Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Miserables

There are two girls who've been coming to our house ever since we moved in 4 months ago, Holly and Melanie. I think they followed us from our first singles ward, before we found this cool new singles ward with higher quality girls. Holly and Melanie are totally awesome girls, but they're not cute at all. Like, not in the least. I wouldn't go so far as to say they're "ugly", but neither one of them are my type and it doesn't appear anyone else in our house digs on them either, but it doesn't really matter because they LOVE us and they come over to our house all the time, which boosts our self esteem. They also raise the guy/girl ratio in our house whenever they come over so, really, everyone wins.

Tonight, a different house of guys in our ward was hosting FHE. Everyone in the ward was invited, but Jake and I aren't down with lame competition so we decided not to go. Nick, Lance and Aaron went over to their FHE so Jake and I were just sitting at home watching Deadliest Catch when we heard someone come in the house. It was Holly and Melanie and an extremely attractive girl who I'd never seen. Holly introduced the hottie as her sister, Sharee. I glanced over at Jake and he was staring at her like she was the only one in the room. Apparently, these three girls had gone to FHE, noticed we weren't there and decided to come over and invite us over to their condo to go hot tubbing.

Jake and I immediately changed into our swimming suits and then hopped in their car with them. We were both secretly hoping to sit next to Sharee, but she ended up riding in the front with her sister and the ogre Melanie was sitting between us in the back seat. The whole ride to their condo, Jake and I were both trying to talk to Sharee, but she wasn't having it. She was acting really stuck-up... like she was better than us. Jake and I both knew she was out of our league, but she wasn't even giving either of us a chance. We were getting one word answers to all of our questions. Every time we'd make a joke (and they were freakin' funny jokes), Holly and Melanie would be laughing their asses off, but Sharee would act like she wasn't even listening. It was so frustrating.

When we got to their condo, Jake and I followed the girls inside. Holly and Melanie said they were going to get changed. Sharee walked up a ladder into a loft type of room that overlooked the main floor living room. Jake said, "Are you coming with us, Sharee?" I was also secretly hoping to see her in a swimming suit. Sharee called down, "Naw. I'm tired. I'm just going to go to bed."

Jake and I exchanged a disappointed look and I sat down in the sofa chair. Jake walked over to the stereo that was on the dining room table. I heard Jake say, "Whoa. You have Les Mis?" I heard him put in a CD and then start skipping through the playlist.

(Side Note: When Jake and I were in Ireland, our mission presidents wife was in charge of approving the music we were allowed to listen to. During one of my visits to their home, I noticed the Les Miserables soundtrack in their collection. Even though she never specifically approved the soundtrack for the missionaries, I made the mental leap that if it was ok for THEM to listen to while serving the Lord, it was also ok for ME to listen to. So the whole time I was serving with Jake, we listened to Les Miserable almost daily.)

Jake chose to stop on the song he knew I'd appreciate most: One Day More.

The song started playing and Jake and I instantly went back into mission mode and began singing along. Not just subtly and reverently mouthing the lyrics. I mean, full blown belting out the song at the top of our lungs... singing parts, even. We'd alternate so we were never singing the same lyrics.

J - "These men who seem to know my crime will surely come a second time, one day more."
C - "I did not live until today. How can I live when we are parted?"
J - "One day more...."
J and C - "Tomorrow you'll be worlds away, and yet with you, my world has starrrrrted"

At this point, I see Sharee's head peek around from the loft and she looks down at me and Jake... staring at each other to make sure we were hitting the right notes while singing the awesomest Les Mis song ever. I faintly hear her ask, "You guys... know this song?" but I wasn't paying attention to her anymore cause I was really into the song. Jake and I were in our groove.

Then the song picked up:

C - "One more day before the storm."
J - "Do I follow where she goes?"
C - "At the barricades of freedom."
J - "Shall I join my brothers there?"
C - "When the ranks begin to faaaaaaall."
J - "Shall I stay and do I daaaaaare?"
C - "Will you take your place with meeeeeeeeeee?"

I'm not going to type out the lyrics to the whole song, but our performance was complete with closed eyes in all the appropriate parts, clenched fists, and facial expressions full of anguish (if the lyrics warranted it). Looking back, I kind of wish I'd have taken the time to look at Sharee. I would have loved to have seen the look on her face. I'm pretty sure she fell in love with us during that three minute song.

When the song finally ended, Jake and I sat down and tried to catch our breath (it had been a while since we'd done the routine). I heard Sharee say, "I'm gonna change into my suit."

It's great when our homosexual behaviors end up scoring chicks.

Calvin

46 comments:

Nate said...

That's awesome! When I was on the mission in NYC, we were allowed to go to select Broadway plays - Les Mis was on the list. I saw it a couple times. We would call up our friends in the mission on their last day and sing that song to them. Good memories - glad you two were able to get some play out of it! ;-)

That Chick said...

Hahahaa... funny.

but whoa, dude. you went from saying that they weren't ugly to calling melanie an ogre. ouch. careful, bud.

f1trey said...

Im thinkin friend zone....... not that theres anything wrong with that......LOL

Robert said...

Hahaha that is an awesome story. Hahaha I'm still laughing!!!!!!

whyimstillsingle said...

Great story!

And you made me think of something. Whenever I see a guy who's a bit more in touch with his feminine side, I usually think to myself, "He's either gay or Mormon."

20 Something said...

When you called Melanie an Ogre you about lost me for the post. . . . But the singing did make up for it. It probably should not have, but it sounds like it was pretty awesome. And freaking hilarious, good story.

--Lindy

Becs said...

I just gained a little bit more respect for you guys. I love Les Miserables. Read the book, know the songs in and out. I even sung "I dreamed a dream" when I was in high school. ...sigh..good times.

Chloe said...

Hahaha you guys are awesome. Seriously.

Amy said...

Just being honest, but I personally find it very hot when straight guys know songs like that from musicals. I'm sure those girls do too. Especially from a musical like Les Mis. One of my personal favs. I remember I played the part of 'Cosette' in a community theater production of it last year, and I'm pretty sure every guy in it was gay. But it's obvious you two aren't. Careful or those chicks, including miss ogre, are gonna fall in love with you. Ha.

Grand Pooba said...

Hahaha! Oh you have no idea the power of an actual singing voice has over girls. Now, add the guitar and you've got a sure fire way to score with any chick.

The Singlutionary said...

Premarital hot tubbing with faux homosexual hotties for FHE sounds like a blast. If every premaritial fhe was like that I would be a mormon.

InYourBoat said...

So I've been reading your blog for a while. Never commented though, never read the comments. But today I happened to do both. I think it's so funny how many girls are in love with you guys (this judgement soley based on their comments). Also, you KNOW they're going to be offended by calling Melanie an ogre, and you do it anyway, cause it's hilarious and because you love to piss off your fans. And I love reading this all because it's one of the few websites I can access in the library and prolongs doing my homework.

Stevi said...

I agree with Amy on the hotness of knowing musicals. Especially when men know Phantom of the Opera, that does it for me. I can't believe you called Melanie an ogre but I will forgive you for that. Because the story as a whole was fab.

lifechick said...

So funny! She may have just wanted new gay guy friends to share her love of musical theater. But, whatever, you still got the hot girl in the hot tub!

Jessica said...

the whole time I was reading this I kept thiking. "Poor Holly" obviously she likes you guys...and you meet her sister once and make it clear to her that you are completely attracted to her sister, but have never been and never will be to attracted to her.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves about BOYS. A girl likes him but he wants her sister instead and makes that perfectly clear. That's so mean and I really think you should take girls self esteem into account more than you do. It makes you look like a complete bastard..which obviously you are. No offense. :) still like reading into the minds of boys though...cause it helps me remember why I turn down dates everytime.

Alexandra said...

I'm pretty sure if Holly and Melanie knew what you thought of them, you wouldn't get to go hot tubbing with their hot roommate/sister.

Grand Pooba said...

Question. So did Lance end up getting drunk for the greater good or what?

Kristin Lee said...

I laughed so hard at this. Love it.

Also, love Les Mis.

Summer L said...

HA HA this is great...seriously girls love guys that will do crazy stuff like belt out the song to a Broadway play with facial expressions and all...no wonder Sheree changed her mind

Kalina said...

Sharee decided to finally go hot tubbing with you guys because she figured you were both gay and therefore she didn't have to worry about being hit on.

You described one of the girls as being an ogre, even though they have been completely nice to you. So, does she have green complexion & a one pound wart on her nose?

You guys are so lame, but I still like reading your blog! Go figure.

Krys said...

3 things:
1. Guys that can sing go up on the hotness scale.
2. You guys are dorks
3. But you are also WAY awesome. Thanks for making my night with that story.

Anonymous said...

OK I Freakin love this! For some reason that is such a turn on! You guys are awesome!

Live From Fleet Street said...

Le mis = amazing.

Talent crushes are definitely a great way to catch a girl's attention. I may use the same skills to land men.

Kendall

Anonymous said...

I've gotta give you props for belting out Les Mis. That's probably one of the coolest things I've ever heard. I do have to agree with some of the other comments though, the ogre comment was a low blow. Also...if Les Mis took you back to your mission, don't you feel a bit guilty for swearing in your post? I'm not a swearing Nazi, but if your blog is representing members of the church (MORMON bachelor pad...) shouldn't you try to be better representatives?

H.K. said...

I believe you described one of your female friends as an ogre because you want to get a reaction from people. You like creating a little controversy, so why not call the nice girl an ogre. You're a writer and want to get a reaction. Do you think it worked?

Amy said...

Oh come on...stop with the guilt trip and "shouldn't you try to be better representatives" stuff. Ya he cussed...so what? Not that cussing is okay, but everyone slips a word or two out every now and then, even RM's. And so what if he called that girl an ogre? That's what HE thinks. I agree with H.K. about the controversy thing. And there's no rule that says you have to be perfect and big-hearted to own a blog. That's what a frikin blog is for...sharing an opinion!!! I had to let that out because it's always the same kinda guilt-trip comments on this blog... and it bothers me. Chillax everyone. Ha. :]

nikki said...

i just want to say that i dont like the word "chillax". really?? just say relax or chill. but not both at the same time.

lifechick said...

Jessica, I have to disagree with you here. The guys were straightforward in any interest they showed to the hot sister, and not Holly. You seem to think this was "mean".

Aren't they just being honest, though? Many of us have taken the guys to task when we don't feel they're being straightforward, and in this case, they were. Why is it bad to show interest where interest lies?

I would hope Holly's self-esteem doesn't hinge on whether these guys are romantically interested in her. My guess is she's aware that her sister is hot. She may very well have brought the sister along to bait the guys into coming over.

At the very least, she understands from experience that in bringing her hot sister along, the hot sister will get the bulk of the guys' attention. So, I guess I don't see what the guys did here that was out of line. IMO, girls need to rely on themselves for their own self-esteem; not on guys hiding their interest in other girls.

Nicole said...

Haha thats so funny! Way to go guys...and I can't believe you called the girl an ogre! haha. kinda funny but so sad. Hopefully no one ever says that about me!!!

Nicole said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katie said...

So I'm way late to the blog party, but I've been catching up on your old posts and I just had to tell you this one WINS. I'm not surprised your rendition of Les Mis won her over (though I wish she wasn't being a snobby pants to begin with.) I'm also happy ya'll like Les Mis--it was my first musical ever and I saw it on New Years Eve in London. Good times.

Awesome blog, thanks for the entertainment!

Courtney said...

Quite possibly one of the funniest posts I have ever read. Seriously. I am at work right now (I'm a surgical nurse), and all of the doctors are staring at me like I'm a lunatic or something for laughing out loud at seemingly nothing.

Oh, and PS - you guys score major brownie points for knowing all the words to the Les Mis soundtrack. I would have fallen in love with you too!

Cindy said...

LOL that is SO GAY! Girls are totally lying when they say they like it when guys know chick stuff. Unless it's a girl who wants to marry a male version of herself. You will never get past friends or make out with a girl who sees you as their girlfriend who is actually a guy.

Cait said...

Contrary to the other men in my life, you guys never let me down!

Another great story from MBP!

Anastasia said...

haha you guys crack me up. It's probably a good thing that I'll never meet you boys... I think I would end up liking you. :)

Physcokity said...

bwahahahaha.

Dara said...

there's an 89% chance i just fell in love with you both.. that's okay, right?

Kathleen said...

Best. Post. Ever.

Lindy said...

I just found this blog today, and this post is pretty much amazing. That is all.

Waiting in the Wilderness said...

Ahhh I think the same thing...either gay or Mormon, so true!

Jessie said...

Les Mis- My favorite musical

One Day More- My favorite song

Smart girl, I would have gotten in the hot tub too.

Kelt said...

LMFAO!!! Oh my heck I laughed so hard at this...hahaha, probably because I have this secret obsession with Les Mis that my macho-ness doesn't really like. Haha. I'm new to following your blog, but definitely loving it. ;)

Ashley Jane said...

hahah! that ending was hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this link, but unfortunately it seems to be offline... Does anybody have a mirror or another source? Please reply to my post if you do!

I would appreciate if a staff member here at mormonbachelorpad.blogspot.com could post it.

Thanks,
Alex

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