German Pancakes

I'm finally pretty sure I can say with a good degree of certainty that Marie is officially out of the picture. Whew. It was kind of rough weekend. I haven't seen or heard very much from her since I got my new phone for my birthday. I thought for sure that I had avoided her for long enough that I no longer had to worry every time our doorbell rang. She only dropped by the one time, as far as I know, and luckily Lance had used all twelve of his brain cells to point her in another direction.

Several people have mentioned my seeming affinity for the "crazies", but to be fair I'm pretty sure they're normal girls. My behavior is rude and unkind so the girls in my life are forced to do things they wouldn't normally do. I take full responsibility. That doesn't mean I'm going to change or make any more of an effort to be civil in my breakups. It simply means I recognize my douchebaggery.

Whenever I hear a girl telling a story about an experience she had, I actually retell the story in my own head while she's rambling. I know how girls are. Here's an example:

Girl: So I was like, "How dare you talk to me like that?!?!" and then he was like, "You're the one screaming like a crazy 'b'".

My Mental Translation: So I said, "Why do you say things like that?" and he replied, "I meant that in a good way."

I've been present for several female confrontations and then been lucky enough to also be present for the retelling, and I promise you... this is not an exaggeration at all.

What's my point of this? Well, I'm the same way. This is our blog so all of the experiences we share are from our perspective. Of course (some of) our readers tend to agree with our point of view all the time. A few of you, however, hate us and tend to always side with the girls we happen to be dating at any given moment. If you read back through our old posts and accompanying comments you'll notice how often our readers love the girls we date WHILE we're dating them. That's mostly because we're describing them in a flattering way because we like them, too. But when we start to lose interest, we focus more on what they do that bugs us... and, naturally, a lot of our readers agree with us.

So even though Marie is coming off as a crazy stalker, she probably isn't. Actually, I think Marie is the exception to this rule. On Sunday afternoon, I was sitting on the couch with Jake and Aaron watching some Netflix Instant Watch something or other. Jake's phone rang and I saw him glance down at his phone. I asked, "Who is it?" He shrugged his shoulders as he answered it and said "Hello". I looked back at the TV and heard him say, "No, this is Jake, but he's right here. Do you wanna talk to him?" Jake handed me the phone. I mouthed "Who is it?" and Jake shrugged again and mouthed, "A girl."

I put his phone to my ear and said, "This is Calvin." I heard a familiar voice. "Hi, Calvin. This is Marie. Happy Valentine's Day." I had no idea what to say. I had successfully avoided her phone calls and "pop-ins"for three full weeks... even going so far as changing my phone number, even though that was just a lucky coincidence. I'm not lost for words very often. In fact, I don't remember the last time I was so surprised that I didn't know what to say. I said "Hey, Marie." I stood up and walked into the other room while Jake mouthed through silent laughter, "Sorry, dude."

I babbled through the most awkward and uncomfortable conversation that I'd ever had with anyone in my entire life. I apologized for not getting back with her. Then I told her that I'd met with my bishop two weeks earlier for my annual birthday interview. I told her that I'd talked with my bishop about some of the heavy duty kissing we had done and that I continued to find myself in risky situations with her. None of these things are true, but I felt like I had been backed into a corner and didn't know what else to say. Then I lied even more and told her that my bishop had counseled me to stop dating her if I didn't feel like our relationship was healthy.

I couldn't tell if she was crying or not, but she told me that she understood and then hung up the phone. I felt pretty crappy. But it got worse on Tuesday when I got her Valentine's card that she must have mailed on Friday or Saturday. I thought about scanning it in, but after Andrea's letter, I decided to just type it out:

Calvin, I don't know what you're thinking or feeling, but if things are over between us I just want to thank you for spending time with me over the last few months. I had such a great time and you mean so much to me. Good luck with whatever you decide. Happy Valentine's Day! Marie

I sincerely hope that this experience has taught me to actually break up in person... like a man. But it probably hasn't.

Calvin