Friday, January 29, 2010

Happy Birthday, Me.

I think people should get their birthday off from school and work. Veteran's Day and President's Day... they're cool and everything, but my birthday is a special day. Special just for me. I don't want my fellow students or my coworkers to say, "Happy Birthday, Calvin." I don't. You wanna know why? Because I don't ever want to see my fellow students or coworkers on my birthday. I don't want to see them. Because I should be home or at a movie... or maybe on a date with a girl who knows it's my birthday and is planning on "putting out" as my gift.

I also wish I was the type of guy who was comfortable wearing a "Kiss Me! It's My Birthday!" t-shirt. I'd be scared that complete strangers might actually do it. Don't get me wrong. I think it would be awesome if random hotties just walked up and laid one on me. But I think that sort of invitation would be too broad. It says "Kiss Me". That means that gay dudes might feel like I've given them permission to kiss me. Or even worse... what if a super ugly chick saw me walking in the mall and squealed to her friends, "THERE IT IS! I PRAYED THIS MORNING FOR THIS EXACT MOMENT!" followed by her hobbled sprint toward me (cause we all know an ugly girl with a limp is so much uglier). And with my luck, I'd be walking down the street at The Gateway and there'd be a few short buses parked outside of Discovery Gateway. I'd get swarmed by all the occupants who could read. Because, really... how many attractive women actually read a shirt like that and do something about it? None. Zero.

The bottom line is that I'm too shy to ever wear a shirt like that. I'd rather just blend into the background of most social situations. A shirt like that just draws unnecessary attention to myself. I'm a different person in my classes. If I ever know someone in class with me, then I can be myself and I turn out to be pretty funny and popular, which I'm not used to. But usually I don't know anyone so I sit at the back of the class and take notes.

I've been admiring a girl in my Intro to Psychology class... from afar, of course. She's so cute. I don't want to say "hot" cause that makes her seem less classy than I think she is. I have no idea if she's classy or not, but it's easier to go from "cute" to "hot" than the other direction, so I'm gonna start with "cute". She has a really hard name to remember, and believe me, I've tried to remember it. I'm pretty sure it starts with an "m"... like, Mikaela or something. I've been trying to sit close to her for the last three weeks, but I always get to class about two minutes late so I'm forced to sit near the front. That means I have no choice but to crank my whole entire body around every five minutes just to look at her.

Well, Wednesday it happened. I got to class late and quickly scanned the class for Mikaela. I didn't see her right away so I hurried and closed my eyes to see if I could smell her shampoo in the room. I couldn't... so I opened my eyes and looked for an empty seat. There were two empty seats near the back of the class so I wandered further into the room and decided to sit in the second row to the back, leaving one empty desk directly behind me.

I plopped down and took out my notebook. About fifteen minutes later I saw Mikaela walk into class through the door behind the professor. She glanced around the room and then started heading my direction. It appeared as though she would be sitting behind me. I got a pit in my stomach for absolutely no reason. Actually, I probably tensed up because I realized the odds were slightly better that day that we may engage in some sort of verbal exchange.

She sat behind me and I heard her fumbling around in her bag. Since her desk was up against my chair, her activity was shaking my own desk around quite a bit. I glanced over my right shoulder (kinda like I do when someone is irritating me in a movie theatre) just to let her know, through my mesmerizing eye contact and body language, that I wanted to hold her hand some point in the future. I think she knew exactly what I was trying to communicate cause she whispered, "Sorry I'm being so loud." I replied, "You are being loud. I'm trying to sleep up here." It sounded funny in my head, but I don't think she heard me cause she just kept on opening up every single zippered pocket in a 100 ft radius.

She leaned forward again and said, "Sorry again... but did I miss anything?" I can't express to you my excitement at being able to finally talk to this girl. I said, "Not much. Wanna see my notes?" She replied, "That would be awesome." I glanced down at my notes and realized I had doodled in the margins of my Psychology notebook. I had drawn two tanks, Bert holding a gun or something, and several transparent cubes. At the top of the page I had drawn 5 or 6 of those barn sketches where you have to draw it without lifting the pen off the paper. I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath. I handed her my notebook and waited for her to look it over. I watched her eyes bounce around the page to each of my doodles. Finally, I said, "The tanks and the cubes aren't part of the notes. Those are just my super fun doodles. But Bert and the barns up here (pointing with my pen)... you need to make sure you write those down. They're gonna be on the test." She heard me say that, luckily, and she started laughing. Unfortunately, it was a deeper laugh than I was expecting. She whispered, "Did you say that's Bert? Like from Sesame Street?" "Yeah." I replied. "I know it doesn't look like him, but that's cause you can't see his eyes through his sunglasses and that cigarette hanging out of his mouth is distracting." We talked for a while about my Bad-A Bert doodle, while she was copying my notes. It was great.

Anyway, maybe I can make some slow and steady progress with this girl whose name starts with an "M". I'll get to class early next week and see if she goes out of her way to sit by me.

Calvin

53 comments:

Katie said...

"I hurried and closed my eyes to see if I could smell her shampoo in the room." Wow...That's really kind of funny.

Good luck with this girl, she sounds like a winner! I think you should wear the Kiss Me shirt. That would make for a good story if someone actually did it. Happy Birthday!

Crystal said...

First of all Happy Birthday again, even though I already said that on Twitter.

Secondly, I cant believe you think an ugly girl kissing you is WORSE than a gay guy. You are so weird. lol

And Thirdly, What you said to "M" was super adorable and cute. You'll be holding her hand soon enough. And dont let her "deep" laugh bother you...maybe it was just her whisper laugh?

Have a good birthday!

Kristin Lee said...

Happy birthday to you.

P.S. The ugly girl with a limp? I've met her, no joke. And she probably would squeal and kiss someone wearing a "Kiss Me" shirt. Way to steer clear on that one.

Bethany said...

Happy Birthday, Calvin. You were totally smooth with "M". Loved it. I think this might be your year.

alishka babushka said...

i totally believe in birthdays as holidays. this year, i'm thinking of taking a holiday for my birthday. just so i can play. :o)

and i would totally wear a kiss me shirt.

alishka babushka said...

ps HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope it's a great one.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! You forgot about married chicks that would kiss you... HAHA!

Lachele said...

Ummm... I completely agree about birthdays. I hate being at work today. So lame! Umm I'm still waiting for my birthday present from you. Yours is in the mail...ha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOO US!

Anonymous said...

C,

Don't front like y'all ain't no playa. Cuz you is.

Haley said...

Happy Birthday Cal!!

Also, good luck with M. If her name really is Makaela, I really hope it's not spelled that way because (no offence if you know someone named Makaela...) that is the weirdest (and maybe ugliest) way to spell it.
I hate Utah spellings.

Busy Bee Lauren said...

Happy Birthday, friend!

I totally take off work when it's my birthday. My birthday is pretty much a National holiday to me. Seriously...it is.

Um. It is beyond cool that you drew Bert. He is the shiz. Have you see his pigeon dance? Youtube it...you will die.

Rissy said...

Happy Birthday!
I told you my fantasy of meeting my future husband at work, but I also used to dream a cute boy would ask me out in class. I bet she really enjoyed talking to you too!

meliss3092 said...

What if the poor girl was mentally handicapped and you were her only chance to kiss someone, ever? Hmmm??? :P

meliss3092 said...

Oh and happy birthday. It does suck to be at work.

PushingDaisies said...

Happy Birthday again :) in case you didn't see my comment on your last post :)

T. L. C. said...

Hey Happy Birthday Calvin!
Just gotta say that no matter what you have posted or said....
I for one have never been offended. Its all good.
Complete entertainment!

Maybe you'll get lucky and have a great, unexpected girl scratch your back during sacrament...

Anywho, when it was my birthday, you said you might send me denture cream.
So, since your now older, maybe I should send you some viagra for future "getting older" storage.

Happy Birthday again!! ! !!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Calvin! Hope your day is RAD and that you all your wishes come true.

Heather Lee said...

Happy Birthday!! =)

The Boob Nazi said...

Sigh. I'll say happy birthday.
The limp thing makes me sad/mad. I can only hope girls aren't as shallow as you so that my brother who limps heavily doesn't have to deal with that on a daily basis.

Jocelyn said...

That must be one luscious head of hair "Ms. M" has... Sign me up for that shampoo.

Happy Birthday Mister. Hope it is grand!

Tiffany said...

Happy B day. That was an adorable story. I may have even been smitten if you were that funny, even if you are a 5 or 6.

Ash said...

Happy Birthday Calvin!

I love that you drew Bert with a cigarette and a gun. You rock.

colleenroselle said...

"putting out" is probably the only birthday present I ever look forward to

Jody Mac said...

Cute. My birthday was on Monday. I usually just buy a new shirt on my birthday and take extra time getting ready so that people will compliment me and then I can say, 'Thanks, its my birthday.' Try it out.

Also, she dug you. I can tell.

Jody Lynn said...

oh hey...it's your birthday! happy birthday. hope all your wildest wishes come true. maybe with "m"???

heart,
jody

M said...

Happy Birthday. I'm with you on the day-off-for-your-birthday thing. I try it every year and so far no luck.

Abi said...

Ha! You're Bad-A-Doodles crack me up. I'm just like you in class, I keep to myself unless I know someone and most times I don't know anyone, kinda sad.

Happy Birthday! Aside from work/school and any other crap going on, hope it's a great one!

Alexis Mullino said...

lol Happy birthday Calvin. You're so silly.

Erin said...

So the cool thing is, is that I actually DO take my birthday off every year and celebrate. In fact I try and take 2 or 3 days off, because I think I should REALLY celebrate my day of being born. lol. Happy Birthday Calvin!! Hope you get to snog a chick or two. I always tell the guys that I am supposed to get a birthday kiss every year.... seems to work. ;-)

Ashley Eliza said...

happy birthday mister C. next time you have her copy your notes leave your number :) hope you kiss someone tonight!!! xoxo

Emily Sue said...

i like the new "m" girl!! woop woop. and this is the funniest thing ever:
(cause we all know an ugly girl with a limp is so much uglier).
seriously i died! thanks, for the entertainment!

kel(LOVE)lie said...

You can smell her shampoo in the room? That's either incredibly creepy or absolutely adorable. Most likely, it's some hybrid of the two.

I guess things are just going in your favor today. Hope that continues. Happy birthday!

artsyesque said...

When I turned 19, I was in college all the way across the country from my family. My mom had a tiara that all the girls would wear on their birthday, so I bought myself one and wore it all day. I got taken out to eat for every meal that day. And I got to skip work.

Kathleen said...

Haha, happy birthday, Calvin! Cute entry. She sounds nice, so good luck with her! :)

Liz said...

"planning on 'putting out' as my gift."

Oh... *Sigh*!

Ha ha. I think I'm going to make me a shirt like that for my birthday.... If I saw a guy with that shirt I'd totally give him one on the cheek!

Karen said...

Once upon a time, I absolutely wore a "Kiss Me, It's my birthday" shirt... it was hilarious!

Happy Birthday Calvin!

Sheila said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

"we all know an ugly girl with a limp is so much uglier"... LOVE it.

megan said...

I wish I could know who you are Calvin... I'm from Layton too... Would have gone to Layton High if I hadn't moved... I'm really curious. But happy birthday anyway! :)

Kate Weber said...

Please tell me you blushed. You know how I feel about blushing. It would just be the icing on the cake! (Birthday cake that is.)

Hope you've had a great birthday and I hope that things work out with girl-who-has-a-really-hard-name-to-remember.

Allison said...

Happy Birthday!

...and good luck with "M"! :D

Alexandra said...

I agree, no school on birthdays. Even better, no work!
Happy birthday!

S said...

I agree, we all deserve our birthday off from work/school.
I know I'm going to get teased or something this year; I work with all boys.
Good luck with "M" girl, oh and Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday you filthy animal. xoxoxo

Blazzer said...

Happy Birthday!

-Blazzer

Autumn said...

I know I'm late for this, but Happy Birthday Calvin. You're amazing, and I wish I lived in Utah and could go to the MG sleepover and hear your voice. :] You need to call me one day. For serious.

ReRe said...

happy b-day calvin. you don't look a day over 7!

Anonymous said...

http://theboard.byu.edu/index.php?area=viewall&id=55738


in re you guys

Ariel ~ Single Mormon Girls said...

An ugly girl is uglier with a limp???
Wow Calvin
I would like to give you a limp sometimes. :)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!

This was a very funny post... except for the "ugly" part.

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Bonnie said...

the new look is uuuugly.

Bonnie said...

I don't know if i can read this blog with the naaaasty new layout. Seriously, classy before, sick nasty now.

Justin said...

You totally need to go for it dude. I met the girl I'm dating right now in my biopsych class last semester and its awesome. She's doing an internship now in Key West which was a little annoying at first but now I'm going down for spring break and we're gonna spend a night on the beach so it works out! And I totally didn't know her name for like three weeks. I checked on the roll to see if I could match the pen she was using to no avail.