Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Brigham the Mouse

I had my first final yesterday morning. As I was driving up to school, my mind wandered to this blog. I knew that at some point, I would need to write another blog post. The only problem is, I don't have any girls I'm interested in right now. I know our blog has kind of gravitated toward dating and relationships and whatnot, but just because we're bachelors doesn't mean that's all we ever talk about. Girls and relationships are only about 95% of what we do in our house. That might seem kind of high, but I'm not exaggerating.

If I'm not currently pursuing a girl, then I'm probably at least trying to figure out how to meet some new girls. If I'm at church, I'm scoping the scenery trying to make "accidental" eye contact with some girls. If I remember that I need to do some homework, I'll usually try to think of the quietest place with the highest percentage of attractive girls in which to study.

As I was thinking how all this could fit into a blog post, I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I glanced down at the floor of my truck and I saw a small brown mouse staring up at me from the passenger side floor mat. Our eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity. It was staring at me as if to say, "Um... what are you doing in my house and why don't you drop french fries between the seats more often?" Meanwhile, I was thinking, "Did you just move in or have you been in here for a while? And where do you sleep?" Then the mouse turned around and ran back up into the dashboard.

I looked back to the road and was relieved to see that I was still in my own lane. After I found a parking space, I realized I was still thinking about that mouse and I had a little smile on my face. As I was walking to the testing center, my smile faded temporarily when I pictured that mouse running up my pant leg while I was driving. I tried to convince myself that I'm not afraid of mice at all and that I could probably keep my composure as I pulled to the side of the road casually... but I'm not sure if that would really be the case.

For example, I don't think I'm afraid of spiders, but the other day, I took off my gray overshirt as I was getting ready for bed. After I'd peeled it off, I saw something black on my garment top inbetween my nipples. For a split second, it looked like a spider and I said a string of profanities that I don't think I've uttered since Jr. High. When I realized it was just a piece of lint, I was amazingly relieved, but was still slightly hesitant to remove the lint with my fingers... mostly because there was still a .000000002% chance it was a spider.

Anyway... after my test I stopped at Pet's Mart. I bought a medium sized mouse cage with all the fixin's. Then I bought one male mouse and three female mice. I named the male Brigham, but I haven't thought of any good names for his wives, yet. I should do some research, I guess.

-Calvin

ps Our Christmas Cards are going to be addressed and stamped in the next few days. If you're interested in receiving one, please email us your address. If you have any questions about whether our intentions are pure, click here.

50 comments:

Susan said...

Aww, mice are pretty cute :)

Steven said...

Sounds like you haven't had pet mice before. You shouldn't have bought both sexes. You'll have about 50 mice babies in there by the end of the month!!! Have fun with that.

Jade said...

Wow, that post was full of unexpected twists. But it was still a good post. Didn't expect the whole going to Pet's Mart and buying 4 mice... is this a new strategy to help you reel in some girls? Something like having the girls come over and see the cute mouse babies? I still can't figure out why you went and bought them, but it adds spice. Let us know when you become a grandpa! ;)

Busy Bee Lauren said...

The fact that you bought a mouse, makes you so much cooler. I always want to buy mice, but Ted thinks I will neglect them.

He is probably right.

Jenni said...

This is the first time in a while that I have laughed out loud to one of these blog posts. Thanks Calvin!

Shelby Lou said...

i think i would have screamed bloody murder if i saw a mouse in my car.

no joke.

Julie said...

I am completely confused about why you bought 4 mice. Not to mention one male and three females. Trust me when I say that copious amounts of baby mice are not cute. One maybe, 100 NO, NEVER!!! I also hate to bring up these next two points: 1. Do you realize the mouse who is dwelling in truck is also peeing in your truck.
2. Mice like to chew. There is a strong possibility he is chewing on the wires in your dashboard.

Study hard and good luck with your finals.

Katie said...

Heh, this made me laugh a little bit. I find it pretty humorous that you were so freaked out about a potential spider. Then again, I run away and squeel like a little girl whenever I see anything creepy and crawly. Then again, I'm a girl. And you're a guy. haha.

I love that you named your mouse Brigham. Some good names for a polygamist mouse named Brigham....Naamah, Zina, and Jemima...those are my favorite names of Brigham Young's wives ;-)

Julie said...

Calvin,

LOL...you have got to go back to the pet store and give back those mice. I looked up a couple of facts for you. Mice give birth to 5-15 mice at a time. Gestation takes three weeks, and a mother mouse can conceive immediately after giving birth, if a male is nearby. Do the math.

Who knows...there may be a hot girl at the pet store.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Julie... can I get them spayed or something?

By the way, there weren't any hot girls at the pet store yesterday.

-c

Amy said...

Wait a minute.. Polygamist mice?!

Seneca said...

I do the same thing, I want to marry a smok'n hott architect so where am I? In the architecture library of course! haha this post started my day off right, thanks :D

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Here is some information for you about spaying and neutering mice.

Anonymous said...

why would u have your mice polygamist and do u believe in it?

Seneca said...

You guys....I seriously doubt Calvin had a marriage ceremony for his mice, so they can't be polygamist mice.....

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Seneca, that is an awesome idea. He should marry the mice.

Julie said...

Alright Calvin, for us spectators (if you really bought said mice)this is hysterically funny. I called a friend who is a vet and after he recovered from fits of laughter (all at your expense), he said that it would be easiest to neuter the male. It would cost about $30.

No hot girls at the pet store, Not dating anyone, and the possibility of lots and lots of baby mice, things aren't looking good.

Anonymous said...

Calvin, you are turning into a cat lady, only it is mice instead of cats that you collect.

Crystal said...

Oh you are SO going to regret that my friend. I have had mice before and those little babies are so tiny they can squeeze out between the bars of their cage and then you have baby mice EVERYWHERE! It's insanity. They are super cute but it's sad when you find one in a pile of clean clothes coming out of the washer because it was hiding in your laundry hamper. :(

Good luck. haha

Autumn said...

Calvin, you would do something like this. I would have screamed bloody murder if I saw a mouse on the floor. I don't know why you would buy mice though... Good luck being a grandpa, but I don't know what this will do for you with the ladies. A lot of girls see guys with mice as geeks, and disgusting. (not me of course) but, I'm warning you.

You may wanna get the male fixed too, otherwise you might have to A) buy a snake (ew ew ew) or B) let them all live in your bed. ;]

Ru said...

Calvin, bless you. This story is exactly what a sick girl needed after staying home from work.

Ryan Hadlock said...

RELEASE THE FURY MITCH!!!!

Lachele said...

Oh wow......
HAHAHA! that's seriously the most randomest thing I've heard all day! If I saw a mouse in my jeep--I'd be buying a HEFTY mouse trap, not some cousins for the mouse in my jeep!

Ru said...

Also ... not trying to trip you up or anything ... I love how you guys throw in these random details about the "campus" you all supposedly attend. Jake's description of the Institute at the U seemed pretty solid, but where is the testing center? Is it specific to a department, because I took all my finals in classrooms. Hahahaha, I would pretty much love it if you added these parts just for kicks. Make sure you mention Aggie ice cream soon. ;)

Good luck with finals, boys. Glad I'll never take another. :)

Lyss said...

Calvin,

I think that is gross that you bought mice. You should probably get rid of them before (like all above comments) they multiply and replenish the bachelor pad.
Seriously.

Alyssa+Spiders=Lots of screaming. I think it is amusing that you get freaked out too.

Have fun searching for girls. :)

-Alyssa

Kristin Lee said...

This made me smile...a lot.

Chad and Clair said...

This post was just as funny as the dating ones...possible more funny. Did you buy the mice to put in your truck and attract the other mouse out of the dashboard? You should have just got a mouse trap, trapped the truck mouse and kept that as a pet.

Living In Your Letters said...

Oh baby, I laughed so hard at the mental image of a mouse crawling up your pant leg while you were driving! Hilarious. Thanks for the laugh today, Calvin.

Kimkidoni said...

I had rats once, and they had babies twice. We sold the babies back to the pet store, so you could turn this into a business, ha ha. Warning: the males have a tendency to eat the babies...

Tera said...

So GROSS! Mouse in the car is way nasty. I saw a mouse in my house the other night and could barely sleep, I could never have pet mice.

Brittany said...

Mice are the most terrifying gross things EVER! ahhh i would of crashed my car if I saw one in it! and I WOULD NEVER ever keep one in my house! ew ew ew

Amanda said...

I used to feed frozen mice fetuses (fetusi?)and baby mice to my pet snake. You should get a pet snake, it's much more manly. Just sayin'

Ashley said...

I wish you were taller so I could set you up with my sister. You would be an awesome brother in law.

Live From Fleet Street said...

You should have bought a rat.
They are much less likely to bite you and a lot friendlier.
Yes I have owned a rat. It was for school, I swear. But it liked to cuddle in my hair. The only mice I've ever worked with were test subjects and they left teeth puncture wounds in my fingers...
Good luck!

Mel said...

I was with a friend one time in her car and we were right down the road from the house and I saw something roll over my feet and thought it was a piece of paper or something on the floor but I looked down and it was a mouse, ON MY FEET! I screamed and pulled my feet up on the seat and my friend hit the breaks and I was like "No! Go! Go!" I wanted to get the hell out of that car as fast as possible! When we got home we found a nest in her glovebox. So gross.

Jessica said...

Thanks for the re-follow! Your blog is SO. AMAZING. I love you for coming out of the "Repressed and Sexually Frustrated Mormon Youth" closet on behalf of all of us who don't have the guts to do it ourselves. You've given me hope that there's more in store for me than prude returned missionaries when I transfer to SL,UT for school.

Julie said...

So I just ran across this blog through a photography blog actually... (just in case you were wondering it was http://ellebeephoto.blogspot.com/2009/12/sneak-peek-for-i-family.html ) and I usually don't follow blogs (and if I do its anonymously, oh wait like this one) and I certainly don't ever post comments, but oh my hell I have gotten sucked in. Being a graduate of BYU-Idaho (and a 22 yr old single non-missionary-going-sister) who has enjoyed her share of horizontal makeouts, endured mormom pop culture around the point of the mountain, and of course the amazing spirit that is out west (that last one was supposed to be un-sarcastic, I don't know think it came across)... I sure as hell appreciate y'alls honesty... I've moved to the South to be in the "real world" (also known as the mission field) and have experienced the joys of said mission field singles wards and the trials that go along with said 22-yr-old single status... but good thing I'm amazing and my new amazing boyfriend (courtesy of said singles ward) thinks so too... or your antics out west might just have brought me back... but alas, I think I'm just going to enjoy it from text. Thanks for the entertainment.. I say.. do what you want. :)

Just spice it said...

Ha ha I just keep wondering what the mice in your dash is doing right now.. It reminds me of those horror stories of a cat being stuck in the hood of the car or sleeping underneath. Poor things.

-A

*kayla* said...

So yes mice are very cute. I had pet mice for forever. And it's a ton of fun until you go from having 2 mice to 32 mice over night, and then back down to 22 because the mom mouse eats half of the babies. It happened. It was traumatic. Just a warning. Anyways, I'm glad you got some pets, for you know... the unconditional love that girls couldn't provide for you.

Nikki said...

I am wondering if the real reason you bought boy and girl mice is to have your own private itchy and scratchy peep show...mice porn, ew.

Val Hunter said...

Talk about buying on impulse? What are you gonna do when those mice start having babies?

Declarations of a Drama Diva said...

OH no... they are going to populate! lol

Also, you are giving away Christmas cards? ha ha. Lol. Are you selling them? he he...

Mckenzie Rose said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jody Lynn said...

spiders and mice? oh boy, things aren't looking up for you, calvin.

Desdemona said...

You need another male mouse to balance out the females. How about adding a Joseph Smith polygamous mouse? That way you can double your baby mouse production.

Brooke said...

wait.....testing center? hmmm.

Anonymous said...

Oh man. If you insist on keeping your mice get them fixed, but I HIGHLY recommend taking them back and getting two rats instead. And of the same gender, if you don't want babies. They are so much more friendly and affectionate. They get a bad rap from the whole "bubonic plague" thing, but in reality pet rats are one of the cleanest pets you could own. Plus they are quite intelligent. I've had rats my whole life - so, just a tip! :)

Melissa said...

Mice. Sick. Pets. Sick. Have fun cleaning poo.

Mallory said...

I'm pretty proud of your epic Brigham reference. I love it. Just like I love you, Calvin.

Fi said...

Sanders is 26? Woohoo, she's a Cougar Cub like me! ... Or should we call ourselves Pumas?