I realize that we have a lot of new readers so the first part of this post is going to be a little bit of a refresher. Hopefully, you noobies are interested enough in this story that you'll read (or at least skim) the previous posts that I link to so that you can appreciate the story I'm about ready to tell.
Back in November, Jake and I thought the idea of making an MBP calendar sounded like a fun idea. We asked around for a while trying to find a photographer who shared our vision. Jake began an email back-and-forth with a popular Utah photographer named Abbie Warnock. The conversation began in a respectful and appreciative tone, but quickly deteriorated into something less than cordial. (In an effort to not reenact the experience, I encourage you to read the post.) In retrospect, we probably didn't handle the situation in the maturest of ways, but... what's done is done. We never said anything hurtful about Abbie and her photography skills speak for themselves so we'd like to think our negative publicity actually helped her in all of her business endeavors, but we have no way of knowing for sure.
Moving on. So after this blog post was published we received a lot of people taking our side and just as many (if not more) agreeing with Abbie. We debated briefly about taking the post down, but ultimately decided against it... like we always do.
We got a lot of comments from a lot of different people. But we also got a lot of anonymous comments. I understand it's nearly impossible to figure out exactly how many of the anonymous comments were written by the same person, but I think I got a pretty good feel for it. One commenter continually referred to us as "ass hats". I know this guy didn't invent the insult or anything, but it was unique enough that I felt safe in assuming all of the anonymous comments calling us "ass hats" were from this one person. He also left anonymous comments talking about how Abbie is his friend and that we had hurt her reputation and that he was planning on hurting us back "10 fold", which I'm pretty sure is a quote directly from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.
This commenter continued to leave comments over and over about how he was going to find us and break our blog wide open by exposing us. Jake and I thought it was pretty hilarious that one single Smelly Face thought he could single-handedly take us down. We laughed ourselves to sleep on more than one occasion.
Until one day, we couldn't log into Facebook. Our original login name was Mormon Bachelor Pad and it had been disabled. Shortly after discovering that our account had been disabled, we received another comment from the same anonymous guy saying the following:
Ha ha take that asshats! I got your facebook account deleted.
A day or so later he left another comment saying something about how that was only "Fold 1" and he reminded us that he would be hurting us "10 fold" so we could look forward to nine more of these attacks. I admit... getting our Facebook account deleted was irritating. We had several hundred friends and we were finally on a roll. Apparently, one of the FB terms of service is that you have to use a name in a FB profile. "Mormon Bachelor Pad" was obviously not a name, so this Anonymous commenter reported us for the Terms of Service violations, resulting in our account being deleted.
I'm pretty vindictive by nature. Jake isn't. So I did some looking around and was able to figure out who this anonymous commenter was. I found this guys Twitter account and found this tweet. It was left on November 19... right around the time of our post. If you look at this guy and think, "Hey... he looks alright. He's completely harmless" you should read a few of his tweets. Everyone who thinks we're bad... my goodness, people. Look at his bio for hell's sake. This guy is a super model or something and thinks he's God's Gift to Women. Seriously.
So I called Jake and told him that I'd figured out who had our FB account deleted. I told him that his name was Jonathan Thomas Martin: Supermodel. I proposed a variety of ways in which we could exact our revenge. Jake reasoned with me calmly. After several hours, he convinced me to just let it go. He wanted the blog post about Abbie to fade away. He was right. Why did I want to stir the pot? Did I want to see what "9 more folds" really were? Yeah. I kinda did. But I didn't do anything about it. I just let it go.
Until Tuesday. I have no idea what came over me. Honestly. I was screwing around on the computer and I decided to look him up again. It had been a full three months since Jake's post and it had truly blown over. It was done. But I found myself clicking on "Send Message" on Facebook under his profile photo. I felt my anger welling up inside out of nowhere. I put the cursor on the subject line and typed "Bitch". It felt so good to finally tell Jonathan Thomas Martin what I thought of him in such a succinct and offensive fashion. I felt myself grinning. Then I typed two sentences asking when we could expect the rest of his revenge. Then I remembered all of the insulting he had done as an Anonymous commenter and I thought, "Oh... this guy is probably scared or something." So I told him that I understood if he didn't want to own up to all of his trash talk... and that I'd fully understand. I hit "send" and immediately regretted it... but not enough to hurry and send another one apologizing. I just went about my business and pretended it had all been a dream.
A couple hours later, Jonathan Thomas Martin: Supermodel emailed me back and said, "Do I know you?" I figured he'd feign confusion. I asked him if "ass hats" rang a bell.
As soon as I sent the email back, I remembered all of the reasons that Jake and I had decided to let it go. I thought to myself, "Crap. The first thing Jonathan Thomas Martin: Supermodel is going to do is report us to Facebook again. Well, he can't report us if he can't find us.... bwaa haaa haaaa." And I blocked him. I sincerely hoped that Jonathan Thomas Martin: Supermodel was smart enough to get our email address off of our blog and reply. I doubted he was, but I hoped.
I called Jake and began our conversation with a humble apology. I told him that I'd done something stupid and I asked for his forgiveness. He refused to forgive me until I'd told him what I'd done. I started to explain my abhorrent behavior. Jake stopped me several times to clarify my tale. "Wah-wah-wait. YOU typed 'bitch' or he did?" "Uh... I did." "YOU did? You typed 'bitch'? That doesn't sound like you at all." "I know, dude. I don't know what came over me." Jake told me later that he didn't really even know how to talk or respond to an "embarrassed Calvin". He'd never done it before and he was speechless.
It got better when Jonathan Thomas Martin: Supermodel left a comment on our blog. I called Jake again and read it to him. I asked if I should publish it because it was so funny. Jake said, "Won't you feel stupid when people see that you called this guy a 'bitch'?" I sighed and said, "Yeah... I will feel stupid. You're right."
But then we got another comment and it was even funnier than the first one. I called Jake again and we thought about editing Jonathan Thomas Martin: Supermodel's comment so it didn't show me calling him a "bitch", but we decided that was unfair. Either we posted the comment "as is" or not at all. It was a tough decision and one that we didn't come to easily.
Ultimately, I decided that his comments were so extremely hilarious that I had no choice but to embarrass myself for the sake of humor. So here they are. His comments... in their entirety. I'll let you read them and then I'll tell you my favorite parts:
I have a hard time deciding where to begin. First of all, this guy wants to beat me up. Tell me that's not the funniest thing you've ever heard. This guy leaves at least a dozen anonymous comments calling us names, but once we figure out who he is and confront him... all of a sudden he wants a piece of us. Not just me, either. Jonathan Thomas Martin: Supermodel wants me to bring all of my 22 year old roomies and he wants to bring his Supermodel posse and meet us at the flagpole after school.
Jake and I were laughing our butts off at the idea of emailing Jonathan Thomas Martin: Supermodel and saying, "Meet at Sizzler on 21st South and 13th East at 8pm... if you dare..." Then Jake and I could be inside enjoying our Steak, Shrimp, and Shrimp while watching these fruitcakes hanging out by the trunk of their car for two hours waiting for us.
I love my life.
ps This was awesome, as well.
pps If our Facebook account gets deleted again... now you know why... and it was totally worth it. Look for us, though. We'll be back.