Monday, February 22, 2010

Mystery

One thing that isn't said enough in our Church, is how much fun missions are! Yeah, yeah, yeah, we always hear about the work and the growth and the wearing down of Doc Martins and the reward of bring souls to Christ. For some reason, though, the incredible amount of fun that can be had on a mission is downplayed or overlooked. Maybe people are afraid of saying something or telling some story that is unbecoming a missionary. Maybe? I don't know. I just know that not one person told me before I went that I was going to have the time of my life.

And, no... the hundreds of returned missionaries I heard during my adolescence saying, "It was the best two years of my life", (followed by the 'one uppers' who feel it necessary to clarify that it was, "Two of the best years." or "The best two years, so far") does not constitute describing the mission as a "good time". I honestly went out thinking that it was going to be all work and no play.

Common sense does scream that there would be boundless opportunity for fun on LDS missions simply because of the high concentration of 19-21 year old boys. Really how long can 20 year old males go with out cracking some jokes or getting into some mischief? Don't simply assign the word "mischief" to disobedience either. I am talking about good, clean fun.

Examples of this could fill the the pages of a million blogs. My mission was fun. I laughed everyday. We worked hard... sure. But we played constantly too. (sigh)

I bring this up because something happened today that (I think) is a direct result of some mischief I engaged in on my mission. First I should tell you that I served with a Danish Elder who loved pranks. Loved them. He went home while I was in my first month, but he passed a legacy prank onto me that I used to the fullest of my ability and then passed on when I left.

WARNING: if you are not a male between the age of 13-30 you may not find the following paragraph funny, entertaining, or of any merit. In fact you may find it disgusting and wish all manner of plagues upon me.

The prank went as follows: We would buy a can of Pringles. Luckily, once you pop a can of Pringles you can't stop and the potato chips would be consumed leaving a sturdy tube that could be perfect for shipping certain items to friends or loved ones. Then one of us (or both of us, if the serendipitous occurs and we both have to go) carefully poops into the empty Pringle can. It is a good idea to spray a little bit of water with a mist sprayer to keep it just a bit moist. The can is then sealed and wrapped in a thick layer of packing paper. We would then fake our best girl hand writing and address it to one of our mission buddies. It is important to send it to someone you know and love as you will be more likely to hear his/her account of opening the special present, which is far more fun than just imagining the experience.

In Ireland they refer to mail as "post", we called these Pringle packages (guaranteed to brighten even the the sourest of sourpusses days), "poost." The post in Ireland puts our mail system here to shame. Regular mail would get our poost to it's destination the next day. Which would ensure the contents freshness.

Listening to missionaries explain how they opened the can expecting love notes and candy inside only to find human defecation has got to be one of the most hilarious things I've seen in my short life. I have seen it a few times.

Well, today, the UPS man came by.

It was obvious to me what it was, but I found myself thinking, "This can't be poost. Not in America. Not so long after my mission." I decided to shake it. Poost has very distinct "shake properties" if the weight is on one side and shifts slowly or not at all one can be sure they are holding poost. I shook it, and there was no mistake, I was holding a can of poost.

Poost addressed to me? Who could it be? A recent returnee? An angry sister missionary? (Whoopsie. Oh my, oh me. Everythingy is rhymie.) I had to open the package, in case, as there often is, a note was inside the can. Usually something would be taped to the lid, because when sending poost if you need to send a message you need to understand that no one will go sifting through poop for much anything. A very healthy... very human poop lie inside. No corn or anything to identify it specifically could be seen. I didn't spend much time looking at it.

Hopefully, this was one of my friends who will be looking for an explanation so that this mystery doesn't have to last long.

Ha ha, doesn't really matter to me. It is incredibly funny, and I am flattered that not only did someone go to the effort to send it, but that I can be sure my legacy lives on in Dublin.

Jake

42 comments:

Shelby Lou said...

bahahaha I love this. So funny! My friends all tell me how crazy their missions where, and when they get caught up in all their pranks I have to slow them down and say.. hey? did you do anything beside prank people all the time?

Funny story.
My friends Scott and Bubba went on their mission to Puerto rico i think.. and they would pick up the new elders on their first day out and turn the heat up just in the back of the car and sweat them out. Seeing as these elders where new they would be wearing their coats, and long sleeves, and all those goodies. hahaha

simple, but great for a laugh!
LOVED IT!

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

We whipped each other with belts in one zone for activities. Those were the days...

Lauren said...

Bahaha.... poost.

Sometimes I am about as mature as a 15 year old boy. Right now would be one of those times.

Autumn said...

haha. This was hilarious. Something that I can see almost EVERY missionary doing. Although, I don't know if I could bring myself to do it.

Angela said...

Boys are so gross. I did laugh a little... but yuck yuck yuck.

That is five minutes of my life I will never get back. ;) Thanks for sharing.

artsyesque said...

Bahahahahahaha! Don't tell my brothers.

Anna said...

Really, REALLY disgusting.

But hilarious....i mean, POOST? Seriously?

Jessie said...

I'm leaving on a mission in April and my best friend leaves this Wednesday so needless to say missions have been on my mind quite a bit lately. I'm going to be printing this out and sending it to her for her first day in the MTC. Thank you SO MUCH for the perfect "first day in the MTC" stress reliever.

Jenn said...

I'm not a Mormon, so I obviously haven't ever gone on a mission, but OMG, why didn't I think of that? I would totally poo in a pringles can. <---I know, I'm not very lady-like...

I also may never eat pringles again, or I will and I can ship you the tubes. Whatdayasay?

Julie said...

Speechless...

I laughed...(but it was sort of that uncomfortable laugh that one does when someone says something they ought not say in an uncomfortable situation.)

CharleeWonders said...

Hah, Yeah....that's disgusting.

I'm so glad I woke up early morning for some water but happened to stumble upon your blog instead.

Actually, most RM's I've encountered do tell me they had a lot of fun on their mission and proceed to tell the most horrific, hilarious, and just down right wrong pranks. I love it.

Kate Weber said...

Mmm. A pringles can full of poo. So tasty. Pringles have now become highly unappetizing. (Okay, not sour cream and onion... that can never happen.) Best part? You actually sprayed it with water to keep things "moist." Oh dear!

Poost hater said...

Disgusting. You may end up permanently single if this is your idea of a good time. Just sayin'

The Lady Girl said...

oh no. you just gave your readers a nasty new idea...you may want to take down your address.

M and C said...

why do guys all love poop? I dont get it.. sooo nasty. lol

Nikki said...

I am all for potty humor and potty jokes...but shit jokes, not funny. I tasted bile. ew. :)N

Erin said...

After I got past the gagging part, it was sort of amusing in a way.

Dylan said...

I am 14 and I would like to thank you for inspiring me. I will be pulling this prank at least once in my life...who knows, maybe more.

Crystal said...

That is disgusting!! But I'm literally laughing out loud at the disgusting awesome-ness of it all.

classic.

M-Cat said...

This just endeared you to me more.

My son who just got home left behind his own legacy in southern Chile.

He had very few "gringo" comps. They were all latin. The latino boys didn't know what blue darts where.

My son is a pro and we have some amazing pictures showing his prowess and his effectiveness in teaching this talent.

There are now several young south american men who can throw a blue dart as well as any "gringo" boy scout!

Paula said...

I bet it is the poo of the aforementioned male supermodel.

S said...

Surprisingly I ended up laughing, after I grimaced of course. Now I'm off to tell my Dad who will no doubt find this funny.

Cindylou said...

In the words of BBL...that is sickNAST. boys are weird. LOL

Katie said...

That makes me kind of want to throw up. Just sayin'

Hilary said...

I love poop stories, I know that sounds completely immature but poop is the best and the whole poost thing is amazing. Thank you for reminiscing your good missionary times. Definitely considering sending one to the brother, the end.

Rebecca said...

You know, you should visit www.poopsenders.com. Or maybe the personalization makes all the difference?

Heather Guymon said...

I find that particularly hilarious specifically because I just spent 11 days straight wiping runny pooh from my 6 month old's bum and nothing phases me; It could also be because I am the most uncouth girl you will ever meet...but being a mom definitely worsens that character trait fo sho.

Poost. Haha.

Rissy said...

I held back vomit the entire time I read that

brie said...

that is so nasty! don't get e-coli! (she says, cheerfully)

Steven said...

Your mission sounds a little more laid back. My mission president would have "poosted" his pants if he found out we did that!!

hater said...

Opening a pringles can with poo inside would scar me for life. Why do guys think poop is so funny? You sound like my 3 year old son.

on a roll said...

I have lost count of how many times I have made it on your front page commenter section. Once again I am there - this made my day!

aerin keni said...

borat and bruno worthy

Brenn said...

Bahahahaha, maybe I find this funny because I only have brothers, but I laughed and laughed -- that was good enough to have me randomly laughing out loud in class when I randomly thought about it! Soooo funny -- hope you find out who your mystery poost-er is!

Anonymous said...

For some reason this blog kind of makes me feel like I'm in Harry Potter HAHAHA and all the mormons are the wizards and such and us non-mormons are like the "muggles"

Anonymous said...

I think you might need to get some therapy for brain. You might have leaked ALOT of brain fluid, lately.

~kiMbeRLy~ said...

This is not shocking to me at all...I feel as though it should be.
Hilarious! Poost...that is a legacy to be proud of. I mean that. Not even trying to be sarcastic! Love it!

colleenroselle said...

excellent. I sent this story to all my bff missionaries

Lana Dawn said...

this was cool.

i don't think i'd ever send or want to recieve poost. but i still think it's cool.

i liked that you said missions are fun.

i leave on one in 34 days.

sometimes i'm scared that it will be no fun.

you have me feeling hopeful!

Anonymous said...

gross! I can't even finish reading this because I keep gagging.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha SICK but it made me LOL

Amy said...

Sick to the NAST! =D