Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Single V-Day

I haven't made a whole lot of progress with Mikaela. I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with accidentally making eye contact while trying to scope out a chick, but I kind of like it. Not in a who's-the-creepy-dude-who-is-drooling-over-my-fish-net-clad-thighs kinda way. More in a I-think-I-just-caught-that-guy-checking-me-out-but-I'm-not-positive kinda way. I'm not a girl expert, by any means, but from what I understand girls are only creeped out by a dude if he's unattractive. I've never heard a girl say, "Oh my gosh, this gorgeous, beautifully toned, dimpled face and dimpled buttocks guy was checking me out at the gym. It was creeeeeepy." So it's safe to assume only unattractive, geeky guys can be creepy, right?

Since I'm right on the border of attractive and average, I'm trying to play it safe. Of course I look at her more than I look at the teacher, but the only reason I do that is because I want to see if she ever looks at me. Um... she doesn't. The clock is on the wall at the back of the class and sometimes she looks backward to see what time it is. I always think she's only pretending to look at the clock when she really wants to see if I'm looking at her. Um... she's not. She really just wants to see what time it is.

On Friday I was walking to Intro to Psychology which is in the basement of the Social Science building. As I walked in, I thought, "I need some Starbursts." Looking back, I think it was the Holy Ghost prompting me to buy some candy in the vending machine upstairs. I thought about going downstairs to drop off my backpack before walking up the two flights of stairs to purchase my candy. I stood on the precipice for about 10 seconds trying to decide if it was more work to walk down the stairs, drop off my backpack and then walk back up the same stairs or to just walk up the second flight of stairs with my backpack. I opted to drop my backpack off first, which ended up being the wrong decision because after I walked back up to the vending machines I realized I'd left my change in the front pocket of my backpack anyway.

So after walking back down and then back up again, I realized how badly my thighs were burning. I had to rest halfway up the second flight of stairs. I smiled to myself as I pictured Mikaela hiding somewhere and watching me wheeze on the stairs for two minutes followed by me pumping quarters into a vending machine to purchase my Starbursts. How embarrassing would that be? ("Uh, hi, Mikaela. I'm average looking and out of shape. Whatcha doin' on Friday? Wanna carry me out on a date?")

By the time I got back downstairs to class it had already started. I noticed that Mikaela had chosen the seat directly behind mine. I got excited until I realized how difficult it would be to stare longingly at her. She smiled at me as I sat down. I turned my head sideways just a little bit and asked, "Did I miss anything?" She said, "If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" I wondered if this was Mikaela's equivalent to "Does a bear poopie in the woods?" I smiled and said, "Are you getting fresh with me?" Then she giggled and said, "No, that's what you missed. The teacher asked that question to the class." I said, "What was the answer?" Mikaela replied, "No. It doesn't make a sound." I thought for a moment and then said,"Well, that's just plain ridiculous." She continued, "He said it makes sound waves, but if nobody is around to hear it, then it doesn't actually make a sound." I turned back around and opened my notebook while I thought about that answer.

About a minute later, I turned back around, "What about animals or insects? Did he say 'if noBODY is around to hear it' or did he say 'if noTHING is around to hear it'?" She got a quizzical look on her face and said, "I'm pretty sure he said 'nobody'." I grinned, "Well, I guess I'm smarter than this (begin over-exaggerated air quotes) PROFESSOR (end over-exaggerated air quotes)." Mikaela smiled and said, "Those were pretty awesome air quotes." I stated, "I've found air quotes are most effective if you bend all four fingers for each individual syllable of the word or phrase you happen to be air quoting." I gave a few examples and did my best to really emphasize my air quote skills.

I completely forgot about my Starbursts until 10 minutes before class ended. I opened them up and unwrapped a pink one. It was delicious. Then I remembered something my brother, Rodney, had told me that he'd done. I took out one of the oranges (my favorite) and stretched my arms backward a little bit. When I felt like my positioning was just right, I dropped the Starburst and listened to it bounce onto Mikaela's notebook.

I quietly directed my attention back to the teacher, but listened to Mikaela. After a few seconds I heard Mikaela unwrapping my gift. Then I heard her slowly chewing it. What a beautiful sound. It was like I had baited a hook and she had taken it.

When class was over, I left quickly so she didn't feel obligated to thank me or worry about me trying to walk her to her next class. You're welcome, Mikaela.

Calvin

45 comments:

Shelby Lou said...

Oh Calvin! You need to work out yo legs bro! haha

Kellie said...

Uh haha! I think if that happened to me I'd ask why you dropped a starburst on my desk.
But I'm an awkward person.

Kate Weber said...

This post was hilarious! I'd been wondering what was happening with Mikaela! Seriously though? You can't walk up a couple flights of stairs!? C'mon! It's a good thing you are witty!

M said...

Wow... a clean, funny, entertaining post! I'm very impressed! :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

That Chick said...

smooooooothh.

haha. i would have taken the bait too, probably. especially if it involved free starbursts.

megan said...

It would make my day if cute boy from class that I've been wanting to talk to me gave me a Starburst like that. Good work! Good luck with her! :)

Jade said...

Calvin, I really liked your post. Sounds pretty much like my life right now, except that I'm going after a guy rather than a girl.

Happy Valentines day!

Oh and your right, girls don't get creeped out by an attractive guy checking them out. It's only when the creepy ones check us out that we get creeped out.

c a n d a c e said...

I would have not fallen for the bait if it was just an ORANGE starburst. Pink- Definitely, Orange- No way.

Loved the post C.

Jocelyn said...

You should have asked her to unwrap in her mouth.

loved the post!

Abi said...

Delightfully entertaining.

Especially not being able to make it up and down the stairs without your legs burning.
Classic.

The Lady Girl said...

The Holy Ghost prompted you to buy candy? Do you think the Holy Ghost would prompt me to eat a whole pizza by myself because that would be really awesome! That's funny that she ate the candy, i probably would have mistaken it for an accident and given it back.

Marci Darling said...

Smooth. Real Smooth.

Hailey said...

If some boy was willing to share starbursts with me(especially an orange one) I think I would be head over heels immediately. Most the boys I know would hog them and eat them all themselves! So I'd say pretty smooth move :D

Brittnay said...

Your so cute C :)
Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Chess said...

Smooth, Cal, smooth. Pink and red Starbursts are my flavors of choice. :)

Belo Prado said...

Genius! Absolute genius!! Boob nazi can't argue with this post. And that you shared your favorite kind? That's awesome

Mary said...

bahaha. i love that you had to stop halfway up the second flight of stairs...
also. extremely cute story :]

Little said...

mmmm.....orange is the BEST flavor :)

Little Debi said...

That's cute that you gave her your favorite flavor. But orange is known as the gross one so she probably thought you were just trying to get rid of the ones you didn't want haha.

Brad: Mormon SL,UT said...

are you lonely being single on valentine's day? ...or are you like me and happy that you didn't get suckered into a relationship anywhere near christmas or valentine's day? ;)

Rissy said...

so cute!

Anonymous said...

If only you would put in this sort of effort at the end of a relationship . . . so much potential wasted.

Meg said...

You're smooth, Cal. Gotta give you that one. :)

Allison said...

So cute! I love it- even though the reds are my favorite color. :D

singlemormonchick said...

that is one of the cutest things ever. seriously. sharing your starbursts. awesome.
i bet she had something really cute and really funny to say, but you bailed on her! give a girl a chance calvin!

Erika said...

-Nice move with the starburst!

I have a good feeling about this Mikaela!

... and yes, happy single V-day to you too

Anonymous said...

...i am pretty sure i am "Mikaela"

Anonymous said...

NICE BRO.

Rissy said...

aahhh anonymous 4:00 seriously?

~*~Katie Jo~*~ said...

hahaha
Super entertaining.
Super cute.
Good luck with this girl, she seems fun!

Verity Kae said...

Ha!!! The anonymous thinks she is the girl!! LOVE IT!! I love that you had to rest at the stairs!

Anonymous said...

Do you mean all 4 fingers from each hand....or two fingers from each hand equaling 4 total? If it is the first - you probably do look like a creeper.

Anonymous said...

hope she doesn't have any career goals in mind or plans to finish her education if you get married.

Lesha said...

I am so glad this has anything to do with the dreadful v-day....

Zuzu Bailey said...

I just wanted to say that single on Valentine's day is ok... Especially since V-day coincides with Ferris Wheel Day. So Happy Ferris Wheel Day!

Anonymous said...

This post is just like the rest! No outcome. Gay and typical!

Vickie said...

love

Ashley Eliza said...

love you. love you. love you. please write your number on it next time....!!

Shannon said...

Well well well. Aren't you guys pissing people off? I found your blog after reading several (and I mean several) blogs swearing you guys off forever. And I'm sure you know it was over your "deal breaker" post. So I came over to see what all the hubbub was about. I'm sorry - you are very very funny. I don't know why these women are getting their g's in such a bunch. Even if I didn't agree with you, I wouldn't take myself so seriously as to be offended. Ridiculous. And no I'm not some single girl hoping your make believe character will fall in love with me via internet because of my agreeable comment. I'm married. And this was my husband's exact list (well, close). And yes I have an education. Yes I could work if I wanted to. No I am not offended that you want your wife to stay at home with your kids. That's what I've chosen to do. Seriously, to all the feminazis reading this blog: lighten up. You make us all look bad! As a sidenote, I couldn't help but laugh at Blazzer's comment. To wrap up my neverending comment here - thanks to your bad press, you now have a new reader. Congrats. I'm a pretty awesome one to have.

Amy said...

HAHAHAHA! I am laughing so hard right now. So Brilliant!
Holy Ghost prompting you to buy candy? awesomeness.
I love that you imagined her watching you and admitted it. I guess everybody does that with people they like. I do, but I never thought that others did it too.

Starburst drop? So smooth Calvindude. Genius.

*off to read comments* :)

Anonymous said...

Shannon - sorry but I am not a feminazi! You don't even know what you're talking about. I am so tired of people reading this blog for the first time and just falling in love at first sight. It is ridiculous. I am also a stay at home mom and love it, but totally disagree with how they treat women here. I enjoy reading this blog, and think it is funny and interesting most of the time - so please don't accuse me of being a hater next and tell me to stop reading. Trust me I've heard it enough from everyone else here. But if I disagree with something they say I have no problem expressing that and don't think I should be called a "feminazi" because I think women should get an education and that there's nothing wrong with them having a career. There is a time and place for that even if you are a stay at home mom.

And to all the people accusing others of being a feminazi or a hater just because you disagree with them... lighten up!

Little Lovables said...

my husband knew I was the girl for him when I brought him his fav and hard to find candy. for reals

Katia said...

The starburst idea was so cute! I think that it was a good idea for you to bail quickly from class, it will drive her crazy and she'll most likely talk to you next time! Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

And she didn't open the wrapper in her mouth and then show you? Don't waste your time... she's not easy. :)

Carmen San Diego said...

I'm not sure if you're gonna let this comment through, but I'm gonna try.

We're getting closer, day by day to finding you.

Good luck staying anonymous boys.

www.exposeMBP.blogspot.com