I am getting a little bored with the blog. (gasp) Bored isn't even the right word for it, but I am definitely having a harder time posting. I am going to pretend like you care, even though if someone wrote this post that wasn't me I would tell them. "Fine, if you don't want to write it... then don't, you big baby."
My best friend and I's last 20 conversations have chiefly been about this blog. Aside from the occasional marriage discussion, it has overwhelmed our friendship.
When Calvin proposed the idea, it sounded great. I mean I love to entertain others, that definitely makes me happier than most anything else. This blog has given me the opportunity to do that, but I am finding it to be more of a chore, lately.
I know, I know, what do I have better to do? Seeing as I don't have a job and I'm currently not attending school. Maybe I don't have anything better to do, but there are plenty of things I would rather do... even things as menial as sitting around watching the cooking channel with average looking chicks and talking about that big fat Hawaiian guy who sings that "over the rainbow/wonderful world" song. Yeah. I would rather do that than write my blog posts.
It's not that I don't have plenty of things to write about. In fact, more often than not there are topics and stories that get left behind simply because we would have to post daily to tell them all.
I could write about how I am having second thoughts about my talk with Sanders when I told her that I loved her. How based off of, (and I am quoting myself here) "if I don’t even know what [love] is then how can I not mean it? I decided that because my feelings for her are as strong as I have ever had for a girl, that until I had a feelings stronger or more powerful to replace it, that this must be love." What is that? That's bull crap is what it is. I recklessly told her I loved her and will no doubt suffer for it. I can just imagine Sanders reading that and saying, "Oh gee, thanks, Jake."
I could possibly write a trilogy of posts about why I think that all of you who think that I need to "get my crap together" before entertaining marriage to another person are jaded, glass is half empty, nervous twits. At what point exactly would my "crap" be together? Do I have to have a degree of some kind? Perhaps I shouldn't get married until I finish school. Or better yet, until my student loans are paid off and I have a 20% down payment for a house... actually, if, as many allude I need to be "ready" to support a family before I propose, then the smartest thing to do would be to wait until I claim at least 6 figures on my 1040. Yeah, then I'll be ready. Then you'll want your sister to date me. Fact is, the "crap" in life is easier to achieve than people let on. How hard is it to make money? How hard is it to keep a job? Just because I haven't done it doesn't mean I can't. I think once motivated by a family and loving someone more than I love myself that I will accomplish even greater heights than I probably would otherwise.
Also, I have been debating writing a post about how Sanders thinks that dry-humping is a perfectly legit part of courtship, and how I have serious issue with that... beyond the fact that grinding my most sensitive of bits against anything with a zipper or button-fly is a 'raspberry' waiting to happen.
There is also the post I have been planning to write where I would somehow convey in a way that wouldn't make everyone mad, that even though we said we'd do it, that I really don't want to rate all the girls who requested to be rated privately. It takes forever... there are so many of you, and there's cooking channel to watch and Assassins Creed II to play.
Sure, there are a lot of posts to write. Aaron's getting played and it's fun to watch. Nick wants to date my sister who is 5 inches taller than him. Lance and I had a little heart-to-heart about him thinking about going on a mission. So, having something to write is not the problem.
The last few days, Calvin, who should be asking me if I want to go catch a matinee with him, instead has been asking me if I have done my post. I say, "Not yet." Calvin, "Will you have time to do it?" Jake, "Yeah, I'll do it." Then I don't, and I get texts like, "No post yet?" Then I feel bad, and promise him I'll get it done... again. Then, I don't do it... again. "I haven't had time." I say, and I realize that he knows, as do I, that I do have time. It sucks.
So... well... here is my post. For putting it off, and not wanting to do it, it ended up longer than I thought.
I'm just writing what I am thinking because, though we all thought I was gonna get married and fade out of this blog anyway... marriage, may or may not happen... but my desire to continue with this blog is fading anyway. Entertaining 1000 strangers is pretty fun, I just don't know if it's worth monopolizing my relationship with my best friend, and the Carpel Tunnel Syndrome I think I'm developing as a result of writing it.