Monday, December 14, 2009

The Trouble With Rating

After much discussion with Calvin I have decided to post this story... even though it is terrifyingly dangerous.

So, I drove down to Cedar City this weekend to hang with Sanders. We were talking in her room while she was getting ready (don't worry it was all appropriate, she has one of those fancy 3 panel room dividers). I was sitting on her bed looking through her high school yearbook, and she says, "What would you rate my looks on a scale from one to ten?" I joked, "Come out from behind the divider and I'll tell you." She said, "No, I'm serious, don't tell me you don't rate girls." I responded, "Of course I do, I just can't let you know how much I like you yet."

Sanders peeked her head around the bamboo divider and said, "I'm serious Jake." I replied, "Your looks? You're an 8, (This was a lie. She is really a 6) except for when you wear that blue shirt." She said, "Only an 8?" I said, "8 is great, I've never been with an 8 before... I mean, I'm like a 6 you know so, you're up there." I noticed specifically that she did not dispute my self prognosis.

Then she shocked me, "Have you ever heard of the Mormon Bachelor Pad?" I looked at the room divider, I imagined I could see through it, and she was standing there staring right at me, waiting for me to lie. I was frozen... I knew that at some point this would happen. I was so stunned it felt like it had been 20 minutes since she asked me and that my hesitation had blown my cover, but it had really only been a few seconds. Finally I simply replied, "No."

She said, "It's a blog, Patty showed it to me today because they are rating all these girls on Christmas." I said, "Huh? On a 1 - 10 scale?" Sanders then proceeded to explain to me the whole scale system actually using the terms "LOS" and "OS". She told me how there's this house of guys in Salt Lake who write this blog. I acted fascinated, but aloof. I said, "I didn't think you read blogs?" That was a question I now work into early conversations with girls I date to see how careful I need to be with what I post. She replied, "I don't. I just thought it was so crazy."

Sanders said she wanted to be rated a little. She said that she couldn't believe my rating of her because we were involved (smart girl) and that she would love to hear what an unbiased person would say. I asked her how she would feel if she was rated like a 5 or a 6 or something. She admitted she would pretend that it was okay, but that she would probably take it hard. I wanted to tell her that I really thought she was a 6 on the LOS, that 6 isn't bad, I adored her. On the OS I thought she was in the 9's and that number kept growing each time we hung out. I couldn't though. There is no amount of explanation I could use to say 'I think you're a 6, but it doesn't matter because I like you' without it making her a little or a lot self-conscious.

Sanders found it very troubling that this is going on because she fears for the self-esteem of girls who will be rated. Talk about ratings monopolized our evening conversation. She made a good point as we entertained the actual process that the MBP writers would be going through. Her point was that girls with more pictures would have a more accurate rating than girls who just emailed 5 pictures.

After discussing this with Calvin we have decided to add a "Percentage of Accuracy" clause to our rating system. For example, a girl who is our facebook friend that has 300 pictures and has been tagged in a video, and who has pictures of herself in a swimsuit is going to get a high percentage of accuracy, like 90%. If a girl only has 5 photos, that will lower the accuracy. Obviously those photos are ones she has hand picked for people to judge her on. If all or a lot of her photos are glamor shot, airbrushed, type photo's, that too would drop her accuracy. I could spend a whole post outlining accuracy ups and downs, but I'm pretty sure we all know how this sort of thing works. Suffice it to say that when we do hand out our ratings we will do something like LOS rating: 7, percentage of accuracy: 65%.

Anyway, back to Sanders discovery. She told me that she decided not to request a rating, and neither did her friend Patty. Apparently, Patty thinks that the writers of this blog are arrogant and in for a rude awakening someday, however she found them to be funny and entertaining.

How can I post this story without fear of getting caught? Because Sanders is right. I am arrogant and no doubt in need of a rude awakening. Sanders doesn't read blogs and admitted that she only read two posts. She doesn't even have facebook. She also doesn't use a computer except to check her email which as long as I have known her is less than once a week.

So... even though it's a bit dodgy... I posted it to point out that when we do this, we will be rating girls in the 5's and 6's and are going to get a lot of crap for it. We are going to be honest though, regardless. I was dating Becca, who on the LOS I would rate an 8. Sanders is only a 6. I picked Sanders because looks aren't everything. Just because we are rating girls on their looks only does not mean that that is all we care about. So, hopefully when we rate you and you don't like it, you too can recognize that looks aren't everything.

Jake

PS Sanders... if you do read this, call me first so I can attempt to bribe you to keep quiet. Also, you are awesome, sexy, and I would love to break the law of chastity with you, but will not due to my respect for God, God's Son and his atonement, and my respect for you.

80 comments:

Busy Bee Lauren said...

The "PS" was my favorite. Srsly..awesome dot com.

Um. You are gonna get caught. So that means you all can come to the blogging get together in disneyland.

Coolspice.

Alexandria said...

I was horrified waiting for the other shoe to drop the entire time I was reading that. I freaking love Sanders, get it Jake!!

I agree with Lauren...when you get caught you boys can come on The Bangin' Hot Blogger Disneyland Trip with us!!

Sierra said...

I was just about so say that the "PS" was my favorite part, but now I feel like I would be copying Lauren.

Ashton Dene' said...

The PS was also my favorite part. & everyone in Disney, it's going to be awesome!

Ivy said...

I wondered if the boys could join us for the trip... I guess they are sooo close to losing their anonymous stature that it will likely be possible. I can't wait to rate them! My scale is much more harsh.
Cheers Boys until Disneyland

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Be careful guys. It is only a matter of time before she or her friend draws a parallel to what has been said.

I think that when next you see her, you should tell her. Patty will probably figure things out and tell Sanders. I think it is best that Sanders finds out from you personally that you write this blog, and not finding out for herself or someone else making the connection and telling her.

Nat said...

Um hi. See you at Disneyland!


Sanders is soooooo my favorite!

Ivy said...

"harsh" sounds bad... maybe I should have said complicated. Fun regardless!

Paula said...

Love the PS! You should tell her while simultaneously proposing, then she will forget all about the blog thing and be distracted by the ring, AND you won't have to break the law of chastity.

TechieGirl said...

Nice Jake. Kudos for your confidence, even if it is misplaced. I guess you'll find out one way or another. =) Good luck.

Meghan O said...

I def took an intake of breathe when I read this. I think Sanders is going to find out, but with that PS in there, all will be forgiven =)

Amanda Swafford said...

You should definitely tell her now. I like Sanders!

Mary said...

this is awesome, not gonna lie.

Emily Sue said...

i really liked this post for some reason. especially the p.s! i think sanders is a great person. good luck, hope you can keep the secret.

M and C said...

keeping my fingers crossed that Sanders friend does not spill the beans. Loved this post.

M and C said...

keeping my fingers crossed that Sanders friend does not spill the beans. Loved this post.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Um... when's this disneyland trip? I'm sure Calvin got invited and the info didn't quite trickle down to me.

Just incase we do get busted I want to be looking for good deals on tickets?

-j

Lachele said...

Haha, I have a feeling this will blog will be coming to a close pretty dang soon, unless you tell Sanders that it's you.... Once she finds out, and reads all the previous posts.... she might think you're a douche! Be careful... you very well could have just ruined things! Good luck!

brinleyr said...

The PS comment made me laugh. That was cute. Maybe you should consider telling Sanders before someone else does. I'm sure she will understand, and keep the secret.

Anonymous said...

Wow... Who would have thought the good old MPB would be so widespread?

This might not be the post that blows your anonymity but it's only a matter of time. When someone like SANDERS, who doesn't blog or do anything of the sort, is questioning you about stuff like this, it makes sense that people like Patty will eventually put two and two together. There are plenty of details in your posts that are dead giveaways for anyone who actually knows you.

You guys need to be more careful. Please. I love this blog too much to see it go to waste.

-S

Alexandria said...

Jake,

The DL trip is being planned as I type. We have a blog dedicated to it. Lauren bought masks for you two so that your anonymity would be safe. True Story.

Arianna N. McMillan said...

Love the P.S.

Team Sanders! :)

Alice said...

I love Sanders.

Disneyland is going to be crazy fun!

BD said...

Only one explanation for this post. You love Sanders and want her to find out to see how she reacts. My money is on a total blowout in the next few days and an engagement in the ensuing weeks. I'm all for it. Once you find your Sanders, and know that she's the type of person who can find out about your secret blog and still be with you, you should hang on to her. Don't sweat the age difference... just hurry so you can procreate before she's 30.

Autumn said...

Jake, I think you're nuts for posting this! Truly. She's not dumb, and now that she knows the blog, she will read it. You will get busted, :] I would start treating her like a queen before she tells everyone. Good luck though.

shirley elizabeth said...

Hi. I haven't read in a while. I liked this.

and apparently I missed something about Disneyland.

Alexandra said...

Oh man, that PS was something else.
You're soooo close to losing anonymity!

Brooke said...

I have been WAITING for something like this to happen! :) love it (and the P.S.)

Heather said...

Honestly girls that get offended are stupid. I am not sending in a pic because I already know I am on the low end of the scale and don't need a bunch of strangers telling me. Secondly, as I have stated before, I don't CARE what everyone else thinks I am on a scale of 1-10 because my husband LOVES me for who I am and looks past all my physical flaws (and I do have many). I think girls that would get upset with your honesty are just lame and should be rated lower after the fact for lack of personality and self esteem. Is it hard these days to feel pretty and sexy? You bet ya but I don't feel ANY different physically than what I did in HS and was 130 pounds with a perky DD rack...two kids later I am actually MORE confident about myself because I know who the hell I am. Period.

Anyway kudos to you guys for being honest with everything. I respect you way more than lamesters that are fake and gay. In that order too.

Ashley said...

I am very much looking forward to seeing what happens with this. :)

f1trey said...

I m older...so im not that bright...but i have GOT to tell ya guys...rating girls sounds like something that baptists would do.....in high school.

Busy Bee Lauren said...

After thinking about it, I am pretty sure Sanders set you up to trick you. Bet she thought it was you, and was just waiting for you to post this story.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

You should invite Saunders on to be a 3rd writer, so you get some female perspective and the females readers here can hear Sanders' view of her dates with Jake.

Might help you keep your anonymity.

Tina said...

I def said awwww while reading the ps and people who asked to be rated shouldn't dislike their rating hello they asked for it I hope sanders doesn't find out u write the blog!

"Sanders" said...

Hah! Look who just totally fell for it, you jerk. You really thought you could degrade anything we had together by sharing it for all the world to see without getting caught, huh? I just feel bad for all the other girls who still have yet to find out what jerks you all are.

And you couldn't pay me enough to keep quiet.

Irony said...

I love the quote marks, not-Sanders.

Jade said...

Jake the P.S was awesome, but DUDE your gonna get found out. Sanders is a smart one and I bet she already knows your writing the blog and her asking you about if you knew of the MBP blog, was just for her to get confirmation. You rated her an 8 but then you also said that your a 6, you rate yourself as a 6 on your blog as well.

I'd tell Sanders that you write it so you don't loose everything. I'd dare say Patty puts 2 and 2 together here by the end of the year, especially if Sanders tells her what you both talked about concerning the blog. Hope you don't get found out!

Lachele said...

hmmmm this is pretty rad.....well if thats the "real" sanders posting...well goodbye MBP.... it was fun while it lasted :)

Anonymous said...

Wait.... Wasn't Sanders the one who you posted a blog post from her iPhone? You're so busted!

Kaitlyn said...

Jake!! You are the greatest! I love how you don't care if you get caught and you are so concerned with the self-esteem of the girls who are getting rated to put your cover on the line! And the P.S. was great!! I agree with Autumn though you might want to start treating her great just on the outside chance!

Lorelei said...

no one else thinks saunders is kinda lame for thinking jake should've rated her higher than an 8? cause I do.

Allison said...

Aww, I REALLY like her... and I'm kind of scared you guys are gonna get found out. So, be prepared. Patty might see this, and BAM. You guys will no longer be anonymous.

BD said...

"Sanders" impersonator- The real Sanders would never write what you did. You obviously just wish you were her. The real Sanders would have way more fun with it than that. I can't wait to hear what she comes up with to torture Jake when she finds out.

Declarations of a Drama Diva said...

If her friend has read about the blog and she talked about the scale in detail... my money is that she all ready knows.

Come clean.....

Also I bet she won't tell but one of her friends might. Dun Dun Dunnn. (creepy music)

colleenroselle said...

awesome. you better post about if she found out or not!

20 Something said...

Jake- Go for sanders She seems perfect for you. And I think she would Die and go to heaven if you shared this huge secret with her. Have Fun!!!

Julie said...

Alright, Here is my two cents. I think Saunders knows and that she was giving you a chance to come clean.

Shelby Lou said...

Jake,

I'm in love with the P.S. as is everyone else. That is totally jokingly scandalous, and awesome yet sweet.

I think you are cool.

Shelby Lou.

Melissa said...

Hahhaa... fake Sanders. You are hilariously spiteful. Get over it. But I seriously think the real Sanders is kinda a winner. She's awesome. And puts Jake in his place when needs be. Fiesty. I like that.

Heather said...

OMG I just LOVE you Calgon! And Jack, TOTALLY just tell Saunders...

........?

Jen said...

She totally knows already. And I don't think she minds. In fact, I think she's subtly helping you with the whole rating thing. But here's the thing, you need to fess up. Because honesty will get you far. Trust me on this one.

Anonymous said...

Sanders has an I Phone with the internet on it yet she hardly uses computers?? I dont believe it...she knows its you or will very very soon! She isn't stupid and somehow she WILL find out soon! I would tell her before you lose her AND the blog. She sounds like a cool girl, but be careful! If you really wanna be with her you have to be honest before it goes to far and she finds out from someone else! Dont make it harder to forgive/forget then it already will be!!! Although you have only said Nice things about her..so i would think that she shouldn't get offended by anything. Just be honest & SOON!

Tricia L said...

Funny Christmas card...thanks for sending me one, but please tell me, how'd you get my address? I know it's not anywhere accessible on the internet and that I didn't give it to you. You guys must be crazy good stalkers.

That Chick said...

this post is ghetto fabulous. not gonna lie... i can't wait to see the drama unfold among you guys.

and i dont think Sanders will react badly when she realizes for sure its you... and i say when, because she very obviously will. very. obviously.

even if you get found out by her, keep p the post-age. love to hear more more more. :D

Bethany said...

if you do get caught you should put up pictures of who you really are! Just for everyone else who doesn't live in Utah and might actually know you!

Molly said...

You are totes a liar. "No"? srsly.
You.
Are.
LAMESPICE.

Angela said...

Ooohhhhh and the plot thickens. I LOVED this post. And I'm loving Sanders. Please don't shut this blog down even if your identities are revealed... where else would we turn for our entertainment?

So. Dang. Good.

Blog Buddy said...

I'm down south here in Sander's neighborhood...and keeping my eyes peeled for you two:)

Fighter said...

BB, so when you see someone from Salt Lake dating someone from the Cedar City area, you're going to assume it is Jake? It isn't that an uncommon a thing. I have a mission buddy who engaged to a girl down there.

Anonymous said...

Jake, good for you! I think Sanders sounds like a keeper and even if she reads MBP, I am sure she would still like you.

T. L. C. said...

Oh my gosh this is SO nerve racking! A part of me would love for this cover to be blown because I'm SO nosy but yet if it gets blown....What happens after that?
Where in the world would I find this kind of soap opera entertainment????

And I must join in the PS. Fan base...It was brillant. If it was me, you would SO have me on your good side after finding all this out because of the PS...

Girl101 said...

The most important thing is..

The only thing that Sanders could be potentially disgusted at, leading to the complete desecration of all ties.. would be the scanning & postage of his ex's intimate, in depth, private, love letter.
That, fortunately, is wayyy back in the archive of posts - even if she finds out about the blog - there's still definate hope for the relationship. Jake, if you're going to show her the blog, just show her a few randoms, keep away from that post.

Though.. if she couldnt handle being an 8.. psycho time when she reads she's really a 6. Still hope there, but just be prepared for trouble!

Blazzer said...

Ladies ladies ladies... I am surprised that after Jake and Calvin have posted letters & overheard conversations, spoken to people on the phone, and brazenly been outward on facebook and twitter that you think this time around they are just being foolish. They talked over how to post this without getting caught guaranteed.

Also, it seems with her personality thus far that Sanders was joking when she said "Only an 8?"

I will say, this rating girls thing will go bad, almost assuredly. Good luck.

-Blazzer

Ryan Hadlock said...

You people will fall for anything.

1) I betcha Sanders isn't in Cedar City - she's in Logan.

2) as mentioned, a girl with an iPhone is going to be a BIT more internet savvy than portrayed in this post - guaranteed she has the Facebook app, everyone does.

3) Jake and Calvin are having WAY too much fun with this to let it go, this is a total fabrication to get the reaction that they got. You all LOVE the drama!!! This should be on MTV right after The Hills.

4) No way they're going out that easily, it's just not happening, they're too smart.

5) Jake, if Sanders is real, you need to date her. If you're really into her this much and she's really only a 6, that's a great sign man. I think it's all a story to generate hits, but it's a good one.

6) Do you play indoor soccer? We're trying to get a team together. ;-)

Andrea said...

BEST.POST.SCRIPT.EVER.

AMEN.

Anonymous said...

Ryan,

I would have to dispute point #4 - I don't think they are that smart. I do think they are entertaining, though. My guess is that Sanders's real name is Stephaniczyiak, she lives in Tooele, she doesn't have an iPhone, and Jake and Calvin are one person (possibly suffering from multiple personality disorder) who put this blog together for a class project that he is now getting an A+ for.

Let me know if I am getting close to the truth guys... ;-)

Whitney said...

Dear Jake, thank you for the "XO" on my Christmas card. I almost peed.

April Annie said...

I'm with Blazzer. This rating thing can go nowhere good. There's only a handful of girls in this world that can handle the truth about themselves.
Some crazy chick is going to get all stalker/psycho on ya'll. She'll figure out who you are,follow you around until she gets a chance to PROVE she's not a 2, and in the end just kill ya both off.

Maggles said...

As an actuary, I like the term "credibility" better than "accuracy." So I think the ratings should have a percentage of credibility. And I'm going to go ahead pretend that you care what I think. Thanks.

Also, Sanders may not read the blog, but her friend obviously does. And will no doubt rat you out. This should be entertaining! :)

Becs said...

Dear Jake and Calvin,

I hate commenting on your blog because there are so many comments and I feel like I'm competing. I just don't feel like I'm heard. But that's it.

Love,
Becs.

Becs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steven said...

If they get exposed I doubt they'd stop writing this blog. Why would they stop writing it? They have 300 girls reading about them every day. Following their every move like they're movie stars.
I think they'd have all kinds of women around all the time because you ladies eat this crap up!

"Jake" I don't want you on my indoor soccer team... but if you play in Ogden Leagues I'm sure I've schooled you at one time or another! Boo ya!

Molly said...

Ummm, tell her before she finds out. Period. That is the only way to make it okay.

Tanya said...

it's over. pack your bags boys and head to disneyland with lauren.

Anonymous said...

I personally think Calvin/Jake is a 45 year old man that gets pleasure from hitting on BBL and being adored by younger girls. Just saying.

Jen said...

fake.

Tara said...

Here's the thing with rating, I'm cool with it, I truly don't take anything you guys say seriously at all. So, personally I don't get offended. But, what if Sanders was rated her 6 before ya'll started dating...do you think she would have the potential to be the 9 she is now? It's like that old seminary video Mahanna and the cows. That's whats going to happen girls aren't going to think they are good enough, and they won't be as confident and as cool as they could be, and in return it only hurts the dating pool for all the single guys out there. Are you following my logic?

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Anonymous - If you are the "just saying girl from the movie "Fired Up" I want you to know that I think you're not very cute and were the least funny part of that movie.

Jen - Yes, fake does rhyme with my name... here's one for you, No more rhymes now, I mean it!

Tara - I think I'm following your logic... interesting. I have been thinking about writing a blog post titled, "The idea behind Johnny Lingo is BS" so now, for sure one of these days I will.

-j

Anonymous said...

anybody want a peanut?

Anonymous said...

LOL The PS part was my favorite...

I would like to ask my hubby to rate me but I know he wouldn't be honest.

However I wont ask YOU guys to rate me for the fear of you being a little TOO honest!