Wednesday, January 20, 2010

No Sunlight in the Basement

Today, I was contemplating taking a shower because I itched. Where I itched isn't important, but since I'm not in school and have another week until my new job starts, I've decided to optimize my time by letting some of the more menial activities in my life fall by the wayside. These include, but are not limited to, sleep, shower, shave, change clothes, eat (anything that takes longer than 1 minute to prepare), clean, put dishes anywhere but where I can throw them... etc.

I'm not exactly sure of the time either since the one tiny window in the basement leads underneath the porch, so 4am is the same as 12 noon. It's awesome. I have a pretty sweet set up on the sofa downstairs where I have a blanket and pillow, the remotes, xbox and wii controllers, and a stool that I can use to put my soda or Ramen broth on. I haven't left this spot for about 50 hours. Except to go to the bathroom, which, if I lean back during #1, or forward during #2, with the door open I can still see the TV and thanks to the marvels of the modern wireless controllers while gaming I can play most video games while on the john, too. So nothing, whether it be a movie, TV series, or game is missed. Vegging out for extended periods of time is rad. Seriously, if you ever have the opportunity, I suggest you grab a hold of it. It is so choice.

So, due to the itch, I started upstairs and got distracted by the computer. I knew Calvin had put up a post, but hadn't read it or it's comments. Ha ha ha ha, my best friend is seriously so funny. You, our readers are so funny too (sigh) it feels good to ride on Cal's coattails. However I feel obligated to point out that, as in so many things, I am completely opposite of Calvin on the whole arm hair thing. It actually bugs me when girls shave their arms. I don't care what color it is (perhaps that's why I find Eastern Indian women so attractive) so bring on Armageddon folks... I'm already good at not bathing, and look forward to that arm hair growing in.

While on the computer I remembered that Calvin had suggested that perhaps while I was home all day I could sort out our T-shirts. So I did. Here you go folks. The MBP t-shirts, first edition are available for purchase... you luckies.

Jake

PS I am still seeing Sanders, but she does live in Cedar City, and now, for her, school is back in full force. So we haven't seen each other since my last post. We have spoken on the phone a few times, but she is currently a teeny bit mad at me because the last three times she called I was playing a video game, and even though I was talking to her with my handsfree headset, I don't stop playing (even though I could pause it, it always seems to be at a profoundly pivotal part of the game) because I can still have a coherent conversation with her. She just gets bugged that there is a little more delay in my responses. Well, sorry that 88% of my attention isn't good enough for you! (coincidentally Calvin has the same problem, but not because he and Sanders are of the same gender.) Also... it could be because the gaming/movie/lazy/unshowered set up I have is so sweet, but I don't miss Lisa like I used to...

PPS I still haven't showered since I stumbled up here three hours ago. I am going to... but the guys want to play Modern Warfare, and I need to be the forth, so it'll have to wait.

64 comments:

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

Jake, you have taken all the fun out of typing panties with your lack of showering.

I think you should forget tee-shirts and order stock of MBP bar soap with "-j" engraved on it.

Maybe it could even be molded into the shape of an x-box remote.

I'm just sayin'.

-a

Crystal said...

We missed you Jake.

Enjoy your laziness while it lasts! :) It's such a rare thing to get to be so lazy. I am jealous.

I will check out the shirts later because I don't think my life would be complete without one.

I'm not being sarcastic.

Lauren said...

With school and work taking over my life I am a little jealous of all of your free time, no lie.

Scott said...

Remember all the talk about getting your crap together?

Um, yeah.

This is a prime example of one way you are not ready to be an adult.

If you still want to be a teenager, that is cool. Just do Sanders a favor and make sure she knows you are still a kid and no where near ready for marriage.

Kristin Lee said...

I've seen this look on many-a-guy. I guess I don't really understand why people get upset when you're playing and you're talking to them at the same time. It takes skill, I guess it's because I have the same problem pausing is like giving up and that's not an option. Enjoy it while it lasts.

By the way, I laughed a lot at this: "coincidentally Calvin has the same problem, but not because he and Sanders are of the same gender"

Ashley said...

Jake.

It's good that you don't mind normal women with arm hair. Because I'm pretty sure most girls (except Alex) have it.

Please shower. Not showering that often is sicknast. Also please leave the basement at somepoint very very soon and rejoin society. They miss you. Maybe try to get enrolled in another college?

Also please NEVER play video games or watch TV while going to that bathroom that is majorly sicknast. I almost vomited in my mouth.

That is all.
Ashley

Katie said...

Oh I'm so happy that you finally posted Jake!

You are the epitome of lazy. I admire you, truly.

Tina said...

Whoa, you got a job already? That's impressive for a lazy ass.

Lachele said...

haha.... Oh Jake
That's pretty gross, sounds like you got a pretty sick set up.

Maybe shower..shave meh who cares, but do shower.

I think it's funny that you guys are poor college students but are totally capitalizing on MBP with your shirts. Nice job boys, way to make some money off of thing. I guess you gotta pay for all those stamps from the Christmas cards somehow huh? <3

ANGELA said...

For the life of me I can't figure out why anyone would want a "I'd go horizontal with Jake" after that post. YUCK DISGUSTING. Take a shower. Get a job. Be a MAN.

And I'm saying this in the most nicest way possible. I've always been a big fan of yours. But this is either your true self coming out, or you're having some kind of early life crisis. My 9 year old son is more mature than you. He knows when to take a shower. He has the RESPECT to push pause on his video games when someone is talking to him... the list goes on. Come on Jake! You're better than this!!!

Amy said...

Well, snarkity, snark, snark to you too. :D It also bugs me when people are playing games or watching tv and I am trying to talk to them, but I am an attention whore, so go figure. It hasn't broken up our marriage...yet. And it won't because I have learned to lay off. Guys need their relax/decompress time too. Just be patient because it might take a few years for her to figure it out. The key will be to find a girl as wonderful as me who will eventually figure it out. Good Luck and Laziness to you and Rock your new job. k?

Alexandra said...

I bet your phone conversations are less coherent while playing video games than you think they are. Based on the fact that if I (a girl, and we all know that girls mult-task better than guys do! ;) ) talk on the phone with my mom while I'm at work and I'm doing something, she tells me I'm not good company. And I'm just doing boring work.

I'm glad you don't like it when girls shave their arms. Just because I'm part of that crowd that (sorry if you do) thinks arm-shaving is the crazy.

Elysie Piecie said...

Awesomeness that you've been vegging for so long. I just graduated from college, so I've been kind of doing the same thing. Except I've been showering :) And kudos for you liking arm hair...everyone has it.

MoreThanMyOwnLife said...

With work and school, I am pretty dang jealous of your lazyness. Just sayin'.

P.S. Please shower!

Lindsay said...

I feel that T-shirts are a terrible idea. People will see them, ask questions, and popularity will increase. This isn't a bad thing, provided you don't mind your anonymity being destroyed.
Just sayin.
But if making money is the object, then you're brilliant. You should start selling your identities on ebay since you won't be staying anonymous for much longer anyway. I bet those would go for a few hundred a pop.

Joie said...

Ya, I don't think Jake is better than this. He'll probably always be a lame ass!

Kate Weber said...

Oh Jake. You are hilarious! Vegging is the best. (Though, a shower probably is a good idea.)

I'm in the same boat as you with the gaming thing. I don't go so crazy as to play while in the bathroom; but if I'm into a game, it's hard to get me to stop. It sucks for Lisa, but I totally understand where you are coming from.

Great post, have great fun loafing during your last week before work starts!

Shelby Lou said...

I talked to you about this already...

I think you need to get up and do some stuff though, like shower... just for the fun of it.

Oh. and I think you should date other people too. I'm pretty sure you are over the Sanders boat, at least it sounds like it.

Shelby Lou said...

I talked to you about this already...

I think you need to get up and do some stuff though, like shower... just for the fun of it.

Oh. and I think you should date other people too. I'm pretty sure you are over the Sanders boat, at least it sounds like it.

The Lady Girl said...

Run LISA!! Run for you life!! Haha, I'm kidding...this is true about a lot of guys...it happens, and I do it too some times.

The Boob Nazi said...

Tina stole my comment.

brie said...

damn your lucky. i cannot see my tv from the bathroom, but i can play my DS at the same time.

yesssss.

lurve ya J. say hi to C for me.

Anonymous said...

50 hours without showering is not that bad, so long as you are sitting around not exercising or running up and down the stairs.

Have fun!

Thome said...

what? you can see the t.v. directly from the bathroom? i'm jealous, i had to set up 3 carefully placed mirrors to accomplish this feat.

Meghan O said...

Dear Jake,

please shower. thank you. and in regards to your comment on my blog, I did get the t-shirt, that's the whole reason I registered to vote there...

loves,
Meghan O

Jess said...

So are we to assume that because you aren't in school that this is a full time job?

What is it? Will you be able to respect your superiors?

This is important as my crush on you is "falling by the wayside"

Alexandra said...

Ashely- if you're talking about my comment on Calvin's last post- the operative word in my comment was "gross". ;-) Haha

Diva's Drama said...

The more I veg the worst I feel...
The worst I feel the more I veg....

The more Jake vegs...
He thinks how "better" I feel
The more Jake vegs...
He decreases his sex appeal

(yeah yeah it was lame. Don't judge me :P.)

Seriously though... get moving or else no one will want to date you. I assume this is what you are trying to do....

And I think Sanders is falling for it...

Heather Lee said...

"Whoa, you got a job already? That's impressive for a lazy ass."

I seriously laughed out loud at that.

Jake, please shower. Please.

Liz said...

COUCH POTATOE SYNDROME!

Get moving or you'll start growing into the furniture....

kel(LOVE)lie said...

This post was so hilariously disgusting that it actually restored some of my interest in you, Jake! It was a nice change of pace, though I could've gone without the visuals of how you can see the TV by positioning yourself in the bathroom...That was a bit excessive. I'm glad you found a new job, but you might as well milk this time off for all it's worth. Enjoy! And, yay for tshirts, finally!

Anonymous said...

Gross.

Autumn said...

Heck. I did that for a while when I first came home. Well, I showered... and ate. But I liked just chilling out. Now, I'm going crazy. Loving the shirts, the first of February, I'll buy one :] I don't think you chilling for a little bit is such a bad thing. At least you got a job. :] Kudos.

-A

P.S. Let me make something very clear. I DO NOT IN ANY WAY HATE MBP. NEVER HAVE. NEVER WILL. There Calvin. Like it?

Heather Guymon said...

Sweet shirts...id totally buy the horizontal ones but I don't think my husband would find them as funny as I do...

If you are ever in the market for a new (and lets face it, BETTER) logo...I know a guy.

I sleep with him.

*shudder* said...

the last thing I want to know about is

a. how long it has been since you showered

and

b. what you do while sitting on the pot!

Lil Sis said...

You can be lazy and still shower. More than a day without showering is unnecessary. Not giving your long distance girlfriend the attention she deserves while on the phone is rude. If you're busy just call her back after you've won your video game. ;)

artsyesque said...

A job already?! Wow! Did it come up and tap you on the shoulder?

I stressed my mom out sooo bad after my first semester of college because my frequency of showering drastically decreased. Too bad I had no gaming skills to go with it...

A job and T-shirts, sounds rather productive to me. I, for one, am not capable of accomplishing ANYTHING without a morning shower, let alone TWO money-making ventures.

Snaps to you!!

Megan said...

Jake, I'm glad you finally posted. And I'm impressed you found a new job already.

If you're done with Sanders, I say move on. If not, show her some respect! Talk to her after you beat your game instead of while you are playing.

And please shower. Please.

What the Hale's?! said...

Showers are overrated.
I only take them if my husband tells me too... because I am five.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, its only been 50 hours since Jake showered and all of your readers are getting so upset. Sometimes I don't even have time to shower for four days. But I'm not playing video games and getting fat, I'm busy as hell.
The showering doesn't bother me, the laziness does. Potheads do more than you.
-Lily.

Jen said...

When we moved into our house, my husband's favorite thing about the place was the shelf in the bathroom closet. Perfect spot for a tv to play his x-box! He hasn't actually done it, though. Yet.

Rachael said...

umm Jakers,
sorry to say but you have got to drop Sanders. You're totally not into her. And that's ok! Nothing wrong with that! Now go drop her before you hurt her even more

Crystal said...

I read through these comments and I can just tell what will be on the side bar in the "what people are saying about us" section. It's hilarious.

jm said...

I think it's hilariously ridiculuous when girls get annoyed at guys for not communicating well while playing a video game. When will we all learn that it's pretty much hopeless? Haha.

Oh, and Jake, as much as I usually enjoy reading your posts, that's really gross! Eww :|

Mauri said...

Man I wish I could just lounge around like that, even just for a day. That's funny she gets bothered when you talk to her while playing video game. My fiance does that to me but in his defense I understand because I will play Modern Warfare with or w/out him. Good choice my friend.

Brynn said...

Whether you shower or not or if you get your lazy self off that couch is your own business....

but it sounds like your just not that into Lisa. If you can't even give her your attention when you hardly ever see her, then obviously she doesn't mean that much to you.

Save that girl more heart ache and break up with her before she plans the rest of your lives together.

Nikki said...

Are we married? :)N

ABC123 said...

I'm new to this site and don't know many Mormons. So, Mormons can't have sex before marriage, correct? But when you talk about making out with "heavy petting," does this include hand jobs? Are you allowed to have oral sex? Are you allowed to take your clothes off around your partner and touch each other? And where exactly do you get the rules on hooking up- how do you know how far you're allowed to go before marriage?

I'm honestly curious and would appreciate an answer from someone who is informed about these issues and isn't guessing.

Anonymous said...

ABC123 - Nope, no sex before marriage and really we're not supposed to go horizontal or "heavy pet" but I guess some people decide it's okay for them to do and that's they're personal decision, it's between them and God. Oh, and no oral sex or taking clothes of or anything either.

Steven said...

I took a dump while I was talking to my dad on the phone last night! He called.... I had to go. What am I gonna do tell him I'll have to call him back? I don't think so.
You did the right thing by playing your game and talking. Ain't nothin wrong with that!

Anonymous said...

ABC123 - Nope, heavy petting does not include hand jobs. See Jake's post "The History of Jake: part 1 of 6".

Nope, Oral sex and being naked together (LOL) is not aloud either.

Calvin said "It's not that any truly faithful members kid themselves into thinking that only "intercourse" is bad. We all should know that pretty much everything leading up to intercourse should also be avoided... except for vertical cheek and forehead kissing before 11pm in a public place."

Ha ha, truth is, we need to be very careful, but these guys joke around a lot and I don't think they do a lot of "heavy petting". This blog is a fun and light take on life as a Mormon. You should read more of it. I read the whole thing in a couple days. It was like when I discovered "Lost" I couldn't stop.

MBP does a pretty good job of representing how it is as a Mormon, how it should be in-spite of how it is as a Mormon, and does it in a way that is not condescendingly judgmental like Anonymous 4:18.

ABC123 said...

Thanks to the Anonymous folks for the info! I always wondered what Mormon folks were and weren't allowed to do.

ABC123 said...

I have another question!

Since your faith involves not having pre-marital sex or anything close, isn't posting tallies of how many girls you've made out with essentially the same as men who have notches on their bed for how many girls they've slept with? Wouldn't it be against the Mormon faith to be disrespectful to women in this way?

I'll admit that I haven't read the entire blog (not even close), but the guys discuss their gratefulness to God for various things-- wouldn't God be disappointed in these guys for the sometimes negative comments they make about women, as though women are disposable? Isn't the Mormon faith focused on finding a wife, respecting her, settling down, and having a family?

And my last question-- Once a Mormon couple is married, does the faith allow the use of contraceptives or for the wife to take the birth control pill?

Thanks again for your insight.

Brooke said...

You guys are becoming "sell outs" with your tee's. (I didn't say that first; "Reel Big Fish"

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&q=sell+out+lyrics&aq=f&aql=&aqi=g4g-m6&oq=

Nonetheless, my husband and I will continually read your ridiculously funny posts. Yes, my husband reads this as well and thinks your genius for "selling out."

P.S. We're no "Mollies" or "Peters," but we really feel that "getting horizontal" with either of you, brings a bad view on the church- especially when people see the word "Mormon" on in (i.e. MormonBachelorPad.blogspot.com") Please re-think that idea.
I attend Arizona State University, and the place is flooded with non-members, and the last thing I would want is for someone to question a t-shirt that says "Getting horizontal with C or J." C'mon guys, you are witty... come up with something just as funny - different text.

Tara said...

Just another couple of Mormons trying to get rich quick...Hey if the t-shirts don't work out, then I'm sure you could sell Arbonne or something...

Anonymous said...

ABC123 - yes it is disrespectful to women that they are posting tallies of how many women they have made out with.

And yes, I feel that God would be very dissapointed for the negative comments they make about women, and treating them as though they are disposable.

That is why they get so many negative comments because there are a lot of Mormons that disagree with them and are totally disgusted for the choices they are making. But that's just it, none of us are perfect and all of us are free to make our own choices. Our faith is about progressing and improving as an individual, and everyone is at a different place in that journey.

Yes our faith allows contraceptives or birth control pills for married couples (we are not catholic :D). How many children you choose to have is between you, your spouse and God. Sex is an important part of a marriage relationship, and not just for procreating.

ABC123 said...

Thanks for the response. And yes, I'm aware that Mormons aren't Catholic, I just figured since Mormons aren't allowed to have premarital sex, there might be some similar old-fashioned views on sexual intercourse, even while the couple is married.

Anonymous said...

"there are a lot of Mormons that disagree with them and are totally disgusted for the choices they are making"

Non-mormons are pretty freakin' disgusted with them as well. They're completely disrespectful to women. But they are funny, so I will continue to read. I'm just grateful I'm not dating one of these losers and I wish the girls they were dating could know what they were really like.

Blazzer said...

It seems pretty obvious that ABC123 is Mormon. Textbook manipulation. Be discusted people, that is fine. I rather find these boys to be an inspiration. Two 22 year old men, who, are very capable of having sex with nearly any woman they want. Yet they choose in spite of that, and inspite of their society's extreme focus on sex to only go so far as to "horozontally make-out". I have read the entire blog, they have never alluded to "getting horizontal" as being anything other than kissing while lying down.

People continue to call them disrespectful. What because they rated the appearance of people who asked them to? Because they admit their flaws? Because sometimes they describe what they THINK about people?

Go ahead, cast your stones. My guess, however, is that you yourselves do some things many of us would find discusting too. I find your anonymous attacks cowardly, and suspect that you are just one person backing yourself up by making multiple comments.

Keep it up boys. I notice you are posting a lot less often than you used to. Don't let the cowards who call you names disuade you.

-Blazzer

Anonymous 2:12 said...

Blazzer - you make a good point about them not having sex inspite of the world's view of it being no big deal. There are inspiring things about this blog, I am not disputing that.

Call it "casting stones" if you want - I am simply expressing my point of view, just as you are. In fact I am "describing what I THINK about people," just like j & c.

I have also read the entire blog,
and enjoy it, that is why I read and comment. That does not mean that I agree with it. It is very interesting to learn about the way guys think, particularly this pair of Mormon guys. If I am discusted with the things they do, I have no problem stating my honest point of view. Afterall, that is why they are anonmyous so they can be totally honest as well.

I find it so ridiculous that people keep calling anonymous comments "cowards" when Jake and Calvin are both anonymous. Not to mention the fact that you (Blazzer) have a fake picture, fake name and no blog so you are basically anonymous too. How are you any different than any other anonymous commenter?

Yes boys, please keep it up, it is fascinating. And all the crybabies can go somewhere else if they don't like it when people give an honest, anonymous opinion.

Anon 2:12 said...

disgusted.

my brain knew I was spelling it wrong but kept spelling it like Blazzer for some reason.

meliss3092 said...

I know I'm not a good conversationalist when I play World of Warcraft (the only video game I play regularly). And I let myself get a little too scummy sometimes...ok a lot too scummy. As a female I know that's horrible. Oh well.

ABC123 said...

Blazzer,

I think it's hilarious that you think I'm a Mormon considering I only recently met one for the first time in my life, and live in Manhattan where I do not believe there are many mormons.

Equally ironic is that I actually don't believe in God at all, and was simply curious about Mormons when I recently met one. After I heard about this blog, I commented that I thought the boys' comments were disrespectful because their posts talk about their conversations with God, and how important God is in their lives, yet they seem to not practice this same devotion in the way they talk about women. Wouldn't God want them to treat women with respect instead of counting up how many of them they can make out with or rating them in a shallow manner?

I'm not trying to "cast stones", I was just asking questions to understand whether their behavior was the norm for Mormons. I'm not judging them, I "sin" more than there is room to post in this blog, but then I don't go around preaching about holiness and my connection with God. I'm not saying you can't sin to have a relationship with God, I'm just saying that if you say you're this devoted Mormon, given the information I've received- it probably means you shouldn't have a revolving door in a bachelor pad, date girls you're probably not that into, and then diss them online for all the world to see.

Rachel said...

nice ferris bueller reference