Monday, February 8, 2010

Calvin's Deal Breakers

A girl asked me once if I had any "deal breakers" when it comes to women. I think most people consider a "deal breaker" to be a quality, attribute, characteristic, etc. that is completely insurmountable in courtship. However, I don't think anything is completely insurmountable in a relationship. So I'm going to ease up a little bit and define a "deal breaker" as a quality, attribute, characteristic, etc that provides a significant obstacle in my ultimate discovery of eternal-companionship likeliness. I think it's probably safe to say if a girl has three or more of these, then the "deal" can be officially "broken". This list is not all-inclusive and I reserve the right to add to this list at my own discretion.

Here is my "deal breaker" list in no particular order:

1. Draws Flowers, Butterflies, Fairies, or Tribal Designs on Hands

This means she's either 13 years old or she's an "artistic" type of woman. I've heard bad things about "artistic" people. Like they have a tendency to be EMO, Gothic, or lesbian... and two of those three things are bad.

2. Professionally Done Fingernails

I think this means she's not gonna want to change diapers cause she doesn't want poop under her nails. It probably also means she doesn't know how to play an instrument. She's also used to being pampered since getting nails done is expensive and has to be done fairly often, if I'm not mistaken. I don't want to marry a spoiled, selfish, lazy woman who gouges me on accident when she's trying to comb my hair.

3. Loves Country Music

It's cool if she likes one or two songs cause I think we all know The Gambler is one of the most bitchin' songs in the universe. But if she digs country music... a lot... then we're just gonna be fighting over station preset #4 and #5 all the time. Worst case scenario is that she'll convert me to country music and then I won't be able to make fun of it anymore... and I'll have to buy boots and sheep.

4. Likes Sports More Than Me

I'm not that into sports, but I do enjoy watching the occasional game of football or soccer. The few times I've watched a sporting event with a girl, I've relished the opportunity of rolling my eyes at her uneducated questions about the game. It's something I love to do. But if she knew more than me, then I'd be the recipient of the eye roll and that would just plain hurt my feelings.

5. Has Career Goals Other Than Being a Mother

I think it's great that there are women out there who are in law school or trying to get their Masters Degree in something. Great. Awesome for you. But as far as my eternal companion goes, if you're in school right now, it had better be because you are trying to keep yourself busy while you're waiting for me to find you and propose. I hope you plan on leaving all of your career goals behind while you raise our children. I expect you to care for our children. Not your parents or a daycare. Period.

6. Hates Kids or Doesn't Want Them

Why don't you finish law school, find yourself a lesbian lover and make piles of dosh while complaining about overpopulation and global warming you selfish bitch.

7. Loves to Go Dancing and/or Clubbing

If you're the type of person who likes to mingle with drunk guys while letting them gyrate against you on the dance floor, then maybe you should be a stripper and not my wife.

8. Rich Parents

I need to be a man. I doubt I'll be rich at any point in my life and if your parents are rich then I'll feel inferior for the remainder of my mortal existence. I'm not down with that. If your parents are rich, then you'll probably expect me to provide you with similar luxuries that your parents worked 40 years to attain. When you realize I can't afford to pamper you, then you'll run back to your parents for a loan or some other sort of financial assistance. While you're complaining to them, why don't you just take your stuff with you and move back into your old Raggedy Ann themed bedroom.

(I've just realized how bitter this post is getting. Oh well, I'm gonna keep going.)

9. Too Much Make-up

I'd prefer you to be naturally beautiful, but I also understand that a little bit of makeup can accentuate your beauty, so I'm cool with a little bit of makeup. But if I can see a line under your jaw bone where your "base" stops and your actual flesh color begins, then that's a deal breaker for me. On that same note, if you're in the passenger seat and I'm in the driver seat and I can feel your 3 foot eyelashes tickling my cheek whenever you look toward me, then I'll just drop you off right there.

10. Smoker

This is only a "deal breaker" when it comes to my eternal companion. I've heard a lot of people say stuff like "It's like kissing an ashtray" but I doubt that's really true. I've never smoked and I've never kissed a smoker (that I know of), but I hope to be able to kiss a smoker before I get married. I get kind of excited at the thought of pinning a girl against a wall and making out with her while her burning cigarette is still in her hand. Hmmmmmm... nice. But then she'll have to quit, confess to the bishop, sincerely repent, get baptized, wait a year, and then come to the temple with me.

That's all I can think of right now, but this may end up being a "Deal Breaker Part 1" at some point cause I think I'm gonna have a lot more.

Calvin

224 comments:

1 – 200 of 224   Newer›   Newest»
Shelby Lou said...

I love country music, but like you said, you can be converted.

My parents are wealthy, but they wont give me anything, and I don't dare ask.

So.... let's make this happen.

:D

Katie said...

Oh boy, good thing I only meet one of these deal breakers. Gotta say, I love me some country music...though most of my presets aren't country. Just sayin'.

For the most part, these are actually pretty non-selfish/centered deal breakers. I think you aren't asking for too much with them. Esp number 5. Children should most definitely not be raised in a daycare...I worked at one for two years, and it was super sad. Some kids were there from 630 AM to 630 PM. I have to say though, just because someone has professionally done nails does not mean they won't change a poopy diaper. You're really weird. I have gotten my nails done once or twice for a wedding or prom, and I'm pretty sure nothing about my life changed...and I assure you, I'm not spoiled, selfish, or lazy. Though you are kind of lazy if you want your wife to comb your hair... And girls who like sports more than guys are weird. I just sit there and pretend like I know what's going on...haha.

Alexis Mullino said...

'Boots and sheep', haha!

Girl101 said...

just as well you're mormon calvin because i'm pretty sure you won't have any problems with any of these requests. espcially #5. but, i'll let you in on a secret.. sometimes, in the real world, mummy has to work. things arent always perfect, even in mormontown. and guess what, children dont automatically turn out to me emotionless sociopaths just because they didn't see their mum for a couple days of the week when they were 2 years old.

Busy Bee Lauren said...

I'm waiting for the hate to start. Especially on the one about women raising the children...

By the way...I agree with you.

Christina said...

Lol Good thing I'm already married cause I'm 3 or more of those :)

Crystal said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with having goals for what you want your future mate to be like. Except maybe the career one, if it's something you are passionate about you should have the support of your loved ones. But I'm betting you won't have trouble finding a girl who is more than happy to stay home and raise the babies!

I like Shelby Lou's comment. :)

Lyndsie Louise said...

wow. every one of these is something that bugs me when other girls do it.

call it chauvinistic, but women where made to raise babies. back up plans are always necessary, but when you come down to it, what else are these birthing hips for?

Ashley said...

I agree that children should not be raised by a daycare, but you might want to rephrase that a bit to include you in the raising of your children, because your wife shouldn't have to do it alone.

Sam Hale said...

Can I tell you how much of a turn on it is to hear that you want your wife to stay home and raise the kids. Wow.

I'm going to admit that I fit one of these categories. I do wear a decent amount of mascara . I don't wear base though, and feel the need to smudge a girl's base line if I see it. People look at me strangely when I do this. It really bothers me.

I think your "smoker" deal breaker was hilarious. I don't know why, but I laughed a lot.

Lachele said...

hahaha....
Cal, Yah... it just wouldn't work between us. I've got more than one deal breaker. But atleast I get extra points for having the coolest bday :)

Kate Weber said...

Too bad you are sticking to the anonymous thing. I don't possess any of these qualities. ;)

Gretchen said...

You make some really big assumptions here - huge leaps in judgment - which just go to show that you have a TON of maturing to do before you are ever ready to get married. I hope you take some time to grow up, figure yourself out, and see the world beyond your own little bubble before you pull a girl in there with you.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if there's a Deal Breakers Part 2, 3, 4, and 5 follow-up posts to this. All but a couple of your "deal breakers" are so arbitrary, I don't doubt there's a lot more where they came from.

You have a lot of growing up to do.

Kellie said...

Oh Calvin :-(

I love country music. And I know way too much about sports. And while being a stay at home mom would be sweet and everything.. i'd go crazy, so a career is necessary.

Miss Meaghan said...

I just have to defend myself on the professional finger nails. I get mine done, when I'm at home, because it's relaxing and I'm trying to break the habit of biting my finger nails. Although I always keep them short so I can still play a good game of soccer without worrying about breaking a nail. Just because a girl has professionally done nails doesn't make her a priss, it just means she has something she enjoys. In my opinion it's better than the girls who go to the hair salon and spend tons of money on highlights and junk. anyways. fake nails if they are long, are stupid, but if they are short and look good. they are wonderful. and i hear they are better for the back scratching reciever. ha ha

Julie said...

I agree with most of what is on your list... However, there are two items I struggle with.

Everyone knows cowboy boots and sheep never belong in the same sentence. Here's the rule:
Cowboy Boots+Horses or Cows=yes Cowboy Boots+Sheep=never

Kissing a smoker: I have done this and can you say, "NASTY"? Honest to goodness, that is two minutes of my life I can never get back. To this day I shudder at the thought of sexy, hot, smoker boys tongue in my mouth. In theory it may seem sexy but in the end will only induce vomiting.

Disappointed said...

Calling someone a selfish bitch because they don't want to have children is just plain mean. Sometimes women such as myself have good reason not to reproduce such as hereditary diseases and disorders. The odds are stacked against any child of mine.

I agree with Gretchen...I think you guys are hilarious and it is interesting reading about your lives including your religion but you have a lot of maturing to do.

Katie said...

No hate here (to reply to BBL's concern) but a dealbreaker for me is having a man say my place is the home. Or, to be more specific, the idea that before I meet my husband my life should mean nothing more than waiting around for him. That's no way to live. A woman should have dreams and hopes of her own (which may include marriage & kids) and not just wait around feeling worthless until a man proposes to her. She should be in school for an education. Don't you want a smart woman raising your kids? Anyway, #5 made me feel ill.

But it doesn't matter that I think because you will find that girl. I just hope she hasn't felt her life was worthless until you show up.

emz said...

I don't possess any deal breakers. I do, however, think that some women HAVE to work...what if you get laid off or injured or you die? Your wife is gonna have to possess some degree of qualification. And what somebody said up there about not being able to have children...not that they don't want to, but biologically they aren't allowed to. Don't discriminate against those. I think it's sad when people can't have one of the greatest joys in life just because they physically have the odds against them.

All things said, I do agree with most of these deal breakers.

The Lady Girl said...

I commented on facebook on this post, but I just HAD to read the feed back you'd be getting.

Come on girls, don't defend or justify yourselves if you are any of these deal breakers, not every guy is as judge-mental as Calvin is...

Any guy with a list like this, good luck finding anyone that is ever good enough for you!

Bonnie said...

Seriously. Kiss a smoker.

Anonymous said...

I wholeheartedly agree that children should be raised by their mother and father whenever possible.

However, what about when the kids are grown? Won't you want your wife to have an education if she desires so she can do something besides flipping burgers when you're both empty nesters? Or is she destined to a life of nothing more than combing your hair after that?

Plus, if you ever became disabled or died, you would want her to be able to provide for her family, wouldn't you?

Bottom line...an educated woman isn't a bad thing and that and being a full-time mom to your kids while they're growing isn't a mutually exclusive thing. It's all about timing, doing the right things at the right time in your life.

Although...maybe you want just a dumb bunny who will serve you night and day.

Kate said...

I understand thinking that a parent should ideally be at home with the kids, but I don't see why it automatically has to be the other person actually doing that work, not you. I mean, you clearly value kids and raising them and don't seem that career-focused, so...

Christi said...

"If you're in school right now, it had better be because you are trying to keep yourself busy while you're waiting for me to find you and propose."

I HATE girls like this. Seriously ladies, have an interest besides finding that guy. Besides, there are a hundred things that could happen that could force you to have to work when you have kids. Yes, in an ideal world Mommy would stay home and raise the kids. But I've seen too many friends drop out of college because they got that MRS degree they were really there for, only to have to go back to work later because dad a. got sick and couldn't work full time, b. died or c. (most likely) ended up being a douche-bag who left her for some fat girl he met online. But, oops, she doesn't have an education so she ends up working three part time jobs at different grocery stores/fast food restaraunts trying to make ends meet. That's no kind of life for anyone involved. Especially the kids.
Life is way too unpredictable for me to not have the ability to support my family.

Elizabeth Downie said...

It almost seems like you're just trying to tick people off now, Calvin. It pains me to think that someone could truly be this much of a misogynist. I think it's fine to have deal breakers and I'm not saying all of yours are bad but come on now. Saying something like,

"But as far as my eternal companion goes, if you're in school right now, it had better be because you are trying to keep yourself busy while you're waiting for me to find you and propose."

you're clearly just trying to get a reaction. I hope.

Anonymous said...

You really show your age in this post. You sound like an immature little boy.

B R I T N E Y said...

So that made me laugh... Might look into making one of my own... I don't think it will be as bitter-sounding, but I've never really sat down and typed up a "deal-breaker" list...

Hmm...

Cait said...

You make me sick.
a. does a man have no responsibility in caring for his children?
b. a woman NEEDS to be able to care for herself financially if need be. What happens when daddy dies or takes off?
c. a woman is not walking uterus. yes, many of us want marriage and children, but we all have other dreams, goals, and aspirations and deserve to follow them.
d. ewwwww
f. you!

Chelsea Michelle said...

Hahahah oh you are so funny. I definitely agree with a lot on your list....except the nails. I have my nails done but short. And not only did I change little kids diapers as a nanny, but I work for home care hospice and change old people's diapers sometimes hahaha....no poop is in my nails! And I am definitely a hard worker.Oh and actually I really want to finish my nursing degree! Wouldn't you want that OPTION of having your wife be able to have her RN or something else (not a freaking masters with her own clinic...that's pushing it) that they could fall back on?? Pres Hinckley has encouraged us girls so much to be educated....children are the priority, but I want to be able to be knowledgeable and take care of my family....not have a career and leave my kids at day care. I would hate that, and would do anything in the world to not have a career to do that....like nursing. Work nights:) Buuuuut too bad no one knows who you are we could have had something....ha!

Blazzer said...

Daft, daft, daft. Again the commenters of this blog are so ridiculous, IT, is the one thing that makes me hate that I read this blog.

Calvin is not saying if you "CANT" have kids... idiots.

Calvin needs 3 of these to break the deal... morons.

It's as if you require an entire post from these guys to explain themselves on every point. "What about the man raising the kids... whine whine whine." don't you think that is implied you ninnies!

Have a career girls, don't have any kids, just give up all your make up, country music, and nails, and Calvins yours.

Great post Cal. Way to own up and be a peculiar person. Your list definately does not follow the worlds trends.

-Blazzer

Shelby Lou said...

Just wanted to say something real quick.

I don't think Calvin is saying that EVERY woman should be like that. I think he is just saying that for HIM that is what he is looking for.

Everyone that disagrees with his deal-breakers, well.. you just aren't meant to be, with him. Being a working woman isn't a bad thing, it's what YOU want to do. Stop acting like he is talking to you directly. OH and stop pretending like he offended you, your dog, your great grandmother, and your best friend. He didn't.

kthanksbye

Anonymous said...

It's not that bad if she finishes her education. What if you died, got laid off or left her? She would be completely screwed if she could not get a well paying job to help her kids. Just saying, an education is a great safety net.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

The following is true:

Every time Jake and I think about writing a post or an amendment to defend ourselves, one of always says, "Let's wait to see if Blazzer comments first."

-c

Abi said...

Possibly my favorite post to date. Made me laugh quite a bit. I like all of your deal breakers (as in I don't obtain any of them and agree with you)
Good job, Calvin!

Kristin Lee said...

Hahaha. I love Shelby.

Cowboy boots can be hot. I'm just sayin'.

People look at me like I've grown a second head when they ask what my career goal is and I reply with "being a stay-at-home mom."

Anonymous said...

You are a pathetic child who needs to do a lot of growing up before you make any type of commitment to anyone else.

Anonymous said...

Btw... my sister has professionaly done nails, she also has a 2 week old babie and a toddler... she's never had a problem with changing their poopy nappies (diapers) OR getting up at 3am to do night feeds then up again at 6.30am to cook breakfast & she plays the Violin... lol not all girls with professionaly done nails are lazy, spoilt brats.

Nic said...

hahaha I only have one of those.... Im a huge fan of Rugby. and I probably Play more sports than you do.

Elizabeth Downie said...

Oh, Blazzer. It's sweet that you're BFFs with Calvin and Jake, but I think you worry too much about them and the comments they receive. They love the outraged comments they get. That's why they encourage it with a wall of fame. We're only giving them what they want. Plus, some of what they say, while amusing and exaggerated, is pretty outrageous and I think it's ok for people to disagree with them and not be considered daft. It would be incredibly boring if all the comments were "you guys are so adorable."

I think a lot of people are offended by this blog but just can't look away...

Brynn said...

Oh, so you're one of 'THOSE' guys....
The ones that expect women to go to college JUST to find a man.

WOW.

That comment makes me think you are a sexist pig.

Although, I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a girl like that. I've met a few.

I think that if a woman wants to devote their talents to raising kids AND having a meaningful career (without the daycare, etc.), then good for her.

Plus, (especially if you're going to the U of U), I hope you have realized that college is for MUCH more than to just to get that certificate so you can "get a better job".

But... whatever... not like this will change you opinion.

Anonymous said...

I can't help but notice that you didn't put that she must share your faith? You guys are such hypocrites.

Anonymous said...

Anon 10:58

These guys think they can convert anyone. That's not a deal breaker for them...they'll MAKE them be Mormon.

Jocelyn said...

Kissing a smoker is also on my list of things to do. How about this: We both start smoking temporarily, make out (cigs in hand), Give it up for good, and then seal the deal in the temple?

Meghan O said...

i don't mind your list.

but i also don't possess any of the deal breaking qualities that you've laid out.

so no complaints =)

Summer Lawson said...

Just for the record this is the first post I have ever commented on, even though I'm a pretty avid MBP reader, but I just had to say....I guess this list eliminates me as a candidate, and deep down I'm not gonna lie I'm kinda bummed! haha. Its interesting to see different guys deal breakers because all of them are so different. From a girls perspective I would think that some of these would be things you would be looking for, but it looks like I just got a wake up call. Good for you for knowing what you want, Its a lot more than most guys can say. There are a couple I agree with you on though.

Note to self: sadly, eliminate Calvin from perspective marriage candidates.

Meg said...

Calvin, I loved this post. I totally agree with you on all of these! Girls having any of the qualities you listed bug me. I like you better after reading this post. And Blazzer, you are awesome. I love your comments!

And Anonymous 10:58... He mentions religion under #10 at the end- Hello!

Drake said...

The 'women should be in college to get their M.R.S. degrees' comment is a little idiotic, but I'm pretty certain you put that in there to see how many people would get upset. In fact...I wonder if you two have a bet goind whenever you write a post like this.

Calvin: "I bet if I say that women exist only to have my babies and should only be in college while they're killing time waiting for me to impregnate them, then at LEAST ten girls will tell me I'm adorable."

Jake: "That's ridiculous. You're being incredibly misogynistic. No more than 8 girls will tell you you're adorable."

-they shake on it, all the while laughing at how many acolytes they've acquired through saying things that would get them slapped in real life-

And so the wager is made...

If that's the case, my hat's off to you, gentlemen. You know more about women than James Bond.


I did find it confusing that one of your concerns with long nails was that she'd poke you when combing your hair. Is combing your hair something you imagine your wife doing frequently or are you just attracted to women who treat you like your mother did when you were four?

Verity Kae said...

I kinda get teary eyed when I read this blog. . . ya know, just from sheer happiness and laughter. . . I cry when I laugh really hard. Don't worry, it's UNDER CONTROL. I love this post. And every post. But this one is A+++ material.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I never knew all women who want a good education, or a career, or who don't want children are man-ish, bra-burning, feminist lesbians. But of course, the only good, faithful, marriageable Mormon woman is the one that wants to be a stay-at-home mommy and nothing else. I'm in college for a good education. BYU actually, I know, crazy. I might end up working after school. I may not. I might decide to have children, I may not. All of these choices are between me and God and possibly a future husband. If a woman is only in college to get married and have babies, good for her. But a woman who has different ideas? She must be a bitch or a lesbian, or both, according to you. I believe in the gospel, I've felt its power and truth, but you are the perfect example of everything oppressive and negative about Mormon culture--not the Church or the gospel, the culture. Fundamentally, people are people. Any trait a woman has can be found in a man and visa versa. Not just narrowly defined sexual roles. Look in the New Testament, you'll find that Christ was described as meek, loving, patience, forgiving, charitable. Hmmm, Christ sounds so feminine... What might a man who strongly demonstrated those traits be called today? In reality, sexually assigned attributes are society wrongly cementing gender biases and oppression. I don't mind that you want a wife that wants to be a mom and have children. That's great, admirable. I'm just sick and tired of the way Mormon Culture treats women in a way that is so far from gospel doctrine. But it might just be me.

Rissy said...

After being very tempted to write a detailed list of why I do or do not fit each of these requirements I stopped myself.
I didn't read all the hating comments but I was giggling the whole way through the post waiting to see what they might be.
I feel very inspired to compile a list of my own deal breakers. I'm just not sure how to put "you weird me out" into something more specific. I commend you for being able to write all these down.

I was about to call you an idiot for the "no career" comment but I realize you are saying this for your wife not all women.

I hope no one tries to beat me for this BUT I think you sound like you'll be a great husband.

Lindsay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Drake. I started reading this and most of it is so typical. Let's tick off the girls and appeal to their feminist side by telling them they have to have no ambition and have lots of babies. That is sure to get us a lot of comments. Nice timing since the last couple of posts have been some of your worst this is a sure way to get everyone back in.
p.s. Thank you Calvin I now know to shut up when watching sporting events.

Amy said...

I love that you want your wife to raise your children! This is so so so important!
I can appreciate the poop under the nails thing. Ew!
Way to look out for the high maintenance girls.

p.s. this post was still funnier than all get out. (thanks to MY dad for that lingo)
p.p.s. I get the whole smoker thing. It'll probably never happen for me, but I'm glad that you might get to do that someday.

Anonymous said...

Calvin, you are punk pussy...being a stay at home parent, and doing a good job at it, is a far more tiring and harder job than any career out there. Your wife will be way stronger than you and obviously you are too weak to handle it. HAAA HAAAHAHAA

Rissy said...

Oh and people... go ahead and make your own deal breaker list. I'm sure Jake and Calvin don't fit everyone's ideals.

{The Huffakers} said...

Too bad you are anonymous because you have plenty of girls throwing themselves at you through your blog. Good for you wanting a woman who actually stays at home with her kids and for actually wanting kids. You would be surprised at how many Mormon guys don't really want kids or at least aren't vocal about it. Even though I am my husband's sugar mama, you better believe when it comes time for kids, it is his responsibility to provide for our family while I focus on the little pukes. Trust me, you want to be picky when it comes to choosing your eternal companion because eternity is a LONG, LONG time.

Kathleen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

President Gordon B. Hinckley, the 15th President of the Church:

“There are some women (it has become very many, in fact) who have to work to provide for the needs of their families. To you I say, do the very best you can. I hope that if you are employed full-time you are doing it to ensure that basic needs are met and not simply to indulge a taste for an elaborate home, fancy cars, and other luxuries. The greatest job that any mother will ever do will be in nurturing, teaching, lifting, encouraging, and rearing her children in righteousness and truth. None other can adequately take her place” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 93; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 69).

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “As a mother guided by the Lord, you weave a fabric of character in your children from threads of truth through careful instruction and worthy example. You imbue the traits of honesty, faith in God, duty, respect for others, kindness, self-confidence, and the desire to contribute, to learn, and to give in your trusting children’s minds and hearts. No day-care center can do that. It is your sacred right and privilege” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 102; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 74).
#

President Boyd K. Packer, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, observed, “No teaching is equal, more spiritually rewarding, or more exalting than that of a mother teaching her children” (“Teach the Children,” Ensign, Feb. 2000, 16).

-c

Crystal said...

I think I would be the WORST mother. So...I'm doing the world a favor. :)

Brenn said...

So is it okay if I'm artistic, but don't draw crap on my hands? I swear I'm not emo or goth... And I'm with Shelby Lou, I will happily convert you to country -- you wouldn't be my first convert! ;) And honestly, the only time I have fake nails is for a really fancy event (say, my best friend's wedding,). It's rather sad how I'm defending this to you... Oh well! Last one is, I have two careers gOing for me right now, (okay, one finished, and one in progress), and I planned both of them so I could work from home without any problems. And really, how bad could it be having a massage therapist as a wife??

LovelyLauren said...

You do realize that any girl who is remotely interesting to talk to will probably have more ambition than to be a babymaker, right? Not that you're typically interested in conversation, Calvin.

Hey Calvin, didn't your mom work?

And could we get a list like this from Jake? I think it would be interesting comparison.

Bridgette said...

I'm not Mormon, but I grew up with a guy that was, and he was one of the most amazing people I have ever known, and I just think that it's pretty awful that you use "Mormon" in your title, but you have so many ideals, and make so many comments that are complete opposite of what (I thought) the Mormon church believes and stands for.

My friend has told and showed me a lot about your church, and I didnt think it was anything close to what I'm reading on this blog.

I think that the real representatives of your church would be pretty disgusted by the words you use, the things you say, and the way you treat the women in your life.

You can act and do what you please, but you need to change your name so people know that you are NOT representing the Mormon church. Because if you are, then I was totally wrong on what I thought Mormons were; and I'll be disapointed to know that all Mormons are all fake--their all just putting on an act.

Heidi said...

Calvin if you want to kiss a smoker, I can line you up with my waiter at Dennys. (that is if I ever go there again)

He's a smoker and wants me. Maybe that'll be a way to get him to stop fantasizing about me...

and hey, you can be gay AND kiss a smoker. Two things you've always wanted.

Anonymous said...

one word LOSER

The Lady Girl said...

Ew, you are quoting Apostles? Seriously? I'm fine with that, but coming from someone who is a bad example of the church? practice what you preach! Your going to preach to us though????? I don't get it.

AngelaBeth said...

I agree with back scratcher/soccer players comment. Fake nails are great every once in a while when you want to feel good about yourself/be pampered.. and it usually only cost about $20 where I get mine done. Every time I get my nails done I am sure to spoil someone with a back scratch, even if it's just one of my best girl friends during the longest fifth Sunday/third hour ever. And trust me, I have endurance.. you totally want that person to be you.


On the smoker note... go for someone who smokes menthols.. the mint flavor makes the taste bearable for all parties involved. ;)

Anonymous said...

Bridgette - don't get this impression of the church. The guy you grew up with? He's probably a good example.

Anonymous said...

Bridgette - I wonder if you or anyone who sits here and says what a bad a example these guys are has any examples. I am reading the same blog you are and I think these are great guys.

One of us must be missing something.

Katie E. said...

I love it that your wife will basically be a single mother since she will be raising your children entirely on her own without any help from you.

As far as being career-minded, read The Feminist Mystique and realize one of the reasons why I think you're kind of a jackass.

Just so you know, women are people too. They do have thoughts, life goals, and the ability to think logically and critically. Several are smarter than you are. Guaranteed.

Heather Lee said...

I'm a little offended that you think women should only get an education "in the mean time." I can agree that women should take care of their children (should they choose to have any), but the father should play an equal role. I hope you plan on doing that. And I also hope you plan on having a well-enough paying job so that your future wife doesn't have to work, since you're so adamant about her staying home all the time with the kids (which would pretty much be Hell day in and day out...to me anyway).

Good luck in your search!

Anonymous said...

like others, i suspect you say a lot of things for the shock value.

none of the prophets or general authorities you quoted said women could not work, or that it was not valuable. you can be a great mom and a professional.

at least i hope so, or sister kristen m. oaks (you may have heard of her husband? dallin h. oaks?) would be in trouble. here is an excerpt of a talk they co-wrote together.

behold:

Learning and Latter-day Saints
By Elder Dallin H. Oaks Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles And Kristen M. Oaks

Sister Oaks: Women’s educational paths and experiences are often very different from men’s. I grew up in a time when women seemed to have only two options to support themselves—teaching and nursing. My “problem” was that I never considered either one of them. Supporting myself financially was something I did not consider possible or necessary. I loved to learn, and I knew how to work; in fact, I loved to work. I had many summer jobs, and I did well in school. When I awoke to the fact that I needed to support myself fully, I was afraid, almost paralyzed, by the unforeseen challenges that seemed to loom ahead for me. I had no real job skills. My studies in liberal arts had fed my soul, but now I needed to feed my pocketbook.

I attended graduate school to learn skills to support myself. I loved every minute of learning and encountered not only new ideas but discovered my own capabilities. Where I had felt shy and somewhat vulnerable, I now felt capable and competent to face life on my own.

It is disturbing that so many, especially women, have self-doubts and question their ability to succeed. Addressing female students studying math, science, and engineering in March 2005, BYU president Elder Cecil O. Samuelson Jr. of the Seventy said: “One of your professors has commented to me … that some of you have less confidence in your abilities and prospects than do your male peers, even when the evidence may suggest that this is not justified. You do need to recognize your talents, skills, aptitudes, and strengths and not be confused about the gifts that God has given you.”7

Women especially may receive negative feedback when they aspire to professional occupations. A young sister entering her late 20s and faced with supporting her family wrote for advice. She confided that she had approached an ecclesiastical authority about studying law and he had discouraged her. We do not know her abilities or her limitations; the counsel she received may have been based on them or on inspiration peculiar to her circumstances. But her determination could be felt through the pages of her letter, and it was clear that she should be advised to reach the full level of her potential.


while you just want the shock value, you may want to know that your comments are found to be "disturbing" by leaders of the church. you can want anything you want in a wife, but to call those who are different offensive terms such as bitches or lesbians is unnecessary and cruel.

and for every talk you quote telling women to stay home, i can find one telling them to get an education.

President David O. McKay said, “I do not know that there is any objection to women entering the fields of literature, science, art, social economy, study and progress, and all kinds of learning, or participating in any and all things which contribute to the fulness of her womanhood and increase her upbuilding influence in the world."

and of course, president hinckley...

"It is so important that you young men and you young women get all of the education that you can." i hope your wife gets all the educations she CAN, not just the education she can squeeze in before you knock her up.

Stephanie said...

For women, the important ingredients for happiness are to forge an identity, serve the Lord, get an education, develop your talents, serve your family, and if possible to have a family of your own." -James E Faust

“It is so important that you young men and you young women get all of the education that you can." Gordon B Hinckley

And Elder Russell M. Nelson, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, says, “Because of our sacred regard for each human intellect, we consider the obtaining of education to be a religious responsibility.”

“It is so tremendously important that the women of the Church stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the plan of the Lord. … “We call upon the women of the Church to stand together for righteousness. For this reason, Latter-day Saint women are encouraged to acquire an education and training that will qualify them both for homemaking and raising a righteous family and for earning a living outside the home if the occasion requires." Gordon B Hinckley

"For me, that fact is reason enough for all women to take education seriously, even if there were no other reasons. I agree with the observation that one of the hallmarks of civilization is when men learn from women to become interested in the education of their children." Marie K Hafen

"To you young women may I suggest that you get all the education you can." Gordon B Hinckley

Hmmm no mention of sitting around and waiting for a man...weird. But I did want to emphasize that while education is important, so is raising your children.

colleenroselle said...

I literally busted out laughing after I read number 6. awesome

Brittney said...

Wow, I was going to make a comment about how funny this post was. I am amazed, AMAZED, at the comments.

I am reading all these defenses for things which you didn't even say.

"I hope you plan on leaving all of your career goals behind WHILE you raise our children." - Seems reasonable to me.

"HATES kids" - hello!
"Doesn't WANT kids" - ability, genetics, and whatever other reasons there are have nothing to do with whether or not you WANT to have kids.

Of course there are what if's? I think Calvin's post is long enough, I bet he would have plenty to say to any of your What if questions.

Man, take yourselves a little bit more seriously.

Bailey said...

What I find funny about this is all of the comments of women being like "Oh my gosh! I totally fit in with all of these. My number is 555-555-5555."

I read a lot of this as satire, so I didn't really get offended. But, I guarantee I like sports more than you. Girl.

Nikki said...

Holy freakin' crap! Seriously chill bitches...and country music is awesome. People who play country music actually play instruments and I love a hard ass cowboy who isn't afraid to get dirty! Real men listen to country and kick shit. I love the smell of farm poop...aaahhh it's the smell of a simple non-city life. City people suck ass. If I ever end up in single land in the future and am of an age of desirability, my deal breaker would be...well just know size does matter.
Keep the girly girl freak out bitch twister posts coming they are most triumphant! Reaction is king! :)N

Nikki said...

Oh yea and after #6...I smoked a cigarette and fell asleep. Orgasmic.

Uptown Girl said...

Wow, this was my intro to your blog...
All I have to say is good luck finding a girl who isn't a deal breaker and actually has a personality! or is that a deal breaker too?

Nikki said...

AND...sheep can be very attractive and can keep you warm while wifey is away.

Lula! said...

Here's the thing...

I'm a Christian. Or I guess you would refer to me as an Evangelical Christian. And we Believers get our mandates not from an Elder or a President (who are but mere human men and women, completely fallible) but from God Himself. The Bible tells us, "Train a child in the way he should go..." (Proverbs 22:6)

Therefore, I am training my children. Because He didn't say, "Get a babysitter." It is a choice I have made, under the headship of my Lord, as well as my husband--to whom I vowed to "submit" to, in my wedding vows, because he vowed to love me "as Christ loved the church," and that is REAL love.

(Oh, the feminists are hating me. I care not.)

I do have a college degree, from the largest evangelical Christian university in the world. I'm proud of my education. I do not feel that I'm "wasting it" because I am "just" a stay-at-home wife and mother.

It would've been simpler for me to day, "Rock on, Calvin."

Not because I agree with everything on your list (dude, I call Sephora "The Mother Ship." Make-up is my passion!) But because it's YOUR list. And you had the balls to write about it.

I said "balls" to some Mormon dudes. I rule.

Go 'head with your bad self. Don't back down. Stick to your guns. Just remember...the future Mrs. Calvin may very well have a list of her own. Are you ready for it?!?

Tara said...

Anonymous 9:23am - Calvin never said getting a education was a bad thing.

Anonymous 9:44am - Immature? Where? What are you talking about? Or are you too busy tearing people down to cite any examples.

Anonymous 10:27am - Thanks for "just saying" We all needed that little insight Calvin surely has never ever thought of.

Anonymous 10:42am - "You are a pathetic child..." said the grown up!

Anonymous 10:48am - Thanks for all that added background on your sister. I'm certain that those things would make it easier for Calvin to overcome the obstacle of nails. Since your sister exists he should certainly stop blogging.

Anonymous 10:58am - Um define hypocrite for me... because your sentence isn't making any sense the way I understood it.

Anonymous 11:13am - You're right, what a terrible attitude to think that your belief system is powerful enough to convert others. Though "make" (in all caps) was your word, but well placed, it really drove your point home. Oh, and he mentions religion in #10, but you probably quit reading when you took the whole lesbian thing personal.

Anonymous 11:55am - You're right, it is just you. Nobody else thinks that,"meek, loving, patience, forgiving, charitable." is gay.

Anonymous 12:20pm - When did "typical" become an insult. Oh that Thomas S Monson, he's so typical. Glad you learned something, maybe you should learn not to make dumb comments.

Anonymous 12:26pm - Name caller. Good point about a stay-at-home-mom being hard work. Even though that has nothing to do with anything Calvin said.

Anonymous 1:28pm - two syllables in all caps without a period which is the exact same comment I left on the last post LOSER

Anonymous 1:53pm - Does anyone have any examples of Calvin being a bad example. Because I disagree. I'd tell you why, but that's obviously not how it's done.

Anonymous 1:59pm - aka Katie E, you sure are assuming a lot of things that were unsaid, and inferring even more. Where can I read about doing that?

Anonymous 2:01pm - Calvin never said women could not work, or that it was not valuable. Though I doubt very much that you are tuned into what the leaders of the church think, "you may want to know that your comments are found to be "disturbing" by leaders of the church" but maybe you're a Laurel adviser or something. I do agree though with one thing, Calvin shouldn't call us names.

Nikki - Though I don't always agree with you, using the term "Most triumphant" pretty much just made you my fave.

Calvin - please don't use the terms "Bitch and Lesbian" as far as shock goes I believe those were the shockers you included.

Anonymous said...

tara
no matter how hard you defend calvin, he still won't date you.

and why would you assume i'm not "tuned in" to what the leaders of our church think? because we don't agree? that's a shame.

calvin may not have said anything, but he implied (in the comments) that he had doctrinal support for his desire for a stay-at-home wife/mother. he can marry whoever he wants, but his opinion on raising chilren is just that- an opinion- not doctrine.

love,

anonymous 2:01, also known as the former laurel advisor (good guess!) and current relief society teacher. not that i need to defend myself with callings, but because mentioned it.

Jesslyn Ann said...

Dear Sir,
You say this like you are a catch, just waiting for throngs of girls to throw themselves at you.
Can I just say, while I agree a daycare or grandparents shouldn't raise children, fathers should be there. At least a little. Seeing as they're his kids too. It's not soley up to mom.
In case you forgot.

Carter @ The Kitchenette said...

Does it count if I *own* cowboy boots but don't listen to country music?

Also, C, I get that you don't want your future wife to have visions of netting $100K per year as the CEO of a major corporation, while your kids walk home alone from school. If I were a man, I wouldn't want that for my children either.

However, I think that a lot of a child's upbringing is determined by how happy and/or functional the mother is. And not every mother can find 100% peace in raising her children. She might need an outlet of some sort, like a hobby or a *gasp* part-time job. This is where parents and aunts and play-dates come in.

I really like to cook, and I like to blog, and I fully intend to keep cooking and blogging even after I have the four kids I want to have. And hopefully, by that time, blogging will be making me some money. I don't consider that to be a "career" goal, however, I consider that to be a goal for my life.

Brooke Lockart said...

Well... I can't say that I certainly agree with your list, but I'm not trying to be "the one" for you and it is YOUR list.

Sadly, very few people can support a family these days on just a single salary. I don't agree with Lula's statement about submitting to my husband because I believe as partners, we are equal -- that is my truth. Now, does that mean I'm gonna get all up on your business or in my dear friend Lula's business? Nope. This is your blog and your outlet. And hey, if I made a list of all of my deal breakers, I'm pretty sure that would eliminate 95% of the male population. It's all about living and learning.

Ok, carry on.

Tara said...

Anonymous 2:01 - Why would you assume that I want Calvin to date me? because we don't agree? that's a shame.

I doubt you are "tuned in", that's all. Throwing that into your comment like you're Tommy's daughter I find is a little ridiculous. Like you were hoping Cal and J would freak out a little, "Oooohh the leaders of the church are on to us and unhappy."

Calvin, has never said that his view on women is "doctrine", he simply posted something he felt backed up him formulating the opinion he did.

PS-if you don't need to defend yourself, don't.

Anonymous said...

You, sir, are a PIG. I can't even believe that you'd say something like that and claim that you are a good mormon RM. Do you even realize what you are saying about your mother, your family, and your future wife? Wanna talk about deal breakers? Your attitude towards women is a complete turn off. Good luck finding a wife with any self respect.

Anonymous said...

Previously, I may have got my panties in a knot about #5...until I got pregnant, and have to face the thought of putting my baby in daycare. Now, nothing terrifies me more than a stranger raising my son. However, even if you and your future eternal companion decide she will stay at home and raise babies, I think she still needs to get some kind of educational training, just in case. Can I also just say 'thank you' for putting #7? So many girls think that caking on the make-up it makes them look more attractive. Make-up is good, but not if you end up looking like a hooker....unless you're trying to attract men who like hookers.

tommy's daughter said...

did i hit a nerve, tara? it's okay. calvin's rejected LOTS of girls, i'm sure.

Autumn said...

I'm not going to lie, if I wasn't very.... loyal to you boys, this would have been the "deal breaker" for me to ever read your blog again. I'm going to defend some of these.

1. I agree with you on this one.
2. Professional nails every once in a while is not a bad thing, and doesn't scare girls away from changing dirty diapers, or at least not me. Some girls like to be pampered every once in a while. Now, if they go every month and get them done, that is a problem.
3. I love country music, and would choose that over any other music any day. That's okay. You're able to be converted.
4. I've played soccer since I was 10. So of course I'll know more then you. Plus, if you don't know much about sports....
5. I'm not going to lie. This one pissed me off. If you were to die in an accident, or leave your wife because you're a horny lil jack@$$ she's going to need to be able to make enough money to support YOUR children that you insisted she stayed home to take care of. She's going to need to work. And let me tell you, a waitress job is not enough money to support a family. Now, I would hope that if you were to die, you would do it when the kids were old enough to watch themselves. I do agree that kids should not be raised by anyone but their parents, but they have to be independent too just in case something happens to you. You quote church leaders, but you forgot to quote when the prophet told women to get an education for the same reasons I just told you. Plus, are you planning on being home for your kids sometimes too? Probably not. You'll probably be the complete prick of a father who is never home.
6. I agree, we were commanded to multiply and replenish. BUT, I don't ENJOY kids because many parents don't know how to parent, making the children complete terrors. If they are well-behaved 80% of the time, I love them. And I will have them.
7. Dancing is something girls like doing. Now, dancing like a skank is not a good quality to have for a wife. Singles dances.. yes. :]
8. How does a woman have control over what her freaking parents make? That is a stupid deal breaker.
9.I agree with this one.
10. You want to kiss a smoker? Ew Calvin. This proves who you really are. You're out for some action. You're not out looking for an eternal companion. You're a horn dog, and... well, I won't be buying a shirt to say the least. I no longer want to recommend your blog to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

I can't believe you use the words you use. You, as I read in a comment, are not doing a good thing in displaying "mormon" in your name. I don't think you should be quoting prophets if you are clearly not doing what he wants you to do anyways. This was a disgusting post, and you do have a lot of growing up to do. I'm thoroughly disgusted with you. I will continue reading your blogs, but it will no longer be for fun. It will be to see what kinda faggish stuff you said. Be a man, grow some, and learn respect for religion, as well as women.

Allison said...

Uh oh. I like henna-ing my hands- but I'm not emo, lesbian, OR goth. I love all kinds of music- country included. And I really like sports. And I want a job- although I do want to be a mom.

I don't get it! I know we're not gonna end up together.. but I have a feeling that most girls fit a lot of those deal breakers. Hm...

Tara said...

Tommy's daughter - Nice deflection. Insulting me helps us to forget the fact that you didn't have a point in the first place.

Is that manipulation or persuasion? I'm not sure.

sarah joelle said...

pretty much love everything about this, not gonna lie.

tommy's daughter said...

tara, i'm sure bitterness is one of calvin's "deal breakers." watch out! you'll never get him this way!

whyimstillsingle said...

For those like me who think the comments are the most entertaining aspect of this blog, you can add http://mormonbachelorpad.blogspot.com/feeds/comments/default to your reader and get them all fed to you. :)

There are usually too many to get through them all, but it's a fun way to kill a few miniutes when you're bored. Enjoy!

Tara said...

Tommy's Daughter - case in point I suppose.

Here, copy and paste this for your next comment:
Tara, no matter how many times you disagree with me Calvin will not date/marry/snog you.

Heather Lee said...

I'm not really sure why people keep talking about daycares "raising" people's children. Daycares, babysitters, etc, don't "raise children." They watch and play with them while a parent is at work for a few hours. My parents put me in daycare when I was 3 because they both worked. And during the summer when we were out of school, my grandparents watched my brothers and I. In no way do I think that I was "raised" by these caregivers. My parents raised me. And even though they needed a little help sometimes, I think I turned out just fine. *end rant*

Rissy said...

these comments are so much better than the original post! agree?

Jade said...

Calvin, suprisingly your list didn't seem as shallow as I was expecting. Some of your points I agree with but not all. I LOVE Country music, it's some of the better music out there in my opinion, however I do listen to other types. But your whole point about women not working at all, I kinda disagree with that one some. Let me explain my reasoning, ok in April I'll have my RN and be a nurse, well if I lived in Utah I'd have to work atleast some of the time while having a family in order to keep my nursing liscence current, so I wouldn't have to go back to college and redo 4 years of school and take state boards again, so I could become a nurse again after I finished raising my family. Also with my career that I'm choosing, I can work full time and only be gone for 3 days of the week or even better just work 3 night shifts and be home all day. So I think you should consider the womans career before you bash her for it, but if it's an everyday long long hour thing, I totaly understand what your saying.

And then that's just nasty that you want to kiss a smoker, their teeth are all sorts of gross and their breath stinks even when they brush well.

That Chick said...

as a girl from georgia, i am a bit pissed that you associate country music with owning sheep. i don't know a single person who actually owns sheep in the south.

Erin said...

not wanting her to work while you're married is one thing. saying that the only reason to be in school is to pass the time until she gets married? you chauvenist pig.

what was that one word people were using? oh yeah. Asshat. That's definitely you.

Crystal said...

I am totally loving these comments. They have made my day.

Alexandra said...

Wow, I just got extra grateful for my awesome, non-sexist boyfriend.

And that's all I'm gonna say.

Kamaia said...

Shelby lou, i understand that Calvin's dealbreakers are intended for his eternal companion but whether he likes it or not he and his friends are representing a population of men in the Church. I also understand that the woman's 'role' is to raise the children and to support our husbands but if you're going to quote Pres. Hinckley i wonder if you stumbled on this one on the way;

'It is plainly evident from these statistics that young women are exceeding young men in pursuing educational programs. And so I say to you young men, rise up and discipline yourself to take advantage of educational opportunities. Do you wish to marry a girl whose education has been far superior to your own? We speak of being “equally yoked.” That applies, I think, to the matter of education.

In addition, your education will strengthen your service in the Church. A study was made some years ago that indicated the higher the education, the greater the faith and participation in religious activity.'

all this being said when and if the time comes I hope I can be an excellent Mother (being a faithful and educated example to my children) and Wife but until then I will not sit idly by twiddling my thumbs until Mr. Right comes by. I didn't pick my degree so I could up and leave it I picked it because this is what i'm interested in, what drives me, why waste my money, time and effort to throw it all away at the drop of a hat?

Jessica said...

Calvin-
I haven't even come close to any one of your deal breakers....

let's meet up ;)

Anonymous said...

Both my parents worked and both my parents raised me equally. My great-aunt took care of me during the day and then when I got older I went to an at home after school care. Both of these women that took care of me when my parents were working were AMAZING women and I'm still very close with them. I had an amazing childhood. My mom makes more than my dad, my dad cooks dinner every night, my siblings and I took turns cleaning the kitchen, my mom does the laundry and we divy up the rest of the chores. It worked for us throughout my childhood.

What works for Calvin is way different but if it works for him and his hypothetical wife then awesome.

Lady said...

Y'know, I always laughed when my great-grandpa would slip a cuss out here and there--but then again, he was a convert raised in a very different time.

It's funny with him. Not-so-much for you, Calvin! To be frank, it's just a tad trashy coming from your mouth. =]

Erin said...

I love that like 106 people left comments.... I hope 106 people leave comments on my blog someday... :)

Anonymous said...

This post is so ridiculous. Not because of the usual Calvin and/or Jake stupid post, but because so many girls are getting riled up about it. The fact of the matter is once again...would you really take anything to heart from either of these tool bags? If you are lucky enough to marry Calvin or Jake and happen to not have a career, then get ready for a life of unemployment and welfare. As we see...Jake can't even keep a job for longer than like two weeks and he certainly cannot handle a couple of credits in college. Calvin, on the other hand can hack his minimum wage job but thinks the sun shines out of Jake's arse so...he is probably just as unambitious. To people like our frequent commenter TARA...we all think you are infatuated by these guys because you spent I would guess about an hour copying and pasting all the comments that slammed your boy Calvin in hopes of defending him. It's not even that you make the whole female population look dumb, but you make yourself look desperate. NO BACKBONE! It doesn't mean that C and J won't rate your facebook pic if you happen to publicly disagree with them for once in your life. To the rest of you ladies on here I say: Grow a pair and stand up for yourself...someone's got to!

Anonymous said...

How hilarious that Calvin is already planning on not being able to support a wife. There's a HUGE difference between living within your means and providing for a family and being a lazy 20 something yr old douche who lacks the drive to even try his hand at success. Good luck to your poor wife. I hope she at least gets herself a degree before she bumps into you. That way she'll have something to fall back on when you get tired of working...if you ever start.

Gina said...

I love this blog! I don't care what anyone says! I think some people are taking you, or themselves, wayyyy to seriously. I don't find this offensive at all. In fact, i find it down right hilarious!

You can be as bitter as you want to be Calvin! ;)

p.s. numbers 6 & 7 are the greatest. and number 9, I couldn't agree more ;)

Melissa said...

I cried a little about the career goals one. But just a little.

Anonymous said...

How lucky am I to have married such a hardworking hunk?!?!?!? Seriously, not that I would have ever looked twice at either of these guys but MAN....I dodged a bullet. I married a man who served an honorable mission, got his degree, has a career, and we have a baby on the way. I live in a house that we can afford, we drive nice cars and we both work. When our baby gets here, I will be staying at home, but gosh forbid if something were to happen to my man...I'd be able to fend for myself because I wasn't that STUPID GIRL like Calvin has pretty much written about. I am the luckiest girl!

Loves...Jenny

afemilyjo said...

I love when truly stupid people blog. Free entertainment via the internet is highly underrated.

Tara said...

Anonymous 6:19pm - nice display of backbone, good point.

Anonymous 6:24pm - I think you're confusing Calvin with Jake we don't actually know anything about Calvins work ethic, I guess knowing doesn't really matter does it.

Anonymous 6:41pm - TAMN is that you? Why did you just call yourself Jenny?

I'm starting to think all these anonymous comments are just one person. Similar spelling errors and insults. What did Calvin do to you to make you hate him so much?

Lacey said...

For the girls thinking about what to do if you get divorced from your husband or if he dies and you need to support your family.

1. Try to make a good decision in who you marry.
2. Don't get divorced.
3. Have life insurance for if they die to support you or help you through college. Term is pretty cheap.

That being said. I am married to someone most LDS woman would divorce, an Atheist who left the church three years ago. I also finished my degree while having and raising two children and getting married when I was 18. Though I finished school because I didn't want to be a college drop-out since I did get married so young.

I didn't want to fulfil three Mormon cliches when I got married at 18 and Dear John-ed my missionary.

P.S. Tara you must not really read Seriously So Blessed because TAMN would never live within her means and she never finished school. She'll probably move in with her rich parents if what's-his-name ever dies.

Rachel said...

I just want to say that if a woman does not want kids that doesn't necessarily make her selfish. I understand that you don't want a woman who doesn't want kids, and that's fine. But I think calling someone who doesn't want kids a selfish bitch is a little much. I think that if she really doesn't want kids, God probably doesn't want her to bring children into the world. Having children is a HUGE commitment, and people shouldn't enter into it lightly.

Anonymous said...

I doubt Calvin even cares about most of these comments, I am sure he is jumping on his bed right now because he has more comments than Jake.

speaking from experience said...

About women and education...

This lady in my ward is the primary president and it is so obvious that she only has a high school education because of her lack of skills. She is compeletly unorganized, computer illiterate, and cannot take on a project from inseption to completion to save her life. The primary in our ward is a train wreck to say the least.

My point is that it is not just about being educated for a career, this women will be raising your children and serving in the church, trust me, you want her to be as educated as possible. Even if her career is organizing a household of children, balancing a family budget, keeping your home clean and organized etc. Being a stay at home Mom is the best thing in the world, but is not an easy task.

Anonymous said...

Hey Tara - get a freaking life!

Christin said...

Don't claim to follow the prophet with your ignorant ideals with comments like this:"as far as my eternal companion goes, if you're in school right now, it had better be because you are trying to keep yourself busy while you're waiting for me to find you and propose. " I realize that this talk was given while you were still in high school but Elder Oaks talked about this very thing when he said: "if you are just marking time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting. You may never have the opportunity for a suitable marriage in this life, so stop waiting and start moving. Prepare yourself for life—even a single life—by education, experience, and planning. Don’t wait for happiness to be thrust upon you. Seek it out in service and learning. Make a life for yourself. And trust in the Lord. Follow King Benjamin’s advice to call “on the name of the Lord daily, and [stand] steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come” (Mosiah 4:11)." Somehow there was no warning against becoming "a lesbian lover and [who] make[s] piles of dosh while complaining about overpopulation and global warming you selfish bitch." I have never been disgusted by this blog until now. I too wish you didn't call yourself a "Mormon". There is a lot of backwards mixed up doctrine mixed in with gross sexism.

Anonymous said...

You are what's wrong with Utah Mormon culture to the T. Congratulations ... you define the stereotype.

You're right ... Who would want a wife or mother with an education and passion for things other than baking bread and having babies? As a guy I can say my deal breaker is a girl who is simply in school passing time and doesn't have any life goals.

Jen said...

hahaha, can you say attention whore? I'm beginning to think you guys are parodying LDS men's dating habits and expectations. If so, then I instantly like you. And I'm glad my vocabulary is taking off in your comments, although I highly suspect that half of your admirers have no idea what it means. But that's okay. Sweet bros like yourselves (or your personas) love the ditzy 19-year-olds. Although, one day you'll find an incredibly intelligent, independent, beautiful, motivated woman. And that is when you will be worthy of laud and praise.

Not bagging the prescribed lady friend in this entry.

I hope this is satirical. Please!

Hank said...

Ha! I'm glad to see the hate rising back to the surface. I thought the magic might be gone after all those early posters jumped to say they fit the mold.

As ugly as it might be, I think these guys are expressing typical single mormon guy thought patterns. Rarely does a person come off saintly when all the unspoken thoughts are exposed.

Jessica Leigh said...

Since I was thinking all this as I read, I though I'd share it...

How I measure up to Calvin's "deal breakers":

1) Um... no... I didn't even do much of this in Jr. High on my class notes. I've always been more inclined to write – feign friends' handwriting, write my name different ways with the letters intertwined, show my friends how I would sign their names (and a couple of them took it...), etc.

2) Why pay the money? I mean, I realize that most girls DON'T have nails as strong as mine, but fake? No. And don't worry – I play 3 instruments. And sing.

3) I'm OK with some country here and there, but it is far from being a preset. I'm more the pick-and-choose country girl.

4) I may lose here. Not in every sport, but I'm VERY AWARE of College Football... followed by College Hoops and the NBA... And some tennis... and...

5) I'm a teacher. But only until I'm a mom (or when there is real need for additional income). Then the teaching background will hopefully give me a heads up on child psychology :)

6) Again... I'm a teacher... I'm far from hating children!

7) I like to dance... but I don't “go dancing.” Much less clubbing... ugh...

8) I was raised on the “if you want it, you have to earn it” life... all the money my parents made when I was a kid went straight to the business they were starting up. I still don't like to spend money unless it's something I REALLY want/need or it's for another person :)

9) 5 minutes tops. And that's if I'm going “all out” on the make-up. I'm really fine as long as I've got a little mascara – the rest is just bonus. Highlights, rather that the focus.

10) 3 words: Word of Woisdom :)

Anonymous said...

Lacey - those are good points, but sometimes you don't have a choice about getting divorced. Life can be pretty unpredictable, what if the guy leaves you?

Cassie Lynne said...

Not gonna lie... I love how upset people get. Makes me giggle a little

Anonymous said...

Well, you better have a good job then, because if you aren't making enough money on your own, you and your wife with little work experience are screwed. Sorry pal, but get real. Sometimes, the wife will have to work, even if there's kids. Especially in this economy. Good luck.

Andee said...

Do you get tired of reading all of the comments?
I would.

Chelsea Michelle said...

Hahahah so I sounded pretty bitter in my comment, but I really am not. I think it is great to have your likes and dislikes...your breakers if your will. I have a set of my own, I also think it is great and SO funny how 2 anonymous mormon guys can get a rise out of sooo many people. Way to go you two. Props, props.

Anonymous said...

I agree with having the parents raise the kids, but as a woman, I could never feel comfortable with just my husband working while I stayed home with the kids. I would LOVE to do it, but not unless we had plenty of money in the bank and a degree in my name. What if you get laid off? Die? And I don't believe having a day care look after your kid for 40 hours a week is necessarily RAISING your child. Once they hit five, do you consider school to be raising them? It's a good place for the child to learn and socialize, but what teaches them morals and beliefs is you as a parent. When they come home and see their parents living a Godly, Christian life, it reflects onto them.

Anonymous said...

No Tara...I'm not TAMN. I didn't even know who that was until my fellow commenter Lacey pointed it out. I guess you make the rounds with all these stupid blogs. JEALOUS of your life! I'm just a happy soon to be stay at home mom who thought it would be awesome to rub it in your face! You see, while your waiting around for these guys to rate your picture and actually read your amazing comments, the rest of us are happily married, with a degree (for a back up plan) and we actually have something going on. We read this blog to laugh! Not at the boys, but at you. Take a looksie at how many married chicks get on here and comment? It's because of you and the other awesome comments. Have a rockin Tuesday girl. Maybe go to institute and find yourself a man!

Toodles, Jenny.

gordon's son said...

I'm just really thankful for Tara. The essentially anonymous task force for judging which comments have merit, and which don't.

I could never figure that out on my own.

I think Tommy's daughter is on to something...

gordon's son said...

What would we do without Tara? An essentially anonymous task force for judging the merit of all the other comments!

I personally will not be validated unless Tara tells me I have a "good point" or if I'm a "LOSER."


The anxiety is killing me.



And I think Tommy's daughter is on the right track...


So.....Tara...Calvin will never ever date you. He wants you to keep busy AT SCHOOL, not the internet.

gordon's son said...

Whoops. It wouldn't let me publish the first time, so I had to re-type. I accept any criticism from task force Tara for not being as internet savvy.

Kari said...

Oh man, best post ever. I agree whole-heartedly with everything!

Tara said...

Anonymous 6:43am - Your happily married status cannot be mistaken. You're like the comedian who has to tell everyone how funny he is. So funny. So happy.

gordon's son - Hi Tommy's Daughter, a clever ruse, not one I am falling for. Oh, and who did I call a loser?

If pretending that your life is more "gotten" than mine, because we are commenting on the same blog post makes you feel better? Then I say do it.

Anonymous said...

Your list of deal breakers should be a deal breaker for most women...and all of those defending you until the end really think they are going to somehow be the one to eventually date you and it is sad!

Heather Guymon said...

OK I am seriously cracking up at all the comments about #5. My husband doesn't make a TON of money but you know what, I stay home with my kids and it has worked. We weren't able to buy a house until SEVEN years into our marriage and two kids...we were FINE with that. At one point we were struggling big time but made it through, and I mean it went on for 18 months...my husband was making $12 an hour and I was staying home with our daughter. We had one car, lots of debt we are working through right now, but we were happy and still are.

Being home with my kids is TOP priority for myself and my husband. It is awesome to have that goal and look for someone that puts it on the top of her list too. Good job!

I almost peed my pants at #6. Maybe having two kids come out of your woohoo doesn't help that though...but it was seriously HA-larious.

Bubba's Kid said...

Tara, you are a jealous Bimbo, get a life ya desperate freaak.

Carmen San Diego said...

You guys should be more careful. You've been spotted once already. Pretty soon you'll be spotted again... and again... and again. Then you won't be able to hide anymore.

www.exposeMBP.blogspot.com

Urban Legend said...

You talk as though every woman would beg to be your wife. To me you sound like a royal deushbag. Obviously from #4 you're a conceited bastard who cries like a little girl when he isn't the best or richest or whatever (#8), and #5 tells me that you want an idiot wife with no meaning other than changing poopy diapers and catering to your every whim.

You, sir, are the definition of my #1 deal breaker.

Lindy said...

These comments are highly entertaining. Methinks everyone takes this blog a mite too seriously.

Elysie Piecie said...

So I think these deal breakers are pretty reasonable. I work for a daycare type thing, it's not bad, but I would rather take care of my children when I have them. My mom was a stay at home mom until I got older and I love how close we are. And living in Georgia, I totally get the country thing...it's a deal breaker for me too. But it's kind of hard trying to find a guy who doesn't like country in GA :(

emz said...

Everyone. Whoa. Please relax... all of you have your individual opinions, just please respect all of them. I'm just saying. Bashing never helped anyone; just say your piece and if the person(s) in question don't accept it, it's fine. It's their problem then because you've already done all you can. Arguing never really helps, and it definitely doesn't make you feel good. At the end of the day, what you say and do and whether you can live with it - that's really all that matters. Applicable to all the people who comment, Calvin and Jake and the rest of MBP, myself, and the whole entire universe. Soooo go take a walk or eat a cookie. And no disparaging comments about cookies and fat, please. It's a beautiful warm day :)

Lacey said...

Anon 10:03,

I was slightly playing the devils advocate. I really think all woman should be educated, whether it be through a four year college or some vocational school. I went to college just to get an education and to better myself, but not to work once I graduated. I stay home and homeschool my two daughters and we really want to instil a desire to learn and better oneself for our daughters, something we don't feel public school does. (Don't get me started on homeschooling;) )

My response to you about my comment: Often we are put in situations we can't control, we only have agency over ourselves, but I think so often divorce is seen as a way out of a less than desirable situation just because marriage didn't pan out to be what one expected. Divorce is on the rise and if a person more closely examines their future spouse and says no before the I do's, or yes', then divorce can be avoided. Or even if a person simply tries to work it out rather then running just because life seems like it might be easier once divorced.

There are always exceptions to every rule. I was thought not being Mormon would be a deal breaker for me, but it's not. My husband allows me to practice the religion I love and does not try to persuade me to leave, even though he now feels very differently than me.

I really do feel woman should be educated for the "what if's" in life. Nothing is sure, but I also feel that sometimes education is just not what someone wants, and that's fine with me.

Crystal said...

*sings* Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

I used to love that show.

*shakes in proverbial boots* She's on to you boys.

Shayla said...

I'm so annoyed that a friend referred me here... whatev.
Some of your posts may be a little funny but honestly, you should pray you are always able to stay anonymous. If I ever found out my husband ever wrote or said things like this about his future wife/me, there would be huge problems, even now after 2 precious babies and 6 wonderful years of marriage.
If my seemingly perfect, sweet RM would have judged me when he met me 7 years ago because I was young & my nails were manicured, my parents are wealthy, I wore false lashes and I had ambitions to not only raise a family full-time but to run a foundation, then we would not be on a path to eternity.
My husband tells me every day that I am beautiful and amazing, even when some day I'm simply not, and until you are ready to do that even after the girl you trick into marrying you gains baby weight or heaven forbid goes through something serious like a test of her faith, you should not even be making lists like this or thinking about a future wife.
Hopefully you are completely different in real life. Hopefully you are just trying to get attention & comments from girls {and guys that think you are ridiculous and gayer than gay} who wouldn't look twice at you if you walked by them.
With the no job/sitting in the dark basement/can't even do what it takes to stay in school thing on your side, I know no girl above a 4 {according to your own scale} that would even talk to you past a make out.
Good luck staying anonymous forever, because no matter how much attention you may get or joy you receive from getting a few laughs, no self respecting girl would be caught dead linked to you if people found out who you were. According to this list and other standards you have for your eternal companion, she's got to at least a 6, right? Not gonna happen for ya, sorry.
{I will seriously laugh my A off if I find out you are my douche bag cousin who lives there? hahaha Zane?}
Now I can't believe that I actually wasted my 2 toddlers' naptime to write this... crap.

Lachele said...

bahahahahaha! are you guys freakin kidding me!

Rissy- AGREED! Full heartedly agreed!

Cal- Just take out a really hefty life insurance loan on yourself incase you die, and if you just get mangled, maybe you might just wanna off yourself so your wife(can get the $$)and then can still stay at home with your kiddos. Problem solved right? Geez guys settle down!

It's his opinion. Leave him alone!

Hank said...

Shayla -

Like it or not, you're husband does have the same thoughts as these guys; especially when he was dating. He can't help it; he's a man. I have the same thoughts. It's built right into us. He just may have a better filter (or no anonymous blog).

Love it or loathe it, that's what keeps people reading this blog--the stark unadulterated truth. The MBP guys are the upstanding RMs you know your husband to be. Girls feel about them the same way you feel about your husband.

Emily said...

I really didn't see what was so wrong with this post. I think it was the least offensive post because it was personal preference. Stop being offended so easily.

annettechapman said...

It's good to be aware of what you don't want in the woman you marry. But, I think wanting the same things for your future is the most important thing and the only thing you should dwell on as far as "deal breakers" go. The rest should be taken on a case by case basis.

The man I am engaged to is so good for me. I would say perfect. But he is nothing like what I thought I wanted. I would have said a few years ago that a man Being Mormon was a deal breaker for me. Him leaving to serve a mission would have been a deal breaker so far off my radar I could not have even thought it up. He is also a bit younger than me. That is the last thing I ever wanted or expected!

Don't be like the girls that won't date a guy unless he matches every attribute on the list they made in Young Womens.

Keep an open mind. Focus on being good enough for the kind of person you hope to be with someday.

megan said...

These are pretty good...

I love country music, but I'll listen to everything else too...

I love sports, but my life doesn't have to revolve around them. (Except for Aggie basketball)

And I do want to have a career, but just for awhile. I'll stay at home once I have kids...

artsyesque said...

1)I am a walking uterus, and

2)cowboy boots are hot.

Just sayin'...

Kamaia said...

arrrrgh. these comments are annoying me. women shouldn't be educated for the 'what if's' in life, they should just be educated. period.
over and out.

Lyndsie Louise said...

it kills me how into these posts people get. you should start a blog for MBP post discussion. it would be big. trust me.

Anonymous said...

LOSER

Ttg said...

Apparently, this one post defines you as a person.

and, um careful. There was a sighting, once exposed you might get murdered for this too.

Anonymous said...

I hate you. In a Christian way... but I hate your commenters more... probably I just hate myself. All, of course in a Christian way.

Mariele said...

so you're pretty much saying that your wife should have no personal ambitions whatsoever and, basically, her only role on this earth is to reproduce? because as far as i'm concerned, the church teaches that women should be educated (i know you have mentioned this) but also have goals to work towards, have life experiences and then be a good example, as well as her husband, to the children, that they both raise. one of the things that make me most angry about women in the church is that there are so many who have exactly these ideals. in fact, judging by the majority of these comments, you shouldn't have too hard a time finding your molly.

it is a womans "divine role" to be a mother, but why not let her in on the decision making as to whether she would like to do anything else in this lifetime, as well as that?

Lacey said...

Kamia,

Education is relative.

I went because I wanted it, but I'm not using it, so yeah, it was to enrich my life and that is why I finished my degree, but it's also for the "what if's" of life. I really loved college and not for the whole living in a dorm, since I never lived in a dorm, but for the meeting interesting people who have different thoughts and information than me and discussing with them....but I don't have to go to college to get that. I can interact with thoughtful people who are different than me simply by attending certain gatherings and going out with friends, I can read books and watch informative shows.

Not everyone wants a formal education and as one who graduated college, I also know not everyone is cut out for a formal education.

So we should all be educated, but really it's up to that person why and how they gain it.

What one person considers educated is what another considers a waste of time, what one person considers interesting another considers boring and dull.

We need diversity and a willingness to learn and accept others.

I'm gonna stop commenting, 'cause I think I'm catching up with Tara.

Mariele said...

Oh sorry Shelby Lou, didn't realize he wasn't talking to everyone, but only you.
You guys just seem perfect.

LittleMissBritt said...

Wow, that is an AWESOME list!!! Those are some very good deal breakers. You sound like a pretty smart/decent/cool guy considering some of the things you put in this list. :]

The Boob Nazi said...

The girls who responded to this blog defending you, Calvin, make me sad to be a woman alongside them.

Kamaia said...

Yes Lacey i agree with you.
1. that if i keep commenting i will look like Tara and
2. that we need diversity and a willingness

education doesn't have to mean a 'formal -at university- education' it means exercising your mind. I have friends with totally different aspirations to mine, that do hands on work or like you said watch informative shows and keep themselves updated on the world. Yes someone might think what i study is dull but i might think the same about another's educaional pursuit but as long as we're pushing the envelope and learning i don't mindone bit, it only bothers me that the majority of these women are purely studying to bide time.

cindylou said...

Oh my my...there's a bit of tension in here non? you pissed of alot of women. saw it coming though. ha. even though I don't agree with some of your deal breakers...but that's just it...they're YOUR deal breakers. jeez. everyone needs to chill. too sensitive, I'm annoyed...but entertained at the same time. :]

Zona Bosted said...

So my brother-in-law's sister put this particular post on facebook. I read it laughed so hard I was crying and my 2 year old was looking at me like I had lost my mind. Read it to the big guy in my life and he laughed and said, "Wow sounds like something I would say", Then he proceeded to read your ratings system and agreed with that too. I'm not sure if I should be jealous or just roll with the punches. But, since I think you guys are hilarious I'll deal.

Anonymous said...

Just for fun, a couple quotes.

From Brigham Young:

"As I have often told my sisters in the Female Relief Societies, we ave
sisters here who, if they had the privilege of studying, would make just as good mathematicians or accountants as any man; and we think they ought to have the privilege to study these branches of knowledge that they may
develop the powers with which they are endowed. We believe that women
are useful not only to sweep houses, wash dishes, make beds, and raise babies, but that they should stand behind the counter, study law or physic [medicine], or become good book-keepers and be able to do the business in any counting house, and this to enlarge their sphere of usefulness for the benefit of society at large (DBY, 216–17)."

From President Kimball:

"Every girl, and I say every girl, should prepare herself for marriage and for domestic responsibilities. You are not reading that in the magazines today, but it's true nevertheless. She should be encouraged to be proud to prepare for true womanly service. She should become skilled in things that are useful and enriching to her family life. She should develop her talents, strengthen her knowledge and testimony of the gospel, and be eager to serve others. Some girls may be called on full-time missions, and all will have the opportunity to be highly useful in the kingdom of God if they prepare themselves. … We want our women to be well educated, for children may not recover from the ignorance of their mothers."

Hailey said...

I'm liking the blog, but not so much the bad language... I was expecting more the creative alternative Mormon words. They're funnier!

Nikki said...

I LOVE the bad language and will stop reading if you cease to swear. I can barely live with the no f-bomb rule.

Shewi128 said...

I think some men may actually feel this way on the inside, but are too afraid to say it..

But really, I think you're just intimidated by women who have other goals in life than impressing guys like you.. You don't want to feel inferior if your wife has a higher degree than you, or if her dad makes more money than you ever will.

And really, these may be deal breakers in the ideal world, but seriously.. you need to get a reality check. I know several women other than myself who are working to put their husbands through school.

It was an entertaing post though, as it revealed your insecurities as a single man.

Screwed Up Texan said...

I hope you become permanently disabled so you can't get another loser job and after your wife realizes that you will never make enough money to support your ten children (or one), her and you because of your disability that she leaves your ass and financially rapes you for whatever little you're worth.

Just sayin'.

Kristen said...

I'm mostly disappointed the extent to which this blog post and the resulting comments evidence how far away the LDS church is away from true gender equality. I once thought that this was only stuff the old folks still believed, but clearly, younger people still believe that a woman's place is only as the perfect homemaker.

I'm in my last semester of law school. My husband, an attorney, is proud of my accomplishments and supports whatever my future choices may be. More and more couples are choosing to make more time for each parent with children, instead of a workaholic father who barely knows his children.

I respect a woman's choice to stay home, but it is not your place or any man's place to tell a woman to wait around for you to propose. What a dork.

Anonymous said...

I strongly pity your future wife.

And here are some quotes. Maybe you can actually let your hypocritical, mysogynist mind ponder some of them for a moment, since you do profess to be a "mormon" bachelor.

“Too great care cannot be taken in educating our young ladies. Great responsibilities will devolve upon them. To their hands will be mainly committed the formation of the moral and intellectual character of the young. Let the women of our country be made intelligent, and their children will certainly be the same. The proper education of a man decides his welfare; but the interests of a whole family are secured by the correct education of a woman” (George Q. Cannon, Gospel Truth, sel. Jerreld L. Newquist [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1974], 2:138).

And from President Hinckley:

"In this day and time, a girl needs an education. She needs the means and skills by which to earn a living should she find herself in a situation where it becomes necessary to do so.

"The whole gamut of human endeavor is now open to women. There is not anything that you cannot do if you will set your mind to it. I am grateful that women today are afforded the same opportunity to study for science, for the professions, and for every other facet of human knowledge. You are as entitled as are men to the Spirit of Christ, which enlightens every man and woman who comes into the world (see D&C 84:46).

"You can include in the dream of the woman you would like to be a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution to the world of which she will be a part."

Disgusted said...

Completely agree with Kristen on this one. I love that most of your "deal breakers" involve boosting your ego. "She can't know things about sports cause I want to make her feel stupid, but I can't handle feeling stupid." Give me a break!

Ya know what? I was raised Mormon and it are these misguided sexist attitudes that helped guide me away from the idiocy that those of you deem as religion. Unfortunately, all of these girls don't have any personal identity and simply take the spoon fed identity the church has given them and are jumping at the opportunity to make your dinner, change diapers and stay at home in your kitchen. Good for you! I know you have a large base of admirers that are going to love to be your servant. Fortunately though I have a boyfriend who supports me and is actually willing to share "domestic" chores with me and I am in law school. Truly you belong in the 19th century.

The Mike said...

I hope you enjoy your seat on the v-train. If you don't change your attitude or your faith, you're going to have a hard time sleeping until the day you die.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't actually pity his wife that much. I would pity her in the first few years of marriage when she is subjected to a chauvinistic domineering husband and a sex life consisting of 30 seconds of missionary position when she cannot stand to tell him no anymore.

Eventually though, she is sure to see him for the demeaning bastard that he is and get her revenge. I expect the revenge will involve withholding all sex because she is actually getting an orgasm from her hidden vibrator or better yet the woman or man that she is cheating on him with.

I understand we might want to pity her because of the spiritual repercussions of her cheating, but I'm sure that God will understand and let her off easy. Afterall she has already suffered enough by being married to a backwards idiot like this.

The Lady Girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jared said...

It is astounding what conclusions you Mormons (practicing or not) from such small unexplained statements.

Calvin, your readers should know that from where I'm sitting, not Mormon or even Christian, you're not the bad example it's your readers who comment.

Never have I seen such a display of irrational unmerited judgments.

And women wonder why we don't tell them what we're thinking.

Megan said...

Were the parts where he said that women shouldn't get an education deleted? Or the part about him not raising the kids too? Or is everyone just adding stuff.

The comments are so the best!

The Lady Girl said...

I deleted my comment posted a bit earlier. I am sometimes too judge-mental for my own liking.

I will just replace it with this:

The Church is perfect but men and specifically Mormons are not perfect. Although I don't find your blog very church friendly, I suppose I don't have to read if I don't want to. So I am subjecting myself to these skewed ideas. I watch plenty of rated R movies that affect millions every day. I guess I can just be glad that only 500-something readers are exposed to this, which in comparison isn't any where near as bad as a rated R movie. I am slowly pulling my panties out of it's wad. I am straining the pee from my corn flakes. *Breathing* Everything will be okay, ha ha.

Jenna Cathleen said...

Things that completely crack me up: people quoting scripture and prophetic council while damning you to hell and a life of celibacy.

And while I am resisting the overwhelming urge to tell my life story and how it could be in or out of sync with your "deal breakers" as 150 of your previous commenters have done, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to say CONGRATULATIONS!

This post will forever remain Exhibit A that people take your blog way too seriously :)

Jessica said...

hey sheep worked for the brokeback mountain boys. just sayin'

Foxy said...

It's safe to say you're a douche bag and most of the girls following you and/or commenting on your blog are secretly hoping you find their blog, fall-in-love with them and propose.

Hope you enjoy your boring and depressed stay-at-home wifey. Sounds super fun.

Not bored/depressed stay-at-home mom said...

Right. Foxy, your life is so interesting and fun and your not a douche bag after the comment you left.

Except I read your blog. Vapid, pompus, arrogant.

Funny how you deleted my comment from your blog, so I'll leave it here. Where it's okay to be mean.

rockiestwitwin said...

I've been lurking but have to comment. Sorry Calvin but these ladies have got you beat in the amusement department: the comments are hilarious! Love that Lauren called it so early on waiting for the hate to start!

I just have to say one thing: all of you that are getting so upset about Calvin being such a jerk/pig/misogynist whatever should utilize this fancy little clicky button with a little x on it...you don't even know who this guy is in real life so the likelihood that you'll actually meet and he'll actually want to marry you and then force you to abandon your careers for him I'm guessing is pretty freaking slim! If you don't want to have children or want to have a career once you do have them then I guess there's only one thing to do: don't marry Calvin! Gosh if only there were other men out there in the world it's really too bad he's the last man alive...oh wait, he's not though is he? Sorry Calvin looks like you won't have all of these angry women hunting you down and fighting over you after all. Drat.

Good luck finding your soul mate Calvin, I'm sure she's out there somewhere :)

Amy said...
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Anonymous said...

Does anyone else get annoyed when people say "Just Sayin"? It's an over used phrase just like "I know, right?!" No I don't know, STOP ASKING. I want to punch you.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Congratulations Calvin! You have broken our previous comment record (previously set by me) by 15 comments and I get the feeling that's not the end.

Now not only are you funnier, cuter, a faster runner, and better at following shopping lists than I am... you are a superior blogger.

I would be bitter and jealuos... okay I am jealous, but lucky for me you're my best friend and I have the opportunity of riding your coattails to heights more accidentally offensive than I ever imagined.

Love you buddy

Jake

Stephanie said...

Hmm, if I there was even a possibility I was remotely interested in dating you, this chauvenistic post would be a deal breaker for me.

Amy said...
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Anonymous said...

Oh great, freaking Megan is back!

Megan said...

I think all you're deal breakers make perfect sense. I don't get what some of these people are saying. These are my deal-breakers when it comes to dating men. I just have two, because #2 is pretty encompassing:

1. Is majoring in something else beside the sciences and isn't planning to go onto law or med school.
It's just the biggest let-down, when a cute guy says he's majoring in English or, heaven forbid, Art. My Eternal Companion needs to be able to provide for me and our 5 or 6 kids, vacations, my weekly trips to the mall, salon, spa, and salon, and when I start aging I'll need to get a little work done. My husband needs to be a super smart, ambitious guy that makes a ton of money.

2. Isn't Prince Charming
The man I spent the rest of my life with has to be perfect. The perfect gentlemen, perfect teeth, perfect abs. Also included under Prince-Charmingness is spirituality. My eternal companion must be super spiritual. If a potential husband doesn't have a important calling in church or didn't go on a mission,that of course, doesn't reflect too well on him or his faithfulness.

tifsong said...

this is awful.

Bonnie said...

chillout peeps.

Anonymous said...

Blazzer -

once again you have displayed how big of a stupid idiot you are!

you are the biggest whiner on here.

"oh calvin and jake i'm not gonna read your blog anymore because i hate the stupid commenters, they are morons and ninnies. i probably will stop commenting because all of these comments are so stupid."

get a life you idiot!

Anonymous said...

Calvin - glad to see you took my advice to just be as big of a jerk as jake if you want more comments. and glad it worked out for you, you even made jake jealous. That was the best comment here!

Ceci said...

There are so many men like this out there, I'm not surprised you're one of them. Of course, I'm also not surprised you are still a bachelor. You probably will until well past the "menace to society" point.

Of course, what family doesn't need a crazy bachelor uncle who's superficial, ignorant and makes everybody crazy? I think you'll fill that role perfectly.

Tiffy J. said...

Have you seen the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past"? Go watch it. It's your future. The uncle. You can't be Matthew Mcconaughey. Either that, or you're going to be stuck with a woman who met all of her life goals when you stuck a ring on her finger. She will be boring, and you'll get sick of her, start talking to women at work for intellectual stimulation, and end up having an affair. But have fun with that.

Zona Bosted said...

Here's what I don't get about Mormons (even though I am one). You people take things to seriously. Take a chill pill and give the guy a break. He will eventually meet a girl that leads him around by the you-know-what and then most of these deal breakers will disappear.

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