Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Post Mission Counsel

I wouldn't say I'm "excited" to get married, necessarily, but I know it's coming. I'm only 22 and I know I'm young, but my mission president had pretty great advice. During my last interview with him, he told me that the "full-time" mission chapter of my life is now complete and the next chapter should be marriage. (I realize this counsel is the type of thing that gets Mormons made fun of by non-Mormons, but when you receive this advice in the context in which it's meant and you have a firm belief of what the purpose of our existence on this earth is, then no other counsel makes sense.) He told me to start my search for my Eternal Companion. He also told me to further my education so that I could be in a position to provide for my family. He also counseled me to not put off marriage. He said a lot of people purposely wait to marry or wait to start a family for fear they're not in a position financially to take that next step. Then he said that everyone's situation is different, of course, but that the Lord has commanded us to raise and lead a family in righteousness and promised that the Lord would provide for me and my family if I trusted Him.

I don't know if he memorized this lecture and spouted it off to every missionary preparing to go home, but I'd like to think he changed it based on each individual missionary. Either way, though, I listened and absorbed his counsel. I just don't know what to do or how to feel about it. I don't know how fast I'm supposed to move. I don't know how long I should date a woman before I "give up". I don't know what should be the most important thing in my relationship with my spouse. I don't know a lot of things. I also know that there are a lot of married people who read this blog. I know that many of you will be tempted to respond to my statements of ignorance, but, like my mission president said, every situation is different. What love means to you, might not mean the same to someone else. One of you may have known right away that you were meant to be, while someone else may have dated and broken up a dozen times before finally realizing they should be married. Some of you may define "love" as never going to bed angry while someone else may say it's better to talk things out when you're rested and not so irritable. What works for you may not work for everyone.

Some of you are probably tempted to say, "Just pray about it and God will tell you." Well, I do. But I don't want to pray about every single girl I have contact with. Isn't that like asking God what color shirt I should wear? I just don't think I should have to ask God about every single girl. That's why he blessed me with a brain (you're welcome, haters, for the insult setup) and I think He expects me to make decisions on my own using the knowledge that I've acquired through my own life experiences.

"Blah blah blah. Who cares, Calvin? I'm bored. Make fun of someone else or tell a funny story about a girl!" Sorry, everyone. Sometimes it doesn't work that way. If this blog is about being honest, then that's what I'm going to do. If you're too young and immature to appreciate being let behind the curtain, then feel free to skip this post. Actually, I'm almost done with this post... so if you've made it this far then it's probably too late to skip it. I guess if you're really retarded, you could actually have stopped reading when I typed "skip this post" two lines up, but that would mean that you're really only skipping a few sentences. You might have been tempted to just stop reading, but then you'd have thought, "Well... I'm almost done now. I'll just finish so that I can at least tell Calvin I read the whole thing and then I can comment and say how boring it was." And now, here you are. Still reading. Now you're probably thinking, "How long is he going to talk about the fact that I'm still reading this post?" or maybe you're thinking "I'm gonna be pissed if he spends the next paragraph talking about what we all might be thinking."

When a commercial comes on the radio that says, "If you don't wanna save money every single month, then change the station right now." I always change it as fast as I can. I'm not sure why. It's probably because I know the creators of the commercial figure that nobody, in their right mind, would actually change the station after a statement like that. But I do. I've thought about writing them a letter telling them that I change the station when I hear their commercial DARING me to... but that would mean I'd have to sit through the commercial to listen for what it's a commercial for... and then my letter would be one giant contradiction.

-Calvin

64 comments:

SkiMoab said...

I know this is another cliche statement by a lot of Mormons, but just relax and have fun with the dating experience. As much as I love being married, the dating/single life after my mission was one of the best times of my life.

Eventually you'll find that girl who you just absolutely click with and (warning: another cliche) can't be without. If you take it too seriously before then, you may scrutinize every little thing so bad that you pass up a perfect match.

Becca said...

You'll know. It will most likely happen when you least expect it (I was planning on changing colleges and going on a mission when my husband came into my life very quickly). Don't worry. It'll happen. :)

And really there is a commercial that says that? HA! I live in Zimbabwe (but am American) so we are missing out on all of these INCREDIBLE commercials *sarcasm*. :)

kel(LOVE)lie said...

I'm not married or even in a relationship, for that matter, but I think that as long as God is a focus in your dating life, you'll be blessed with His guidance. In fact, I would be in prayer constantly, not about each girl necessarily, but the whole process. Even when you aren't dating, God could be putting into motion events that will bring you and your future wife together.

I feel the need to say something less serious so...Whenever I get chain emails that say "If you are a REAL American..." or "If you love God..." or "If you want to meet your true love..." I ALWAYS delete them. Whether I agree or not. It's just the principle of the thing.

Katie said...

This was totally not boring Calvin! I'm glad I didn't stop reading when you said too. I love when you write blogs that don't have anything to do with making out with some girl, or something like that. Obviously, who you marry is going to be one of the biggest decisions you ever make, and it should most definitely be something you pray about. But you are right, you shouldn't just pray about every single girl you meet. I was talking to my bf about the counsel his mission president gave him, and he told him to not stress about it, and if something works..it works. I've found that if you have to work hard at a relationship and have to "make" it work before you are even engaged, it probably isn't worth it. But at the same time, you can't just sit around waiting for someone perfect, because you won't find it. My marriage and family teacher from last semester would tell us that any two individuals who have an eternally centered mind and have the Lord at the center of their life, could be happy together. I don't think he's saying we should just marry the first person we meet, but that there are many people we could be successful with. But, I think that the Lord does put people on our path that we have the greatest chance of being happy with, and it's just a matter of accepting those people. Don't be in any rush, but if you find someone that you think you could be happy with...then go with it, and see how things work. You should read Randy Bott's Know Your Religion Marriage/Dating blog...he has a lot of wonderful insight :) http://datingandmarriagekyr.blogspot.com/ And sorry that was so long...I doubt you really care. hah. I've taken far too many marriage classes here at BYU (I was going into Marriage and Family Therapy for awhile; not because I'm obsessed with getting married, haha). But, once again, not a boring blog. This is one of my favorite posts :)

Christina said...

I loved this post :) I hope the married ppl don't comment this speaking of your ignorance, they didn't know at one point and they still don't know everything! I hope you know her when you find her Calvin :)

The Lady Girl said...

Skip this comment.

Yeah, i'm not sure what exactly this post was directed towards, and really it was only a half post because you started rambling on about us making fun of you and skipping the post. So you owe us another half post.

This post is almost like a friend of mine...He sets up this REALLY great story and goes on and on, I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for some substance and he says "the end" and you're like "what really that's the end??

So you set the story up pretty well, but, where's the substance? The only thing I learned about you from this post was that you don't pray about every girl you date and you state that everyone shows love differently and marriage means different things to each individual.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Hm... I wish I knew what Lady Girl's comment said.

-c

anna said...

my husband served in brazil...his mission president told him the same thing. he took 4 years.

The Lady Girl said...

well while I'm still pondering what this post was about...you can do the same!

-v

Erika said...

Boring? Not really.

It's actually refreshing that you write things like this from time to time. Isn't this blog for you to be completely honest with your thoughts and feelings? to say the things you probably wouldn't otherwise? That doesn't mean that everything has to be negative, offensive, or controversial.... although I might find that impossibly entertainmenting.

Congrats Calvin.... you are human!

A said...

I think with our religion its hard to admit that certain things are much more applicable to others than they are to ourself.

My rule of thumb with dating and marriage is you have to be happy and love yourself. Then you'll attract someone who is also happy and loves theirself.

Enjoy the ride, set goals and work toward them and whoever needs to end up by your side will.

Crystal said...

I didn't read this post at all because you said it would be boring.

Not really...I read it.

I thought it was a good post, I'm sure everyone who intends on getting married thinks about those kind of things. Luckily I'm a big ole' loser and have no intentions of getting married ever. I've been engaged twice, obviously something is wrong with me and I'm not marriage material. :)

Anyway, good luck on finding your "Eternal Companion", it's serious business. I think you'll do fine.

Lady Libertine said...

I'm not even mad; I'm impressed.

Erica H said...

This might bother some people or sound odd... I'm not a mormon (I'm a Catholic) but I honestly wish more guys had the mindset of 'now it's time to look towards marriage'. I'm not a huge religious person but I've always had three dead set dreams: Fall in love, get married, become a mom. I'm nearing my 24th birthday and I'm about ready to give up on that dream. I'm incredibly young for that level of being jaded but it's only the truth. I've met and dated a lot of guys, some nice, some really not nice. But it seems like none of these guys have any plans of marriage. Even a lot of the guys I know who get engaged end up cheating on their fiances which is just terrible. People might poke fun at the Mormon belief but I don't think it's all that bad. I wish more people had your belief system.

Whatever you end up doing, hopefully it's something that makes you happy. And when it comes to finding the one I'm a strong believer that you'll just 'know'. If you're not sure, I feel that the uncertainty is the sign you need saying she's not the one.

(PS: I've been watching your blog for months and months, apologies for lack of comments)

Super Stephens said...

I got married to my husband six monthes after meeting him for the first time. We met, three weeks later we were engaged... you'll know... i promise.

Rissy said...

I had to talk to a guy about dating for 2 hours recently to decide whether or not I should stop seeing another guy. He gave me really good advice. Although, his advice did include being honest and telling him it's not going to work (and I know you're allergic to confrontation.)
I loved my ex boyfriend more than anything in the world, but I still had my usual "eehh do I really want to go out with him tonight" feels. Well the difference was I always went because I knew I'd have fun and I didn't want him seeing someone else. I couldn't care less if the guy I'm seeing now decided to date someone else... actually I'd prefer it.

Josh and Elisha Sandberg said...

When you do fall in love you'll just know. Sounds cheesy but its the simple truth. I would say whats the point of praying about girls that you don't love? You don't want to marry someone that you are not in love with.

Jocelyn said...

oh how i loved the last few paragraphs of this. I honestly was angry at myself for the fact that I kept reading through all that.

great post.

as for girls? I say pray when things get serious, leave god out of which pickup lines you use.

amy j. said...

Sorry bud, but I was talking to my fellow Jamba coworkers this morning about this EXACT subject & they said they were both told by their mission presidents to find their "eternal companion" as soon as they got home. Guess it is something they just tell every soon-to-be RM.

IMO, I think if you're not ready to pop the question by the third date then she's not worth keeping around. And if she's REALLY the one, you'll already have your children's names picked out by then.

Rebecca said...

It's that "anxiously engaged" thing. I think your mission president meant that you are suppose to be working towards being a good provider, and keeping an eye out for that special someone to provide for. It may take a while. I was almost 25 when I got married, and my husband had been expecting to get married that first year home off the mish. ( And he was actively dating since he got home.)

Date a woman, if you feel like you want to spend the rest of your life with her, that's a good sign. If she feels the same way, you might want to go for it!

samnhal said...

I don't usually comment seeing as your comment section can often become heated. I don't think you have anything to worry about, Calvin. You don't have to pray for every girl. You'll know when a relationship isn't worth giving up, and then you can pray. The spirit is there for direction, and it can let you know when the timing isn't right, and when it is. Everyone is different, but the nice thing about the spirit is that it talks just to you.

Elysie Piecie said...

This is not a boring post at all. It actually kind of sums up how I feel right about now. As you said, I've been given the advice to pray about it...but I agree, I'm not going to pray about every guy I meet. I'm getting impatient and I know I'm young, but I think I'm ready (think being the key word). I just haven't met the guy yet, and it gets frustrating. Keep your chin up, I know you'll find your match. If all else fails, use Michael Buble's Haven't Met You Yet as your theme song...it's what I'm doing.

Anonymous said...

I love seeing the person behind all of the jokes and sarcasm. It shows that there really is a real person somewhere writing this blog. I really enjoyed reading this post... until the last two paragraphs.

Kristin Lee said...

I really enjoyed this post.

I have no advice or witty comments. I hope you still love me anyway.

Grand Pooba said...

What was up with that rant out of nowhere? lol

I should have changed the station.

;o)

Autumn said...

Wow Calvin. This was actually a very great post. I'm going to post my opinion on things, and you may or may not ever thoroughly read every single comment to you, but I hope this one catches your eye. I did read all the previous comments as well and I don't know how many said "When you're in love, you'll know." This may be a true statement, but let's be realistic. I know. For a fact, that I have been in love twice in my life. i have no doubt about that. But, that doesn't mean that those people are the right ones for you. And you won't just "know" either. A great relationship builds off a great friendship. This may mean that someone comes into your life, (or in my case, BACK into you life) and you really get to know them. You build a friendship, and take it from there. The Lord may put tons of people in your life, and then take them away. I've learned that this shows you what you need, and don't need in a spouse.
Be confident Calvin. But not cocky. Cockiness will not bring you very good opportunities. Watch chick flicks if you have to. I hope you're reading a few of my blog posts because I really think they'll help you in the future, maybe the near future. It tells you what GIRLS think and what we mean when we say certain things.
Now, the question is, did you actually read this comment? I hope you did. I know you don't like my "two faced-ness" but my opinions change from post to post. Truly, I like this side of you. But I also, kinda, although you can't tell, like the honest side about girls.

Keep it up boys! And I know you'll find the one, but I would pray about every girl if the thought of her puts a thought of "Hmmm.. would she make a good wife and mother?" If you ask yourself that, pray about her. I'm not kidding. And maybe the Lord wants to help you pick out a shirt? You never know. It could be the day you meet your spouse and you may catch her eye with that bright green shirt the Lord told you to wear :]

Shayla said...

I've commented once before out of annoyance but right now I feel like I just read a letter from one of my little brothers or something. Last time I said that my husband was seemingly perfect when I met him, but to nearly everyone else he was a sarcastic smart A who for a year after his mission dated around and engaging in NCMO {yeah he was living in UT at the time, never heard of it before him} until we stumbled across each other. Somehow I was the lucky girl who made him want to make out with same person for forever. He wasn't looking for a wife even though his mission prez gave him the same counsel but we fell in love, hard and fast. {this is where my hubby would say "that's what she said"} My amazing husband of 6 years is still not much more than a sarcastic funny guy to other people but to me is everything good. You'll figure out what your real deal breakers are and you were right, everthing is different for every person and every marriage.
I really liked the honesty in this post and didn't find it boring at all but I am pretty sure I've exceeded the limit for this freaking long comment... Sorry.

bd said...

I think that girls and guys differ a lot on this issue. You girls will have to forgive me when I say that the general sentiment that I get from you is, "you'll just 'know' because the world will stop spinning and doves will circle in and turn in to fireworks and diamonds..."

I know that what I just wrote is a major exaggeration, but it is how I think a lot of you feel. I dated a lot of girls after my mission, many of them were wonderful -- and I'm quite certain that I could be very happy if I would have gotten married to one of them... but I didn't. I didn't because of differences in how we looked at the world, or were raised, or thought that money worked.

Instead of settling for someone with whom I could feel the spirit and have fun making out with, I waited. And then, years later, when I least expected it -- I found her. But even when I knew I wanted to be with her forever, there was still a lot to discuss. Like the fact that I will never be rich, or that I will always ride a motorcycle. She accepted the real me and I accepted the real her and we entered into a partnership.

What I'm trying to say Cal, is that its like Deal or No Deal... you don't want to take the first offer that the banker gives you, but you also don't want to end up being 40 with a $10 briefcase in your hand.

Courtney said...

Don't be worried if you don't "know" right away with someone. My husband and I met, were friends for 2 years then finally started thinking of eachother as more than friends a couple weeks before we graduated college. I wasn't sure if I really had strong enough feelings for him and originally turned him down. My roommate realized my mistake, told him not to give up and we got engaged 10 weeks later. The Lord will show you in a way that makes sense to you. But, like you said, situations are different for everybody. Don't stress and have fun meeting new people!!

~kiMbeRLy~ said...

I like this post.
I like how people said exactly what you thought they would...funny.

~kiMbeRLy~ said...

I like this post.
I like how people said exactly what you thought they would...funny.

Hank said...

You should marry Jesus.

It's not gay...'cause he's Jesus.

CharleeWonders said...

My dad told me once, you will know it's the person YOU want to marry, and If it's right, then Heavenly Father will give you that assurance. Heavenly Father doesn't pick for us, we have to find that out for ourselves. So when you meet someone who absolutely takes your breath away and decide she's the one, then pray about it and if it's within The Fathers will, it's a go! That's how I feel about it anyway. :) Like you said, it's different for everyone. Looking at your PB in this area will offer up some guidance as well on how you should go about things.

Jenn said...

Okay, I'm not Mormon. There. I said it.

I do have Mormon friends though (none of which would dump in a Pringles can). <---Neither here nor there as far as my point, I just wanted to sound like I half knew what I was talking about.

Anyoffthetopic,
You'll know. You're heart, your mind, your everything will just know. I know it sounds so cliche, but it's the truth, no matter what your race, creed or color.

Don't rush it. You ARE still young and there are really no rules for falling in love. Take your time and do it right, you're Eternal Companion will appreciate it.

Also, can I just tell you how excited I was when I saw that my comment was featured over there on your sidebar ---->?

Kate said...

You did leave us hanging just like The Lady Girl said. You owe us a sequel to this post. I think everyone goes thru those feelings. I can't wait to see what you say when you finally do find "the one."

When I was dating, and I dated A LOT of guys...and they all were great guys, but there would always be something about them that I just could NOT get over....small and petty things. (i.e. he didn't smell right, his arms were too hairy, not smart enough, he had yellow teeth, etc)

When I met my now husband I just did not notice any of those small, petty things that I'd always notice about every other guy. Now he is not perfect in every single way, but the small quirks he had did not bug the heck out of me like usual, and that helped me a lot in knowing. (I bet that's how you might be with the whole deal breaker’s business.)

Just take the counsel that we have received from the apostles....any two righteous LDS people can make a marriage work. Oh and can I emphasize righteous??? I believe that’s true. You need to have that belief, but you also want to be attracted to them enough that you wanna rip their clothes off of them from time to time. ;)

c a n d a c e said...

Loved the post and loved the comments even more. As C said, each person is different and as he said, every person felt the need to comment and counsel.

I'm in the same boat, C.... except I'm a little past what some may say is the "expiration date" on the girls in Utah county.

Good thing I'm in Salt Lake. Phew.

Crystal said...

Hank is my favorite person.

Anonymous said...

Everyone's going to say it, but it's true..

You'll know when she comes

:)

Meanwhile, just enjoy life!

cheers!

Heather Guymon said...

Frick you make me laugh. Hard. Definitely not a boring post to say the least. Here's my two cents...

So, I was the type that just had to be married to keep myself out of trouble. Sounds lame but it worked out, and it wasn't like I just jumped on the marriage band wagon with anyone. When I met my hubby there were prayers and what not, but not the whole "Is this guy THE ONE?" because I don't believe in the whole "soul mate" bull. There are many many people out there that you can marry and be happy with, and from my own experience of watching my husband so diligently and patiently put up with my BS, I know without a doubt that you can be happy in whatever situation and with whomever you are married to.

This is why I firmly believe that people who divorce over "boredom" or "falling out of love" are full up to the brim of that stinky brown stuff that comes out their ass. There's no such thing as falling out of love, it's called being selfish and that's about it.

Anywho you got it right when you said that you shouldn't pray about every girl. That pretty much IS like asking God what color shirt to wear...pretty much the answer you will get from Him is "Who freaking cares Calvin, just don't walk around naked, OK?" It's also like the idiots that pray about what school to go to...as if God has this ONE school in mind that makes you more righteous for attending...ha ha...I know I just pissed someone off that prayed about BYU. Anyway going to school is a GOOD and RIGHTEOUS choice, so who the crap cares where it's at?? As long as you are dating girls that can go to the temple with you and you feel a connection to, emotionally as well as physically, well then you got it right somewhere along the way. Somehow it just all works out with the whole marriage thing.

I should have just emailed this to you but now I am too lazy to go back and copy, open an email, paste, click send. Too much work.

What's funny is my husband's mission president pretty much told him at his final interview "you are basically free but don't go screwing around with any girls or anything." He was a swell guy.

colleenroselle said...

after the last post I saw this post's title and thought it said "poost mission counsel" and I got excited. then I started reading and wasn't excited.

Anna said...

You don't always just know. I met my husband and we were just friends for over two years before we even thought about dating. I will say though that the entire time I knew him I was dating other guys. A lot of dating. The whole time I prayed that I would fall in love with my best friend. Eventually he became my best friend and we fell in love. I didn't wasn't even aware of how Heavenly Father was working this in my life. Five years later he's still my best friend and I still love him. I'm glad I just didn't just know. I'm glad I had that time to get to know him.

But that is just my situation.

Liz said...

DON'T READ THIS COMMENT!

...
.
.
.
...ha ha.

Wow... some people are almost blogging on your blog.... *shesh*

me said...

hahah. i love that little tangent you went off on at the end there.

i literally lol'd. you just made my day :)

-jenn

still don't know said...

Looks like some commenters were tempted to say a lot more than you thought they were going to say.

That's what you get for saying you "don't know what to do or how to feel". That is an open invitation to get a bunch of stupid, repetitive advice from people that aren't even married yet.

So here is my advice and yes it is long, and I don't care!

I am married, and let me just say that marriage is hard. Sometimes I think, "um, were we supposed to get married because I am pretty sure this is not the same person I fell in love with 10 years ago." And other times I am so thankful for our marriage and that we have an eternal family.

And trust me I did all the things everyone is saying you should do. I went to the temple, I prayed about it and did everything I should to know if it was right or not.

I don't think you will just "know". You may think you know, but how do you really know until you have lived with that person and really seen their true colors? Just remember there are no soul mates (General Authorities have even talked about that).

I cannot tell you enough how important it is to follow the council to have a long courtship and a short engagement (not the other way around -or a short courtship and an even shorter engagement).

Instead of waiting until that time that you "just know" they are the right one, instead really get to know that person. Take a long time to get to know them. Find out their true character, how they respond under pressure. Put a lot of thought into it. Don't worry about praying about a girl until you are really interested in marrying her.

God doesn't decide who you will marry, you do. He can help you make the right decision or steer you in the right direction but it is totally and completely your own choice.

TLC said...

Calvin, I like being let behind the curtain...

As for this, no adivce from me. Not that through this post you were fishing for some.

Try being a girl, I would love to just "talk" about marriage without getting a reply "soon sweetie..." coming at me every flippin minute...

Andee said...

Sometimes I just feel like we are on the same wavelength of thinking.

I have been thinking about my future companion ALL DAY. I don't why.

Maybe today was supposed to be Valentines day...

Your mom said...

You said: "I wouldn't say I'm "excited" to get married, necessarily..."

So don't. Don't get married if you're not ready.

Just because some mission pres. thinks it's right for every RM to find a companion the instant they get off their mission doesn't mean it's good advice.

Don't rush it. Wait until you ARE excited about it. Otherwise you will have regrets.

Kari Anne said...

I'm not Mormon either...but my sister-in-law is...well...my ex-husbands step-sister...LOL...we are closer than they are...anyway...

DON'T RUSH MARRIAGE!!

When you find the right woman...you will know... She will impress the heck out of you and you will be like...WHOA...and you won't be able to think about anyone/thing but her... That's when you know...

Tiffany said...

I like how your brain works. and keep being honest.

Karen said...

Okay I am old and married a long time so here is my advice:

This is THE most important decision you will ever make....Take your time and be sure! Do not bow to any other pressure.

There is no rule you cannot date as many girls as you are able - just learn to let them down gently.


:)

As Sistas In Zion said...

It's great that you are thinking about these things. God did bless you with a brain, so way to use it...awww...you're growing!

{The Huffakers} said...

I'm no expert on marriage advice but here's my opinion. Eternity is a LONG time. I never prayed about every guy I dated. But if something just didn't feel "right" then I didn't drag out the relationship anymore. There was nothing wrong with the guy and I'm sure I could have been happy but I couldn't shake the feeling. There isn't just one person meant for you alone. I think you can be happy with a lot of different people. But who do you see yourself with for the rest of time & all eternity? Who do you see being the mother of your children?

When I met my husband, everything just seemed right. I kinda prayed about it. I didn't get a crazy answer that said, "Yes, marry him!" But I also didn't get a crazy answer telling me not to. I think the Lord was fine with what I chose to do.

Marriage isn't easy but it's worth it. You don't want to make things harder than they are going to be. It really is the most important decision in your life. So take your time. Because when you finally get married people will say, "So...When are you going to have babies?"

hmm said...

1. Why does everyone always say marriage is hard? I don't think it is hard at all. In fact it is a heck of a lot easier then dating. I realize it is different for other people, but honestly I don't think it is hard.
2. Everyone keeps talking about how you will know when you meet the right girl. Have you considered that unless you start respecting women and don't treat them like a piece of meat to get your kicks from that right girl isn't going to want a thing to do with you? I am not a hater I just watched this pattern a lot and I wish you could be kinder to the girls even if they aren't being kind to themselves.

Nikki said...

Wow lots of advice. My advice is marry the girl with the biggest boobs. :)N

Jade said...

Calvin, you should really have more posts like this one, I really liked the honestly you had with just talking about what was on your mind.

But if your not feeling ready or excited to get married yet, then don't worry about it, just means it's not the right time for you yet. As far as the whole right girl thing I don't think it's going to be one of those things that just slaps you outside of the head like a brick and you just instantly know, like everyone usually says happens. I think it's probably more of something of where you'll enjoy spending time with her just because you like being around her, not nessesarily because your gonna get some from her. And as far as knowing, I think it's kinda more a thing of where you don't have any of those uneasy, not so sure, i donno about this, types of feelings. You'll just have a calm peaceful easy feeling about it and it'll just seem natural and right.

But I'm not an expert on these matters since I'm still single myself and am in the same boat as you pretty much with this whole type of situation, so take my thoughts for what their worth.

You'll find that girl that will just seem to fit better than the rest, and it'll just naturally go where its suppose to go, I know you'll find her Calvin!

Rachel said...

Your only young once. I know your church wants you to get married and have kids...but you should be enjoying the single life and hanging with friends. The divorce rate is so high becaue people rush to get married, or are really young. Have fun:)

Anonymous said...

in response to "hmm" - if marriage isn't hard for you, then either your marriage is extremely rare and you are very lucky...

or

you are probably still on your honeymoon or within the first couple of years of marriage. You probably do not have kids or have not faced any major life challenge such as losing a job or having to pay the bills on a small income.

Maybe you never fight or argue. If so then either you are in denial or one of you always gives into the other. I don't care who you are or how good you think you are, there is no such thing as a marriage that is not hard.

I am guessing either that or you're a liar.

Waiting On a Missionary said...

I always thought that it was girls who overthink? maybe you should stop overthinking and just go with the flow. obviously you haven't found a girl that you are dumbstruck for, so keep dating:)

-lace

hmm said...

1. I have several kids, in fact I have lost a child to death. (Not easy)
2. We live off a fine income we are blessed, but definitely not three figures and we have had our days of scrimping.
3. I am not on my honeymoon or within the first couple years of marriage.
4. We fight, we argue, we get mad, we compromise, I'm pretty sure one of us is not always giving in.
5. I am not a liar.
6. Maybe what I have is rare, I don't think so. I have a marriage that is not hard in fact it is a blessing that I am thankful for everyday. What's my alternative? Single, without my kids, still struggling financially, without a best friend and partner who gives up so much of himself to love me, and without someone who I get to serve and love everyday. Yeah marriage is easy.

Anonymous said...

hmmm - you go on telling yourself that it is easy. The strange thing is that in #1 you even admit that life (and marriage) is not always easy.

All I can say is... "hmm".

Anonymous said...

I have to agree that marriage is NOT EASY!

Marriage is the best thing that has ever happened to me! I love being married and highly recommend it.

But, marriage and raising a family is difficult, and challenging and at times you want to bail. At the same time it is also one of the most rewarding things in life. It is hard to explain until you have experienced it (unless you live in lala land like hmm).

It is not easy and that is one reason that divorce rates are so high.

btw... this is a really good article about divorce:

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=df39414ef1032110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

Amy said...

Even on this more serious post I was chuckling. =D My husband's Mish Pres. gave him the advice to pursue marriage like he pursued baptisms. I hope I am saying that right, since you went on a mish I think you will be able to make the connection. Anyway, so he did. He dated a lot and he kissed a lot and 5 years later he met me! Guess he had to wait for the wonderfulness that is me to grow up and move to his state. I AM seriously amazing...Anyway... =D Good Luck! You are a smart guy and I don't worry too much about you and Jake. But I am kinda annoyed right now because every now and then I think of incredible marriage advice and I think "I need to tell C and J this!" and now I can't remember any....I really need to write that stuff down, cuz I KNOW you want to hear it.....:/

Kristin Coppee said...

Pff. What the? Boys are on here ranting about their problems now too? I thought blogging was for us whiny housewives only. This is hilarious and retarded at the same time. It's awesome!

M said...

My mission president actually said, "Don't be in a hurry to get married Elder. Just do what you know you need to do to stay in tune with the spirit and the Lord will tell you when the time and person is right." It was exactly the right thing to say, at least for me. When I got home I honestly kind of slacked off in the spirituality department, but I prayed consistently for Heavenly Father to let me know when and who would be right for me to marry. Then I dated and hung out with lots of different girls, but didn't really stress or take any of it too seriously until I really felt prompted that the time was right. And wierd as it was when it did happen, I had an overwhelming spiritual assurance that it was right. Sure, marriage has still been really hard sometimes, but that assurance has kept us going and fighting through it all for over ten years now. So I guess my advice would be to pray to know when and who is right, do your part to live worthily but still put yourself out there and stay available, then trust in the Lord to do his part. The more you try to just lean on your own understanding the more likely you are to open yourself to unneccessary complications and heartache.