Happy Single V-Day

I haven't made a whole lot of progress with Mikaela. I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with accidentally making eye contact while trying to scope out a chick, but I kind of like it. Not in a who's-the-creepy-dude-who-is-drooling-over-my-fish-net-clad-thighs kinda way. More in a I-think-I-just-caught-that-guy-checking-me-out-but-I'm-not-positive kinda way. I'm not a girl expert, by any means, but from what I understand girls are only creeped out by a dude if he's unattractive. I've never heard a girl say, "Oh my gosh, this gorgeous, beautifully toned, dimpled face and dimpled buttocks guy was checking me out at the gym. It was creeeeeepy." So it's safe to assume only unattractive, geeky guys can be creepy, right?

Since I'm right on the border of attractive and average, I'm trying to play it safe. Of course I look at her more than I look at the teacher, but the only reason I do that is because I want to see if she ever looks at me. Um... she doesn't. The clock is on the wall at the back of the class and sometimes she looks backward to see what time it is. I always think she's only pretending to look at the clock when she really wants to see if I'm looking at her. Um... she's not. She really just wants to see what time it is.

On Friday I was walking to Intro to Psychology which is in the basement of the Social Science building. As I walked in, I thought, "I need some Starbursts." Looking back, I think it was the Holy Ghost prompting me to buy some candy in the vending machine upstairs. I thought about going downstairs to drop off my backpack before walking up the two flights of stairs to purchase my candy. I stood on the precipice for about 10 seconds trying to decide if it was more work to walk down the stairs, drop off my backpack and then walk back up the same stairs or to just walk up the second flight of stairs with my backpack. I opted to drop my backpack off first, which ended up being the wrong decision because after I walked back up to the vending machines I realized I'd left my change in the front pocket of my backpack anyway.

So after walking back down and then back up again, I realized how badly my thighs were burning. I had to rest halfway up the second flight of stairs. I smiled to myself as I pictured Mikaela hiding somewhere and watching me wheeze on the stairs for two minutes followed by me pumping quarters into a vending machine to purchase my Starbursts. How embarrassing would that be? ("Uh, hi, Mikaela. I'm average looking and out of shape. Whatcha doin' on Friday? Wanna carry me out on a date?")

By the time I got back downstairs to class it had already started. I noticed that Mikaela had chosen the seat directly behind mine. I got excited until I realized how difficult it would be to stare longingly at her. She smiled at me as I sat down. I turned my head sideways just a little bit and asked, "Did I miss anything?" She said, "If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" I wondered if this was Mikaela's equivalent to "Does a bear poopie in the woods?" I smiled and said, "Are you getting fresh with me?" Then she giggled and said, "No, that's what you missed. The teacher asked that question to the class." I said, "What was the answer?" Mikaela replied, "No. It doesn't make a sound." I thought for a moment and then said,"Well, that's just plain ridiculous." She continued, "He said it makes sound waves, but if nobody is around to hear it, then it doesn't actually make a sound." I turned back around and opened my notebook while I thought about that answer.

About a minute later, I turned back around, "What about animals or insects? Did he say 'if noBODY is around to hear it' or did he say 'if noTHING is around to hear it'?" She got a quizzical look on her face and said, "I'm pretty sure he said 'nobody'." I grinned, "Well, I guess I'm smarter than this (begin over-exaggerated air quotes) PROFESSOR (end over-exaggerated air quotes)." Mikaela smiled and said, "Those were pretty awesome air quotes." I stated, "I've found air quotes are most effective if you bend all four fingers for each individual syllable of the word or phrase you happen to be air quoting." I gave a few examples and did my best to really emphasize my air quote skills.

I completely forgot about my Starbursts until 10 minutes before class ended. I opened them up and unwrapped a pink one. It was delicious. Then I remembered something my brother, Rodney, had told me that he'd done. I took out one of the oranges (my favorite) and stretched my arms backward a little bit. When I felt like my positioning was just right, I dropped the Starburst and listened to it bounce onto Mikaela's notebook.

I quietly directed my attention back to the teacher, but listened to Mikaela. After a few seconds I heard Mikaela unwrapping my gift. Then I heard her slowly chewing it. What a beautiful sound. It was like I had baited a hook and she had taken it.

When class was over, I left quickly so she didn't feel obligated to thank me or worry about me trying to walk her to her next class. You're welcome, Mikaela.

Calvin