys are great!

Sammie Brumble said...

Ok. I HAVE to say. This is probably the most politically incorrect, borderline awful, honest, hilarious thing i have ever read in my whole life. (not just this post, your blog as a whole) Everyone (on average, don't worry i'm not going to "hastily generalize" the population) as in LDS guys think the same way ya'll do. They are just too afraid to say it out loud. I say rock on. I love it. NCMOs. haha I love you guys.

Anonymous said...

I'd have to say the majority of the males in church are like this. How do I know? I served a mission.

I think 150 out of the 180 missionaries in my mission are exactly like the guys on this blog. It might shatter the dreams and hopes of some ladies but it's just the truth. Greenie on up to Zone Leader, it doesn't matter who it is, we act and think like these guys, and when I was an office elder I was with the Assistants to the President almost 24/7 and it was the exact same with those guys too. This is a rare glimpes into the minds of normal lds guys.

Anonymous said...

What a great discussion. I may have to write about it in my journal. Just thought I would self-identify as a closeted gay Mormon man who enjoys what you write.

Why? Because, if what you say is typical, it is nice to know that most of the straight guys I hang out with are so busy thinking about all the women around them that they have no clue that closeted gays like me are "silent notes taking" in our minds and rating you unsuspecting fellows on your eyes, smiles, voices, facial hair, shoulders, hands, biceps, triceps, abs, well you get the idea.

But of course we don't just think these things and move on, we go home and write them in our journals! Keep up the great blogging. You may have many more fans than you know about and for reasons you'd probably rather not think about. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Allie Marie said...

You know what? I think you (Calvin and Jake) have a fantastic blog, full of hilarious entries. Its nice to get inside the other gender's head once in a while.
To anyone who is leaving stupid, negative comments: if you don't "approve" of this blog, stop reading it; end of story. I love this blog and hate reading about your complaints. So shut up and find another blog to read.

Anonymous said...

Calvin, I know exactly what you mean. I was the leader on my mission, hold way too many callings because I hated it on my mission when you found out that people actually say no, open the door for girls whether they are my date or not, even have a calling that means I brush shoulders regularly with civic and church dignitaries. However, I have a girl lined up when I go to UT, had an Amy-Carla situation just last week (but with success mind you :P) and often find myself in the "is the horizontal axis showing un upward trend half-way aLONG." We are naturally enemies to ourselves and I think that's why I have spent the last two hours reading your blog

Jacq said...

AHA! I knew you guys were/are totally repressed.