Fired Again

I know what you're thinking after reading the title of this post. You're thinking, "Sweet, I can make a comment about how this guy is such a loser, and how as a result of this one event in his life he will marry someone he doesn't respect, who will be boring and how he will be abusive as a result and then be tempted to have an affair with the cute girl in the most recent job he hasn't yet lost and then got a sexually transmitted disease and then he will make a proclamation to all the world through this blog ( which is a terrible representation of what he claims to believe) that women should stop going to school after they learn how to spell 'cook' (deep inhale) and how gays should explode when exposed to sunlight and how Hitler was actually a Mormon Prophet. Then after I (yes, I am still going on with what you're thinking, so when I said "I" just now that means you) have so wittily drawn that profoundly enlightened conclusion from the two words in the title alone, I will top it off with a recounting of how my life is nearly perfect and the only example of how a life should be lived, thus proving all of my aforementioned points. (exhale)"

Unfortunately, if that is what you were thinking I have bad news. I did not actually get fired again from my place of employment. (Phew) Guess you still like me now, and my eternal salvation is intact. No, I was referring to the upcoming CASUAL BLOGGER CONFERENCE.

Back in the middle January we were approached by one of the organizers of the conference. Their request? "Hello boys. Would you maybe be on a panel at a blog conference about being true to your voice? (you can wear a bag on your head)". To which we responded, "Sure. Will we fit in, though? We're not 'mommies' and we're perceived as risque... you know?" She then responded with, "here's the thing, it's not JUST for moms and we like you. And since it's OUR conference and we make the rules, you'll be..."

For the next two weeks Calvin and I discussed how we would attend the conference and still maintain our anonymity. We came up with what we thought was a pretty genius plan.

The first day of this month, we got another message that asked, "Alright boys. Let's talk REAL ACTUAL PLANS. Are you coming to CBC and planning to stay anonymous? and how?" We had a healthy back and forth, discussing the kick "A" zentai masks we ordered. White masks that would have "MBP" and our name printed on them. She was excited, offered to comp our tickets, and asked us to send her a bio.

It would be hard for me to explain how excited Calvin and I were to go to this conference and mingle with some of our fellow blog pals. Then, two days later, the following exchange took place.

CBC: Would you be horribly offended if I uninvited you to be on the CBC?
MBP: Depends on why? And then the only reason that could offend us were if it's because our blog sucks and is no fun to read.
MBP: We never really thought we belonged anyway.
CBC: Um, well, see, turns out, the church, the ACTUAL CHURCH reads OUR blog. And they're coming to be on the panel.
MBP: You know, WE are members of that church... seems like we'd work well together. Besides, do they even have a blog?
CBC: Yeah, somehow I think that they don't have a blog. I DO think you guys are a little too... um. erotic?
MBP: I have it on good authority that several Bishopric members read, love, & approve of our blog. In all seriousness though, it's fine. We get it.
MBP: Just know that we would be comfortable in that scenario and capable of being appropriate.
CBC: I know. but I have to take into account my business partners opinions. so... yeah. YOU"RE FIRED.

Calvin and I were in actuality, pretty bummed. The CBC offered to still let us come along if we would put up their button on our blog, but after talking it over, we decided that hanging our heads in defeat while wearing masks would seem a bit silly.

We often hear from people that we should take "Mormon" out of our name, because we are such "bad examples." I once said that I would be freaked out if President Monson found out we run this blog. Well, I was being funny. The truth is, I would love to hear what he thinks. I have written nothing that I am ashamed of.

Everyone thinks we are so hated. Well I submit that haters are more likely to comment than others. One day we will let you see the emails we get about how inspiring our blog has been to those who read it. I think you would be really surprised. However, in lieu of casting pearls before swine just yet I will tell you we have not ever received one "hate email."

Due to Calvin's recent 200+ comment post, there has been a lot of people with things to say. We love it. We love the negative posts. We love those who hate us. I haven't given Calvin so many high fives during the tenure of our friendship as I have the past 5 days. We think it is awesome that somewhere, someone is spending an hour or more writing anything about us. So, world wide web, know that we wrote this blog to share our true feelings and make people laugh. We are doing both, and we appreciate all your feedback... good or bad. If you don't want us at your conference or on your computer screens... that's an easy fix. We will keep doing what we set out to do until we get bored.

Jake

My favorite recent blog posts about us:
Worst. Mormon. Blog. Ever.
Particularly Disgusted (I made a comment that said, "Calvin can be such a pig some times." which was deleted. I thought it was an accident so I posted it again, and it was deleted, again. Luckily I was able to come up with something she decided was acceptable.)
Feminists: Why We're Better Than You
You Stupid Blog, You
Ugh to MBP (you are welcome for the inspiration to start your blog)
I'm so Mad
Prick?